


Little steps

by bellofthetolppl



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ark AU, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, basically bellamy is from factory, cause i am myself, gus is an adorable three year old, he has a son from gina who died and he meets doctor!clarke, lots of hurt/comfort too, who becomes one of the most important people in their lives, who'll melt your heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 107,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27118067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellofthetolppl/pseuds/bellofthetolppl
Summary: Bellamy Blake meets Clarke Griffin for the first time when his three year old son Gus needs to get his next batch of vaccines up to date. Something about the Alpha resident princess and her attitude towards his son warms his heart and makes him wonder if he has the wrong impression about the people from her station.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 232
Kudos: 422





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey everybody! This fic was written as a prompt that I got on tumblr that went like this: _if you're taking prompts rn, can you write something for single dad bellamy?_
> 
> With time, however, I kept writing about it but posting only on Tumblr. I'm on part 9 now there. I'll post a few chapters here to see if there's any interest in the story and if there isn't I'll just delete it and keep posting there. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake now!

Bellamy stares at the metal door right ahead and feels Gus jiggle in his lap. On instinct he wraps his hand around his tiny foot and stops him from nervously kicking around, simultaneously leaning over and kissing the top of his head that had the same curls he did and humming quietly and calmly.

“Come on, Gus, ease it out, buddy.” he mumbles in the ear of his three years old son as he pushes his back to his chest. 

Gus looks up with his big brown eyes that were a little bit lighter than his own-they were all Gina’s, but his hair, his face, everything else, it was him. 

She used to joke they made a mini him and from the moment Gus was born he already had a lot of hair that curled around his tiny ears. 

Now three years later he was a spitting image of his dad, face and back marred with freckles, hair curling up and falling over his eyes in the most adorable of ways, even his mouth thinned out when he was angry in the same way Bellamy’s did. 

They were waiting outside the doctor’s office. 

The narrow Ark medbay hallway was mostly empty for which Bellamy was glad as he usually was more worried about Gus getting his vaccines than the kid itself. 

Gus was a quiet boy but he had his dad’s curiosity for learning and his mom’s patience for understanding. 

He didn’t always talk much to people he didn’t know but at home, in their tiny Factory station compartment that was given to Bellamy and Gina when they were married, he could talk almost all the time, always asking his dad questions, needing to know more. 

At day care he liked learning new things, would spent half the day on the tiny round table drawing or going through books the teachers gave him even if he couldn’t read yet. 

He loved playing with the other kids too and he had a few friends he got along with but he was good at keeping to himself as well. 

Bellamy checked his watch, making sure he wouldn’t be late for his shift. 

He had taken the morning off as it was Gus’ first visit at the doctors in the past few months and he had wanted the kid to be checked out thoroughly not just be given a shot. 

Gina had always been better when they had to come here. She used to make fun of him when Gus was still a few months old baby and they had to come in for his first vaccines. 

Bellamy had held him in his lap while the doctor did his thing and when Gus was crying Bellamy had cried too, whispering how sorry he is he’s in pain and that it’d all stop hurting in just a second and that he’ll kiss it away. 

Gina had rubbed his back but Bellamy had been adorably upset all day, he couldn’t even concentrate on his work and got scolded by his boss but he didn’t care.

In the evening when he came back and found Gina nursing him, he had smiled and asked to hold him. 

_“You know you’ll have to get used to the idea of him experiencing not just good things.” she had said then as she watched Bellamy walk around the small compartment and nuzzling his nose against Gus’ “He’ll have not just joy but also pain in his life.”_

_“Not if i can help it.”_

_“Except you can’t”_

_“We’ll see about that.”_ she had chuckled and shook her head deciding to let him off the hook but she had been right. 

When barely seven months later she died in a working accident where half of Factory had ended up on fire and she had burned trying to help some of her coworkers back to safety, Gus had been left with no one but his dad in the world and it had broken Bellamy’s heart.

Now here he was almost two years later, with his son jiggling in his lap and his mind going back to Gina, thinking how great she would’ve been with this if she was here. 

No matter how hard he tried, he thought himself to be a shitty dad. 

He worked long hours, so they could have enough rations and spent all his time off the factory with Gus, making sure he knew how loved he was, playing with him, learning the colors, the numbers or the letters with him, tucking him to bed next to him, bathing him, kissing him and hugging him all the time, not afraid to show him affection. 

But he had also failed a couple times too like when a few months back Gus had gotten so sick he developed pneumonia or how he didn’t have enough rations for vitamins these days and how Gus’ jacket was getting smaller for him and he needed a new one because other kids were making fun of him. 

He felt like no matter what he did, he’d still never be enough for his boy and it broke his heart.

“Dada?” Gus turns his head up to him and reaches his tine hands to cup Bellamy’s stubbled cheeks “Sad?” Bellamy smiles and kisses his forehead.

“No, baby boy, I’m not sad, just thinking.”

“Dada, I’m…scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of” Bellamy says calmly, running his fingers through his son’s thick hair. Gus leans a little into his chest and looks up at him with big puppy eyes. “Let’s go over it again.” 

It was a thing Bellamy did with him, reminding him to go through the steps of what was to happen so he sees there’s nothing to be afraid of.

“We will meet the new doctor” their last one Harrison had retired a few months back and they were to meet the new one now, someone going by the name Griffin as the nurse at the reception desk had informed him “We’ll answer all the questions he has for us, then we’ll take off your shirt and he’ll give you the shot.”

“And it’d be…like a pinch!” Gus exclaims and pokes his dad in the chest with his tiny index finger. Bellamy giggles and kisses him again.

“Exactly” he cups his cheek and lifts his head up “So you see…nothing scary!”

“Olrait.” Gus agrees but moves up, turns his tiny body around and climbs into his arms like a koala bear, resting his head over his dad’s shoulder. 

Bellamy holds him tightly, closing his eyes briefly and breathing him in-god he still had that baby smell, that sweet softness to him. 

He never wanted his skin to harden the way Bellamy’s has, he never wanted him to have the callouses he did or the tired circles under his eyes, he never wished for him to stand up for long hours and operate on machines or lift heavy stuff and help patch this old metal can up. 

He didn’t want his back to constantly hurt him so much that he walked hunched on their way back home from work and day care, he didn’t want people to give him pitiful looks or wonder how much he’s busting his ass to provide for his child all alone. 

He wanted better for him.

And he’d be damn if he doesn’t provide it for him.

Gus stays there, playing with the strap of his work jumpsuit and cooing quietly on his own like little kids sometimes did. 

It was sweet nothings really, words that didn’t even make sense but Bellamy closed his eyes and listened to him, letting his heart slow down and gather all his strength for what was about to happen.

When the door opens with a loud ugly crack that he should be used to considering it’s not their first time here, he jumps a little in his seat. He must’ve started dozing off a little, he was that tired and when he rubbed at his eyes tiredly and looked up he sucked in a breath.

“Bellamy and Augustus Blake?” a young woman, maybe a few years younger than him with beautiful blond hair and bright blue eyes, dressed in the usual doctors attire-scrubs and a white coat with stethoscope hanging over her neck smiled at them. 

His jaw fell down a bit and Gus who was usually very shy with strangers at first but otherwise actually enjoyed going to the doctor’s office, dared a quick peak before burying his head back in his dad’s chest. 

“Doctor Griffin?” he asks confused and she smiles even brighter.

“Bet you thought it’d be a 50 year old white haired guy huh?” he looks away shyly as he stands up and Gus wraps himself tighter around his dad. “Don’t worry, that’s the reaction I’ve been getting since I started this job.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t think-”

“It’s all good, come on in.” she welcomes them in her office which is the same as doctor Harrison’s one except now it looked a lot more welcoming especially to kids. 

There was a little table in one of the corners with books and toys, even some pencils and paper, some paintings on the walls that catch Gus’ attention and he moves away from his dad’s embrace to stare at them with curiosity. 

“So, I got from his chart that you’re up for the mandatory vaccines.” she announces when she gestures at Bellamy to sit on the cot and he tries turning Gus around so he’s facing the doctor but his boy has his arms wrapped so tightly around him he refuses to let go for now. 

Bellamy was pleasantly surprised, doctor Harrison didn’t usually do his homework especially for patients coming from Factory. 

He had always treated them with what Bellamy called quiet disgust. 

It’s like he knew he had to do this cause it was his job but he secretly hated even touching them, like they were a disease that could somehow be spread. 

Doctor Griffin definitely didn’t seem like that. She was holding Gus’ file in one hand while she chew on her pen as she went through his data.

“Yes, but I’d like for you to give him a regular check up if possible.” Bellamy explains and she lifts her head up in his direction “I have the ration points for it.” he moves up a bit so he can take out his white ration card from his pocket and extend it in her direction. 

Doctor Griffin drops the file she’s holding and furrows her eyebrows at his hand.

“You can check, I’m not lying. I have the right amount.” Bellamy adds upon seeing her confusion.

“No, it’s not that I just-” she sucks in a breath “Did Harrison make you pay for a regular check up before when you came in for a vaccine?”

“Well-” Bellamy rubbed Gus’s back up and down more in a way to calm himself down than the kid though he was feeling him going slack in his arms once more which meant he was easing up to the situation. 

“Yes. I mean when it was vaccines he’d do just that and we’d leave unless I paid for a check up too.”

“But that is a mandatory thing for doctors to do.” Doctor Griffin huffed outraged as she turned around and tossed the folder on her metal desk “He should do it without charge.”

“Oh.” Bellamy shrugs a little and his hand drops still gripping the card “Are you sure? I don’t mind paying for it, I already earned it.” she shakes her head as she comes closer and pushes his hand gently back to him. 

The touch is electric.

“You’re not paying for a basic health check up that has to be done anyway especially when a child is to receive a vaccine.” she says a little angrily but he can see it’s not directed at him. 

Still he nods gratefully and shoves the card back in his pocket while adjusting Gus in his arms. 

“Now can I see that sweet face?” she leans closer and carefully touches Gus’s back, not too pushy but gently.

“Gus say hi to doctor Griffin.” Bellamy urges but his son doesn’t turn right away so Bellamy has to kiss his head and run his fingers through his curls. 

“Come on, buddy, it’s fine. Nothing to be scared of remember?”

Gus finally pulls away and peaks at Clarke. She smiles at him as she sits on the cot next to them in the most non-intimidating and sweet way Bellamy has seen from a doctor. 

“Hey, Gus. Nice to meet you.” she says.

“Gus!” Bellamy has to prompt him before Gus finally responds.

“Hi” he says letting the tiniest and most adorable of greetings before his eyes fall on the tiny monkey that’s pinned to Clarke’s white coat pocket. 

Clarke of course, immediately notices.

“You like that?” she asks and Gus nods carefully while she unclasps it and puts it in her palm extending it so he could see better.

“That’s the brave monkey. I put it on all the kids that come in here for vaccines or if they’re really hurt.”

“What does it do?” Gus asks peeking down at it.

“Helps them stay brave and overcome the pain.” she says carefully and Gus peels a little more off his dad “Do you want to wear it today?”

Gus hmms then looks up and Bellamy can see he’s no longer shy or scared. 

“I think you put it on dad, cause dad is more scared for Gus than Gus is.” both Clarke and Bellamy chuckle at that and she gives Bellamy a knowing look.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. He always cries on the way home.”

“Okay, buddy, easy there now.” Bellamy rubs his hand up and down as he finally untangles him from himself and places him on the cot between him and the doctor. 

“I still think you’ll need it more than I do.” Bellamy tells him and Gus after contemplating for a few seconds gives doctor Griffin a nod and she pins the monkey to his pants.

“We put it here first cause we’ll need to take that shirt off so I can listen to your heart and lungs okay?” she explains and Gus nods giving his dad another brief worried look before Bellamy squeezes his hand briefly and nods at Clarke. 

He helps her take off his shirt and maneuver him deeper in the cot before she warms the stethoscope up by breathing into it and pressing it to his chest. 

Quite honestly Bellamy’s surprised with the way she’s doing her job-doctor Harrison never talked to Gus, flat out ignored him and only spoke to Bellamy, asking him to take his clothes off or put them back on or hold him down if he was wiggling too much. 

Clarke was very gentle with him, asked him to breathe in and out, carefully examined him and put down data in the folder (again something Harrison never did.) 

She checks his throat, his eyes, his pulse, even his blood pressure which is much fun for Gus who has never seen or had a cuff put on him and asks her all the questions about it. 

“I saw in his file he’s been sick a few months back?” Clarke asks while she takes his temperature.

“Yeah…a bad case of pneumonia. Started like a regular flu but spiraled up very fast, I…I had to bring him in the middle of the night and we stayed in medbay for five days.” Bellamy still shivers at the memory of his son’s weak coughing body shaking in his arms, his forehead burning, his eyes barely opened as he begged for his dad to hold him. “Is he okay now?”

“Lungs are clear” Clarke assures with a soft smile “His heartbeat’s strong, his blood pressure is perfect, no temperature. You don’t have anything to worry about.” he exhales and watches his son’s eyes pinned on the monkey, staring at it with curiosity. 

“Thank you.” Bellamy exclaims relieved and she nods as if surprised he’s ever thanking her for doing her job. 

“Okay, let’s weigh you in, big boy.” she suggests as she picks him up by his armpits and Gus giggles at that, he always did, before she puts him on the scales. 

That was Bellamy’s worst part of the examination-he always worried about his weight. Ever since he was a boy he always ate fine, nursed good from his mom, then when she was gone, he would eat the formula just as well but once he started switching to algae, he’d have a hard time getting used to it. 

He wouldn’t want to eat, Bellamy would have to force him, beg him sometimes and on couple of occasions he’d dropped weight before putting it back on. He lost quite a lot when he was sick too and Bellamy knew he may have not yet got it all back on.

Clarke must sense his anxiety but she still urges Gus to stay still while she checks on the numbers.

“Is it okay?”

“It’s great. Within the normal rate for his age.” she assures and he exhales a little as he helps her take Gus from the scales and back on the cot. 

“Should I-…should he gain more?”

“Is he eating healthy?”

“Three times a day, one of them at school. He’s not doing well with the algae but I’m trying my best.”

“Hm” she rubs her chin as she lets Gus take the stethoscope off her neck and play with it while the adults talk “You give him soup?” Bellamy nods “There are these new biscuits Farm station are making, have you tried with those? It’s shown kids respond better to them than the soup.”

“I uh…” Bellamy rubs the back of his neck feeling embarrassed “I’ll need to check how many ration points those are.” she doesn’t even give him a beat to think of an excuse or try to swipe it under the rug that he may not have enough ration points for that at the moment before she goes to her desk, pulls up a prescription and writes something down.

“You don’t need to do that. I’ll write you a prescription, it’ll be valid for a month so you can see if he likes them and then figure it out from there.”

“Thank you, doctor.” he says and carefully tucks the piece of paper to his front pocket. He honestly didn’t expect such generosity from a probably Alpha station raised doctor (most medical personal were from Alpha, or at least…about 80% of them). 

“I’m…we’re really grateful.”

“Dada, you should let doctor Griffin check your hand!” Gus exclaims while he’s still staring at her, maybe a little too much than necessary but he does notice the blush on her face “She’s so good, you don’t have anything to be afraid of!”

Bellamy’s and simultaneously Clarke’s eyes fall on the dirty bandage wrapped around Bellamy’s left hand. 

He had gotten a bad cut at work yesterday while they were moving these pretty heavy metal pieces for a patch in Hydra and it had cut him quite deeply staining half his clothes. 

When he had taken Gus from daycare the kid had been so startled by his looks he had thrown himself in his arms and asked what’s wrong and where does it hurt. 

He had thought he was bleeding all over when it was just his hand. Bellamy tried to assure him it’s fine but Gus always worried about him. He’d assumed it’s only fair considering he was his only living relative. Well he and Aurora, his grandmother who Gus adored but that was about it.

“What’s that?” Clarke asks and before he knows it she was pulling his hand up to inspect it, trying to undo the bandage and check on it before he can pull away.

He sure tries to but her grip on his wrist is pretty strong.

“It’s nothing, just a cut.” he tries to explain but Gus is on it.

“He had lots of blod! Can you please check it?” Gus asks politely.

“Gus, we’re here for you, the doctor still has to give you your shots, alright?” Bellamy reminds him but Gus doesn’t give up. 

Instead he completely ignores his dad and turns to Clarke, tilting his head to the side a bit and giving her his signature puppy look that was always what pushed Bellamy to tell him yet another story before bed. 

“That looks infected.” doctor Griffin says with a tired sigh and when her eyes fall on Gus’ cute and worried face she reaches to touch his shoulder. 

“Of course I’ll take care of it. But your dad’s right-first we do your shots, then you can play with some of the toys in the corner huh?” Gus peeks behind his dad’s back to the colorful table and spots the pencils.

“Can I draw?”

“Absolutely.” she promises and he contemplates for a moment but then agrees with a quick nod. 

She takes the stethoscope off his hands and they decide to put him in Bellamy’s lap so he can hold him while she prepares the shots. Clarke notices Bellamy’s biting his lip and getting a little pale at that himself while Gus is just waiting anxiously for her to do it. 

“You should probably look away.” Clarke tells Bellamy while she cleans up Gus’s tiny arms preparing them for the shots. “If you think it’ll make you sick.”

“I got it.” he assures and keeps his eyes on his son, not even flinching when she comes to Gus’s right side. One of his arms is looped around Gus’s stomach and the other is holding his left hand tightly. “You good, big boy?” he asks him as he tightens his grip and Gus nods.

“I’m brave.”

“Yes you are.” Bellamy gives Clarke a quick nod, silently giving her permission to do it and she pinches Gus’s right arm doing the shot with quickness and expertness Bellamy had never seen of any other doctor before. She quickly moves to the left side before Gus had had enough time to get too distraught and repeats the action.

“Good boy, oh you’re such a good boy, great job Gus.” Bellamy praises him once it’s over and Clarke is adjusting the band aids on his arms rubbing his leg gently while Bellamy lifts him up and turns him to him. Gus’s eyes are filled with unshed tears and he’s biting his lip, trying very hard not to cry. 

“No,no, it’s okay, it’s alright, buddy, you can cry.”

“But I want to be brave.” he lets out voice tiny and broken as Bellamy runs his fingers through his hair and pushes his head to his chest, carefully moving them up and down in a soothing manner. 

“Oh, Gus, the bravest people cry.” he says whispering in his ear not ashamed of the doctor overhearing him. Gus pulls away a little, the tears finally streaming down his face, looking adorable in his tiny messy glory. 

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” Bellamy assures as he keeps rubbing his back “Showing your emotions,how your heart truly feels-” he taps at his chest with his finger and smiles “that’s the strongest and bravest thing one could do.” Gus sniffs a little and tilts his head to the side, thinking over his dad’s words. 

“Dad cries too, remember? Like on our way home from the doctor.” Gus nods at that “You think there’s anything wrong with that?”

“No.” Gus says right away “Dad just cares about Gus.”

“Exactly.” Bellamy kisses his forehead again “It’s out of love. Because I love you soooo much!”

“From here to the Earth?” Gus asks lip still jutted out in the most adorable of ways.

“From here to the Earth and then back and then over and over and over again-” Bellamy peppers his face with kisses, brushing away his tears and making him giggle “Infinitely.”

“That’s a lot!”

“I know!” Bellamy smiles as he cups his cheeks “And it’s still not enough to show you how my heart feels.” Gus smiles already forgetting all about the pain and reaching to tap his dad’s chest like he had before.

“You have a big heart, dada.” Bellamy blushes a little at that and finally remembers Clarke’s there too when she comes closer again.

“Yes he does” she chimes in “You doing better, Gus? Do you hurt?”

“No” Gus shakes his head cleaning his face with his own tiny palms, obviously having forgotten his hurdle “Can I go draw?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t think we should keep the doctor up anymore, Gus. Let’s get home and I’ll-”

“You’re not going anywhere until I check that hand!” doctor Griffin cuts him off before he can protest and pushes him back to the cot. 

Bellamy would fight her if she didn’t look that scary but he agrees with a sigh and helps Gus put his shirt and sweater back on, return Clarke’s monkey pin and hop off to the table. 

“Here, let me-” he says, taking the pin from Gus and leaning closer to Clarke, adjusting it on her pocket with unsteady hands. He’s not thinking too much of it but when he pulls back she finds Clarke staring at his hands, blushing a little so he feels the redness creep up his cheek too. “Sorry I-”

“No,thank you, that was kind of you.” she clears her throat and goes back to being serious, focusing on his hand and pulling a metal table with some supplies between them and carefully placing it down. “So, how did that happen?”

“Oh just…work. We were trying to close this hole in a Hydra hallway and I got cut on it.” she humms at that and focuses on unwrapping the bandage and cleaning up the wound. 

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but-” he jumps a little when she presses harder trying to get some of the debris stuck in him “Is his mom around?”

“No, she uh…she died in that Factory station fire two years ago.” he explains carefully.

“I’m sorry.” she says and she sounds like she actually means it which struck him even more. “I remember that explosion, me and my mother were on sight, trying to help the wounded.”

“Many people lost their lives that day.” Bellamy comments a little angrily, but tries to control it, knowing that his thoughts about the way things were at his station and how often there were accidents of various sorts leaving people killed or maimed was not going to help things. 

“So you’ve been raising him on your own?” she’s smart to direct the subject back to Gus for which he’s grateful.

“Yeah, well, my mom helps out when she can but she works a lot too. Insists on giving me a hand with our ration points, says I’m giving everything for him which I am but that’s what a parent does.”

“True but…”she stops her work for a moment and looks at him “You need to take care of yourself too. You can’t neglect your own health or well being.”

“I’m fine.” he waves it off like it’s nothing “It’s nothing but a cut, doctor.”

“It’s an infected cut. If that got septic you’d be dead in a week.” she cuts him off harshly not taking in his light mood and tightening the grip on his hand. He swallows hard and looks away shamefully. 

“I’m not trying to scold you…okay maybe I am but you must know you are this boy’s whole world so don’t gamble with your life, alright?”

“Thank you, doctor.” he says it meaning it fully and she relaxes a little happy that she’s made her point as she keeps cleaning up his cut before carefully bandaging it up. “You did a great job with him. He seems like a really sweet kid.”

“He is.Except when he doesn’t want to eat his algae.” they both chuckle at that and Gus lifts his head up for a moment before resuming his work on his drawing. “I’m glad you’re our doctor” he adds when she wraps his hand up carefully.

“So am I.” he stands up and clears his throat nervously, reaching for the card in his front pocket again. 

“I uh…I think there’s enough in there for those bandages and everything else-” he tries but she puts her hand over his and shakes her head.

“You’re not paying me for this.”

“But-” he’s at a loss here. He knew well enough doctors had to write down every supply they used and explain why they needed them. “You have to-”

“No. I’ll write it up in Gus’ chart. No one will check if a kid has a bandage or not.” she assures and pats his chest lightly “I insist.”

“But-”

“I didn’t get into this job for rations, mister Blake.” she says seriously and looks into his eyes “I can see how much you care for your son and want the best for him, how you’re sacrificing for him. I became a doctor to help people. And I want to help you and your son.” she’s so close now he can feel her breath fan his neck which makes him blush even more. “Would you let me?”

Bellamy stares into her eyes and something tugs at his heart, something he hasn’t felt in a very long time-it’s familiar, yet not fully, it’s strange but…warm. Ever since Gina died he had always felt his bones cold but now…now with Clarke so close to him, he felt warm for the first time in years. 

“Okay” he agrees, even though he’s never taken help from anyone. Even though he had made a promise to himself to raise this boy on his own, to give him everything himself and never ask or beg for anything.

But Clarke was pleading with her eyes and there was warmth in his bones and something…something tugged at his heart.

And his heart agreed before his mind had, before his pride had made her case, before his shyness gave voice and spread like a red flag to his cheeks. 

He trusted her. For some odd and weird reason, he did.

“We should uh…we should probably go.” she pulls away a little just as Gus comes running to them waving a drawing between them and asking Clarke to see it. It was her, in her white coat and blue scrubs with an entirely too big stethoscope hanging from her neck. 

She told him it’s the best gift she’s ever had and immediately pinned it on the cork board near her desk making Gus proud and in awe that someone was actually admiring his work. 

She hugs him goodbye and gives Bellamy one last look as she instructs him how to change the bandage.

When she closes the door behind them, Bellamy finds himself in the empty hallway with Gus’ tiny hand in his big one already blabbering excitedly about how cool doctor Griffin was.

“Right dad?”

“Huh?” Bellamy asks as they take down the hallway.

“I can make another drawing for the next appointment, right?”

Bellamy smiles and ruffles his curls.

“You most certainty can.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for the kind responce! Here's chapter two!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

“Easy there, Gus, come back here, please” Bellamy mildly scolded his son when he ran down the medbay hallway looking at the paintings hung on the wall. 

They’ve been waiting to see doctor Griffin for the past forty minutes and Gus was uncharacteristically energetic after daycare, which proved to be a problem for Bellamy, who was exhausted after yet another shift at work.

“But dada, look at this! It’s the montans”

“You mean mountains?” Bellamy asks when he carefully stands up and slowly walks to his side, cradling his right arm to his chest. 

“Yeaw! Awent they butiful dada?”

“They most certainly are, but I don’t want you drifting down the hallway where I can’t see you.”

“But dada-”

“Do you want to get lost like that time with your friend Jordan?” Gus shakes his head and juts his tiny lip up giving his dad his signature puppy face that usually earned him whatever he craved. 

Bellamy knew reminding him of the time he and his friend from daycare ran off while the teacher wasn’t looking and got lost in the Factory station hallways would scare him and he’s right because when he reaches out his good hand his son takes it and follows him back down towards doctor Griffin’s office.

“No.”

“That was scary wasn’t it?”

“Yeaw. Very scary.” 

“It was scary for dad too.”he still remembers how they called him from work, pulled him to the side and said his son disappeared and the guards are trying to find him and the Green boy.

He’d almost passed out and then got so worried he demanded he went looking for Gus himself but by the time he had swiped up their compartments hallways the guards brought him and Jordan back and he was about to cry out in relief. 

Since then he’d instructed Gus to always be aware of his surroundings, to make sure he stays close to the teacher and his class, but he was after all a three and a half year old boy with a sense of adventure inspired by the many stories his dad told him, so it was easy to say Bellamy’s heart never truly rested when it came to his son. 

“I don’t want to lose you ever again, so please stay close.”

“But can we look at them later? They are so pwetty, dada!”

“Yes, we will, when we’re done with doctor Griffin we’ll take a walk.” Bellamy promises and helps him up to a seat on the metal chair next to his own before carefully sitting down himself and groaning at the pain from jostling his shoulder.

That, of course, doesn’t go unnoticed by Gus.

“You okay, dada?”

“I’m fine.” he promises through teeth and flashes him a fake smile, running his fingers through his messy curls and pulling him to his healthy side. “Now tell me what you learned at school today.”

Gus starts chatting right away, telling him all about learning more letters and colors and how he was the best at recognizing them and then later how they played ‘ _Alphas versus Factories’_ , a game of chasing that Bellamy used to play too when he was a kid, in which the Alpha station “guards” chased the brave “strikers” from Factory, who hid and sneaked around. 

He wasn’t too fond of it but he also knew there was no way he could ever tell Gus not to play it since every kid on the Ark no matter the station, did. 

At some point Bellamy rests his head on the metal wall and closes his eyes letting the warmth of his son curled up next to him and his sweet soft voice lull him to sleep. 

He’s been taking extra shifts lately, trying to save up more for new clothes for Gus and put aside ration points for his birthday which wasn’t too close but in order to be ready for it, he knew he had to start preparing early, so he could give Gus the best. 

That meant he was dead on his feet and most nights when he picked him up from daycare and took him home, he almost wished he’d pass out right away but he had to feed him and give him a bath, then tell him a story and just…be a dad. 

Not that he was regretting any of it, he wasn’t-he was the happiest father on earth with a child like Gus-so smart, easygoing, shy and a little stubborn but with such a big kind heart-that he could never complain. 

Yet…he was so exhausted he worried he wasn’t giving him his best.

He does register a door being opened but he’s so tired he can’t will himself to open his eyes right away. 

It felt like something was pulling him so hard against the ground, he couldn’t fight it no matter what.

_“We’re not here for me. Dada hurt his arm at work and grandma made us come cuz it urts him.” he hears Gus chatter and he wants to wake up and be coherent but at the same time his head only lolls to the left over Gus’ and he feels weightless._

_“It urts him bad, doctor Clarke, so you gotta pwease fix him?”_

Bellamy feels a sharp shake of his shoulder and he wakes up with a jump, feeling a burning pain through his entire arm and side. 

“Bellamy?” it takes him a minute to focus on her, his vision blurry and not always the best in general but even worse after he woke up, but once it clears he sees a worried Clarke Griffin looking down at him.

“Hey, doctor Griffin.” he says and tries to smile but when he moves up his face twists in pain “I’m sorry, I must’ve dozed off.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” she assures but her hand has still not left his shoulder and he feels the warmth of her there pool all the way to his heart,making him blush ever so lightly of having her so close to him. 

Since their first appointment, they’ve been here three more times. 

Well technically, two-one was another mandatory check up for Gus, the other was again because his boy fell down and god a nasty cut on his forehead which required stitches and the third was at daycare when Bellamy went to pick him up and found her checking the kids for lice. 

All three times she had been extremely kind and they found that they enjoyed each other’s company. 

Talking to her was easy, she was gentle and calm but also definitely a strong-willed badass woman. 

After that day in day care, she had walked with him and Gus to the Factory station playground and before they even knew what they were doing, they were sitting on a metal bench while Gus swung on one of the three swings they had there, talking about stations policies, class difference and how she was struggling but desperately trying to change the system as it was unfair especially when it came to medical care, towards patients from Factory and Hydra. 

They’ve spend more than two hours not just talking but arguing too, Bellamy giving her his perspective, pointing out things she hadn’t even thought about and they’ve even come close to verbally fighting before they were swiftly interrupted by Gus, who diffused the situation with his charming face. 

Still, after they parted, Bellamy spend the evening, and actually the next few days worrying that he had said too much, talked too loudly, expressed his arguments in a harsh and even somewhat too hotheaded way. 

He beat himself up, wondering how stupid he could’ve been. 

She might be a nice decent doctor, but she was an Alpha station princess, her mother was on the council and ran the medical department herself and her dad was the chief engineer. 

She could get him arrested for his words, floated even and he had been so foolish to trust and speak his mind out to a person he didn’t truly know.

He didn’t sleep for a week, he was that scared that one night the guards would come knocking on the door and arrest him in front of his son. 

But the days passed and nothing happened and he found himself feeling even more stupid for being anxious about such a thing.

Then another thing settled in his stomach-what if he was too rude? 

What if he offended her? 

She might’ve not ratted him out but she was a still a sweet and caring person who had done nothing but help him and Gus while he had offended her and her station, called them privileged and blind to the life on the Ark.

Either way he was embarrassed out of his mind and he spent way too much time wondering, going through the conversation word by word, mentally scolding himself about being the world’s greatest dumbass.

That was also one of the reasons why when he got hurt at work, even though he sensed it was worse this time, he didn’t want to come to medbay. 

It had to be Aurora seeing him coming from his shift last night and noticing how he can’t even lift his arm, to push him here. His mother was a force he did not want to fight with knowing she’s always right and he’ll unfortunately always lose no matter how stubbornly he fought her on it especially when it came to his own health.

“Gus said you guys came because of you?” he remembers himself, having drifted off for a moment and blushes even harder “Something about your arm?”

“Yeah, I…I fell at work” he looks down at his hand clenched to his side “It’s probably nothing but my mom insisted I paid you a visit.”

“That definitely doesn’t look like nothing.” Clarke scolds mildly before coming to his good side and helping him up “Come on, let’s check it out. Gus, you want to open the door for us?”

His son was already on his feet rushing to the other side, perching himself up on his toes and reaching for the handle, opening the door with a loud bang.

“It’s okay, I can walk, I’m not an invalid.” Bellamy tries to shake her off, pull away a little but her grip on his elbow was strong and she only frowned at the way he winced whenever he so much as barely moved his hand.

“Dada, on the cot!” Gus commands sweetly after closing the door behind them and following Clarke and his dad to the cot near the window. 

Clarke chuckles a little at that and Bellamy smiles at his son who looks up at him still with worried eyes when he’s carefully placed on the cot. 

“You like playing doctor, don’t you?” Clarke asks him and Gus nods and utters a cute quiet _“Mhm”_ while climbing next to his dad on his own. “You want to assist me today?”

“Yeaw!” Gus claps excitedly as he watches Clarke push the metal cart with her tools near them and gestures for Bellamy to start taking his shirt off.

Which of course proves to be a problem, so she carefully helps him take off the straps of his greasy jumpsuit and grabs the hem of his old full-of-holes blue shirt before peeling it off of him. 

She bites her lips when she sees the state of him-there was a big bruise on his right side and his whole shoulder and arm were angry red and swollen.

“What happened?” she demands her voice to be calm because of Gus but she’s already feeling herself get angry and frustrated while Bellamy clears his throat and looks down at his feet, in a sweet shy manner just like his son. 

“I fell at work.” is all he offers as she slips on her blue latex gloves and comes to his side, carefully touching his shoulder and testing the are.

“That’s all? You fell?” he tries to shrug but he’s so pathetically bad at it that it only results in him groaning and Gus giving him a worried look. “Fell how?”

“Well we were on that high scaffolding, trying to fix the big ceiling hole in Mekka when there was some gravitational current and it caused me and my friend Miller to lose our balance.”

There were often changes in the atmosphere the Ark was in, so it wasn’t unusual for whole stations to go through what people on the ground called earthquakes. 

Sometimes it was fast and barely lasted a moment like it was in that case but sometimes it could be very dangerous and lead to engineers staying up late working on trying not to let whole stations be ripped apart from the main core. 

“I heard about that…wasn’t it over a week ago?” his cheeks get even more red and he avoids her eyes.

“Well…yeah but I didn’t think it was so bad at first.”

“And how was it then?”

“Sorry?”

“How was it at first? The pain?”

“Well I fell sideways and crashed pretty hard, my friend Miller landed somewhere over me and I think that added to the blow.”

“You cushioned his fall?”

“I guess…kind of?”

“Well did your friend Miller have any complains?” she arches an eyebrow and stops her work for just a moment just so she could hear the whole story before checking him out thoroughly.

“Just a few bruises.” Bellamy utters sheepishly under his nose and she shakes her head at that. 

“You didn’t answer me-how bad was the pain?”

“Dada, you gotta be honest.”Gus chimes in when Bellamy takes a moment too long to respond, feeling himself growing ever more so incredibly embarrassed. “She can’t help you otherwise.”

“Your son is very smart.” Clarke smiles at Gus whose whole face beams “You should listen to him more.”

“Oh please don’t encourage him!” Bellamy protests in a joking manner but his smirk turns into another wince when he moves further up the cot in an attempt to pull away from Clarke. 

She was scary whens he was serious. 

But she was also beautiful and being too close to her…did things to his head.

_And heart._

_His poor heart._

“I’m still waiting for an answer.”

“Well it wasn’t too bad. It hurt some and I thought it’d pass like all the times I’ve fallen before.” Clarke crosses her arms over her chest and he feels like she wants to smack him on the back of the head for being a stupid idiot.

Frankly, she wouldn’t be completely wrong.

“But then it got harder to move it and my mom…well last night she saw me wincing and being out of breath, so she insisted I came.”

“Or she’d drag you by the collar herself and let the whole station make fun of you wiping the floors clean, right dada? That’s what she said?” Gus adds rubbing the back of his head trying to remember his grandma’s precise words. 

“Something like it, yeah.” Bellamy utters furrowing his eyebrows at Clarke’s amused expression.

“I really want to meet your mother some day, mister Blake. She sounds like such an interesting person.”

“Grandma Rory is _ **the BEST**_!” Gus exclaims enthusiastically “She reads me from _The Iliad_ just like she did dada when he was a boy and she lets me eat all the biscuits I want.”

“That’s not too good now, Gus, is it?” Bellamy groans lightly but Gus just shrugs amused at his dad’s behavior. 

“Okay, now let’s get to it. Can you please try and lift your arm up as far as you can go?” she asks and Gus grows quiet at the examination. 

Bellamy really does his best but he ends up barely making it halfway through before he has to bite his lips to prevent himself from actually yelling. 

Clarke carefully grabs his elbow and brings his arm back to his chest.

”Okay, easy, let me see.” her small cold hands expertly move over his arm, from his shoulder to his elbow and down to his fingers.

“Has the pain worsened with time?”

“Yeah.” he doesn’t want to admit it knowing it will worry Gus and indeed the boy’s eyes do grow wider but he doesn’t say anything.

Bellamy hates doing this to him. He already had enough of pain and suffering in his life, he didn’t need this. 

“Tingling? Numbness?” Clarke keeps on while checking his elbow and then back up to his shoulder and back.

“Yeah, down my fingers.” she hums knowingly before she lets it drop back down and move to his side where she threads over the heavy bruising on his ribs.

“Are you gon listen to dada’s heart?” Gus asks when he sees her take out the stethoscope and press it to his chest. 

Her proximity is even closer than before now and he feels her light breath fanning his neck. 

She seems completely focused when she makes him breathe in and out, asking if it hurts when he does so (which yes, it definitely did) and then taking in his pulse and blood pressure, as well as temperature which Gus stands up on the cot for and helps Clarke with following her instructions.

Once she’s done, she doesn’t say anything right away, instead she grabs his chart and starts filling in some data.

There’s a light shift in the mood in the room and he notices she goes back from their friend Clarke to her doctor self-precise, focused, determined which is why he’s scared to ask anything at first and why he and Gus exchange confused yet sweet looks before Bellamy finally musters up the courage to speak.

“So what’s the verdict, doc?” Clarke looks up from her chart and takes in a deep breath before faking a big bright smile at Gus and putting down her pen.

“Hey, Gus, you know where the children’s corner is right?” Gus nods a little confused “How about I call nurse Harper to take you there and you have some fun with a few of the other kids that are waiting like you?”

Gus contemplates for a moment and looks up at Bellamy, jutting his bottom lip in his worrisome way just like before.

“Is dada okay?” he was too smart even for his young age, not to see through Clarke’s words.

“He’s fine.” Clarke promises reaching out to touch his knee in a calming manner “I just need to discuss some things with him, wrap his hand, do some x-rays and then you’ll come back up, alright?”

“It’s okay, buddy, I’ll be fine.” Bellamy promises touching his back gently and leaning in to kiss his head. 

“But you’ll be here when I come back? You won’t….disappeaw?” his words broke Bellamy’s heart. 

He knew Gus had those fears sometimes, because he didn’t have a mom, that one day he’ll wake up or come from daycare and Bellamy wouldn’t be there to pick him up or that something bad had happened to him at work and that’s why he was with grandma Rory for the evening. 

Bellamy hated that he had those fears, that anxiety and he always made sure to ease him up in moments like this. 

“I won’t disappear. You can ask doctor Griffin herself, okay?” Clarke nods reassuringly and keeps rubbing his knee.

“Give me an hour and I’ll bring him to you and you’ll go home together, how does that sound?” Gus shrugs, still a little uncertain “I bet if you’re a good boy, he’ll buy you some of those nice algae candies that Farm station sell.”

“But we don’t have rations for that!” Gus opposes and Bellamy winces but not from the pain this time. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and wills himself to breathe through the pain of his son knowing he can’t the things all the other kids do.

“We do.” Bellamy says a little forcefully and squeezes his son’s tiny shoulder “Now be a good boy and go. We’ll see each other in a bit.” Gus nods and almost jumps off the cot before he remembers something, then he perches up on his toes and kisses his dad’s cheek.

“Good luck kiss, dada!” Bellamy pulls him in for a kiss on the forehead.

“Thank you, son.” it was their thing. Every day before day care Bellamy would kiss him goodbye and tell him good luck for the day. Gus would hug him tightly in return and cuddle for a moment too long, making his dad’s heart clench with all the warm feelings. 

They did it before a big test or occasion they had too, like going to the doctor for vaccines or Gus first trip around the Ark with his class which was anxiety inducing and eye-opening for every kid. 

Clarke took him out the door and Bellamy heard her talk to another woman leaving him with his thoughts for barely a minute before she returned and the look on her face said she was angry.

“Your shoulder’s dislocated.” she states when she leans on her desk and gives him a serious look “But I’m guessing this isn’t the first time that’s happened?” he shakes his head. 

He had a similar injury when he was a teenager when he first started working and a bunch of metal pieces in the old Factory station warehouse fell off the shelves and piled up on him. 

It hadn’t been half as bad then, the doctor popped it back up in a minute and he felt fine just after a few days.

He’s had that similar feeling of something in his shoulder being out of it’s place more than once before but it always passed on it’s own.

”It’s worse now because judging by the swelling and your symptoms you probably tore some of the muscles and ligaments too.” he swallows hard at that “Which would require surgery.”

“Shit.” he curses feeling frustrated now himself “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. I still need to do an x-ray but depending on the tear you’ll maybe need from three up to six weeks off work.”

“What? No! I can’t afford that.” he tries to stand up but the pain is so hard he cradles his arm to his chest again and curses angrily “Can’t you just pop it and let me go?”

“I will set it back but I can’t fix the muscle damage without opening you up.”

“What if I refuse the surgery?” her eyes go wide at that and she pushes up from the desk. “I don’t have the rations for it anyway.”

“You won’t be spending rations. We’ll report it as a work injury even if you come over a week later.” he huffs at that and waves his good hand at her.

“Like they’ll believe me! They’ll say I’m cheating just because I’m from Factory.”

“You’ll have your friend Miller testify for you before the board.” he shakes his head again and stubbornly tries to stand up which makes her even more pissed off so she strides to him and pushes him back to the cot. 

“Bellamy, listen to me, your injury is serious. If we don’t fix this now, you will lose grip of your arm. The swelling and the pain will remain and with time you’ll worsen.”

“I can take some pain.”

“It’s not that, you don’t get it. This is permanent. It’ll lead to you losing your job altogether because you won’t be able to use your arm properly, do you understand me?” he furrows his eyebrows at her but she can see she’s getting through him.

“It will be a chronic condition.” she persists “It won’t be just a few weeks you’ll miss…you’ll be cut off entirely.” he swallows hard at that. 

He knew well enough, had so many examples over the years of people from Factory getting serious injuries, being unable to walk or even move and getting a rationing pension that was comically small. 

The Ark didn’t support people who couldn’t work for it, so instead they starved them to death or let them rot and struggle for years before they finally passed.

A shiver runs down Bellamy’s spine and Clarke senses his fears because she grabs his good hand and squeezes it tight.

“Okay?” she asks and he nods in understanding which makes her relax a little and pull back so she could get to work now that she’s convinced him. “I’ll set it back now and then we’ll do some x-rays and talk to doctor Jackson. He’s a really good orthopedist.”

“Won’t you be doing my surgery?” he asks suddenly confused as he watches her pick some gauze.

“Well I can if you want me to but he’s more experienced and-”

“I want you.” Bellamy insists “Only you.” Clarke smiles at that and after a beat gives him a firm nod.

“Alright then, one step at a time-first we fix that bad shoulder and I wrap your ribs which by the way are cracked and then we’ll figure out the rest.” he nods and she can see he’s already overthinking everything, probably trying to figure out how many days of work he’ll miss and how to make up for them. 

His forehead creases and she stops her work for a moment.

“Bellamy, it’ll be okay.” she assures and gives him a soft smile “I know it’ll be hard and painful but I can prescribe some extra rations and-”

“No, you’re already doing more than enough for us.” he interrupts her but not coldly or harshly, simply stubbornly, in his usual determined manner that got him where he was “I’ll figure it out.”

“Well you don’t have to figure it out on your own.” he gives her a surprised look “I know we haven’t known each other long but…I do consider you a friend and friends help each other out.”

“So….you don’t hate me” she tilts her head in confusion “For all the uh…well my…uhm…the talk we had that night with Gus on the playground?”

“What? No! Of course not. We were simply talking. I love a good argument. Most of the time people are afraid to tell me what they think because of who I am and where I come from.” he breathes out relieved and it doesn’t go unnoticed by her “You weren’t. I appreciate that.”

“Okay.” she resumes her work applying ointment to his ribs when she remembers something and stops gritting her teeth annoyed “Wait…was that why you didn’t come here earlier?” he ducks his head and looks away once again looking much like his son when he was in trouble. 

She sighs and rubs her forehead tiredly.

“Not really…I guess I just thought it’d pass on it’s own but…I was a little anxious to see you again.”she picks up his chin and forces him to look at her.

“I’m sorry to tell you this…” he swallows hard at her serious expression “But that’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard in my life.” he chuckles and his breath fans her face.

“I know…I’m an idiot.”

“Your words, not mine.” she says humming and puts her hands on both sides of his arm “Ready to put this back to it’s place?” he nods and squeezes his eyes shut. 

The pain is much harder than he anticipated and it’s clear by the way Clarke’s eyes get from light blue to dark that she didn’t expected that either. 

He can’t catch his breath and she pushes him down to the cot while she prepares the sling so he can rest if for just a moment after which she rolls him off to the x-ray room and takes some blood samples. 

For once he’s glad Gus isn’t in the room anymore and the thought of his son alone is enough to bring back some of his strength and push away the pain.

By the time Clarke’s done with the x-rays and coming up with a plan for the surgery and physical therapy, it’s been more than an hour and when the nurse brings Gus back in, he rushes to his dad and throws himself in his arm, wrapping his hands around his neck and holding onto him for dear life.

“He begged me to bring him back to you.” the nurse apologized softly while Bellamy rubbed Gus’ back with his one good hand biting back a wince in his already wrapped up in a sling arm when his boy presses too hard to him.

He can’t help but groan a little at the pressure and Gus pulls away.

“Dada, you okay?”

“I’m okay.” he promises kissing his forehead “I’m sorry we took so long.” Gus shoves his index finger in his mouth chewing on it a bit like he did when he was nervous, a habit Bellamy was trying to break but which he didn’t stop now simply because he didn’t have the heart to scold him.

He looks up at Clarke who had sent Harper off and was carefully approaching them now, sitting on the cot next to Bellamy. 

“Did you fix him?” Gus asks her still leaning his head on his dad’s good side, arm clenched around his, refusing to let him go.

“Almost.” Clarke looks up at Bellamy for approval and waits for his patient nod before she continues “I still have to put dad to sleep in a few days so I can open up his arm and fix it properly.” Gus furrows his eyebrows at that letting his finger fall off his mouth.

“Why?”

“Because there’s a wound in my arm, buddy. Doctor Griffin needs to fix it.”

“But I don’t see blud” Gus opposes looking at his shoulder with his curious eyes. 

“The wound is on the inside like when your friend Thomas jumped from the top of the staircase and hurt his head-there wasn’t blood but he still hurt.” Bellamy explains patiently and Gus contemplates on it for a moment.

“He had cuncuson. Do you have that, dada?”

“Not exactly, big boy but-”

“But I’ll fix it.” Clarke intervenes again, reaching to his knee and gripping it tightly, offering him a soft smile.

“Will it hurt him?” Gus’s bottom lip trembles again and he buries himself even deeper in his dad.

“No, he’ll be asleep and then he’ll wake up.” Gus doesn’t seem to convinced because his head falls and he buries his face in his dad’s chest while Bellamy keeps running his hand through his curls in a soothing manner.

“Hey, it’s okay if you’re scared Gus. I am too.” he whispers and Clarke once again marvels at the way he was able to talk to his son with such ease about such serious matters. 

“It’ll be fine. I’m in good hands you know? Doctor Griffin is the best and she’ll fix me right up.” Gus looks up at him with big brown eyes and it seems he finally lets the words sink in a little even if he was still a little shaken.

“Will you give dada the monkey pin?” Gus asks turning his head back to Clarke, pulling away just barely. Clarke would bet he wouldn’t leave his side for the rest of the evening, if not the following few days.

“Of course.” 

“Awkay.” he leans his cheek back on his dad and settles down for a moment.

“Do you have any other questions?” Bellamy prompts but Gus shakes his head and Clarke stands up, rubbing his back just barely before taking off her white coat and heading to the desk.

“Is your shift over?”

“Yes, in fact it has been for a few hours.” he takes notice of her now, how tired she seemed, the dark circles under her eyes almost identical to his, a small yawn escaping her lips as she pulled on her jacket. 

“I’m sorry for keeping you up so late.” he feels bad now, for pulling up a fight, for making her work harder. 

They could’ve done it faster if he wasn’t so stubborn to begin with. 

He helps Gus off his lap and staggers a little when he stands up too abruptly which doesn’t go unnoticed by her. 

“Easy, don’t strain yourself.” she scolds gently but then squeezes his eyes at him when she takes notice of his paler face and unstable walk. 

At first she had thought it was because of the pain in his arm and ribs but now the truth dawned on her. 

“When’s the last time you ate?”

He rubs the back of his neck with his hand just like Gus did when he was thinking too hard on what lie to come up with.

“Uh…I’m…-”

“If you have to think so hard on it, then it wasn’t today.” she sighs rubbing her forehead tiredly. “Come on, we should all go to the mess hall together.” she decides “What do you say Gus, do you want to grab dinner?”

“Yeaw!” Gus claps his hands excitedly.

“Gus-” Bellamy warns a little “I don’t think we should bother doctor Griffin more than we’ve already had.” 

“Nonsense.” she waves her hand at him and grabs her messenger bag, throwing it over her head. “At least that way I’ll know you actually ate something.”

She looked like an entirely different person now that she was no longer wearing her scrubs and in a way it made Bellamy’s heart sink a little because her clothes were new and bright, her hair was down and perfectly cut with the tiniest of strands tied on the back making it look like a crown, her shoes had all their parts on in the proper places, not hanging from somewhere, her nails were painted red.

He’s never even seen nail polish, only heard of it.

Meanwhile he was dressed in his old washed out greasy blue jumper that had cuts and patches all over, his t-shirt was embarrassingly full of holes around the neck and sleeves, his boots were falling off at the seams. 

He can’t remember the last time his mom cut his hair and he had dirt under his nails. 

Gus’ pants were too small for him, making his ankles stick out in the open in their proud skinny glory, you couldn’t tell if his shirt was red or orange anymore even if it didn’t posses as many visible holes as Bellamy’s and he knew that his shoes were already a bit too tight for him.

He couldn’t go to Alpha station’s mess hall with Clarke Griffin looking the way he did unless he wanted her to be the talk of the Ark tomorrow. 

She’s done too much for him and Gus to be embarrassed like that.

“Actually, if you want we can hang by the swings again” he suggests carefully, trying to sound as nonchalant as he can “Rations in Factory aren’t delivered for two more hours anyway.” she furrows her eyebrows at that so he keeps going before she can interrupt him “If you’re hungry though, you should definitely go back home to Alpha. We’ve been a pain too much today.”

“Why do they give you dinner so late?” he shrugs and looks away at Gus who had split from him and ran to the table to draw while the grown ups finished talking. 

He didn’t know how to explain to her that her life was not his, that he could spare only so many points for dinner tonight and he could never afford to sit in the Alpha station mess hall where they served things like tomatoes, apples, even goddamn cake (which he had never even tasted in his life). 

A proper meal there would cost two months of work for him. In Factory he considered himself lucky if the cook filled his algae soup ball just a bit over the middle of the bowl. 

“I never knew that. I thought it was the same for everyone.” Bellamy’s once again not sure what to say to that, so there’s a moment of uncomfortable silence before she clears her throat, runs her fingers through her hair and then adds more cheerfully “I’d love to go to the swings, though.” Gus, upon hearing that, jumps from his chair and yelps cheerfully.

Still, he insists he holds his dad’s hand on the way there but the difference is, he lets Clarke hold the other one and upon parting ways, he throws himself in her arms and kisses her cheek goodnight.

Bellamy’s not sure what keeps him up awake that night-the pain in his torn up shoulder or Clarke Griffin’s warm smile when she held his son in her arms. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful comments! I'm not sure why I keep posting here since everyone already read it on Tumblr but I guess it's more easy for you all to read it even if I hate being on here.
> 
> For those of you who are new to the story-there's a lot of hurt/comfort in it (mostly hurt!Bell) which is what I typically write but also a lot about the Ark's structure and society which has been very fun for me to write.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

Clarke takes another right turn down the complete maze of hallways in Factory, huffing and puffing, getting a little annoyed that she can’t find the right place.

It doesn’t help that people seem to be shooting her angry and confused looks until she remembers that she’s still wearing her doctor’s white gown which must surely be the reason why this was happening. 

She’s only been on house calls in this part of the Ark once and it was because of the fire accident all those years ago that took Gina’s life as well. 

But now she was supposed to find 171 GD Compartment complex and get to Bellamy’s place and that obviously proved to be a struggle for her. 

She tried stopping a few people but one man flat out grunted at her while another woman passed her by with fear evident in her eyes. 

She knew Factory station people rarely went to medbay unless it was completely necessary but were they that scared of a doctor?

Finally, she found a friendlier older woman just when she had taken another wrong turn, who smiled, though looked at her with surprise as she spoke after Clarke gave her the address she was looking for.

“Oh, that’s the Blake’s place. You need to make two right turns down that hallway and then a left ,keep to the end of the narrow one and you’ll find them, dear.”

Clarke had thanked her profusely, smiled kindly and kept striding on.

In all fairness she wasn’t just annoyed at her inability to find the place. 

She was mad that Bellamy had been an idiot once again.

It’s been just two days since he left medbay, four after the surgery. 

Clarke still remembers the morning he came in with his mom after they had left Gus at daycare. 

She met Aurora Blake for the first time then and found her to be a smart, yet very reserved woman. 

They quickly warmed up to their mutual feeling of wanting to scold Bellamy who apparently hadn’t been listening to any of the things Clarke had advised him to after their visit last week and had kept straining himself, helping Gus with school, picking up their rations, even helping his mom mending clothes with his left hand of all things instead of lying down and resting. 

Clarke almost felt bad for him when his mom helped him to the cot and instructed him to listen to everything the doctor says and _**not be a stubborn hotheaded rebel idiot.**_ (her words, not Clarke’s). 

There was no one to stay with him before and during the procedure. 

Aurora had to go to work, it was their only source of rations income right now since Bellamy was allowed a surgery without paying but he wasn’t going to receive any extra rations during his recovery no matter how hard Clarke tried to fight it. 

Even going to the health commission hearing had been a pain-despite Bellamy’s friend, Miller, being there to confirm the accident, the old men and women from the medbay council still tried to make it out as if Bellamy did this on purpose, that he didn’t report the injury right away so there was no way to be certain how or when it happened and that he should pay with ration points for at least half of it. 

Clarke had fought fervently on his behalf as his doctor and with the help of Miller and Bellamy’s boss, an older man called James, they made their case and it passed through.

Clarke’s heart still broke a little when Aurora pushed him down the bed that day, leaned over and kissed his forehead before saying goodbye. 

Clarke saw she was a strong woman who didn’t show her feelings much but still, her eyes were glassy when she was fervently instructing Bellamy.

“You fight this on and you listen to the doctor so you get better, okay?”

“Mom-”

“I mean it, Bellamy. If she tells me you’ve been a pain even a bit, I swear to god-”

“Mom, it’ll be fine.” he had said, reaching out for her hand while Clarke pretended to be busy sorting out the bandages and medicine while they were saying their goodbyes. “But in case it’s still not…you know what to do, right?”

“Bellamy, don’t even go there” she had cut him off but he kept on, persisting. 

Clarke had sneaked a glance then, she had seen his pale face, the way he was gritting his teeth trying to overcome the pain. 

_“Nothing is happening to you.”_

“If it does-” he insists again “I need you to raise Gus to be a good man, push him to study, to read, to draw and do whatever he really wants to. I want better for him than what Gina and I got. I don’t want him to work himself to the ground until he’s all hunched and every bone in his body hurts. He has to have better, okay?”

“Okay.” Aurora had sighed, giving up and realizing she won’t prevent him from saying what he needed to say.

“All the ration points I’ve saved for him…they’re in a card hidden in _The Iliad_ above the bed as well as a letter for him.” Bellamy adds voice breaking a little, it was getting to be too hard even for her to listen,feeling like she’s intruding on something personal.

Aurora had nodded then, leaned over, swiped a few curls from his forehead and kissed it once more.

“My good boy.” she said then cupping his cheek “I love you.”

“Love you too, mom.” he had whispered back and finally let himself fall back to the pillows. 

Aurora lingered for a moment too long and then said a quick goodbye to Clarke before she left. 

Clarke felt angry then, angry that a mother had to work instead of be there by her son’s side, help him through this. 

Angry that they had to do this, so they could survive, so that Gus could live a good life.

She had given him a moment then before approaching him to give him a general check up before they got him prepped for the surgery.

“Sorry about all that.” he had mumbled a little flushed, embarrassed and she had shook her head.

“Don’t be. _I’m_ sorry that she had to go.”

“So am I. But maybe it’s for the better. She already has enough pain in her life, enough struggle, I don’t want to add to it but I guess…I did.” he gestures at his bad arm that’s still up in a sling that Clarke carefully peels off of him and undoes the bandage she had made around his shoulder, to help ease some of the swelling.

“Bellamy, you’re her son-” Clarke reaches to squeeze his hand briefly then and his eyes widen with hope and surprise at the same time. “Is Gus ever a burden to you?” he shakes his head at that “Then I’m sure you’re not one for her either. Also, she’s right-nothing bad is happening to you. I’ll make sure of that.”

He simply smiles and lets his head fall to the left, burying his cheek in the pillow and closing his eyes. 

It has surprised Clarke how strangely calm he’d been, stoic, even though he was clearly afraid. Just before they put him out she squeezed his hand and smiled as he breathed in the gas and fell asleep. 

She wanted him to have something nice to see right before he fell asleep.

She also made sure to be there when he woke up. 

The surgery, thankfully, had been a success. 

They managed to fix the tear even though it was quite tricky and the damage was more severe than the scans initially showed, which meant he’ll need more time to recover but overall it went smoothly. 

Well, minus the fact that his blood pressure was a little too low during the surgery and remained so after, which is why she insisted on keeping him overnight instead of discharging him just hours later. 

He had been sluggish and very boy-ish like when his mom and Gus came to see him in the evening. 

Gus, the poor fella, was so scared, he ran and climbed on the cot right away, throwing himself in his dad’s embrace and refusing to leave.

It had broken Clarke’s heart when an hour later Aurora had to peel him off of Bellamy and promise that tomorrow his dad will be home.

Now here she finally was, 171 GD compartment at the end of the hallway. 

Clarke sighed relieved, swiped away the sweat from her forehead and knocked on the door. The voices coming from inside came to a halt, a bang was heard and then childish steps running to it until Gus opened up and welcomed her with a smile.

“Doctow Gwiffin, you’re here!” he exclaimed and she was surprised when he threw himself in her legs and wrapped his tiny arms around her.

“Hey, little fella.” she ran her fingers through his hair gently and he looked up with his big brown eyes “How are you doing?”

“Gweat!” 

“Doctor Griffin.” Aurora comes behind her grandson and opens the door wider, welcoming her in “Thanks for coming. Gus, step away so she can come in.”

“Sowwy, grandma.” Gus says in his sweet childish voice and makes room for Clarke. 

When she finally makes it inside she finds a small one-room living space. 

There was a bunk bed in the right corner and a smaller one pressed to the upper bed board of it, which she assumed must’ve been Gus’ sleeping next to his father’s head. 

Then there was a kitchen sink in the other corner and a smaller door which probably led to a bathroom. 

Some cupboards above it and two strings hung from the ceiling where she could see Gus’ baby clothes hanging from as well as one of Bellamy’s work jumpsuits and a plaid shirt. 

In the middle there was a table with three metal chairs, one of which was currently occupied by Bellamy who was slumped on it, cradling his arm to his chest, seeming pale but also somewhat annoyed when she entered. 

Next to her to the right of the door there was a smaller cupboard for shoes and a hanger where they put their coats.

_**And that was it.** _

_**This is how they lived.** _

Her mind went back to their four room compartment in Alpha with more furniture that Gus had probably ever seen in his life and her heart clenched. 

The feeling of guilt crawled up her spine and made her shiver. That or it was just the general lack of heat in that part of the Ark. She swore that she could see her breath as she passed down the hallways and she regretted not taking her jacket.

“Sorry, I was in the middle of doing laundry.” Aurora apologized as she rubbed her bony hands clean with a clean towel and pushed her further in.

“That’s okay.”

“Mom, I told you that you shouldn’t have called her.” Bellamy protests for the first time since she came in and she shakes her head in his direction as she approaches the table. 

Gus follows swiftly by, jumping on a smaller chair right next to his dad, eyeing them curiously.

“Knowing the way you are, I’m pretty sure she had every right to do so.” Clarke cuts him off putting her bag on the table and giving him a harsh look. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s been a little feverish this morning. At first I didn’t think it was something since you said it can happen because of his ribs-”

“Right, broken ribs cause fever.” Clarke agrees with a soft smile.

“Yeah but when I came back from work just now I found him burning.”

“I’m fine.” Bellamy groaned again and tried to move up a little but the pain seemed to be too blinding because he slumped right back on the chair. Clarke quickly pushed him down and pressed her hand to his forehead. 

“I’m not a child.”

“Your mom’s right. You’re burning. Come on, let’s take your shirt off, I need to check on the stitches.” he grunts again but let’s her and his mom help out with that.

“Dada,you should listen to what doctor Griffin says.” Gus perked up on his chair and she noticed all the drawings on the table, some notebooks too and she assumed he must’ve been doing homework before she came in “She knows best.”

“I love it when your son makes more sense than you.” Clarke jokes as they finally pull off his shirt and she reaches for his arm to steady him, make him sit upright so she can check the front and the back where they cut him. 

Everything seemed clean on the bandage above his heart but when she looked around she found the one on the back soaked in blood. 

“Jesus, Bellamy-” she cursed quietly and Aurora threw her a worried look. “How did you tear your stitches?”

He grits his teeth but remains stoically quiet while she puts on gloves and carefully peels the bandage off only to of course, find the cut on the back open, oozing not just red but some yellow too.

“Scratch that. How did you tear them and get it infected?” she knew technically that this was a possibility.

No matter how careful they were and how good of doctors they were, there was always a chance of infection. 

It depended on many things, but most of all on the patient resting and not moving too much so the place can heal.

Bellamy, obviously, hadn’t done that.

“I’m waiting?” she pushed back to face him before reaching for her bag and taking out her stuff. 

“I don’t know.” he grunted clearly in pain. 

Sweat has gathered on his forehead and he was trying hard to control his breathing but it was obvious he hasn’t taken any painkillers recently.

“Is it bad?” Gus asks, jumping off and approaching them, clearly not scared of seeing the wound which makes Clarke smile. 

If that kid doesn’t become a medic, she’ll be damned. 

“Gus, go to the bathroom and wash your hands, you need to eat your dinner. Come on.” Aurora tries to push him away clearly not wanting the child to see his dad’s wound but Gus was curious and unafraid and he for once disobeyed his grandma and instead climbed back up on the chair and then hopped onto the table right next to Clarke’s bag, trying to get a peak of what she was about to do.

“Is it becawse he carried the buckets the other night?”

“What buckets?” Clarke asks perplexed and Aurora shoots Bellamy an angry look, clearly more aware of the situation than Clarke was.

“You _ **did not**_!”

“He needed help bathing. I had to.” Bellamy huffed as if annoyed that he’s even being accused of taking care of his son.

“What do you mean Gus?” Clarke asks again not sure if she’ll get an answer from the adults who were too busy glaring angry at each other until Aurora speaks up.

“We have hot water only twice a day here and it’s always when we’re not home, so to give Gus a bath we warm water at the hot plate and carry it to the bathroom.” she doesn’t seem at all disturbed by that fact but Clarke’s shaken at the revelation and Bellamy seems embarrassed more than anything. 

“Which I told him I’d do myself but he clearly didn’t listen.”

_“Mom-”_ Bellamy groans.

“Don’t mom me! Did you carry him to bed after?” Bellamy remains quiet and closes his eyes so Aurora turns to Gus who shrinks in his place too, not sure what to do or say, feeling bad for ratting out his dad even if involuntary. 

“Bellamy Blake you answer me this minute!” Clarke would give it to her-the woman made even her want to admit to tearing open the stitches she didn’t even have when she heard that voice. 

“I did.”

“Stupid boy!” she scolds crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head “You know you need to rest, heal, gather your strength, not push yourself unnecessary.”

“It wasn’t unnecessary. My son needed me.”

“No, he didn’t. He would’ve been fine waiting another hour for me to get here. You just had to be stubborn and let your pride come before the safety of you and Gus.”

“Mom,come on-” Bellamy winced when Clarke started cleaning the wound and reached out to grip the table with his good hand, find something to ground himself with. “Not now.”

He looks at Gus who’s looking between them, bottom lip up, trembling a little, eyes filled with worry. Aurora’s eyes immediately fall on him too and her attention goes to him.

“I’m sowwy, grandma.”

“It’s not your fault, sweet boy.” she assures cupping his cheeks and leaning down to kiss his forehead. “You did nothing wrong, okay?” Gus nods agreeing and lets her pull him to her chest but his eyes remain on his dad and Clarke who’s about to start stitching him back up. 

“Now you go wash your hands and come eat. There’s beans tonight and I’ll put in some of the red sauce for you, okay?”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. No go!” Aurora kisses him and helps him off the table before he pats away to the small door that Clarke was right to assume was the bathroom. Aurora waits for the door to close behind him before she turns to Clarke.

“Will he be alright?”

“Yes.” Clarke promises as she focuses back on her work “Recovery will be slower now, though, since he reopened it. It’ll need more time to heal.”

“At least it will teach him a lesson.”

“I’m right here, mom, I can hear you.”

“Good. Maybe some of it will go through that thick head of yours.” Clarke bites her lip not to chuckle but Bellamy only lets another frustrated groan before she presses the needle in and starts on her stitching. 

She had put a local anesthetic but he was clearly still in a lot of pain which made her go back to what she was wondering about earlier. 

“Are you taking the pain killers I prescribed?”

“We couldn’t get them.” Aurora answers for him as he’s too busy trying to control his pain.

“What? Why not?”

“Because this isn’t Alpha, princess.” Bellamy grunts a little frustrated and when Aurora throws him an angry look he softens a bit and adds “They want us to pay for it all with points. We don’t have any.”

“But the prescription should give you free medicine and extra rations since you can’t work.”

“Yes, but they won’t. They already let the surgery and medbay stay pass, they won’t let me have free food and pills too.”

“But-”

“Let it go, princess. We’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t understand” she stops her work for a moment, clearly frustrated with the outcome of events too. “This shouldn’t be something they can argue with.” Bellamy lets out a harsh laugh and shakes his head.

“Then you clearly don’t know how things work out here.”

“They say he’s already used three prescriptions for rations and medicine this month.” Aurora offers as an explanation “He can’t take any more.”

“But those were for Gus!” Clarke exclaims clearly frustrated “That’s not fair.”

“Welcome to my world.” Bellamy grunts when she makes the last stitch and carefully cuts off the thread.

“I’ll talk to the pharmacist, we’ll figure something out.”

“Don’t.” he cuts her off a little bit too harsh _“Please.”_ he looks up at her as she puts on a fresh bandage over the incision and he finally leans on the chair cradling his arm to his chest and wrapping his good hand around his bruised ribs. 

She understands that look-it meant that he already had enough to deal with and just couldn’t add more to it. Clarke got it but that didn’t mean she wasn’t angry on his behalf. 

Gus chooses this moment to come back rushing in hands in the air, still splashing some water drops from his clean up.

“Hewe, gwandma, I’m all done.”

“Let me see.” Aurora asks and Gus stretches out his clean hands to her. 

She inspects his work and nods at him in agreement, helping him up the chair and heading to the small kitchen counter where she takes a small bowl filled with something that looked like cooked red beans and maybe some corn but that looked to Clarke like it was definitely not enough for a boy of Gus’ age. 

Still, he didn’t complain when she put it in front of him. 

He was the sweetest when he tucked on a plaid white and red kerchief to his shirt and grabbed his small spoon in his tiny fist, only to start eating on his own with pride and joy that he had someone new to show his abilities to.

“Careful, Gus, pull the chair closer to the table so you don’t stain your pants.” Bellamy instructs him and Gus immediately follows his dad’s advice. 

“Did you draw all that, Gus?” Clarke asks when she reaches for some of the drawings on the table and takes a look.

“Yeaw!”

“He loves drawing.” Bellamy explains and see notices his eyes are still so full of pain and he struggles to breathe especially when he speaks.

“Oh yeah? So do I.”

“Reawy? Can you draw me something?” Gus drops his spoon for a moment and gives her a curious look. 

“Of course.”

“Gus, doctor Griffin is probably tired after work. She wants to get this over with and go home,okay?” Aurora tries but Clarke shakes her head.

“No, that’s okay, I don’t mind at all.” she had no way of telling her that she dreaded going back to her Alpha station compartment that was three size their living quarters only to eat and pass out, maybe watch an old game with Wells before heading off to bed and waking up again for yet another shift. 

“First you finish your dinner, Gus.” Bellamy reminds and Gus picks up his spoon again, curious to see what Clarke can do. 

He’s almost done, quickly destroying the small bowl and when he does, he drops his hands on both sides and looks at Bellamy.

“Dada, I want more.” Bellamy’s face twists in pain of a different kind and he looks up at his mom.

“Gus, you already ate your rations.” Aurora says carefully and Clarke wishes she wasn’t here for that part of the conversation because it grew from cheerful to serious in the span of seconds.

“Mom, give him mine too.”

“Bellamy,no-”

“I’m not hungry and I can bet he didn’t eat his lunch at school.” he looks at Gus curiously “Right Gus?”

His son bows his head down and mumbles a quiet no which makes Aurora sigh.

“Gus, we’ve talked about this, sweetie, you have to eat your meals at school just like at home.”

“I know, but…it wasn’t tasty.”

“Was it algae soup again?” Gus nods at that and Bellamy’s hand leaves his ribs to reach out and touch his son’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Gus but grandma’s right. I know the algae isn’t as tasty as the beans or the corn but you need to eat it too, alright?” Gus nods a little tentatively “Promise dad you’ll try next time, okay?”

“Awkay, dada. I’ll twy” Gus mumbles sweetly and Bellamy cups his cheek in a soft manner.

“Good man. Now grandma will you give you more.” Aurora furrows her eyebrows at that but quickly comes up wit a compromise. 

“How about I give you more beans and make you some tea and milk, how does that sound?” Gus agrees eagerly to it and Aurora goes back to the counter, takes up the other bowl that must’ve been Bellamy’s but was just as big in content and spills half of it over in Gus’ one who starts eagerly destroying it while blabbing to his day to Clarke and his dad who asked him about day care. 

Clarke, though already done with his bandage, keeps an eye on Bellamy who seems to be trying very hard to keep sitting like that and controlling his pain. 

The only reason she doesn’t push him to get to bed right away is because he’s smiling and carefully listening to every word that comes out of Gus’ mouth and that seems to make things a little better. 

Soon enough Aurora comes back with three hot steaming glasses full of something that smelled so good yet unfamiliar to Clarke. Gus’ cup is filled with milk unlike theirs but when she takes a sip she feels a new wave of energy coarse through her. 

“You got some powdered milk?” she asks confused nodding at Gus’ cup which he’s drinking with the same eagerness as eating his beans. 

The kid must’ve been really hungry which made her heart clench-Alpha station children got three full courses for dinner and this boy had a bowl and a half of some red beans and corn and nothing else.

“Formula.” Bellamy chimes in “I give it to him for breakfast.”

“Factory station women usually breastfeed the kids till they’re three or four.” Aurora explains upon Clarke’s perplexed look. “I nursed Bellamy till he was about Gus’ age.” 

“I never knew that.” 

“It’s common practice around here. Most people can’t afford paying for three full meals and plus it makes the kids stronger, builds their immunity.” Aurora explains further before looking back to Gus who had pulled up one of the papers he had already drew on and picked one of the three pencils on the table, drawing something with great amounts of concentration. 

“Obviously Gus couldn’t ….have that the traditional way.”

“His mom was still nursing him when she died and after-” Bellamy clears his throat when his voice shakes a little “I had to start buying formula. It was an adjustment but he ended up liking it and I can still use it as a solid meal in the morning.”

“Or with tea, like now.” Aurora reaches to tuck a curl behind Gus’ ear that prevented him from seeing his drawing clearly. “It’s not too expensive, so…”

“It’s good he likes it. Plus most formulas have some vitamins in them too, so that’s smart.” Clarke tries not to sound judgy or condescending but she can’t help but feel like she ended up in a whole different world she knows nothing about. 

Bellamy nods and leans back on the chair but the pain must be too overwhelming now because his lips escape a groan and Clarke furrows her eyebrows.

“We should get you to bed.”

“I feel better sitting.” he mumbles through teeth and Aurora notices the way he’s clenching his hand around his ribs and stands up, heading to the drawers near the sink and pulling out a small white cream box with a yellow lid. 

“What’s that?” Clarke asks curiously when she sees Bellamy’s mom approach him.

“That’s the miwacaw rub!” Gus exclaims clearly paying attention to his grandma’s actions and stopping his work mid-action.

“Miracle rub?”

“It fixes everything!” Gus explains “See, I cut my fingew the other nait and now it’s almost healed.” he shows her his thumb where Clarke can see a small cut that’s definitely almost gone now but must’ve clearly been a pain for the kid when it happened. 

Aurora smiles at her grandson’s explanation then puts out the lid and shows Clarke an orange concoction inside.

“That’s Factory’s invention.” she explains and Clarke catches the strange scent of the medicine-it was strange but not in a bad way.

It reminded her of pepper and…maybe something mint-like which didn’t make sense since it didn’t have a green color. 

“It helps with common pains-cuts, bruises, even a bad cough if you apply it on someone’s chest, sore muscles, twisted ankles.”

“It’s basically for everything.” Bellamy adds and moves his hand away from his ribs. “It burns a lot when you apply it for about fifteen minutes after which it gets really cool and soothing.”

“So it helps with your ribs?” he nods “That’s amazing, I’ve never seen anything like that before. I didn’t…I didn’t even know it existed.”

“It’s kind of our pride and joy. There is only one family in the station that produces it and they pass on the secret recipe from generation to generation. Then they sell it for things like rations, food, clothes, even a small favor you can do for them.”

“But it’s never too much.” Bellamy adds “Every family in Factory has one of these.” she understood what he meant-it wasn’t like the medicine she was prescribing that he couldn’t get. 

It was their only way of dealing with injuries which they got often because of the work in the station and the only thing they could all afford no matter what. 

It helped them survive. 

“Can I?” she asks Aurora when she’s about to put some of it on Bellamy’s ribs. The older woman nods with a soft smile and hands her the cream box. 

“Don’t put too much-” Aurora instructs when she dips her fingers into it and swipes a big portion of the concoction “It’ll burn him too bad. The secret in the Miracle rub is that you don’t need to use much of it to be effective.” 

Clarke feels her ears and cheeks burn when she rubs some of it on Bellamy’s ribs, suddenly finding herself too close to him, feeling his breath on her neck. 

She doesn’t know why this made her heart skip beats now-up until a few minutes ago she was stitching him up without a single thought of being too intimate or close to him passing her mind but now somehow…it felt different.

His muscles clenched under her fingers, his breath hitched-he was in pain but his eyes were intently locked on her and when she looked up she founds them staring at her with something more than a friendly look-there was curiosity there. And maybe even want.

She swallowed hard and pulled away from him, shaking her head as if from a trance. 

When she hands the box back to Aurora, she doesn’t miss her knowing smirk.

Clearly Clarke hadn’t been the only one who noticed something.

“Now let’s draw!” Gus chimes in clearly bored with their adult conversations, demanding attention for himself.

“Gus, doctor Clarke should probably go.” Bellamy tries to excuse her once again but Gus gives her his big puppy eyes and he melts right under even before he tries to argue again. 

“No that’s alright. Here little man, let me see what you have already.” she pulls Gus up from the chair only to sit in it herself and pull the boy to her lap. 

He enjoys that a little too much because he leans his tiny back to her chest and pulls up all his papers. 

“I got a doooog and a tigew and a elephant”

“ _ **AN**_ elephant!” Bellamy corrects him and Gus nods.

“And what’s that here?” Clarke points at another drawing of what seemed to be a stick figure carrying a big box of something on his shoulders.

“That’s dada at work, lifting heavy stuff and patching the Ark!”

“You got my curls just right, son.” Bellamy says softly looking at the messy hair Gus drew on the little sticky man.

“And that?” Clarke asks at the woman in the other corner of the paper. He clearly didn’t have too many white sheets to work on because he drew over and over filling almost every free space there was.

“That’s gwandma Rory sewing at the factory.” he explains patiently making Aurora who had gone back to the sink washing their dishes turn around and smile.

“And this here?” she points at another sticky woman figure with a small circle above her head and something that looked like wings coming from her back.

“That’s mama.” Gus says softly, carefully as if he’s afraid to spill it out and Clarke can swear Bellamy raises up a little in his seat and tries to stay strong. “She’s in the sky now.”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke tries to keep her voice from breaking too “She looks beautiful, Gus.”

“Yeaw” the kid adds and picks up his pencil adding a few starts near the figure “Dada says she’s with the stars and that they keep it bright even when the sky is too dark so mama is never afraid or alone. They make it less scawy.” he keeps on repeating words he probably knows by heart. 

It makes Clarke wonder how many times Bellamy’s had to explain this. 

“And sometimes we go to the starboard window bay and look all around us and we know she’s there.”

“That sounds very nice.”

“Yeaw. Sometimes I ask dada how can we find mama. The sky is so big and there are so many stars-” Gus doesn’t stop his work, his tongue is out and he’s drawing more and more starts around the tiny angel, clearly enjoying it. 

“And he says that’s true but even though we can’t see her she’s also always hewe-” and he points at his chest over his heart.

Clarke has to bite her lip not to let her tears roll down. This boy was brave and strong at such a young age and she knew nothing of his life but she recognized pain, deep, raw, horrible pain that shook you to your core and no child should ever have that in their life. Least of all Gus. 

“Your dad’s absolutely right.” she looks up at Bellamy who’s eyes are teary. 

He’s gripping the edge of the table with his hand and clenching his jaw. 

Aurora was awfully quiet in her corner, the water still on but the clatter of the bows could only be provoked from something like shaking hands so she knew this was just as hard for her too. 

“Now what do you want me to draw you?” Clarke swiftly changes the subject, running her hand through Gus’ curls and picking up a pencil from his small stack.

“A HORSE!” he exclaims clapping his tiny hands enthusiastically. “Woooow, it’s so pwetty, Clarke.”

“Doctor Clarke.” Bellamy corrects him but she shakes her head and pulls Gus closer to her chest for a small soft hug.

“You can call me Clarke.” she tells him when he looks up at her with big bright eyes “You are my friend.”

“You awe my friend too.” he says back, lips stretching in a smile before his eyes fall back to his dad “And we call our friends by name, right dada?”

“Right.” Bellamy smiles softly while his mom helps him put his shirt back on and grabs the sling from the table wanting to adjust it back on but he just shakes his head and tells her he’s better that way even under Clarke’s scrutinizing look. 

“So you call me Gus and I call you Clarke then?” she nods and strokes his head before leaning closer again and pushing in another piece of paper.

“What else should I draw now?”

“A Cerberus!”

“What’s that?”

“It’s the three-headed dog that guards the underworld.” Gus explains perplexed that she doesn’t know what he means “It’s my favorite monster.”

“Oh yeah?” she starts trying to draw something that resembles a big dog head “You’re not afraid of it?”

“Nope.” Gus says like it’s the easiest thing in the world “Cweatures are not really monsters. They’ve just ben hurt and mistunderstowd.” he starts slurring the words more and more which is how Bellamy knows he won’t last much longer “The only really scawy monsters are other people. That’s what dada says.”

Clarke eyes Bellamy curiously and he pretends to be intently watching his feet while also blushing a little.

“Well, he’s not wrong. Let me see what I can do here for your Cerberus.” she keeps drawing and Gus guides her, describing teeth and big eyes and perky ears but she feels him fall into her more and more with every passing second and soon his eyes start drooping.

“Come on big boy, it’s time for you to get to bed.” Bellamy says and tries to stand up. He manages or at least it seems so at first and then he sways so violently that if Clarke hadn’t grabbed him by the wrist, he would’ve fallen right over.

“Bellamy!” Aurora chimes in rushing from the sink to them, quick on her feet grabbing his arm and trying to steady him but when he attempts to shake it off and push in for another step he sways again and almost falls.

Clarke swiftly stands up and moves Gus from her lap to the chair, reaching for Bellamy herself and expertly sliding under his good arm, helping him bear some of the weight. 

When she looks up at his face she finds it too pale even though she could feel the heat radiating off of him, his breathing is too ragged, his heartbeat too erratic under her fingers when she reaches for his neck to check his pulse.

“God, Bellamy-” Aurora says worry evident in her voice when she cups his cheek and picks up his face to look at him “Come on, you should be the one going to bed.”

“I’m fine,mom,I just stood up too fast.”

“Dada!” Gus had hopped off his chair, suddenly very much awake following them as they carefully help Bellamy get to the bunk in the corner “Dada, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, big boy. Go with grandma. She’ll help brush your teeth and then….then put on your PJs, okay?” he instructs, trying to pull himself together just as Clarke helps him sit down. 

“But dada-”

“It’s okay, Gus, let’s give dad a minute.” Aurora quickly reads Bellamy’s intentions. They didn’t want to scary the kid any more than he already was. “Come with me.” she takes his tiny hand, grabs the PJs from his bed and ushers him to the bathroom while Clarke helps Bellamy pull the blankets away and lay down. 

He’s struggling with the pain-it’s too much and too harsh still, the fever and the reopened stitches weren’t helping things either. Neither were the broken ribs that prevented him from taking a proper breath.

She grabs her bag from the table and reaches for her stethoscope, listening to his heart and lungs, then taking in his pulse, flashing a light in his eyes before checking the bandages one last time and helping him adjust more comfortably on the bed.

“Did you eat anything at all today?” he huffs at that as if he’s annoyed she’s even asking him this but her hand ends up on his wrist and squeezes it tightly, demanding an answer. “Bellamy.” she adds, voice getting a somewhat sterner.

“I don’t feel like eating.”

“I don’t care how you feel like. You need this. You can’t recover from a surgery without gaining your strength back and resting and you’re doing neither of those things.” she scolds him quietly so that Gus and Aurora won’t overhear them.

He doesn’t say anything to that, just closes his eyes and grits his teeth so she angrily stands up and marches to the table where Aurora left half of his bowl of beans.

“Where are the spoons?” she asks and he cracks an eye open and bites his lip as if angry and annoyed but knows well enough that he won’t be changing her mind so he just utters a quiet.

“Cupboard to the left under the sink.”

“Thank you.”

_“You’re welcome._ ” he spits out and she almost chuckles at the tone of his voice.

“Don’t be so grumpy now, big guy.” she comes back to him, help him sit up a little straighter in the uncomfortable bed, which when she sat down to, found to be really hard. It was probably just some board and a thin mattress with its springs jutting out.

There was no way he was comfortable lying there. No wonder he said he preferred sitting up in a chair.

She fills up a spoon and brings it to his lips but he’s pretending to be an annoyed stubborn six month old who won’t have his mashed potatoes.

“I can eat on my own.” he mumbles.

“With that hand?” she gestures at his cradled arm “I don’t think so. Come on now.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Don’t make me do the plane thing with you-” she says sternly but she’s actually laughing on the inside. He purses his lips in an even funnier way and she sighs, pretending to be annoyed but instead she picks up the spoon and goes/ 

_“Here comes a little plane-”_

“Okay, okay, fine!” he gives up feeling totally embarrassed and realizing his own childishness at last, opening his mouth and letting her feed him. 

There’s only so little left of the beans and the corn and she knows it won’t do anything to feed a grown hurt man who needs to get his strength back but at least it was something, she told herself.

Or was it really?

She barely fed him ten spoons before the bowl was empty and by the time she was done he was still acting like a grumpy baby but now he was a grumpy baby in even more pain.

What she hates the most is that there’s nothing she can do for him. 

It was a goddamn cycle. He didn’t have painkillers, so he hurt more than he should. Because of that, his recovery was slower. Because of that, he didn’t feel like eating and even if he did, he still gave half of his rations to his little boy who was hungry and in need of as much nutrition as possible because he was growing up. 

And here she was.

Fixing his pillows, helping him lay down while he writhed with pain underneath her flailing hands that couldn’t do shit.

They had no aim, for once…no purpose at all.

It was so unlike her, it made her angry at her core. The sole reason she decided to follow her mother’s footsteps and become a medic was to help people.

She never once thought she’d have to struggle so much with the system and the Ark’s rules. 

She never believed she’d get to threat more Alpha or Mekka or Farm station residents than Factory simply because the latter couldn’t even afford going to medbay in the first place and had to reside to patching themselves up, using strange concoctions they made themselves and praying they don’t die or end up mutilated unable to feed their families.

_**It was wrong.** _

_**It was damn wrong.** _

Just as she’s about to ask him if he needs her to put an extra pillow under his right side to help his shoulder be more comfortable, Gus comes rushing out of the bathroom, dressed in his PJs. 

He’s got his hair carefully combed probably by his grandma, his teeth, as he shows her are flashing white and his hands and face are clean after the mess he left with the beans at dinner.

His PJs are not matching. 

The pants are red and very washed out, resembling sweat pants more than anything and his shirt was a dark blue long sleeved one that had patches on the elbows probably Aurora’s work, with tiny planets stamped all over. 

He smiled when he saw her still there, apparently thinking she must’ve left already, shows her his teeth, his hands and then pointing at “Satuwn” on his PJs. 

Clarke praises him and cups his cheek gently. He leans into her right away, then climbs up in her lap and looks up at her with the warmest and sleepiest of looks until his head turns to his dad who’s lips escape a groan when he tries to find a more comfortable position.

“Dada?” Gus’ voice goes from sweet to worried in the span of seconds. “Dada, you okay?”

“I’m okay.” Bellamy lies with a fake smile that doesn’t fool the kid. He climbs off from Clarke’s lap and craws to his good side, perching up on his knees and looking down at him with worry. 

“It’s fine. Dad just needs to sleep and it’ll be all fine.”

“You lie.” Clarke winces at that “You said so last night but you woke up worse.”

“It’ll be better now. Doctor Griffin fixed me.” Bellamy tries to keep his voice steady but even he’s losing his facade and Gus sees it. “Right?” he seeks her support and gives her a pleading look.

“Absolutely.” she lies with ease and rubs Gus’ back. The kid’s smart, though. Using just words won’t work on him and she knows that 

“But if you want you can help me make it even better.” she nods at the small bowl of water and the clean cloth next to it. 

Gus was a helper, a fixer, just like his dad. He couldn’t sit idle-handed while his dad struggled, so of course, he reaches for the cloth and with Clarke’s help, dips it in the water, then together they squeeze it and Gus carefully places it on his dad’s forehead.

“Better, dada?”

“Much better.” Bellamy promises “Now say goodbye to doctor Griffin and then get to bed.”

“Can I sweep here with you, dada?”

“Gus.” Aurora says softly for the first time since they came out the bathroom. Clarke noticed she’d been busy hanging the rest of the wet clothes she had washed before on the small strings attached to the ceiling. “You’re a big boy now and big boys sleep in their own beds.”

“But gwandma-”

“Is right, Gus.” Bellamy tries softly, though Clarke can see how exhausted he is under the blanket, the pain and fever raging through him mercilessly. 

“No, I wanna stay with you.” Gus whines and before anyone can say something he throws the blanket off and snuggles to his dad’s good side, pressing his tiny back to his and cradling his good arm under his tiny head. 

His previously carefully combed curls spill all over Bellamy’s elbow. 

Bellamy sighs and exchanges a helpless look with his mother.

“You need to get better, dada and you always say I make all the pain go away.” Gus adds, looking up at his dad with big puppy pleading eyes which of course no one can argue against.

Bellamy sighs, leans down and kisses his forehead.

“Fine, but this is the last time.” Clarke knew having him there wasn’t making it any easier on Bellamy. 

The bed was small and uncomfortable enough as it was but when Gus lay down next to his dad, Bellamy had to push himself to the wall so he’d make enough room. 

Clarke assumed the only good thing out of this was that the coldness of the metal wall made his burning body feel a little better but it could also be dangerous and get him sick, so she tucked the blanket wrapping his ribs and leg tightly.

“You should go, it’s close to curfew” Bellamy whispers eyes growing heavy. 

Gus was already almost completely asleep, tiny hands wrapped around his dad’s arm, head resting on his shoulder, knees pulled up to his tiny chest. He was a little bundle next to his big dad’s figure. 

If Clarke had to describe the word safety to someone who’s never heard of it before, she’d simply point at them.

A father holding his son as he slept, the little boy mumbling something under his nose as he snuggled closer and closer, probably because he was feeling a little cold, Bellamy smiling and letting Gus adjust his limbs in whatever way he wanted, his love spilling off of him in waves that reached even Clarke who was simply sitting next to them.

“There are no curfews on Alpha. Not for me anyway.” she hated saying that, sounding so entitled. 

What she meant was simply that doctors and guards had the right to stay out later than everyone else because of the essence of their work.

“Yes but there are curfews in Factory, especially if you have to go back to a different station.” Aurora explains “Moving to other parts of the ship are not allowed after ten. Bellamy’s right, you should go.”

“How did you get here on your own?” Bellamy asks suddenly remembering the fact that she found their place on her own.

“Well uh…I..asked.”

“And someone actually answered you?” Aurora seems even more confused than Bellamy. “I guess Bellamy’s right then.”

“Right about what?”

“That you’re different from the other people in Alpha.”

_“Mom!”_

“What?” Bellamy was blushing and he was blushing so hard that Clarke worried it may actually result in his fever getting worse.

She wasn’t better though, she could feel the tips of her ears burning. 

“Nothing.” he sighs, waving his hand at her but not meeting Clarke’s look, pretending to clearly be more focused on his sleeping son who had started drooling on his hand in the most adorable way. “You need to send her off now. It’s dangerous out there for her.”

“Dangerous how?” they don’t answer, though, instead they exchange a knowing look, clearly choosing to remain quiet about whatever was bothering them instead of sharing it with her.

Maybe she was different from the other Alpha residents but she still lived there and there was no way to ignore that.

“Come on, he’s right. I’ll come with you.” Aurora grabs her jacket from the hanger “I have to get back home too anyway.” Clarke furrows her eyebrows at that clearly confused. She thought Aurora was staying here especially now that Bellamy’s hurt and judging by her look, she was just as frustrated about it.

She asks Bellamy if he has everything he needs for the night, brings him a glass of water by the night stand and adjusts his and Gus’ blankets one last time before she kisses them both on the heads and heads to the door. 

She turns the lights off and the only source remains to be a small lantern put on the bed drawer near their heads. 

Clarke’s eyes linger on them for a moment too long and once again her heart clenches in that uncomfortable almost painful way when you desperately want to do something but you can’t and it just hurts and leaves you hollow with sadness.

She wasn’t sure she even had the right to be sad right now. It felt wrong.

It felt like pity.

And they didn’t deserve it. 

Clarke couldn’t help it though-when she looked at the way Bellamy lay in his small cot all sprayed uncomfortably and grunting whenever he moved with Gus curled up to his side-his little Gus-all sweet and innocent, covered with a blanket in a cold room, she felt once again so helpless.

Aurora gently grabbed her elbow and pulled her to the hallway and if she hadn’t, Clarke’s pretty sure she would’ve stayed there, just looking at them, making sure they’re fine.

She’s not sure when this happened-when Bellamy and Gus snuck under her skin and settled in her heart, making her want to care, to protect them but also…to love them.

They take off down the maze of hallways and Clarke wraps her jacket tightly around herself, feeling as if the temperature dropped even more than when she was on her way to the Blakes.

Aurora’s quiet for a while, throwing her curious looks until she finally speaks up.

“You care about my son.” she states when they take a turn and reach the big gate separating Factory from Mekka. 

Clarke had to cross that too before she got home to Alpha but she can already tell by just being there that the place was warmer than Factory’s freezing hallways.

She doesn’t deny it, isn’t sure what to say-will Aurora judge her for it? Will she tell her to stay away? Keep her distance? Is she against Bellamy and Gus having her as a friend?

“I do.” she admits even if a little scared of Aurora’s reaction.

But all the older woman does is reach out for her and squeeze her arm in support.

“That’s good. He could use a friend.”

She gives her one short nod before she smiles and leaves back to Factory’s freezing living quarters.

Clarke stands there a little dumbfounded, still unable to get the picture of Bellamy and Gus curled up on the bed, off her mind when she hears the voice of the guard near the doors call her.

“Miss, you should really keep going. Curfew’s just about to set.”

She nods and commands her legs to move, showing the guard her ID and number badge, noticing how he immediately straightens his posture and gets more polite before he lets her pass.

Deep down even if Clarke doesn’t want to admit it to herself, she wishes he had stopped, told her she can’t come through till tomorrow, that she had to stay in Factory just so she could go back to that tiny place and hold Bellamy’s hand through the night, make sure Gus is sleeping sound and his dad’s fine.

But she keeps walking and with every step she takes, she feels like she’s getting further away from them.

And herself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments and the support! I didn't expect anyone to read this! To those of you who are now entering this world, things can be cute but also they can be pretty harsh so prepare!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

“Dada, dada, stop!!!” Gus squirmed in his arms as Bellamy tickled him. 

The kid had climbed up on his chair while Bellamy was trying to eat his own meager rations, impatiently waiting for his dad to be done so they could _play._

Gus had finished his dinner just mere minutes ago and was supposedly going to draw while Bellamy ate his but as usually, he had sneaked behind his back, climbed on the chair and then on his back,placed his tiny hands on his dad’s eyes and said:

“Eat now dada!” which made Bellamy chuckle before he found him and started tickling him.

It was their game of sorts. 

Gus liked climbing up on his like a monkey on a branch. 

For him his dad was a big strong man, _“like a twee”_ as he liked saying and Gus was swinging off his arms and back or even neck like a tiny koala bear. 

Bellamy knew his son craved affection, especially in the evening after a long day of them not seeing each other, so he tried his best to make up for it, to show him love and affection, to play with him even if he was tired and could barely move, to give him all he could.

Now he was tickling him as Gus ended up on his lap and Bellamy used his good hand to tease his tummy and arm pits. 

It has been two weeks since Clarke came by their place to check on him after he tore his stitches. 

He had seen her four times since then-twice every week when he went to medbay for physical therapy. 

He was supposed to go there four times a week but again, of course because of the Ark rules, he was only allowed two free visits. 

If he wanted more he had to pay for it with rations which he didn’t have. 

Clarke had offered to swing by in the evenings and lend him a hand, help him without pay, off hours, but he had refused. 

Despite her good heart, he couldn’t ask that of her. 

He had noticed the dark circles under her eyes, the way she also sometimes swung on her feet when she stood too fast and he had overheard her talk to her colleague Jackson while waiting in the hallway in medbay, who scolded her for overworking herself and not eating enough.

Apparently she was very bad at taking care of herself even though as a doctor, she knew how dangerous dehydration and skipped meals could be.

Bellamy saw a different side of her in those past weeks and they had grown even closer. 

Of course, there was still that unspoken line they never crossed-it was visible as much as they tried to blur it with kind words and friendly talks but still…Clarke was kind, gentle. 

She strove so hard to help him no matter what and she pushed him to get better as much as she scolded him to take it easy. 

Under her guiding, his arm had gotten better and fast but she was angry that he couldn’t afford more PT hours. She wanted better for him, needed to help him even if his progress was quite good. 

He did indeed feel better, he had gotten rid of his sling and he could raise his arm above his head without feeling as much as a tug on his shoulder. 

Secretly, he tested himself, slowly and patiently started lifting heavy stuff to see how much he could carry on with that arm. 

Gus was his easiest subject for the task. 

He’d swing him from one arm to the other, test his flexibility and he did well but…sometimes at night after he had exerted himself too much during the day he hurt, and the pain, though not as strong as it had been before, kept him awake at night.

He had to turn in bed, try to find a good position to sleep in so it doesn’t bother him too much, but it was there.

Clarke had noticed something was off, so she pushed him to admit if it hurt and when he did, she told him it was normal, that it’d take some time before it felt okay, said it may even stay with him for years since it wasn’t just a one time injury but it would fade to a dull pain that he could manage.

Still, she insisted he took the rest of the month to recover completely and every time he went there she gave him a complete check up, still worried over his blood pressure that variate from being very low to getting too high especially in the morning and the evening which bothered her and made her prescribe him blood pressure medication that he had not yet bought because of the lack of ration points.

The Ark, apparently, had different plans for him than Clarke Griffin.

“Dada, dada!!!” Gus squirmed again in his arms “Stop!!!”

“I can’t stop! I’m the tickle monster and you had woken me up!” he said ignoring the yellow piece of paper that he got delivered earlier this morning and that was now sprayed out on the metal table next to Gus’ empty bowl and his school notebooks. 

_“No,no!!! Pwease stop!”_

“Mmmm, no can do! I’m a hungry monster. I have not eaten in a thousand years and I need to be fed on children’s laughter!” Bellamy said voice lower and a little hoarse, sounding just like a real monster, making Gus squirm even more in his arms. 

He felt a tug at the back of his shoulder and tightened his grip on the kid so he doesn’t drop him. 

“Nooo, no!!!!” Gus flails his hand as he laughs in that child’s innocent adorable way that filled the air with pure joy “How do I stop you monstew?”

“You kiss me and rub my nose, little child!”

“I’m not wittle!” Gus pretends to be offended but moves up and kisses his dad on the cheek before rubbing his nose against his. 

Bellamy stops his teasing movements and pulls him to his chest.

“Hmmm, I feel better now. Satisfied.” he says “I won’t tease you anymore, little boy.”

“I’m not wittle!” Gus protests again sitting up in Bellamy’s lap and raising his little arms, bending them and showing his dad his supposed “muscles” “See!”

Bellamy pokes them with his finger and pretends to be focusing on the seriousness of the situation.

“You’re right, you’re strong!” Gus smiles and then his eyes fall on Bellamy’s big biceps.

“Not as you, dada.” he tries to squeeze his dad’s big arm in his tiny fingers “You’re stronger.”

“One day you will be too.” Bellamy promises and leans down to kiss his forehead “For that you need to eat your algae, though and not just your beans and potatoes.” Gus makes a disgusted face at his dad and Bellamy almost laughs.

Gus sighs and leans his face on his dad’s chest, reaching to fumble with the buttons of his plaid shirt that had too many holes in it. 

“Also-remember what we talked about-” Bellamy reminds him as he picks up his spoon and eats some of the mashed potatoes and carrots Aurora left for them tonight “Strength is not just in the arms, it’s also-”

“In the heawt!” Gus exclaims and Bellamy nods proudly. He notices Gus is eyeing his spoon and raises an eyebrow. “Gus, are you still hungry?”

“Noooooope” he always prolong the answer when he lied and refused to look him in the eyes “Not hungwy, dada”

“Hm…are you sure?” he had had just a little bowl of the same thing and since he didn’t ask for more and drank his milk and tea, Bellamy assumed he had enough, especially since he got playful and energetic as well.

But now he was starting to doubt it. His son may be little but he was smart-he overheard them talking about rations, he knew they didn’t have much and he wanted to spare his dad worries.

It made Bellamy hate the system even more. 

His son wasn’t even four and he was already worrying about having enough food. 

Gus just nods but Bellamy notices how his eyes fall to the bowl and the way he swallows hard like he’s just itching for more. Potatoes were his favorite, always had been, so Bellamy picked up his spoon and filled it up.

“Tell you what, I’m not hungry anymore, do you want to finish this for me while I fix our bed, huh?”

“But dada, you-”

“Gus, son-” Bellamy pushes him to his chest and tilts his head up so he’s looking him in the eyes “We’ve talked about lying right? How it’s not a good thing.”

“No, dada, not good.” Gus agrees with a serious nod, brows furrowed in concentration, trying to grasp his dad’s point.

“Exactly. So are you lying to me now? Are you hungry?” Gus bows his head down and fiddles with his hands.

“A little.” he finally lets out as if ashamed that he’s being honest. 

Bellamy grits his teeth, closes his eyes briefly and tries to gather all his strength and tame his anger- _this wasn’t right, God this wasn’t right._

His son should eat healthy, his son should not go to bed with stomach half empty.

“I’m full.” he says after a moment “Come on-finish this and I’ll give you a few biscuits too, how does that sound?” 

“Are you sure, dada?” he asks as Bellamy lifts him up from his lap and sits him on his chair, pushing him closer to the table and handing him his own tiny spoon.

“Absolutely, come on now.” Gus doesn’t seem too convinced and that breaks Bellamy’s heart even more but he picks his spoon and starts eagerly destroying the rest of Bellamy’s ration. 

He blabs while he eats, tells Bellamy some about his day while his dad uses the time to fix his bed. 

He’d normally let Gus sleep in his own little cot but the past weeks had been extremely cold. 

Temperatures usually dropped this time around and Factory always had the worst heating which meant almost non-existent at all. 

They turned it on in the living quarters for about two hours in the morning and supposedly four in the evening but after that they lowered it to a point where you had to press your hand to the radiator to feel anything at all and even then, it was barely there.

Bellamy still remembers how when Gus was a baby after Gina died, he wrapped him in a bunch of blankets and pushed his tiny body there between the radiator and his own chest-that’s how the kid slept, that was his cradle.

Now it happened sometimes too, he was forced to take off the mattresses and put them on the ground, push Gus’ one to the only radiator they had and sleep on the floor on the other side himself just to make sure the kid doesn’t freeze to death.

It hadn’t been as extreme so far but Bellamy knew at some point they’ll have to reside to this too. 

He always worried a lot when this happened because last year it was one of the reasons Gus got so sick in the first place and so now Bellamy woke up every hour or so like clockwork, checking on Gus’ body temperature-feeling his tiny feet and arms, sneaking his hand under his PJs on the back, to make sure he’s warm enough.

“Dada, what does this say?” Gus asked pointing at the yellow piece of paper on the table while munching on the biscuits Bellamy had given him just now before taking their bowls to the sink and rinsing them with cold water.

“It says dad has to go back to work on Monday.” he says patiently and wipes his hand clean before coming back to the table and helping Gus off “Come on now, teeth, face, PJs and bed.” Gus runs to the bathroom and Bellamy follows swiftly, deciding to get ready with him tonight since they were going to bed together.

Gus pushes the tiny chair he used to climb up so he could reach the sink and carefully steps on it before rolling his sleeves and turning on the sink. 

Bellamy helps him adjust the water, even though it’s almost entirely cold and then Gus cleans his face.

“But I thought you won’t go to work for a month, dada. Has it been a month?”

“No,son, it’s been two weeks.”

“So how come you have to go?” he stops and lets Bellamy help him squeeze some soap on his hands and clean them and his face up. 

“Clean your mouth well, Gus” he instructs before answering “It’s just how the law is, son. I am needed, so I have to go.”

“But your arm-”

“Is fine. Doctor Griffin fixed me up, remember?” he promises as he gives him the brush and squeezes some toothpaste for him, handing it over and watching as he brushed.

Meanwhile Bellamy picks his own and gets on it himself. They were sweet like this both of them looking each other in the old smoky mirror, Gus rubbing his teeth with care and Bellamy tiredly leaning on the sink over him. 

“Come on spit and rinse.” Bellamy instructs and Gus follows right up.

When they’re done, Bellamy grabs the brush from the cupboard on the left and starts combing Gus’ curls, trying to tame them if just a bit which was a hopeless affair, one he was aware of from experience, yet still…Gus liked that ritual so he stood still and watched as his dad carefully did it.

“Dada, I don’t want you to go back to work.” Bellamy stops combing his hair and tilts his head at Gus who looks shy and embarrassed again.

“Why so?”

“I…I don’t want you to get hurt again.” it spills out of him so fast and yet so innocent it blows Bellamy off, feels like a punch to the stomach.

He actually has to grip the side of the sink and brace himself for the talk.

He takes in a deep breath before he kneels down and makes Gus turn around and face him. 

This way with the kid still up on his chair, they were at the same eye level which is what Bellamy wanted in the first place.

“Gus, dad will be fine.” he starts and even though he commands his voice to come as strong and steady, it still shakes a little. “I need to go back to work so I can buy us things, get us food, save for a present for your birthday.”

“I don’t want a present if you’re not healthy, dada.” Gus protests and Bellamy’s heart shatters at that.

“I’ll be fine.” 

“Can you promise?” Bellamy winces at that, bows his head down and looks away for a moment.

_What was he supposed to do here?_

Be honest with his son-tell him that he can’t promise him anything, that injuries happened all the time, that every day he goes to work, he’s not sure he’ll come back at all? 

That he’ll be there to pick him up from day care? That he has scenarios in his head much similar to the one that happened to him with Gina where Gus’ kindergarten teacher comes and tells him his dad’s been in an accident and is dead.

Bellamy wakes up drowning in cold sweat almost every night because of those.

Or was he supposed to lie to him? 

Tell him that yes, he can promise that nothing bad will happen and let him live in a fantasy world, praying to whatever god was out there that he’ll be fine and he won’t die before his son is at least old enough to take care of himself?

But how was he supposed to be an example for his son if he lied? How was he to teach him to be honest if he didn’t tell him the truth himself?

“No.” he finally lets out and looks up at Gus’ sad eyes that are filling with tears “I can’t promise you that I won’t get hurt ever again.” Gus sniffles and a few of the tears roll down his cheeks “But-” he reaches up and squeezes his tiny arms in his big ones “I can promise you that I’ll be careful.”

Gus doesn’t say anything to that at first, just keeps sniffling and raising his tiny fists to wipe away his tears.

“I don’t want to lose you, dada. I don’t want you to go in the stars with mama.”

_“I won’t_. I won’t go!” Bellamy assures as he pulls him to his chest and hugs him tightly. 

He feels his tears spill all over his shirt and it feels like Gus’ sadness was a river flowing directly to his heart, filling it with his little son’s sadness and fears. Fears Bellamy had himself. 

“Listen now-” he pulled Gus away and cupped his tiny face. “Last time it only got worse because I didn’t listen to you and grandma when you told me to go see doctor Clarke. Now I promise that if I feel bad, if something hurts, we’ll go right away. You and I. And if I don’t, you have the right to be angry with me, okay?”

Gus nods and looks at him for a long while, tears still streaming down his cheeks, his tiny sobs and hiccups still present, but Bellamy wipes them away from his face and moves up to kiss his forehead.

“It’ll be alright, Gus.” He doesn’t say anything just jumps in his arms and wraps his tiny hands around his neck.

“Don’t let go, dada.” he whispers “Please don’t let go.”

“I won’t, son. I never will!” he rubs his hand up and down his small cold back “Dad will hold you for as long as you want me to.”

“Gus wants forever.” he whispers still hiccuping just barely. Bellamy never even suspected the news of him going back to work would be so hard for Gus to grasp. 

“Then forever it is.” Bellamy promises holding him tight and peppering his cheeks with kisses until he breaks the tiniest smiles out of Gus. “What do you say tomorrow we go to the black market together, huh? We have to pick you a shirt and new jeans for the Unity Days celebration anyway.”

“But I thot we got no points for new clothes.” Gus’ voice goes sluggish and he leans into his dad’s chest looking up at him with big bright still glassy eyes. 

“I have some saved just for this.”

“But you didn’t know Miss Karen will pick me.” that was true. 

Every year twenty four kids from the stations day cares were chosen to represent their part of the Ark in the Unity Days celebration. 

A boy and a girl from each station had to carry a flag and recite the story of the Ark coming together a hundred years ago. 

Bellamy was never a fan of the Unity days celebration-it meant more work for him-more electricity problems and more things to patch up, extra shifts to fill so that the machines worked 24 hours instead of just 8 and the Alpha, Mekka and Hydra-the superior stations, can have the time of their lives while he and his coworkers worked themselves to the ground. 

This year Gus was chosen alongside a girl called Darcy to be the representatives of Factory as they were the best in their class. 

Bellamy was proud of his son and he liked boasting around with him but it was for a good reason-Gus was smart. 

Actually pretty smart for his age. 

In part that was thanks to Bellamy who’d read to him since he was a baby. When Gus was two he was talking like he was four and he still had some peers who wouldn’t be able to utter more than five words and string them in a semblance of a sentence. 

Bellamy would sit him down every evening put him on his lap and teach him stuff in the form of games. They’d draw and he’d ask him the colors, make him remember them, or he’ll draw him letters and ask him to pronounce them, then he’d let him down and play with him around the room and question him stuff like:

_“What color’s the blanket? And Gus’ eyes? What’s grandma’s letter? The first letter of her name? Good boy.”_

Gus loved learning, so it wasn’t as if Bellamy was pushing him. He asked questions all the time, questions Bellamy himself had a hard time answering like: 

_“How does the Ark stay in the sky? How old is Earth, dada? Can we ever go back? What about the sun, dada, how old is the sun?”_

He was quick to memorize things and was very close to reading on his own. 

He’d ask his dad to read him from _the Iliad_ every night and he’d repeat some passages by heart before Bellamy had even turned the page. 

It was no wonder Miss Karen picked him.

“I had a feeling, so I started saving.” Bellamy runs his fingers through his curls and kisses his nose once more. “Come on now, PJs. Do you want to put them on your own or should I help?”

“On my own!” Gus exclaims as he starts taking his jeans off and pulling on his blue sweatpants. 

“Keep the t-shirt on, it’s cold tonight.” Bellamy instructs while he changes from his black canvas pants into the thin paper-like grey pants Gina got him years ago after their wedding. 

“Off you go now. Put the chair back where it belongs.” Gus hops off and drags the tiny metal chair under the sink waiting patiently for his dad to get done. 

He sits on the floor, wrapping his arms around his leg while Bellamy applies some Miracle rub over his sore shoulder and tries not to wince too much.

“Need help, dada?”

“I think I got it, big boy.” Bellamy promises before throwing his shirt back on and leaning down to pick Gus up. 

The kid wraps around him like a monkey on a branch and he gets softer and more sluggish with every passing second. Bellamy carefully pulls the blankets aside and lays them down. 

Gus climbs up on his stomach and sprays over his dad like a blanket himself which makes Bellamy chuckle. The kid is barely keeping his eyes opened at this point.

“How many blankets, Gus?”

“One.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm, you warm, dada” he says wrapping his tiny arms tighter around Bellamy’s chest but Bellamy doesn’t really believe him so he picks up his tiny hand and finds it freezing cold, so he puts it between his and blows some air to warm them up. 

Gus wiggles in his arms, protests that it tickles but Bellamy keeps rubbing his tiny fingers and checks out his feet and back which are also freezing so he throws an extra blanket over them and tucks it tight around Gus.

“Your mama used to say I’m a furnace.”

“What’s that?” Gus asks sleepily tucking his head under his dad’s chin. “A fuwnace?”

“It’s like a big warm heater. We have one here in Factory. It spreads the warmth through the radiators in our compartments.”

“So like the sun but fake.” Bellamy smiles at his son’s comment.

“Not fake but rather man-made.” Gus hmms at that and yawns a little as Bellamy keeps rubbing his hand up and down his back.

“I think we need a bigger fuwnace in Factory.” Gus mumbles “It’s always cold here.” Bellamy wraps his arms tighter around him and prays it won’t get worse throughout the night.

“Are you cold, dada?”

“You keep me warm, son.” he promises wrapping the blanket tighter around them and taking Gus’ hand in his again. 

His kid squirms a little in his arms again and though he yawns once more, Bellamy knows he’s not yet going to fall. 

“Dada, remember how I wanted to be a space walker when I grow up, so I can see the stars and be close to mama?”

“Mhm.” Bellamy was starting to feel the sleep on his own eyes that felt heavy.

“I think I changed my mind.”

“How come?”

“I want to be a medic like Clarke and help people from Factory that get hurt.” Bellamy’s voice got stuck in his throat, tears pickled in his eyes. 

For a moment, his hand stopped rubbing Gus’ back-he needed a minute to compose himself.

“That’s…that’s really nice, Gus.” he finally whispers back leaning down to kiss the top of his head “You know dad will support you no matter what, right?” Gus looks up at him with big brown eyes filled with hope and innocence before he nods and snuggles back under his chin.

“I love you, dada.”

“Love you too, son.” Bellamy tightens his grip and soon enough Gus’ eyes close, his mouth opens up and he starts drooling over his dad’s shirt. 

His body goes slack and the hold on Bellamy’s sides eases up.

He doesn’t wake up through the night.

Not even when he rolls over to Bellamy’s side and wraps his hands around his arm in his sleep. 

Not even when Bellamy wakes up to check if he’s warm enough and upon finding his hands and back cold again, he pulls up one of his own sweaters and wraps him in it like a baby in a really big blanket. 

Gus loved when Bellamy let him wear his clothes so in the morning when he finally opened up his eyes and found himself tucked under his dad’s good arm, pressed to his side, he wiggles his feet and feels the enormity of the cloth wrapped around him, the three blankets and the extra pair of socks his dad put on him.

But when he reaches with his tiny hand and touches his dad’s cheek to wake him up, he finds it cold and his face falls.

His dad was no longer a furnace.

***

Clarke was trying to find her way through the crowd while holding up the bag full of cupcakes in one hand. 

The black market was full this Saturday, more full than it usually was, even though Factory’s one was famous and drew crowds from all the other stations as it had the best merchandise to sell and the most traders. 

Some of the things Clarke had seen being sold here would make some of Alpha’s residents growl with envy which is why she and Wells liked sneaking in here, ever since they were children. 

Back then they’d dress up so they don’t draw attention-the chancellor’s son was a target on any good day and she was a councilwoman’s daughter so she wasn’t someone to ignore either but now when people from all stations flooded Factory’s big mess hall every Saturday, she didn’t have to hide who she was. 

It was normal now-everyone knew this was the best place to find something rare you’re looking for or buy something you need on a cheaper price. 

Clarke herself enjoyed it most for the Farm station boots which were always bountiful in various food and most of all-sweet treats that they would only show and sell here-you couldn’t buy them every day, not even in Alpha, no matter how many rations you had, but now-now she could get anything her heart desired and Wells never said no to her when she dragged him here, knowing that denying Clarke her sweets was equal to suicide.

But now he had to leave early, having being called into an urgent Guard meeting so she was trying to find a quieter corner, maybe a bench when she heard familiar voices.

“Gus, hold still, big boy, we need to try this on.”

“But dada, the pencils!”

“Do you want to look good for the Unity Days celebration?” Clarke was already making her way towards the voice when after pushing a few people away and mumbling a couple of quiet apologies, she found herself near a clothing booth with Bellamy kneeling before Gus holding up a nice blue plaid shirt and a pair of pretty decent black jeans. 

“But-” Gus was about to protest when his head turned up and his eyes locked on her, making his frown turn into a sweet smile. “Clarke!” he screamed, letting go of his dad’s hand and rushing to her only to end up crashing in her legs. 

“Hey, sweet cheeks!” she greeted him running her hands through his curls. “What are you doing here?”

“Dada’s buying me clothes for Unity days! I’ll be holding the flag with Darcy and recite!”

“Oh wow, that’s amazing!” she looks up at Bellamy who’s now approaching them wearing the same shy but sweet smile “Your dad must be so proud.”

“He is, but he’s also exasperated because this little ball of energy won’t stop for two seconds so we could try this shirt on” Bellamy announces and suddenly he becomes very aware once again of the way he’s dressed. 

He never understood why he got so self-conscious around her, why he was so embarrassed of his old full of holes shirt or his torn up shoes and washed out trousers. 

If Clarke noticed how he looked she never commented on it and in all honesty, he didn’t think she did. 

She was always so genuine in her reactions, always so warm-she never spared a second glance at his clothes. 

He wondered if she’d still look at him the same way if she saw him after work-his hands covered in oil and cuts-blood mixing with dirt, his jumpsuit full of fresh tears and black spots, his face dark from the saw of the machines, his hair wet from the heat and sweat.

“Sowwy, dada!” Gus apologizes but grabs Clarke’s hand and pulls her back to the booth where the owner is giving them a curious but also somewhat angry look.

“Are you buying this or not?” the man who Bellamy actually knew as Kevin and who went to school with him back when they were kids, asks.

“I think it’ll fit him. How much is it?” Bellamy sighs when he realizes he won’t be able to make Gus hold still to try it on. 

He was already too enthusiastic, begging to be picked up by Clarke, who of course indulged him and who suddenly fell into deep and serious conversation with him about the stars.

“Thirty points.”

“What? Are you crazy? It’s second hand, I’m not giving thirty points for that.” Bellamy raised his voice and put it back on the table where the rest of the clothes were so carefully folded together. 

This was two weeks of rations for them,he couldn’t spent it on just a shirt.

“Fine, fifteen for the shirt and ten for the jeans.” Kevin decides and Bellamy shakes his head at that-he didn’t have those kind of resources. 

Not with missing work for almost three weeks. 

“Hey, maybe I can help some-” he hadn’t noticed when Clarke approached them again, Gus up in her arms, leaning over her chest and sucking on his thumb like he did when he was happy. 

She was already pulling out her card, ready to pay Kevin when Bellamy raised his hand.

“No” his voice came way too rude even to his own ears. Clarke’s face twisted in pain at it and he immediately regretted it “I’m sorry…I know you want to but this is something I need to take care of myself.” Clarke nods and he notices the way Gus’ face falls a little as if he knows Bellamy can’t afford the clothes.

He liked them, Bellamy knew he did, he noticed the way he eyed the shirt. He was tired of wearing clothes with holes and pants that didn’t fit him anymore. 

Gus craved what every child did-to be normal.

So Bellamy swallowed hard and turned back to Kevin. He knew the guy, he was a weasle, who always tried to get away with things. 

He didn’t work at any of the the factories even though he was from the station and how he got that business at all was a mystery for Bellamy but he knew he had to be careful with him-those were the people who could tell off the guard if you spoke against the chancellor and have you deprived of rations for three months.

Kevin loved the thrill of a driving a good bargain, so that’s what he was going to give him.

“Ten for the shirt and seven for the jeans.” he started and Kevin’s face stretched in a smile.

“You work in the machine department right?” Kevin said crossing his arms over his chest with a winning look in his eyes “You wield things?” Bellamy nods furrowing his eyebrows, not really seeing where he was going with that.

“I’ll give them both for twenty five if you come today after I’m done here and fix my radiator. There’s also a patch on the ceiling that needs to be covered up.”

Bellamy’s about to open his mouth and agree when Clarke comes by his side and reaches for the hand he was about to stretch out in a handshake to Kevin to seal the deal.

Her touch is electrifying on his skin and he commands himself not to jump.

“He’s not working now.” her voice is cold and steady and when Bellamy turns to look at her he finds her glaring at him angrily while holding up Gus in her arms who was still letting himself be pampered by her hand running through his curls. 

“Yes, I am.” Bellamy cuts her off and her eyes widen at that. 

It’s true he had made great progress in the past two weeks but she had noticed even today the way he kept his arm bend and close to his chest and how when he had reached to grab Gus’ shoulder and keep him still, he had winced.

He hadn’t recovered yet.

“Bellamy-”

“Clarke, I got this.” he stands before her whispering, noticing the way that Kevin was eyeing her. 

No matter how open and welcoming to the other station this black market was, he wasn’t entirely sure how safe Clarke was out here in the open.

Let alone arguing with a man from Factory who had been glaring at her with hatred from the moment she came by Bellamy’s side.

This wasn’t looking good for either one of them. 

In the eyes of Factory people he was probably looking like a traitor, talking to the enemy princess of Alpha and even if that wasn’t the case…then there were always the Arrowheads which he definitely didn’t want to target Clarke who had been nothing but helpful and friendly to him and Gus.

He shivers when he thinks about them. 

He’s had a few encounters with the group when they’ve tried recruiting young kids like him who had just started working in Factory, fresh out of school, with no promises and hopes for the future but to work themselves to the ground until they die. 

He had seen a certain appeal back then, in fact he even went to one of their meetings but then Aurora had found out and she had been so furious, she had grabbed him by the collar and dragged him home, giving him a speech he still remembers.

He was still a kid then, barely eighteen. The Arrowheads were one of the oldest groups in all of the stations that was fighting against the terror of the Ark and the chancellor.

It started out as just thirteen men from Factory many years ago who led a strike and demanded better conditions. 

The chancellor back then caught them, floated everyone but their leader who he lynched publicly with electric shock lashes and then threw in jail until he killed himself just weeks later. 

Their descendants continued the believes of their parents, though and soon enough people from some of the other, so called “lower” stations like Arrow and Farm joined too.

The Ark and the chancellor never officially admitted that the group still exists. According to the official statements, it was destroyed all those many years ago by the first chancellor and any public talk of the Arrowheads would equal punishment. 

But they very much so existed and even though they took a big blow back then when the big fire that took Gina’s life happened, they have been rising from the ashes in the past six months, stirring the waters and causing trouble for Alpha and all the councilors.

Their most recent act against the Ark’s rule was kidnapping one of the councilmen’s sons-a fifteen year old boy called Jonah, beating him up and tying him to a column in one of the coldest parts in Factory station as a way to show the chancellor that they were freezing to death and he was letting it happen.

Naturally, the chancellor’s and guards version were that this was a prank. The boy had gotten drunk on moonshine and tied by his friends who then realized curfew was too close so they left him there in order to get home on time.

Factory, of course, knew better. Some people rejoiced when they saw the kid tied to the column in the early hours of the day when they were heading to work. Some even spat at him and cursed. The kid was weeping by the time the guards came to cut the ropes and Bellamy almost felt bad for him.

Until he remembered he slept in his own room every night, in nice sheets and comfortable pillow, with the heat turn on to a boiling point after having eaten a three course dinner. 

And then his pity disappeared and was instead replaced by anger.

Anger, that however he was good at taming. He hated the way they lived but there was nothing he could do about it, let alone join a gang of idiots who thought they could change the world-this was dangerous and stupid. 

The chancellor would never fall, things in Factory can never change and getting angry was only making things worse for him.

And Gus.

He’d never risk his life and leave Gus alone to chase a dream that will never happen. 

He had to raise his son and raise him well, help him get the education that he wanted and send him off to a better station where he’d have a good life. 

“Dada’s not lying, he’s going back to work next week!” Gus exclaims as he pulls away from Clarke and steadies his tiny body by putting his hands on her shoulders. 

“What?” he can see the anger in her eyes and he knows this will lead to another one of their arguments but this time it’d have to wait.

He needed to get her off of Kevin’s eyes.

“Why don’t you and Gus go take a walk and I’ll join you in a minute?” Bellamy suggests reaching out to squeeze Clarke’s elbow in a quiet request. 

Thankfully, she gets what he means, sighs and gives him a small nod. 

“Come on, Clarke, I want to see the drawing booth!” Gus jumps off of her arms and starts tugging her somewhere down the long row of tiny shops and tables that served as counters.

Clarke lets herself be dragged by the kid but her eyes remain on Bellamy for a moment, even when he turns his back to her and starts talking to the merchant once again, arguing graciously about the price. 

Something told her that deep down this wasn’t just about clothes for Gus but she couldn’t figure out why Bellamy seemed so adamant to get rid of her.

And work? He couldn’t go back to work! Not yet! Not if she had a say in it.

“Come on, Clarke, come on!” Gus kept blabbing as he tugged her down the narrow path between the booths. He was enthusiastically blabbing until they came to a halt and she almost bumped into him. When her eyes fell on the women behind the booth, her lips stretched in a smile.

“Cassandra.” the older woman smiled softly at her.

“Clarke”

“You know each other!” Gus exclaims when he sees them exchange a small friendly hug over the table where Cassandra sold various sorts of drawing materials-brushes, pencils, markers, paints, even notebooks and sheets. 

She had everything from the newest and untouched sets of pencils to small used rubbers or pastels that she sold for just a few ration points. 

Clarke had known her since she was a kid when her and Wells sneaked out here. She had befriended the woman over the years of buying things from her and now every time she came to Factory’s black market, she made sure to look for her.

But she had no idea Gus knew who she was either.

“And I see you know my favorite client.” Cassandra says, reaching out to ruffle Gus’ curls. 

He perches up on the table and his eyes fall on the small used pencils that were barely just a few inches long.

“I thought I was your favorite client!” Clarke protests in a joking manner and the older woman laughs wholeheartedly. 

Cassandra was from Arrow station that though the smallest, prouded themselves with being of artistic kind. 

They produced paper, paints both for drawing and cloth coloring. They were musicians, actors, writers in other words-they made life on the Ark a hell of a lot more bearable even if no one else admitted it out loud.

“Fine, you both are.” the older woman said genuinely.

“How do you know each other?” Gus asks tilting his head at Clarke while picking up one of the yellow pencil _“leftovers”_ as Factory liked calling them and holding it like the world depended on it. 

“Well Clarke had been coming to me since she was a little older than you.” Cassandra says “She always bought things from me and asked me for advice on how to get better at drawing.”

“She’s the best! She drew me some stuff and I put them on my wall.”

“You did?” Clarke asks surprised, not knowing that piece of information when Gus nods eagerly. 

“Dada helped me.”

“And how do you know Clarke?” Cassandra asks leaning over so she can be closer to Gus’ eye level.

“She’s our doctor! She fixes me and dada when we’re sick. One day I’ll grow up and be a medic like her.” Clarke raises her eyebrow again, feeling her heart beat out of her chest with love for this boy. 

She kneels down and leans over, kissing his cheek and rubbing her thumb under his eye.

“You’re a good boy, Gus.” he blushes a little and jumps in her arms again, letting her raise them both up and snuggling in her embrace like he always fit there. “Now what should we get?”

“I twink dada can get me only one pencil this time.” Gus says rubbing the back of his head and wiggling out of Clarke’s embrace once more. He takes another peak at the small pencils and curiously shoves them aside. “Do you have orange?”

“Hmm, I think I have one here but it’s more than five points.” she shows him a middle size pencil and Gus shakes his head.

“No.” Clarke’s heart breaks at the way he just accepts he can’t have this because he knows his dad can’t afford it “Yellow then?”

“I think I have some here in the back, wait a moment.” Cassandra turns their back to them and starts looking for pencils in one of her metal boxes. 

Meanwhile Gus perks up again and stares at everything he sees on the table. His eyes widen as if he’s seen a table filled with every meal on the Ark and he swallows hard.

_Clarke’s heart breaks._

“How do you like these?” she asks him when she notices his eyes fall on the water color paints in the corner-a set with twelve colors and two brushes. 

Gus shrugs a little and lets his tiny hands leave the table as he averts his head to the ground. Clarke’s smarter, though, so she picks them up and takes a look at them before handing them over to him.

He never picks them up.

As if he knows that if he does, it’d only make it more painful because he can never have them.

“I’ve never tried water color.” he finally mumbles and when he looks up his eyes go wide at the sight of them in their perfect white little box. 

“Gus, we’re friends, right?” Clarke asks a moment later kneeling down to his level and picking up his chin. Gus nods and smiles a little. “And friends help each other, right?”

“I guess…”

“Good.” Clarke cups his cheek briefly before moving back up “Cassandra-” she calls after her “We’ll take these.” she waves the water color set “That notebook over there too, please.”

“Clarke, no! What are you doing? That’s too much!” Gus exclaims as he wraps his hands around her legs. “Dada will be mad.”

“Let me handle your dad.” Clarke strokes his head as she takes out her rations card and hands it to Cassandra, asking her to add a small set of ten pencils, a fresh rubber and a sharpener (Gus chooses it to be green after Clarke prods him ten times to pick the one he likes most). 

The older woman wraps them in a paper back and hands it to Gus who seems perplexed.

“I can’t take it, Clarke.” he mumbles.

“Yes you can and you will.” Gus shakes his head at that “You deserve it. You have been working very hard and you’re going to represent your station at Unity days. That’s worth a present from your friend who’s proud of you.” Gus’ eyes light up at that.

“Youw pwoud of me?”

“Of course, I am, Gus.” she finds a lose curl on his forehead and tucks it aside so he can see her better. 

Bellamy had said he needs to cut his hair but Gus refused to-he liked it long and messy. That, and he was afraid of the scissors. 

“Now take it.” 

Gus has just wrapped his arms around the package and held it to his chest like a precious stuffed toy when Bellamy reappears red-faced and seemingly very annoyed but with a package of his own tucked under his arm pit which meant he succeeded in convincing Kevin to sell him the clothes at a reasonable price.

“What happened?” Clarke asks as she stands back up and fixes her shirt, suddenly self-conscious of being around Bellamy. 

“He drove a hard bargain but I agreed to fix his radiator tonight if-” Bellamy’s eyes fall on Gus and the package and considering where they’re standing, he quickly connects the dots “What’s that?”

“Clarke gave me a pwesent for making it to the Unity Days celebration!” Gus exclaims happy and picks the bag up, showing it to his dad. 

Bellamy swallows hard, his vision goes dark for a moment and he sways a little on his feet, for once the reason, though, wasn’t because he hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. 

“She said she’s proud of me!” Gus adds and Bellamy commands himself to breathe but his heart beats so loud in his ears he feels like passing out. He opens up his mouth to say something but instead he sways again and feels Clarke’s steady hand on his elbow, keeping him upright.

“Bellamy-” she whispers and his head snaps to her.

If there was a way for her to get herself floated in that moment, she would’ve because the look in Bellamy’s eyes was not just anger and resentment.

It was also disappointment. 

“Dada, you okay?” Gus tugs at his pants, demanding his attention, suddenly worried about him “Do you hurt again?”

“No…no, I don’t hurt.” he croaks out, voice coming high pitched and broken. 

His eyes are still on Clarke and she feels like she’s losing all ground underneath her too. 

“You’re not mad, right?” Gus asks again “I pwomise I will use them for a long time and keep them clean and not waste the paper!”

“That’s okay, Gus.” Bellamy steadies his voice and as he swallows hard he finally looks down on him and fakes a smile “How about we go to the swings for a bit, what do you say?” 

Gus keeps his eyes on him for a moment but when he figures his dad’s not angry, he nods eagerly, happily even and takes off to the swings which were just out of the mess hall, around the corner.

“Bellamy, please, let me-” Clarke tries but he raises his hand and simply gestures for her to follow them. 

Gus runs before them but not too far so that Bellamy can keep an eye on him and when they make it to the playground that had nothing but three swings and one slide, Bellamy leads her to a bench in the corner, instructs Gus to be careful, makes him leave the package with them and sits down.

Clarke settles down next to him but he places the packages between them as if desperate to create a gap because he couldn’t bear her presence. 

He was clenching his jaw, staring right ahead and his bad hand was gripping the bench’s handle so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“Look-” she sighs trying to gather her thoughts. She had no intentions of losing Bellamy’s friendship over a bunch of paints. 

“I know you’re angry but I really wanted to do something nice for him. He’s my friend and I meant what I told him-being chosen for the Unity days celebration is huge and I felt like-”

“You felt like giving him a taste of a world he can never have.” Bellamy’s voice was quiet, hoarse and made her shiver. He threw her a quick glance before he swallowed hard and kept going. 

“You’re wrong, I’m not mad. I’m simply disappointed.”

“Bellamy it’s just some paints and pencils, it’s not such a big deal.”

“Maybe to you it isn’t.” he cuts her off “But I have to work an extra hour to get those five ration points so I can come here on a Saturday and buy him something that’s not even resembling a pencil anymore.” she thinks back to the leftovers Gus was looking at, telling Cassandra his dad can maybe only get him one this time.

“Bellamy, I didn’t mean to undermine your efforts.”

“But you did! He had to watch me struggle all morning to find clothes I can afford and then he had to be embarrassed to stand by my side as I was trying to convince Kevin to sell me a shirt with holes in it and washed out jeans so he could look at least somewhat presentable for the biggest event of the year!” 

Clarke swallows hard and feels tears fill up her eyes.

“And then I leave him with you because I trust you and you go out there and with the swipe of a hand you can buy him anything he desires.”

“Bellamy-” her voice breaks a little and he clenches his jaw once more. 

“Do you know how hard it is to deny your child the things he wants?” his voice breaks now, she sees the tears in his own eyes and how hard he’s trying not to let them spill, not to show her weakness. 

His eyes find Gus who’s swinging on one of the swings after waiting ten minutes for it to be free.

“How every day I struggle with simple things like food? And then coming here and seeing him look at pencils and books, clothes and toys he can never have!”

Clarke whimpers and buries her face in her hands for a moment. The pain in his voice was too much for her.

“And how he learns with time that we can’t afford them so he stops asking altogether, do you know what that’s like, Clarke?” he demands now “Answer me, do you?”

“No.”she shakes her head. 

She’s always had everything she needed, her father never once denied her a single thing she craved be it food, or toys or fancy birthday dresses that made her look like a real princess. 

She even had a little plastic crown that she went to bed with every night until she was six. 

_Bellamy was right to call her princess. He was right to call her privileged._

_She was._

“Then what made you think you can come in our lives and hand him things without thinking of the consequences?” his voice is judging, harsh. She’s never seen Bellamy that angry before. 

“What happens when he comes by tomorrow and asks me for a new notebook but I have to choose between giving him what he wants and having enough rations to feed him, what then? Where would you be then?”

_HERE_ , she wanted to scream. _I’ll be here_.

But she couldn’t promise that. She lived in Alpha, she was a medic and while she had grown closer to Bellamy and Gus, she wasn’t living in Factory, she didn’t know their every day struggles, she had no grasp of their lives at all. 

She got to simply see some stuff and get mad on their behalf but at the end of the day she went back home to her four bedroom compartment and her warm dinner waiting for her on the table, brought by her mom’s maid.

He was right and he had every reason to be mad at her now. 

He had struggled to get his son simple clothes and she went out there and with the swipe of her card got Gus things he only dreamed of simply because she thought she’s doing him a favor, making him happy but wasn’t there pity at the bottom of it? Maybe there was…maybe not, she wasn’t sure what she was thinking.

But she knew one thing, she shouldn’t have done this. At least not before letting it pass through Bellamy first. 

“You’re right.” she finally speaks up, demanding her voice to keep steady “What I did was awful. You are his father, I should’ve at least asked for your permission first before I did this. It was stupid and reckless and I did not think of the consequences for Gus.”

Bellamy seems surprised by her words because he looks at her and though his lips are parted, he doesn’t speak up.

“It was however not ill-intended and I do mean what I told him-I am proud of him and I thought he deserves to be rewarded for his hard work.” she reaches out over the packages and covers Bellamy’s hand with hers, willing him to listen. 

“Please, Bellamy…I don’t want to fight with you.” his face softens and he tilts his head at her for a moment before his eyes fall to her lips and then he clenches his jaw and commands himself to look away.

“Clarke-” he shakes his head a little as if contemplating what to do.

“I know I may be not worthy of it but I really like having you and Gus as my friends.” she shrugs a little as she stares down at their hands “I don’t have that many of those.” he sighs and runs his bad hand through his curls that shake and twirl in the same way Gus’ did. 

_“I’m sorry._ ”

A beat and then his fingers wrap around hers in a tight squeeze.

She feels her heart fill with hope.

“You’re forgiven.” he finally says and finally truly meets her eyes. 

They still look like an angry ocean right before a storm but there’s also something else there-something warm, kind, that can be felt in the way his fingers wrap around hers-it was both feather-like as if he was afraid if he holds onto her just a little big tighter he may ruin her but also steady like a promise that won’t be broken.

“I’m still paying you for everything you gave him.” she wants to fight him on it but she forces herself not to and simply nods which seems to be the right call because it makes his body finally loose it’s stiff composure and relax a little into the bench.

“What was it you said about work?” it’s her turn to ask questions and he sighs shaking his head just barely. 

She notices once again how tired he looks, how he slumps a little too much in his seat, how he winces when he tries to find a place to lean on that doesn’t bother his shoulder. 

Still, his hand doesn’t let go of hers and she finds the warmth that spreads through her making her heart grow sizes.

“I got my notice. I need to report on Monday.” he says quietly.

“I’ll talk to the board, ask for a delay.” he smiles at that-in the short span that he’s got to know Clarke, he realized she never come down without a fight.

“No” he shakes his head slowly “You’ve already done more than enough.”

“You haven’t recovered yet.”

“I made good progress. You said so yourself.”

“It’s one thing to be able to lift your arm above your head, a whole different to move heavy pieces of metal and work a ten hour shift.”

“I’ll be okay. I’ve been through worse.” he counters as he watches Gus speed up on the swing and calls out on him to slow down before he keeps on.”Truth is, I would’ve asked to go back myself even if they hadn’t send me the notice.”

She looks at him but he’s keeping his eyes on the kids, refusing to show weakness.

“You don’t have any points left.”

He shrugs. Now she understands why he was so angry before. He used his last rations to get his son clothes and she walked over him and bought him a set of paints and pencils.

“Spent my last ones today.” he lets go of her hand and moves up resting his elbows on his knees.

“I’m tired.”

He doesn’t know why he tells her that. Maybe because he couldn’t share it with his mom and he sure as hell couldn’t look at his son and tell him he feels like passing out every time he takes another extra shift. 

It was all a constant battle…a battle he seemed he just couldn’t win, no matter how hard he tried, how much he pushed and persisted.

He had no friends, no one that would truly understand him and his pain but Clarke…somehow he felt that he could tell her that. That she’d…just get it.

Which was ironic considering she was an Alpha princess who knew nothing about life on Factory.

And still…

He feels her hand on his back now, rubbing up and down in a soothing manner and he’s glad, thankful, relieved even and he can’t explain why but he doesn’t feel alone for the first time since he lost Gina.

Finally she utters and she sounds angry again.

“That’s why you should’ve stayed home for the rest of the month.”

“I don’t mean just now, Clarke.” 

“I know…but it would’ve helped a little.” he shrugs and shakes his head off as if trying to get rid of all the thoughts plaguing his mind. 

“I’m fine.” he’s suddenly aware that he showed her weakness, that he complained. 

He never did that with anyone, not even when he was married to Gina, certainly not when he was a child. 

Aurora Blake was a strong woman who raised a strong child-there was no place for whining for being weak or lazy. 

And she was right to push him, to make him strong like this otherwise he would’ve never survived Factory, he would’ve never grown up, married Gina and become the father that he was today.

You kept going no matter what. Giving up did not exist as a concept for the Blakes. 

“I’ll be fine.” he adds but it comes out even weaker.

“It’s okay if you’re not.” she squeezes his shoulder and he looks at her and sees nothing but warmth in her eyes. 

She smiles just barely and he responds with the same.

He’s about to ask her how she is when Gus jumps from the swings and come running in throwing himself in his dad’s arms.

“Gus! What have I told you about jumping from the swings!” Bellamy scolds mildly when his son pulls away “You can get seriously hurt.”

Gus titls his head gives him his big puppy eyes and squeezes the hem of his shirt like he did when he was nervous.

“Sowwy, dada.”

“It’s okay but let’s repeat once again what’s the right way to come off the swings?”

“You let it slow down, use your legs to kill some of the speed and carefully slide off.”

“Good man. You’ll do it like this next time right?”

“Mwhwm” he climbs on the bench between them and the packages and looks up at Clarke beaming once more as if her presence enough made his day a hundred times better. 

He looks like he wants to ask her something but is too shy or embarrassed so he climbs in his dad’s lap and whispers something in his ear.

“Go ahead then, ask her.” Gus seems still a little embarrassed because he’s tugging at his shirt even more so Bellamy has to put his hand over his small one and remove it before he’s torn away the already paper thin material. 

“What is it, sweet cheeks?” Clarke prompts and he bows his head down and blushes. Bellamy rubs his back up and down in a soothing and supportive manner.

“Come on, son. You won’t know until you ask.”

“Would you come to my Unity Days celebration recital?” he mumbles and finally dares a peak under the big curls falling over his forehead.

Clarke’s heart flutters but she pretends to be thinking about it, taps her cheek and looks at the ceiling.

“Hmmm…let me think about it.” Gus perks up in his dad’s lap waiting in anticipation “Of course I will, Gus.” he claps his hands and throws himself in her arms for a brief hug.

“Yey!! Twank you, Clarke!” he jumps off the bench suddenly done with the serious conversation “Dada, I’ll go slide now!”

“Okay. Careful,though, right?”

“Wrait!” Gus yells already running to the old rusty slides climbing in the opposite direction, making Bellamy sigh and rub his forehead tiredly.

“That boy is so fearless in his plays, he scares the hell out of me.” Clarke smiles when he looks at Gus who’s now sliding down and yelping in joy hands in the air, curls getting messed up. 

“Are you sure you don’t mind me coming to Unity Days?” it’s her turn to be shy and even a little scared but Bellamy smiles and simply nods, shaking his curls in motion.

“My son seems to have grown very fond of you, Clarke.” he says not meeting her eyes but his voice getting deeper and more emotional “I know that…I can’t be enough for him. I’ll never be enough for him-” he takes in a deep breath and Clarke wants to interrupt him but he’s faster “no matter what I do and he’ll always miss his mom but I want him to have strong women in his life. Women like my mother and..and you.” his cheeks blush and he bows his head away like a shy boy. 

Clarke too feels herself going red before she clears the air and adds quietly.

“Thank you for letting me be in his life.”

Bellamy smiles and for a while they just sit there and watch Gus play without interruption, without the need to speak-the silence, it wasn’t uncomfortable, on the contrary-it was comforting, it brought both of them peace.

When Gus grew tired of playing around, he came back to them, jumped on the bench and started talking to Clarke, explaining what he’ll draw with the paints and how he’ll give her a present when he makes the “best painting ever”. 

She promises to put it in her office so she could be reminded of him whenever she sees it.

Gus is beaming, he’s so happy and when they finally decide to leave, he’s sluggish and slow on his feet so at some point he wraps his tiny legs around his dad and stretches out his little arms.

“Dada! Pick!” he can’t even form a coherent sentence and when Bellamy lifts him up in his arms, despite Clarke’s protests that he shouldn’t exert his shoulder, the kid leans on his chest and his eyes start drooping.

Bellamy insists on sending Clarke off to the station border, giving her the excuse that he doesn’t want her to get lost in the endless Factory hallways but the truth is, he’s afraid of her because of the Arrowheads and he wanted to make sure she got to Hydra safely.

On the way there, just when they’re about to make the final few turns, there’s a boy, no older than maybe seventeen or eighteen, dressed in a jumpsuit much like his own that eyes Clarke angrily and pretends to trip over so he can end up pushing her by the shoulder and maybe pick pocket her.

Bellamy sees through him, though he’s carrying Gus in one arm, he stands before Clarke and pushes her out of the way last minute.

“Sorry, I guess I lost my footing.” he mumbles and the boy hits him in the shoulder instead, the bad one, making him squirm from the pain. 

He stops, tries to gather his strength and keep his son steady in his good arm. 

“Watch your step, kid!” he scolds the boy who just glares at him and Bellamy sees something flash before his eyes-did the kid have a knife? Or just a well-sharpened piece of glass?

He was probably going to spook her into not coming to Factory ever again. Or tie her to a column like that poor councilor’s boy. 

Maybe he just wanted to steal her rations card and buy everything his heart desired, Bellamy didn’t know. 

He hoped he never would.

“You okay?” Clarke asks when he grits his teeth and a strong wave of pain overwhelms him for a moment. “Let me take Gus!”

“No, I’m okay, it’s nothing!” he promises with a weak smile and urges her to keep going “Let’s get you home.”

“Bellamy-”

“I’m fine, I promise.” he lies and he must be convincing because it makes her keep walking again. 

He doesn’t relax until he sees her on the other side of the border, in Hydra and when he does, he takes a deep breath of relief.

He takes Gus back to their freezing compartment, puts him in the cot and piles a bunch of blankets on him while the kid dozes off mumbling things about using red to draw a sunset and painting the sky golden. 

He smiles and brushes a lost curl from his forehead.

His mom comes by dinner to check on them and he leaves her with Gus so he can go do the job for Kevin even though his shoulder still hurts from the collision with the kid. 

There was a dull throbbing pain that made his hand tremble a little too much but he commanded his hand to wrap tightly around his tool box as he maneuvered through the Factory living quarters maze.

And when he finally did find the place and Kevin opened the door widely, welcoming him in he ended up in the company of twelve more men and women.

They were gathered in a circle, arms crossed over their chests.

When one of the women standing opposite of him stepped forward and dropped her hand to her side he saw a tiny arrow tattooed on the inside of her wrist he knew what this was.

“Bellamy Blake-” she said “We hear you know someone we could use for our cause.”

Bellamy carefully drops his work kit to the ground and then stands as tall as he can, smiling way too smug for his own good.

The Arrowheads didn’t scare him. They never had before, they wouldn’t now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he says voice steady and strong echoing in the small room full of angry wolves ready to tear him apart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just so there isn't any confusion, I once again want to reiterate that though this is a family fic, it is also a sad story that is filled with many struggles for Bellamy and Gus. I tried very hard to show the way I see the Ark structure and society worked and because of that, there's a major difference between treatment of Alpha residents vs. Factory, Farm, Arrow residents. The more I wrote, the more I dwelled into that.
> 
> If you want an absolutely 100% happy fluffy story, this ISN'T one, so you probably should NOT read it.
> 
> I've changed the tags and added Graphic Descriptions of Violence, please note that.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

Bellamy was almost running, taking in the turns of the hallways as fast as he could so he could make it to the big square that joined the Alpha, Mekka and Hydra stations and where most of the celebrations, especially the Unity Days one, took place.

He had been delayed at work, so he hadn’t had time to even change out of his jumper that was stained with grease and oil, had tears on the sleeves and was falling apart at the collar. 

He hated that Gus would have to see him like this after his recital but they had a last minute machine to fix and he was happy he could make it at all in the first place.

He ends up at the place already packed. 

There’s the central stage where the chancellor would give his annual speech about the unification of the stations and the _**“Better tomorrow”**_ they were all working towards but that’d only come after the recital of the children in the middle. 

They’d gather in a circle with all the flags of the original station inhabitants and tell the story of the ship joining in as one.

Bellamy had barely slept all week. 

He had been anxious and nervous ever since his meeting with the Arrowheads about a week ago but he had tried to bury himself in work and helping Gus prepare for the recital.

It wasn’t working too well. 

He couldn’t sleep. 

He was never really good at it anyway because he constantly worried about Gus and if he was fine. 

On a normal night he’d wake up at least three times to make sure his son was warm enough but now he couldn’t sleep at all and that was definitely taking its toll on him, even now when he finally came to a halt in the already stuffed square and still staggered on his feet, reaching for the wall behind him to steady himself.

He looked around, spotting the door on the left where the kids were supposed to come out of and decided to head closer to that place but it was already too packed-he was so late, that most of the parents were already there, having filled in the best places to watch their kids from.

He went back towards the middle. 

It was funny-even though there weren’t any clear designated areas for the specific stations to go to, people still lined with their own. 

Factory was the biggest one and stood proudly in the middle almost directly opposite of the chancellor’s stage. 

Most of the folks were here simply out of duty-many of the bosses cut their hours off that day so they could see the celebrations. 

Nobody talked about how people didn’t want to listen to the chancellor promise empty things and would prefer working for ration points in those few hours but of course it wasn’t their choice.

It never was, Bellamy thought as he found himself among his people and tried to find a place closer to the front. 

Some of the men and women new him and Factory because of their harsh living conditions, have always extended a hand to one another. 

They helped each other because they shared the same fate, they were all brothers and sisters and even if they had none or very little they’d give it out to someone who needed it more.

Which is why now all of those who recognize Bellamy, pat his back, congratulate him on Gus making it to the recital and let him through. 

Bellamy’s heart fills with both love and sadness for them all-they were all dressed in old greasy jumpsuits, their hands were covered in cuts and bruises, the circles under their eyes could make the darkness of the space surrounding them, jealous of their vastness. 

Their eyes were tired and full of grief but their hearts were full.

Well…at least most of them. He didn’t count the Arrowheads in that same group of people.

A shiver runs through his spine when he once again recalls the conversation he had with them that night at Kevin’s place.

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he had tried to keep his voice steady and stand tall but he was surrounded by fourteen people including Kevin._

_“Cut the crap, Blake” a man in his thirties came forward and when Bellamy’s eyes fell to his hands he found that he was missing two fingers on his left one while the skin around looked burned. “We know you’re friends with Clarke Griffin.”_

_“Once again-I have no idea-”_

_“We’ve seen you, Blake.” the woman who spoke first crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a devious knowing smile “There’s no point denying it.”_

_“She’s my doctor. I’ve had an accident at work.”_

_“Dislocated shoulder-” the woman speaks again and Bellamy tries to keep his face neutral even though he’s freaking out over them having such information in the first place_

_“Torn up muscles. Required surgery which the resident Alpha princess did herself. Got infected cause you torn it up but she fixed you right away and that must’ve been at home since there’s no record of you going to medbay.”_

_He swallows hard as the woman comes even closer, looking up right in his eyes._

_“Yes, we know all that. We keep track on the people we know we could use or recruit.”_

_Bellamy chokes a biter laugh at that and steps closer himself, trying to prove he’s not intimidated._

_“I’ll never be part of the Arrowheads.” the woman looks around at the group and they exchange knowing smiles once again before she speaks up._

_“We’ll see about that, **Junior.** ” he furrows his eyebrows at that._

_“What did you just call-” he tried but was interrupted by another guy on his right._

_He could swear he recognized some of the faces but he couldn’t place any names on them._

_Some looked like Factory people but even though one of the women was wearing a jumpsuit in the same color as his, he had no recollection of ever seeing her in the Factory department he worked at._

_“Tell us all you know about the princess.”_

_“I know nothing. And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.” Bellamy grunts back at the guy who is at least a head taller than him and looked like he could make Bellamy fall by simply lifting his finger which wasn’t that hard considering how much more weight he’d lost in the past few weeks with their rations so drastically cut off._

_“So you’d betray your people?”_

_“I’m sorry but you’re not my people. I’ve never seen you before and to answer your question-I wouldn’t be betraying anyone because I don’t know anything. Clarke’s simply mine and my son’s doctor. That’s all.”_

_“Ah, that’s right” the woman with the Arrow tattoo who had first approached him spoke again, clearly being the one in the leadership position._

_“Your son. Augustus Martin Blake, born September 12, 2172, son of Bellamy Blake and Gina Joan Martin, who died in the Factory station fire two and a half years ago.” she recited and Bellamy felt the blood drain from his face._

_“Leave **my son** out of this!” he says carefully through teeth, closing his hands in fists and taking a step forward to her. _

_The moment he does so, the rest of her people close on them and he hears the clanking of knives and maybe even guns but he ignores it and keeps his eyes on hers trying not to let his fear show._

_“Don’t worry! Nothing will happen to little Gus.” the woman circles around taking her time to completely drive him to the edge “After all, I do want to recruit you, not make you hate me.”_

_“I already hate you.”_

_“And you don’t even know why!” the woman says cheerfully which makes Bellamy’s eyebrows furrow “I guess we have your mother to thank for that considering you didn’t seem that strongly against our cause when you were eighteen.”_

_“I was just a boy. She did the right thing.” he doesn’t know why he needs to defend himself in front of these people._

_He doesn’t even know why he’s letting them surround him when he could simply walk out the door._

_Or would they stop him? Would they beat him up? Try to recruit him by threatening his family?_

_“What am I doing here? What do you want from me?”_

_“Oh nothing, just to get acquainted.” the woman says again._

_“Yet you know everything about me and I don’t even get a name?”_

_“Ah, you ask the smart questions, Blake, I’ll give you that but I’m not as stupid as to reveal our real names to you. By the way none of us are dressed from the stations we’re from and most of us are in disguise even if it may not seem so to you, so if you try to rat us out, it won’t work.” he looks around them all again and he must say they’ve done a good job dressing up but he’s always prouded himself at being good to notice little details especially when it came to clothes since his mother was a seamstress-a sleeve hanging too low, a pant leg too short, a collar too high up probably covering a scar, a button missing showing up a red plaid underneath a Farm station work jumpsuit-he saw all that._

_“Well in that case I think it’s time I went home. I’ve had enough social interactions for the day.” he tries to lean down and pick up his work kit when the woman speaks again._

_“Don’t you ever get mad, Bellamy?” she asks next and with a sigh he raises himself back up “Don’t you ever get tired?”_

_His words to Clarke from earlier that day flash before his eyes **“I’m tired.”** _

_A hand on his shoulder, a tight squeeze and somehow he could breathe better._

_“No.” he lies, he’d be the last person to give this woman the satisfaction of seeing him feeling bad or angry._

_She seems to have read his mind because she just shakes her head as she keeps smiling in the same manner as before-he felt like he was surrounded by a pack of wolves that was ready to attack the moment the woman gave them a sign._

_“That fire that burned your wife alive, don’t you ever wonder if something could’ve been done to prevent it? If your son could grow up with his mother had someone been maintaining those machines better? If someone wasn’t ordering people to work fourteen hour shifts? If someone was giving them enough food so they don’t pass out? If someone cared for their health and well-being?” he grits his teeth still refusing to answer her “If-”_

_“The what if’s are not what’s feeding my son and keeping him alive. They won’t do anything but destroy us and I don’t think a bunch of morons deciding to play heroes can overthrow a system that has been working for over a thousand years by kidnapping innocent children who are not responsible for their parent’s mistakes.”_

_The woman turns around and claps her hands for the small audience._

_“We have a non-believer in our company tonight boys and girls.” she says making the others laugh mockingly “I love turning those the most.”_

_“You’ll never turn me.” Bellamy grunts through teeth “I’ll never be a part of this.”_

_“We’ll see about that.” her voice grows serious once more, she nods at the group around her and they step away from Bellamy, clearing his path to the door “You’re free to go.” he starts slowly walking away quietly praying that he doesn’t end up with a knife to his side or a bullet in his head._

_When he reaches the door, the woman speaks up once more_

_“Oh and if I was you, I’d tell that princess of yours to keep an eye out during her evening strolls. I hear the chancellor’s statistics show that most people get mugged or kidnapped when they cross the stations’ borders and I don’t know how good her hair would look stained in red.”_

_Bellamy turns around, fingers wrapped around the handle of his tool box that almost shook with violent angry tremors._

_“If you hurt her, I’ll-”_

_“Be careful about the way you finish that sentence, Blake.” she cuts him off “I could have your mother fired within the hour and that shoulder of yours torn up so badly you won’t be able to ever use that arm again.” he purses his lips at that “I’d hate to see that sweet little boy starve to death like so many other in our station.”_

_She gives him one last nod before she turns around and the door slams in his face._

He hasn’t been able to sleep ever since. 

Replaying it over and over in his head, looking over his shoulder whenever he and Gus left their place, wondering who’s reporting on him, if there’s someone at work keeping an eye on him (there must’ve been, he concluded, otherwise how would she know everything about him and his family?). 

That and she must have someone on the inside in the computer departments in GoSci where all information about everyone on the Ark was kept including their every day ration points transaction as well as their work cards, their shits, their medical check ups, their meal sign offs in the mess hall.

He had completely lost his appetite,not that he had been that hungry before but it grew worse. 

Food was the last thing on his mind and he had gotten so dehydrated he almost passed out one night when he was helping Gus wash up before bed. 

He was paler than usually and his hands shook. 

Whenever he picked up Gus from day care he hugged him tight and carried him home, refusing to let him walk out of fear someone could snatch him easier that way.

Despite worrying about his family, he couldn’t help but think about Clarke too. 

She was clearly one of their targets and he had no way of warning her without freaking her out r someone seeing or hearing them. 

He had walked around the small space of his compartment for hours at night trying to come up with a solution but the best he could think of was to randomly send her a message over the intercom and thank her once more for Gus’ present as a way of checking out on her, hoping the Arrowheads couldn’t see that and if they did, that they wouldn’t find it suspicious or warning-like.

She hadn’t responded for over a day, probably being too busy with work and he couldn’t sleep for more than fifteen minutes, wondering what the hell is going on and if he’ll wake up to the news of another Alpha station citizen wrapped to a pole or beaten bloody.

When she finally send back a message, he let himself breathe and was even happy when she let him know she’s buried with stuff at work because it meant she wasn’t leaving medbay and was safe.

Her message ended with her looking forward to seeing them at Unity days which in turn made him anxious about her well-being again.

After every thought about her, he’d want to bang his head in the wall and ask himself _**why on earth did he care so much about her?**_

She was their doctor true but maybe she was more Gus’ friend than his? Then again he loved talking to her and he found her beautiful _**but-**_

And every time the thought of her eyes or smile crossed his mind he shook his head and wished to slap his own cheek.

This could never happen, so he shouldn’t even think about it.

“Here, Blake, pass through!” one of the guys, Jacob, who worked with him in the Factory let him come to the front lines. 

A few other people had patted his back and smiled at him as he tried to make his way through the jumble of people.

_“We’re so proud of Gus!”_

_“Tell the kid we’re happy for him!”_

_“Such a smart boy you got there, Blake, Gina would be proud.”_ said others and he thanked them profusely, nodded along, even got teary eyed as he shook their hands back or squeezed their shoulders.

Factory were simple but very prideful people-they stood tall and rarely envied someone else. Since they were in the same boat about everything in life, they were compassionate and happy for others achievements. 

It was like a really big village where even though not absolutely everyone knew everyone (most of them did but it was a big station) they were loving and caring towards one another.

This was no exception.

_**“Bellamy!”**_ he heard another, different voice calling him from behind just when he had come up near the front circle where he’d have the best view of the ceremony.

He turns around and finds Clarke rushing through him through the Hydra-Factory crowd, apologizing as she went but smiling non the less. 

Much like him she looked as if she just finished work as she was dressed in a simple blue long sleeved shirt, black pants and her white coat.

_**“Clarke!”** _

She beams when she reaches him, actually beams, like her world grew lighter just by being next to him.

What surprises him even more is when she reaches him she grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him in for a hug and holds him tight.

He’s so stunned at first he doesn’t know what to do and his arms simply freeze in the air before he remembers himself and wraps them tightly around her.

It’s the first time in a week that he’s not thinking about the Arrowheads.

He smiles, buries his nose in her shoulder and chuckles lightly.

“Princess, you’ll get your clothes stained, I’m all dirty.” he mumbles feeling his cheeks blush. 

When she pulls away she swats his shoulder and smiles even wider.

“Nonsense.” he bites his lip and looks at her feeling like a fourteen year old holding a girl’s hand for the first time. “Plus, I smell of antiseptic and very possibly blood too. Had a last minute patient with a nasty wound so-”

“That explains why you’re in white.”

“Hope you and Gus won’t mind. I was running down the hallways, almost knocked the guards near the borders off their feet.”

“That must be something to see-the princess rushing to get in time for the ball.” he looks down at her feet “Sure you didn’t lose your glass slipper on the way?” she slaps his arm again but laughs with him.

It’s only then that he notices some of the strange looks coming from the people around him and it makes him stiffen. 

He was hugging and talking to Clarke Griffin and while not everyone knew who she was and that she was from Alpha, they could recognize someone coming from a good station right away. 

Her being in doctor’s clothes wasn’t helping either-the profession was one of the most highly paid and valued on the Ark.

He squeezes his eyes shut and hopes there are no Arrowheads watching him now.

“Hey, you okay? You look a little pale.” she asks noticing the change in his behavior but he simply shakes his head and tries to reassure her with a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

“How’s work? Did they reinstate your rations? Does your shoulder hurt?”

“Take a breath, princess.” he jokes lightly “I’m fine.” she raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. “I promise.”

“Your I’m fine usually means _I haven’t eaten in two days, half my body hurts, my arm feels like falling off and I desperately need sleep_.” his jaw hangs a little at that. 

“What? Am I wrong?” he groans.

“You’re one to talk miss I take up on every shift that I can get.” it’s her turn to go wide-eyed “What? I heard you and your colleague Jackson talk, I know you’re a workaholic, princess.”

“I’m-”

_**“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 145 annual Unity Days celebration.”**_ the voice coming from the vice-chancellor Kane interrupted their conversation making them huff almost as if annoyed and turn to the stage.

The kids were supposed to come up in just a moment and Bellamy was excitedly looking at the door on the left, ignoring all of the vice-chancellor’s words.

“Was he excited?” Clarke whispers,clearly uninterested in the speech as well. 

The lights were turned off and only the inner circle and the stage were light up which gave them a good cover and made Bellamy breathe a little easier.

“He barely slept last night. He talked until he passed out on my chest, reciting his lines and he woke up anxious but excited.” Bellamy says with a smile recalling Gus’ behavior and how sweet he has been this week.

“That’s so sweet.”

“It’s not too sweet when your son walks around the house and recites a sugarcoated fairy tale about the Ark so sweetly and miraculously coming together but-” she elbows him in the ribs and he huffs “Yeah, he was…well he’s a shy kid and I’m glad that he’s taking that so well. He’s happy to be a part of it. Even if it’s just technically Ark’s annual propaganda.”

“You don’t believe the stations coming together was for the better?” she asks raising an eyebrow at him curiously and he shrugs.

“Maybe it was for the better for some of the stations. Not for ours anyway.” he doesn’t want to get into it too much, not here anyway where there are eyes and ears everywhere and he could get in trouble.

“Look! Here they come!” Clarke grabs him by the elbow again and nods at the entrance on the left. 

He takes a moment to look at her, spares a few precious seconds in which he finds her face radiating from the fact that his son is coming out on a stage for a recital. 

He does’t know what he did to deserve someone like that in his life, someone who’s as excited about his son coming up on that stage as he is, but he’s glad because he can tell how genuine in her joy and love for Gus Clarke is and he treasures that.

When he turns around indeed the kids are coming out of the door followed by four teachers on each side under the sound of the Ark’s hymn.

Gus and Darcy are the last ones, both of them carrying the Philippines flag in one hand between them while trying to stride in sync with the others. 

Gus looks amazing in his new clothes-the shirt fit him perfectly and Aurora had sewed in all the holes and it all basically looked almost brand new. 

Of course compared to the boys and girls from Alpha who were wearing a tuxedo and a really pretty princessy pink dress, Gus and Darcy looked like what these kids probably wore on a regular school day or even at home but still, Bellamy felt his chest expand with pride.

It had taken him all morning to trim and tame Gus’ curls and now with his hair cut a little shorter, his freckly cheeks shone through and his big eyes shimmered with enthusiasm and excitement.

“You cut his hair?” Clarke whispers “How did you manage that?” they both knew how much Gus loved his long curls even when some of the kids made fun of his hair. 

He said all Greek heroes had long hair and they’re strong and help people so he wanted to be just like them. 

Aurora was rolling her eyes at this every time Gus gave that argument and scolded Bellamy for reading too much heroes stories to him to which he said 

“Mother, when I was his age, you read me _The Iliad_ every day, so I don’t really see your point here.” which made Aurora throw her hands in the air helplessly and put the scissors back in the drawer.

“Well he almost cried until I promised I’ll let him cut mine after Unity Days.”

“Good luck with that!” Bellamy sighs but still smiles as he watches his son and Darcy walk together.

“Thanks, I’ll need it.” just as they are almost about to reach the middle, Darcy trips over her beautiful yellow dress and falls down on her knees, taking Gus staggering with her too.

“Oh, no!” Clarke exclaims “Poor girl.” Bellamy drops his hands to the side and bawls them in fists.

The rest of the kids keep going and since Gus and Darcy are the last ones they don’t see something has happened but he notices how some of the Alpha crowd laugh and talk loudly.

Bellamy wants to shove his fist in their faces.

But what calms him down is when he sees Gus raise himself up on his feet and carefully take Darcy’s arm, helping her up. 

Even from here they can see she’s crying, blushing harsh out of embarrassment and the teacher who was walking behind them joins in too trying to talk to them and usher them to join the others.

Whatever they’re saying, though, doesn’t make Darcy agree on keeping on until Gus stands before her and puts his tiny arms around her shoulders. 

He whispers something, gives her his tissue-one Bell had put in his jean’s back pocket in case of an accident and helps her dab her tears.

There’s a collective gasp from Factory when he does that, they even clap a little when he takes her hand, picks up the flag and pushes her to keep walking and Bellamy’s never been prouder in his life.

His eyes fill with tears and he’s so emotional that he lets them spill over his cheeks without caring to wipe them off.

Gus and Darcy join the other children and complete the circle. 

Darcy’s sniffling a little still here and there but Bellamy sees Gus holding her hand tightly and throwing her reassuring glances.

Her voice shakes a little when she says her lines but by the end it comes out strong and when Gus speaks up she’s looking at him the way Bellamy was looking at Clarke just a few minutes ago.

He’s surprised when he feels Clarke’s hand take his still balled in a fist hand and unclenching it, intertwining her fingers with his.

His heart beats out of his chest and for a moment he’s afraid to look at her.

When he does, he finds her staring ahead at the kids, smiling, her eyes as teary as his were.

“You’re a really good father, you know that right?” she finally says when the kids are done saying the story of the Ark coming together.

The teachers put them in a roll and vice-chancellor Kane comes by and squeezes their hands, gives them a bouquet of flowers, those tiny yellow ones that Gina always loved and that once Bellamy traded his entire week’s rations to give to her for their first date, and puts a red sash over their heads as a sign of their success and praise for their excellent work at school and their hard-work.

“He makes it easy.” Bellamy mumbles shyly upon Clarke’s look. “He’s a good boy.”

“Yes, he is.” Clarke agrees and meets his eyes “Just like his dad.”

Gus is beaming and finally looking at the Factory station crowd trying to find his dad. 

Bellamy raises his hand and waves at him proudly. Gus spots Clarke too and his wave gets even more energetic making her chuckle next to Bellamy.

“Maybe after we can go grab something from the mess hall?” she suggests when the ceremony ends and the kids are ushered back to the left door where they came from.

It was time for the chancellor’s speech.

“I’d like that very much.” Bellamy promises squeezing her hand back.

The lights go off again and they play the hymn once more when Chancellor Jaha makes his appearance from a door on the right. 

Bellamy knows he wouldn’t be able to focus on a word the guy says, not with Clarke’s hand still in his, his excitement and pride over Gus and their dinner with her later. 

Frankly, he can’t wait for the man’s speech to be over.

And then something catches his attention out of the corner of his eye.

The room is surrounded by guards, the event was always heavily policed for security reasons but there’s a guy on the right side of the door where the chancellor came off from that stands leaning a little to the left as if his leg is has been messed up, has big bulky arms and piercing blue eyes that shine angrily pinned to the center of the square.

A shiver runs down his spine.

_**He saw him at Kevin’s.** _

_**Were the Arrowheads really here? Did they see him and Clarke?** _

He untangles his fingers from Clarke and pulls his hand away.

_**And then it happens.** _

Just as Clarke’s turning to him, sensing that something’s wrong and opening her mouth to say his name, there’s a blast.

He feels the ground underneath him shake. 

It’s just so fast, so sudden it literally pulls him off of his feet but somehow he stays up. 

His instincts are to cover Clarke up so that’s what he does and when the second blast sends them off on the ground, he’s covering her with his body.

“Clarke!” he yells but it’s all too loud, too sudden, there are gunshots and another blast. 

He hears people scream and run, some walk over him and the crowd is so dense and panicked that he feels himself being kicked in every part of his body but he’s afraid to move at first.

There’s smoke everywhere, ruins, things falling and people crying out.

_“Bellamy!”_ she speaks up and he finally moves a little only to find her curled up under him, her face white and covered in dust and a really big gash on her head, blood ticking down and covering her cheek red.

_**He must’ve not been fast enough.** _

She tries to sit up but she actually screams in agony and her hand moves over her wound.

“Shit! You’re hurt!” he can barely hear his own words, his ears are ringing and he feels his ribs protest when he tries to sit up. 

He takes her hand away and gets out a handkerchief he carried in his back pocket like Gus, wrapping it tightly around her head.

It bled _**too much.**_

Too fucking much and when he picked her face and looked into her eyes he found them glassy and disoriented.

This wasn’t good. She wasn’t fine, she needed help.

“What’s happening?” she manages slowly.

“I don’t know. But we have to move. I need to find Gus.” his son, that was his first thought-his son, he had to get to his son. 

The kids were taken away to the other room and he knew they were supposed to be brought back to the Hydra station day care while they waited for the ceremony to end so their parents could pick them up but what if there was a blast there too? 

_**What if he was hurt?** _

And he had to take Clarke to safety, find her a doctor.

He looks around and all he sees is white from the dust and smoke and black from the guards uniforms that are suddenly all too many.

“I have to-”

And then just as he’s almost up on his feet and he’s reaching out to help her stand another blast splits them. He loses her hand and feels himself being thrown off of his feet really hard this time.

He ends up lying on his back and for a moment there he loses consciousness. He doesn’t know for how long-it couldn’t have been more than a minute but then again it could’ve been more because when he opens his eyes he can’t hear well and he feels his side burning.

He hears bullets flying around, guards yelling and people crying and screaming.

Clarke, he thinks, he has to sit up, get to Clarke, take her the hell out of here and then find Gus.

He had to get to his son. He had to make sure he’s fine.

He tries to move up but there’s a horrible pain at the back of his head and down at his waist, it’s so strong he can not force himself to move.

He ends up falling back on the metal pieces and distinctly recognizes the smell of gas and smoke-there could be fires around. 

Maybe he’ll die just like Gina-wrapped in a blaze of fire, burning slowly and terribly until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

And then he remember’s Gus’ words from last week.

_**“I don’t want you to go to the stars with mama! I want you to hold me forever!”** _

He couldn’t do that to him.

_He couldn’t die._

With a yell he raises himself to a sitting position and leans on his hands. 

The pain in his back is so strong that for a moment everything before him is black before the picture clears and he finally gets to take a look around.

The entire square was in ruins.

There were pieces of metal lying around, big holes in the floor and the walls, small fires in a few places and people….people lying around hurt and screaming and already dead everywhere around him-it’s like a graveyard of unburied bodies.

The only ones up were the guards some of whom were trying to stop the fires, others were dragging some people away with batons raised which made no sense to Bellamy, third were crouching down trying to help some of the wounded.

His eyes roam the place for Clarke and he finds her lying down just opposite of him but too far away or at least too far for him in his condition. 

She was no longer awake, she was laying down, her face was still covered in red, her eyes were closed and her white gown has almost turned black, covered in saw, dust and dirt.

“Clarke-” he croaks but even that effort sends him swinging and almost falling back on the ground.

He had to stand up. Or at least crawl. 

Maybe he could crawl? Maybe he could get to her and help her.

“Clarke!” he tried to use his hands to raise himself up but it only send another blinding bout of pain in his spine. 

What the fuck had happened to him? His fingers trail to his back and when he pulls them away he finds them covered in blood.

Shit. 

He puts them back on and feels something sharp sticking from his back on the left-maybe a piece of metal? Or glass? He didn’t know. He only knew it hurt like hell.

He looks up again, forces his eyes to open after undergoing the bout of staggering pain and sees a guard passing by him.

“Sir! Please-” he begs and the man stops to a halt, expression serious, determined. 

He looked like a young boy, no older than eighteen but Bellamy must’ve looked really desperate because he stops, drops his hands from the rifle across his chest and kneels.

“Please, help!”

The guard crouches down and assess the damage coldly, checking the wound on his back which must be nasty because it makes him paler somewhat but when his hands roam to his chest and face he is serious and detached.

“You got some shrapnel in your back so you should lay on your side and wait for the medics to come. They’re on their way.” he announces and pushes Bellamy back down but he grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly.

“No! Not me-help her!” he points at Clarke who’s still lying motionless on the debris a few feet away from him “She has a bad wound on her head! She’s a doctor from Alpha, councilwoman Griffin’s daughter!” the soldier’s eyes widen at that information.

“Clarke Griffin?” Bellamy nods eagerly at that and the guard unclenches his hand from Bellamy’s tight grip ready to get to her.

But then his eyes settle back on Bellamy and he takes a slow and careful look at him.

He stops in his tracks.

“Which station are you from?” he asks, suspicion covering his face.

“Factory.” the soldier pulls out a tablet hanging from his belt and picks up a pen.

“Your name?”

“What does any of this matter? Go help her!”

“Your name?” the guard insists.

“Bellamy Blake.” he answers annoyed.

“Apartment complex?”

“171 GD.” Bellamy says through gritted teeth “I don’t get how this is relevant, I was just-”

“Sir!” the guard ignores him, dropping the tablet to his side and turning around at another group of guards who were holding a man down and cuffing his hands behind his back. One of them seemed to be the captain since he had more insignia on his sleeve and the Alpha station elite guard stamp on his helmet.

“I got another one over here!”

“What?” Bellamy asks confused when the guards hand over the cuffed man to another soldier and come striding to him “What’s this about? Please! I was just-”

Before he knows what’s happening they’re grabbing him by the arms and raising him up. 

Apparently they don’t expect him to be so hurt that he can’t stand on his feet because he staggers and falls on his knees right away, gritting his teeth so as not to yell from the pain.

“What’s happening? I haven’t done anything wrong, please!”

“Are you from Factory?” the guard, clearly in charge, that the kid had called over, asks him. He’s older, maybe in his fifties, much bigger and stronger than the boy, his hair’s dark but his eyes are darker and they scare him. There’s not one drop of kindness or warmth in them.

“I am but-”

“Cuff him! Send him off to the mess hall first, then cell block D with the others.” he commands and Bellamy feels the guards pulls his arms behind his back.

“Please! I haven’t done anything! I came here for my son! He was in the recital!”

“Shut up!” there’s a blow to his cheek and his head falls to the side but he keeps struggling.

_What was happening?_

_Why were they trying to cuff him?_

_**“Why are you arresting me? I haven’t done anything! Please, I need to find my son!” he struggles against them so hard “I need to get to my son!”**_ they were ignoring him, pushing him down, trying to overpower him and he was fighting with everything he had in him, trying to free himself. Their hands were strong against his arms and they were more but a father’s love was a powerful thing.

The boy and the main guard were ignoring him, talking between each other.

“It’s Clarke Griffin, sir, we need to get a medic right away.” he hears the boy say and as he keeps fighting the guards he manages to see them rushing to her and trying to shake her shoulder, bring her back. 

Her eyes open just barely but they command her not to move.

It’s all like a movie to him-a movie that goes before him in flashes. 

He doesn’t know what’s happening. He opens and closes his eyes and it’s as if the moments happening before him are the pages from one of Gus’ fairy tale books where the princess is walking in the forest one moment and meeting the scary witch who wants to hurt her in the next.

“Stop it, boy or you’ll make it worse for yourself!” one of the guards warns when he keeps struggling. He doesn’t know where he gets the strength to do so but he’s fighting with all that the has, screaming his son’s name.

“Gus! Gus! I need to get to my son! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! GUS!” he yells and they can’t pull his arms behind his back because he’s fighting them so hard. “I didn’t do anything! I haven’t- I was here just for my son! Let me go! I need to find him!”

And then they get too tired of him because he feels the shock baton pressed to his side and his knees collapse on the ground.

“Gus! I need to….please…let me go…I-”

“Dammit those Factory bastard are tough to tame!” he hears one of the guards say clearly annoyed with his behavior. 

When the shock baton doesn’t calm him down and he keeps trying to fight them they use their fists and boots to kick him from both sides until he’s pressed down on the ground. 

He feels one of them push his knee on his back and the other hold his head down to the side so he can’t move but he still sure as hell tries.

He is still trying to yell but his voice doesn’t come as strong as before. 

His body is tossing and trying to twist away from them with the same fever as before, though, as if he wasn’t wounded or thrown out in the air by a fucking bomb.

His eyes search for Clarke and he finds a medic by her side. 

They talk to her, try to keep her awake as the guards carefully secure her body and move her to a stretcher.

_“Clarke-”_ he mumbles “Clarke!” her eyes fall on him but they’re so disoriented he’s not sure she recognizes him. 

There’s a flash of something there and she tries to reach her hand to him but the medic puts it back by her side and scolds her mildly just before they pick up the stretcher.

They’re literally a feet apart now. So close to each other and yet he’s being pushed down and getting cuffed and she was being taken away.

Her lips still move-

_“Bell-”_ she chokes on but nobody pays attention to it. Her head is wrapped in a big bandage that’s still seeping blood and she looks so pale and small to him that it scares him.

“Clarke-”

“Will you stop it!” the guard yells and this time they take out their real batons and he feels someone hit his head. 

But it doesn’t stop there-he still tries to free himself so they hit everywhere-his face, his ribs, his legs, he feels something crack in his knee and he cries out-that’s the final straw-it’s just too much.

He is so blinded by the pain that his body goes slack for a moment allowing them to cuff him properly and raise him up on his feet supporting him on both sides.

“Move!” his knees buckle again, he can’t command his left leg to support his weight. 

His ribs ache and his eye throbs in pain. He tries to speak but only coughs up blood and almost falls back down.

“Please, I-”

“Shut up!” another baton in his side. He hears a rib crack.

They grab his arms and start dragging him away, they don’t even need him walking anymore, they’re just pulling him like a bag of potatoes.

“I need to find my son. I have to get to him.” he begs but they ignore him as they drag him away from the square that looks more like the battlefields in those old history movies he liked to watch sometimes at night when Gus was already asleep, to hallway that takes them to what seems to be a mess hall, probably Hydra’s judging by the station’s sign covering the door they pull him through.

They push him to a wall and tie his hand cuffs to a metal chain alongside ten other people. 

When he looks at them, he finds them dressed in jumpsuits, covered in grease. Factory too, then, he thinks. 

There was only one person that looked like he came from Farm, judging by the red bandana tied on his neck.

He tries fighting again then too but it only earns him another baton hit across the face that leaves him spitting blood and a few more kicks in the stomach and legs.

When they leave he finally takes a look around with his good eye since the other was already swollen shut. There were guards surrounding them everywhere-about ten guarding the doors and at least twenty more moving around the room where he could see other smaller groups of people being tied up together much like he did.

“What happened? Why are we here?” he asks the guy on his left. He had a blue jumpsuit which meant he worked the engine machines on the levels under his in Factory.

There was a bruise on his cheek as well and he seemed pissed off but somewhat calmer than Bellamy.

“There was a blast during the ceremony.”

“I know, I was there but-”

A woman, maybe in her late sixties with short white hair and pale blue eyes that wore his mother’s seamstress uniform chimed in from behind the guy.

“It was an attack, son” she says voice a little shaky “Someone tried to kill the chancellor and they’re pinning it on Factory”

“What? But why I don’t understand-”

“It’s probably those idiots the Arrowheads.” the first man says “Now all of us will suffer because of them.”

“They’re not idiots!” another guy, a kid actually, probably no older than sixteen from the end of their row perks up. “They’re fighting for what’s right!”

“They’re fucking terrorists! It’s one thing to lead a strike and a whole other to build bombs and kill people!”

“But I don’t get it, I haven’t done anything I was only there for my son!” Bellamy mumbles even more confused and tries to sit up “I need to find him!”

“Sit back down,boy unless you want those guards to start shooting at us!” the first man who’s tag on the jumper said Irvin pushes him back to the wall and gives him a hard look. 

“None of us want to be here but I guess they’ll lock us up and question us one by one looking for traitors and insiders.”

“But my son-”

“We heard the guards saying the children are safe. They were too far away from the blasts, they probably only heard something but they should be fine.” the woman assures him and he lets himself relax into the wall and breathe in.

Gus was safe.

Gus was safe. His son was fine.

At least he had to believe that he was.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

As the hours passed by he let his mind calm down and think logically. 

His mom was thankfully working when the celebrations happened which meant she was safe back at Factory and if Gus was somewhere cooped up with the other kids until their parents came for them, then they’d contact her if they couldn’t reach him, so maybe she was already there. 

_Maybe they were even home by now._

He doesn’t know how long they keep them there but as the minutes pass it gets significantly colder and all of the people tied up next to him start shaking.

“They’re freezing our asses on purpose!” the kid who had spoke in defense of the Arrowheads says as his teeth chattered.

Bellamy hurts everywhere and he keeps coughing every now and then, spitting blood. 

Because of his struggle against the guards and the shrapnel still stuck in his back he feels like every muscle in his body is on fire. 

He’s the worst out of the people around him that mostly have minor injuries like bruises and cuts, maybe a broken arm or leg and Irvin and the other woman who’s name turned out to be Betty and who knew his mom, fuss over him.

“You need a doctor-” Irvin utters when he turns around so that he can take a look at the wound on his back “You’re bleeding on the floor.”

“I’m fine.” Bellamy shakes his head, though he feels himself growing weaker.

“You’re pale as a sheet, Bellamy” Betty says with her shaky voice giving him a concerned motherly look.

“It’s nothing.” he utters but leans his head back on the wall and rests his eyes.

“Don’t you fall asleep on me, boy!” Irvin elbows him in the ribs which makes Bellamy squirm even harder from the pain there. 

He coughs hard and spits even more blood then before. 

“Damn it! Hey, you-” he yells at one of the guards patrolling near them “He needs a medic!”

“All medics are on sight of the attack.” the guard answers “And anyway you’ll be transferred soon.”

“He’s bleeding pretty bad, I’m not sure if he can last that long without help!” Irvin insists but the guard just huffs and ignores him, keeping up with his walk.

“It’s fine, Irvin-” Bellamy utters eye half opened “I don’t feel so bad.” the man just huffs in response but scoots closer to him, trying to support some of his weight so his body doesn’t feel so strained against the wall.

“Here, lay your head on my shoulder.” the man commands “Tell me about that son of yours.” Bellamy smiles.

“He’s three and a half…almost four and he’s…he’s the kindest boy ever.”

“He’s the one who helped the girl when they tripped over, right?” Bellamy nods “Definitely a gentleman.”

“Took it from his mom. She was the sweetest kindest soul.”

“Was?”

“Died in the Factory station fire two years ago.”

Bellamy feels Irvin’s body tense under his head.

“I lost my son then too.” Bellamy looks up at him. The man’s voice shakes but he keeps his eyes staring somewhere ahead “He was about your age.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for your wife too.” Bellamy hums and feels his eyes droop again, his head lolling, the buzzing in his ears gets worse and he feels his heart trump too loudly in his chest.

Irvin says something but he starts succumbing to unconsciousness, losing track of time until he’s roughly pulled back to reality.

Before he knows what’s happening the guards are on both his sides, dragging him and the others to the exit.

“Irvin?” he looks around and finds the man behind him but he feels so week he can barely keep up with reality “What’s happening?”

“They’re taking us to the cells.“

“I-I, please I haven’t done anything” he tries telling the guards but all they do is just keep striding forward. 

He tries fighting them off but he’s so weak by that point that he just gives up and lets them drag him away. 

It takes him a moment to look around and at himself only to find that he’s covered in dust and dirt from head to toe and that his jumpsuit pant leg was heavy with something that he understands is blood from the wound on his back, but only after they push him inside a crowded cell.

Thankfully, Irvin and Betty are there too. They help him to one of the walls, put him in a sitting position and Irvin maneuvers him to his chest, wrapping his arms around his neck almost like Gus did when he was tired and wanted his dad to hold him, while Betty checked on the wound.

“I think it stopped bleeding somehow-” he hears her utter “But the shrapnel is stuck badly in him and I don’t think I should move it. Maybe that’s what keeps him from completely bleeding out.”

“I’m okay, just-”

_“Will you stop saying that?”_ Irvin huffs annoyed while keeping his eyes on Bellamy’s back. He feels his fingers trail near the place and it sends a shock lash of pain in his body. “Dammit. Okay, maybe we should wrap it up somehow.”

Bellamy feels them move him from one side to the other but he barely registers anything. He feels too weak, too tired and the only thing he can think about are Gus and Clarke.

_**He didn’t give one damn about himself.** _

_**As long as they were fine.** _

Irvin and Betty wrap something around his waist and then help him down to the floor, laying him on his side. It’s then that he starts completely losing grip of what’s real and what not or how fast or slow the time passes.

He dreams of Gus being torn up to pieces by a bomb and Clarke dying in his arms, blood spilling everywhere on him. 

He wakes up screaming and he knows he’s not the only one-there are about thirty people in this cell and some of them are wounded as bad as he is, others are angry and trying to get out by gripping the bars and yelling or picking fights with others. 

He only vaguely registers it all.

He cries in his sleep and feels like he’s on fire. Betty tells him he’s got a fever and when the guards bring in two buckets of water, she manages to steal enough in a cup to help him drink and dab at his forehead with a dirty rag he doesn’t know where she gets from.

He is torn up by pain and constant shivers. Irvin often pulls his head to his lap and talks to him, tells him not to give up, that his son needs him and he has to survive.

He drifts in and out of consciousness and the last time he wakes up coughing and spitting blood and Irvin helps him sit up a little so he can breathe a little better.

“How long…have we been here?” Bellamy manages as he looks around. The cell seems a little less crowded than before and it makes him wonder why.

“Two days give or take as far as Betty and I can tell.” Bellamy looks around and when he doesn’t seen the older woman he furrows his eyebrow and gives Irvin a confused look “They took her in for questioning. Apparently they’re going alphabetically and I think you’re next.”

“Will they ever let us go?” he chokes on his dry throat and coughs again which makes Irvin hand him the last of the water in his metal can and help him take it.

“They’ve set a bail on us all but they only let people two or three at a time. We heard Factory’s on lock down and they only allow relatives to cross over to the Prison block one every few hours and only after having interrogated us.”

“Shit.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

“I need to get to my son. I have to know he’s fine.” just when he says that the cell door opens and two guards come striding in, rifles raised, expressions cold and stony.

“Bellamy Blake?” one of them reads from a clipboard and Bellamy raises himself up a little, trying to look as decent as he can even though he’s _**fucking wrecked.**_

“I’m here.”

He tries to stand up on his own but ends up falling back on his ass and hard. 

It’s so pathetic that the guards get impatient with him and grab him by the arms, hoisting him up. 

Irvin tries to tell them Bellamy’s hurt and needs a medic but the only thing he gets is a punch in the face and Bellamy begs him with just one look to stay down and not fight.

It wasn’t his battle anyway.

They drag him to a room where they cuff him to a metal table opposite of another guard who’s name is Shumway.

He’s very surprised to find vice-chancellor Kane observing the interrogation from the corner. The two guards that dragged him in remain by his side as if he could do something with his hands tied like this.

They start asking him basic questions first-to confirm his name, his station, his compartment, his mother and son’s names.

“Is my son alright?” Bellamy asks feeling his ears ringing very loudly again. 

He sways forward and one of the guards has to grab him by the shoulder and push him to the chair to keep him from falling.

“I ask the questions here, not you, mister Blake.” Shumway cuts him off “Where were you on the night of June 21st last week?” Bellamy’s hazy mind roams through his memories and he tries to figure out what they mean but he’s so tired and it hurts him too much, he can’t.

“Please…I just want to see my son.”

“Answer the question!” the guard on his left squeezes his shoulder and he bites back a groan.

“I don’t know-I…please, I’m hurt-”

“Were you at Kevin Garrett’s quarters?” Bellamy freezes, his one open eye widens and he feels the air stuck in his lungs.

Shit.

Did they know about his meeting with the Arrowheads? Were they going to think he was one of them?

“I went to fix his radiator.” he admits trying to keep his cool. His heart is beating too fast again, his vision blurs, the pain in his back gets stronger and he feels the bandage wrapped by Irvin and Betty soak with blood again.

Must be from all the movement, he thinks.

“Why?” Shumway asks and he opens his mouth to speak again but instead a coughing fit interrupts him and he spits blood on the table and doubles over.

“I-” he coughs again and sways to the left “I’m sorry I-”

“Why were you there?” Shumway insists, standing up and hovering over Bellamy. The guards both grab him by the shoulders and try to keep him steady.

“He sold me clothes…for my son…for Unity Days but I didn’t have enough rations to pay for them so he…he agreed to give them to me in exchange of fixing a few things at his place.” Shumway sits back and clears his throat as he scribbles something down in the file before him. 

“Please, I’ve only seen him a couple times before at the black market. What is this even about?” he coughs again and sways to the right.

He’s surprised when he sees vice-chancellor Kane approach them.

“Kevin Garrett admitted of being part of the criminal group the Arrowheads.” he announces and Bellamy shivers involuntarily “But he wouldn’t give up any of the members. We’re trying to figure out who’s who right now since they are responsible for the attack on the chancellor.” it’s his turn to lean on the table and hover over Bellamy. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Bellamy shakes his head.

“I just want to see my son.” he croaks when another wave of pain overwhelms him “Please.”

_**“You’ll see your son when you answer all of our questions!”**_ Shumway cuts him off.

Bellamy tries to speak up again but this time he can’t keep up with the pain that washes over him-the world goes black before his eyes and he feels himself falling off the chair and hitting the ground hard.

He loses himself to the darkness and the last thing he registers is strong hands on his arms and legs, picking him up and loud voices yelling orders.

* * *

He wakes up to cell doors opening, guards talking loudly, yelling threats at the prisoners and surprisingly… his mother’s voice and thinks that he’s hallucinating or having another nightmare.

“Yes, this is him, this is my son.” he hear her say and when his good eye manages to clear out the blur, he realizes he’s lying on the floor of their cell.

He tries to sit up and manages to get himself leaning on his elbow but the minute he does his head feels like splitting up and his vision goes black for a moment.

“Mom?” he croaks but it comes out so weak and barely audible that he doubts she even heard it. He feels hands on his back and someone pulling him up in a sitting position, resting his back on their chest.

“Hey, kid.” Bellamy looks up to find Irvin supporting his weight “Looks like you’re getting out.”

“What happened?” he asks confused feeling the pain return to his body now that he’s fully awake. 

He glances at the cell doors and finds his mom signing something on the guard’s tablet and throwing worried glances at him.

“You passed out during interrogation last night so they brought you back in. I tried to wake you but you were pretty bad.” he groans and tries to sit up on his own but ends up falling in Irvin’s arms all over again “I guess you were so messed up they contacted your mother and decided to let her pass through the stations today.”

_“Before I died and they had to take the blame for it”_ , Bellamy thinks.

Finally, the guard opens up the door and strides in, grabbing him unceremoniously by the arm and hoisting him up. Bellamy groans loudly and the pain is so blinding it makes his eyes fill with tears.

“Will you take it easy, he’s hurt!” Irvin protests but the other guard who makes it in simply pushes him back to the wall and takes out his baton in warning. 

Bellamy notices that the cell is even emptier than it was yesterday, there was no sign of Betty and most of the people he was first cuffed in with at the mess hall.

“Bellamy!” his mom exclaims relieved when the guard takes him out and lets go of his arm, leaving him completely unstable and about to fall face down on the ground. 

His left leg wouldn’t support his weight at all and his ribs and head hut so much, he couldn’t draw a proper breath but his mom was quick on her feet, wrapping herself to his good side and supporting his weight.

“Mom” he mumbles back with a soft but weak smile. Her hand moves up to cup his cheek and she holds him tight, pushing his head to her shoulder in a brief hug.

“You’re okay.” she whispers “You’re alive.”

When she pulls away and holds his face in her hand she furrows her eyebrows as she takes him in but he doesn’t care about the way he looks right now at all or any of his wounds for that matter.

“Are you alright? Is Gus okay? Is he safe?”

“He’s fine. It took me some time to pick him up because they were slow on processing the requests but I got him home just a few hours after.” he sighs relieved and lets his head hang low for a moment.

_**His son was fine.** _

“He’s been crying non-stop ever since, though.” she adds and he looks up again meeting her worried eyes “He thinks you’re dead and I’m lying to him. He won’t believe me when I tell him you’re arrested. He says you’re in the stars with Gina and I can’t make him calm down.” Bellamy swallows hard and feels the tears slip from his good eye.

“He hasn’t eaten or slept those past few days. All he does is cry and beg me to take him outside to the starboard window bay so he can see you both.”

“We need to go home.” Bellamy says with determination and tries to walk on his own, move away from Aurora’s grip but all he ends up doing is lose his balance and almost fall again “I need to…I need to get to him.”

“First we’ll get you help.” she insists as she starts helping him walk slowly “There’s an improvised field hospital of sorts in Mekka’s mess hall just around the corner. They take a look at all released prisoners for free, I’ve already asked around.”

“Mom, I’m-”

“No,we’re going!” she shushes him off right away, it really was close, the Prison Block was actually attached to Mekka station so all they had to do is walk two wide yet narrow hallways to end up where they needed to but Bellamy was already at the last of his strength even though he just woke up and he wasn’t sure how far he could make it.

“I just want to see Gus.” he mumbles as she keeps dragging him down the hallway.

“And you will, but you’re badly hurt and I want them to check on you before we come home.”

“Mom-”

“Will you stop fighting me? You’re barely walking!” he huffs and mumbles something under his nose “What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing.” he utters grumpily but tries to do his best to follow her. 

Still, he can barely put any weight on his left leg-there’s a sharp pain whenever he tries to walk normally both in his back and knee that refuses to hold him so they need to stop every now and then.

Aurora gets significantly more and more worried the longer they keep walking. At first when she saw him she knew he was hurt but she never realized how bad it was and when she made him stop herself and took her face in his hands, checked the bruises then let her fingers slide to his ribs and back only to come up bloody in the same way his had when he first realize he’s severely hurt, she swallows hard.

“Just hold on, we’re almost there.” he doesn’t say anything and that’s how she knows he’s bad-he’s stopped fighting her, his face has gotten paler and he is limping so hard that his weight on her shoulders gets to be a bit too much and they almost both fall to the floor more than once.

She makes him talk whenever they stop, urges him to because she’s afraid that if she doesn’t, he may pass out-his right eye was swollen shut but considering the pain and dizziness she could read in his left one, she knew there was a big possibility he’d pass out like last night during his interrogation.

So she asks him about the blast, what happened, where he was and when she found out he was at the front watching Gus with Clarke by his side her heart clenches-that’s why it was so bad, apparently the bombs were planted in different places around the room but mostly closer to the chancellor’s stage. 

_**That’s why he got so hurt. That’s why he almost died.** _

“It was all the Arrowheads.” he mumbles quietly.

“That’s what everyone says too. Even the chancellor made an official statement confirming their existence once again and promising the people these terrorist will be found and floated.” Bellamy stops again and he’s so out of breath she’s afraid he’ll really black out. 

“Come on, we’re here.” she pushes him to keep going just when they reach the mess hall. 

There’s a short line of people waiting to be let in but Aurora hoped it won’t take them too long to get inside. She wasn’t sure how long Bellamy could keep standing.

“It was them. I…I saw them.”

“What?” she says confused and reaches out to swipe some of the sweat gathered on his forehead. 

He leans heavily on her, his left leg is completely useless and he’s been using her as a crutch this entire time but judging by the way he clenched his teeth the pain was really overwhelming.

“I saw one of them just before the blasts went off.” they come to a stop just before an older lady with what seems to be a broken arm that she was clutching to the side.

“How do you even know them?”

“Kevin….Garret…when I went by his house last Sunday-” Bellamy whispers not just because he doesn’t want anyone to hear him but also because he was too weak “They were there…they wanted to…recruit me.”

“What?” her mouth drops a little and Bellamy nods slowly. “Tell me you didn’t-”

“No, of course not! Send them to hell and came back home.” he turns his head to the side hiding himself in her shoulder just like he did when he was a kid “But…they wanted to know about Clarke.”

“God, Bellamy this is serious.”

“I know.”

“Kevin Garret was floated last night.” Bellamy’s face moves to meet her eyes and he widens his one opened eye. “When they were interrogation you, you didn’t-”

“No. They asked about him, knew I went to his place but nothing else.”

“Good. It needs to stay this way.” he nods “I mean it, Bellamy. They will do everything they need to to find all members and then float them as an example. The blast killed thirteen people, more than a hundred and fifty wounded and about that many arrested. The chancellor will want revenge.”

“I know, mom.” he huffs a little “And I guess we’ll pay the price.”

“Sure we will. The station’s on lock down. Curfew’s at seven and the rations are cut short as well as the electricity. They want to starve and freeze us out until they find the members.”

“How are the Factories working then?”

“They’re not, half of them are closed and the other half are understaffed. Too many people are hurt and wounded, they can’t work.”

“Damn it.”

“Day care’s closed until further notice.”

“That’s for the better, I don’t want Gus going to school right now anyway.”

“I agree. He’s too anxious and scared to anyway.” Bellamy’s heart clenches at the thought of his son being so afraid and thinking he lost his dad and he’s all alone in the world.

“Where’s he now?” the thought suddenly occurs to Bellamy and he hates that he’s so confused and delusional that he didn’t think to ask her earlier. 

If she was here taking care of him then Gus was alone, without his family.

“I left him with the Greens. Thought playing with Jordan may take his mind off things for a while. Harper was kind enough to take him in.”

“She always is. They’re good friends, good neigh-” Bellamy stops, the pain cutting him off shortly and he squeezes his mom’s tightly as he tries to overcome it.

Aurora curses and looks up, seeing the line only just barely moved but notices that there’s a nurse at the front talking to a big bulky guy with a bandage on his hand.

“We should…go…home, I can’t stand anymore-” Bellamy mumbles but Aurora ignores him and raises her hand trying to catch the nurse’s attention.

“Medic! I’m sorry, medic!” the woman looks at her and seems annoyed at first “Please, can you…can you please give us a moment?” the woman steps back from the line and ushers the first guy in before approaching them. 

Upon seeing Bellamy leaning so heavily over her, jumpsuit covered in blood and dust, his face a complete mess of bruises and cuts, she stops in her track.

“Oh, God, what happened to you?” she comes closer and lifts up his head assessing the damage there and quickly, expertly finding the bulge at the back of his head that frankly was the least of Bellamy’s problems.

“I’m sorry to call you like this-” Aurora apologizes seeing that clearly the medic’s from Alpha judging by the insignia on her sleeve “I just got my son released and he’s badly wounded.” she pulls away showing the nurse Bellamy’s back. “He can’t stand on his feet anymore I don’t know what to do.”

The nurse huffs as if annoyed but not at them, more like at the whole situation because when she takes off the stethoscope from her neck and presses it to Bellamy’s chest, she shakes her head even more angry but when she touches his cheek and flashes a light in his eye, she seems sad, pitiful even.

She takes an orange band from her pocket and ties it around Bellamy’s arm.

“Come on, go in, take a turn to the left and ask for doctor Jackson. I think he’s treating some less severe cases now but your son needs help right away. He already lost a lot of blood.”

“But the line-” Bellamy says hoarsely and the nurse shakes her head and points at the band she just tied.

“This lets you pass through. You got shrapnel stuck in your back, it needs to be taken out before it causes any more damage than it already has. Come on.” she pushes them away from the line and guides them down the door. 

Bellamy’s barely hanging on a thread when they make it inside and the smell of blood, antiseptic and desperation makes him shiver.

His mom holds onto him tight and he starts losing grip of reality. He’s so scared he’ll pass out again before she gets help that he wants to tell her to stop, just so he can catch his breath when another nurse appears.

She sees the orange band on his sleeve and grabs his other arm, throwing it over her shoulders and helping him to one of what seemed like the few free cots.

The place was packed-there were men and women screaming, even some children, doctors and medics, nurses and other staff rushing around helping whoever needed it. 

He even saw a few guards with a red cross on their sleeves which meant they mobilized absolutely all personnel.

“Here, come on, let’s put you down!” the nurse who’s much gentler and kinder than the first sits him with the help of his mom and he sways so hard he almost falls off until another hand grabs his shoulder and keeps him sitting.

“Easy there.” another voice, different from his mom or the nurse talks to him. 

It takes him a moment to blur out the face and when he does, it looks vaguely familiar but he’s so out of it he can’t place it right away. 

The doctor flashes a light in his eye and Bellamy groans, trying to move his head away-he’s in pain and annoyed and so tired, he just wants to go home to his son. 

“What’s your name?”

“Bellamy…Bellamy Blake.” something like confusion flashes in the doctor’s eyes and he picks up his chin, taking a look at the bruise on his face. 

When the light from the ceiling falls on his face, he finally seems to remember where he has seen the doctor but in the meantime his mom and the nurse are talking over them.

“He’s been hurt in the blast I…when I picked him up I didn’t know it was that bad.” Aurora says and the doctor gestures to the nurse.

“Help me take his jumper off. Carefully, alright?”

“Doctor…Jackson?” Bellamy mumbles when they’re taking off his clothes and moving away his shirt.

“You know me?”

“You’re Clarke Griffin’s…colleague.” Jackson’s eyes widen at that and he opens his mouth a little.

“I knew your name was familiar! You were the guy with the shoulder surgery!” Bellamy smiles and nods a little “How did you get yourself in that shape?”

“I was at the ceremony…with Clarke actually.”

“Wait-you’re the guy who covered her up when the blast happened?” Bellamy nods a little. “You’re the one who saved her life?”

“You did what?” his mom asks even more surprised and Bellamy shrugs.

“She still got hurt.” he swallows hard when Jackson touches the bruises on his ribs that make him hiss. 

Then he turns around and when he sees the wound on his back he grows serious.

“Put him down on his stomach and get me some moonshine and clean bandages!” he orders the nurse before putting in a clean pair of gloves and pushes Bellamy down. “Come on now, carefully, don’t move too much.” the minute Bellamy’s face hits the pillows he groans, feeling human for the first time in days but then the doctor listens to his lungs and his fingers pepper all over his back, his head, his spine all the way down to his leg where he feels his swollen knee. 

“What happened here?” he asks carefully feeling the knee.

“The guards…used their batons on me when I struggled.”

“Seems like your kneecap’s broken but we’ll need to roll you over later so I can get a better look.” he sounds angrier now and Bellamy can’t blame him. 

“You’ve been held like this for two days?” Bellamy nods and with the corner of his eye he sees the doctor clench his jaw.

Just then the nurse comes rushing back in with all of the supplies but then gets called by another doctor.

“Leave! You think you can help me keep him down while I take this out?” he asks Aurora and waits for her to nod before handing her a pair of gloves. 

She doesn’t have time to think or argue, not that she would-she’d do anything for her son.

“Help me lift him up a little.” the move him to the side and raise the upper part of his body only so Jackson can press the metal bottle of moonshine to his lips 

“Listen now, I don’t have any morphine left to spent unless someone’s dying, so the best I can do is give you this.” Bellamy nods not finding the strength to answer properly. 

“I assume you haven’t eaten anything in the past few days?”

“No.”

“Good, then this will work faster, come on, a few sips. It’ll hurt when I have to take the shrapnel out.” Bellamy drinks up as his mom holds his head in her hands and once he’s done they put him carefully back down and Jackson picks up a clean bandage, rolls it in a ball and puts it in his mouth. 

“You’ll scream but you need to stay as still as you can, okay? It’s stuck deep inside but I can’t tell how bad the nerve damage is without proper testing which we can’t have now, so the less you move, the better.” Bellamy nods and Jackson turns to Aurora. 

“Put your hands on his shoulders and keep him down, okay?”

It’s one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do. 

He’s indeed screaming and writhing from the pain, struggling, trying to get himself free of their grip but Jackson scolds him to keep down and once he removes the big piece he curses.

“Damn it! There are smaller ones, I need to dig deeper.” and that’s the real torture-it takes him a while to take every tiny piece out and Bellamy’s crying by the end and trying so hard to hold on and not move that it feels like this endless horrible pain that will never stop. 

Aurora’s had to watch him sick and hurt many times before, it came with being a parent-knowing that you gave your child not just life and happiness and good moments but also pain and suffering.

But this can’t compare to any of it. 

Not even after Gina’s death when Bellamy was so depressed and sad, when he was on the verge of dying out of dehydration and lack of sleep, was it ever like that.

She prays…hopes he passes out, but he doesn’t. 

Somehow he doesn’t. 

_Maybe he’s afraid that if he does, he’ll completely give up._

Her eyes well with tear if just for a moment-she was good at being strong, good at helping him push forward even when there was nothing left, even when he’s lost everything and couldn’t see a way out. 

She was always there, always helping, shouldering the burden, giving him hope.

But there was _**nothing**_ she could do now.

All she did was push him down while he cried out from the pain. 

Her child, her baby boy who she held in her hands and who wrapped his tiny hand around her finger the moment she first took him in.

It’s clearly not easy for the doctor either, he curses and gets frustrated because he can’t help Bellamy, can’t dull his pain. 

He seems relieved when he takes the last piece out but then there was a lot of blood too so he used almost half of the bandages the nurse brought to stop it before he could stitch it up.

Another nurse passes by and he asks her for two blood bags and an IV and thankfully she comes back rather fast when Jackson is already stitching Bellamy up.

Once they roll him over and the doctor attaches the bag and the IV to his arm, he’s barely conscious.

“Good job, kid, you did it-the worst is over.” he assures and Aurora runs her fingers through his messy dirty hair.

“Here, you can clean him up while I check his knee.” Jackson hands her a wet rag and she carefully dabs away the sweat and blood from his face. 

He barely flinches now, too overwhelmed and exhausted by it all.

The doctor has to tear off his sleeve that’s already been ruined anyway and when he does he finds his knee twice the size it should be which makes him curse again.

“Will he be alright?” Aurora asks while she keeps the wet rag over Bellamy’s forehead once she’s done cleaning him up, trying to bring him some peace. 

He nuzzles his face into her hand like a child looking for his mom’s warm embrace and she cups his cheek with the other, running her finger over the skin under his good eye.

“His kneecap is busted-I’ll wrap it over and put a brace on but I’ll try to get you a crutch as well.” he shakes his head as he picks up the bandages and starts securing the knee “I’m more worried about the nerve damage from the shrapnel-it stayed in him for two days, he bled a lot, moved too much, it dug deeper and caused more pressure.”

“Mom…can I…” Bellamy groans and his arm falls to his ribs.

“Don’t move, kid.” the doctor scolds but he shakes his head trying to get what he wants to say. “What is it?”

“Can I have some water?” Jackson gives Aurora a metal can filled with some stale and warm water but Bellamy drowns it right away and lets his head fall to the pillow. 

He seems a little bit better now but the pain is definitely still torturing him considering how he clenched his teeth and gripped the side of the cot with one hand.

Jackson uses the moment to pick up a needle from his white coat pocket and take off his booth, forgetting the knee bandage for a moment.

“I need you to tell me when you feel this, okay?” he shows him the needle and Bellamy manages a nod before the doctor starts pinching him up at his tight and carefully moving down. 

He has feeling up until the doctor reaches the place just above his knee when it gets spotty-he feels some of the pinches but not everything and when he gets to his foot, he has feeling in his first two toes but not in the last three. 

It’s bad around the ankle area and at the back of his leg too, more or less near the knee but not everywhere and when the doctor bends it for him despite the broken kneecap, he can’t feel everything, in fact…he can’t feel almost anything.

“What…what does this mean?” Bellamy’s voice is panicked, confused “Will I be able to walk?” Aurora has to put her hand on his chest and push him down because he’s trying to raise himself on his elbows.

“As I said, I can’t tell how bad the damage is without an x-ray and additional testing for which you need to be admitted in medbay.” he swallows hard before he continues.

“Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to get anyone from Factory to a hospital right now, not even the severe cases which are instead left here with us as their last hope.” 

Bellamy sighs and shakes his head, drawing his hand down his face. 

“I also can’t prescribe you any medication, painkillers or even mild anti-inflammation pills or syrups. I’m literally forbidden to do so.”

“Now that we know everything you can’t do, how about you answer his question?” Aurora says and it comes a little too cold even if she didn’t mean for it to be so “Will he be able to walk?”

“Yes, once your kneecap heals you’ll get better but clearly there’s severe nerve damage that from what I’ve seen will be permanent. You’d likely need a brace but I can’t tell without-” Jackson sighs and rubs his forehead tiredly. 

“Look, you may need surgery to improve or you may get some of the feeling back on your own. I really can’t make any prognosis now because I don’t have the means to threat you properly.”

“Well it’s good to know how expendable we are to the chancellor.” Bellamy laughs sadly as he lets his head fall back down to the pillow.

“You’ve been severely hurt and I will wrap you up as best as I can but you’ll need to rest and stay off this leg for a long while.” he turns to Aurora then. 

“I hear people talking that Arrow and Farm station are giving out some packages to those who need the most-some food, bandages, even basic medicine that would help you some.”

The doctor digs in his medical bag and comes up with two pieces of paper-one of which was orange as the band that the nurse wrapped around Bellamy’s arm and the other white. 

He uses Bellamy’s leg for support as he picks out his pen and starts writing down something while biting his lips in concentration. 

Then he picks up something that looks like a stamp and seals them in the bottom right corner but not before signing it up.

“Here-” he hands it to Aurora “Go to Farm’s school and show them this-they should give you at least a few bean cans and some bandages.” Aurora’s eyes fall on Bellamy who’s looking at her with tired eye and worry after the news they just received and Jackson can see clearly that she’s reluctant to leave her son. 

“Don’t worry, it’ll be at least two hours before the IVs and the blood bag are empty and I need to finish wrapping up his ribs and taking care of his more minor injuries. He won’t be alone.”

“Go, mom.” Bellamy urges her with a tight squeeze of her hand “It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere and Gus needs the food.” his son, of course even now when he was that hurt, he was thinking about his boy. 

Aurora shakes her head and cups his cheek before leaning down and kissing his forehead.

“You listen to the doctor and don’t be stubborn, alright?” Bellamy groans at that but gives her a light nod before she finally leaves, clutching the papers in her hand.

Once left alone, Jackson squeezes his shoulder in support before speaking up.

“I need to go grab some supplies before we’re done. Do you want me to get more moonshine?” Bellamy shakes his head.

“I don’t want to be drunk when I see my son again.” he says swallowing hard, obviously overcoming another painful wave “I can take it.”

Jackson wanted to tell him that in order to get better his body had to rest but clearly the guy was stubborn enough that he wouldn’t change his mind right now, so he leaves him for a quick supply run of bandages, antiseptic and more thread since the nurses are apparently too busy helping others to go fetch him anything and by the time he comes back, Bellamy’s forehead is sweaty and he’s panting in the cot, trying to catch his breath.

“Try to take deep breaths, alright?” Jackson instructs when he listens to his lungs again. 

He finds his heart beat to be too erratic but contributes it to the pain he’s in or at least hopes that it is that. 

“I know it hurts but if you don’t your lungs will inflame and you might end up with pneumonia.” Bellamy doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have the strength to but when Jackson’s fingers carefully thread over his ribs, he finds that three of them are broken and the others are severely bruised and cracked.

“They did a number on you, kid.” he sighs sadly “Come on, you need to sit up so I can wrap them, can you do that?” Bellamy nods and with great effort, makes it up halfway. 

Now that he’s getting a blood transfusion some of the color is returning to his cheeks but the pain makes everything worse.

“Is Clarke-” he says when Jackson picks up the bandages and soaks them in cold water and something yellow that Bellamy doesn’t know the name of, before putting it on his side, making him flinch. 

“Is she alright?”

“She had a pretty bad concussion when they brought her in, some minor cuts and bruises as well but overall she was fine. I wanted to keep in for a few days so I could observe her condition but she wouldn’t have it.” Bellamy cracks a smile at that “Said she doesn’t want to take up an entire bed for herself when someone else needed it more.”

“Sounds like the princess.” Jackson raises an eyebrow at the nickname but Bellamy doesn’t mind him.

“She’s at home now, on bed rest. Her mom won’t let her out of her sight.”

“Good, that’s good.” Bellamy mumbles and flinches when Jackson’s hands tighten the bandage over his middle “She’s pretty stubborn. Someone has to force her…to take…care of herself.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not any different?” Bellamy gives him a cheeky boyish smirk just when Jackson’s done with the bandage before helping him back down and checking in the big budge at the back of his head and then his eye that was red inside, probably because they burst a vessel. 

“I went to see her after they discharged her when I had a short break. She still has headaches and is a bit unstable on her feet but I believe she’ll make a full recovery.”

Bellamy manages a low hum and Jackson catches him staring at the bucket of water on the floor longingly. Stupid idiot wouldn’t say he wants some so Jackson filled in the metal cup and helped him drink some again.

“She was asking about you, you know?”

“What?”

“Apparently she drove her father insane, begged her to help find you. Then when she found out I was working the field hospital she asked me if you came in.” Bellamy seems stunned at that, like he can’t believe someone would care enough about him to ask and wonder if he’s safe.

“She kept saying you saved her life, that you covered her up and if you haven’t, she would’ve been much worse.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Bellamy waves his hand dismissively.

“Forgive me, but judging by your condition-” Jackson’s eyes roam all over his wrecked body “You definitely did. Now I don’t know what your relationship’s like but she’d want to know how you are.”

_**“No!”**_ Bellamy shakes his head stubbornly “Don’t tell her, please!”

“But-”

“I don’t want her to know I’m like this” Bellamy raises himself up on his elbows in a desperate attempt to fight the doctor “If she does, she’d want to come see me, try to help and Factory’s no place for her right now. It’s too dangerous.”

“I think it’s fair she knows at least that you’re alive.” Jackson persists though he sees Bellamy’s point. 

Factory was on lock down for a reason-it was dangerous there and even if it wasn’t Clarke still shouldn’t be walking the hallways on her own after the attack.

“I won’t risk her getting hurt again.” Bellamy utters shaking his head which makes him wince once more and Jackson curse under his nose that he can’t do much to help him ease his pain. 

When he’s done with the ribs he moves to his head but the best he can do is get him some ice for that awful bump on the head.

Bellamy starts dozing off again-in and out of consciousness. 

Jackson leaves, then comes back again and takes care of his knee, securing a brace made of old belts as a strap around it so he can at least use his leg somehow. 

By the time he comes back again, he brings in a crutch and his mom who comes empty handed. The IVs and blood bag are almost done and he’s trying to stubbornly raise himself up on his elbows.

“What happened?”

“When I went there the line was already pretty long and by the time I moved to the middle of it they’ve given all packages away.” she’s still clutching the papers Jackson gave them in one hand, now neatly folded to a smaller square.

“I’m sorry.” Jackson says when he helps Bellamy sit up. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for you, that I can’t admit you in medbay or at least let you stay here for a few days.”

“I’ll be fine.” Bellamy waves it off and Jackson has the suspicion that he’s not fully comprehending how serious his condition is. “Mom, we should get home, I need to see my son.” he tries standing up on his own but of course his leg gives out so Jackson and his mom steady him on both side and just this effort alone is enough to send him barely breathing.

“Is there anyone else to help you get home? A friend or-” he has no idea how they’ll make it all the way to Factory, knowing they’ll have to wait by the borders where security has gotten more strict and there were usually long queues of people waiting to get back to their home station.

“We can make it.” Bellamy cuts him off a little too harsh and that’s how Jackson knows that maybe in a way he offended them, made them think they’re too weak to get back home safely. 

It wasn’t about that-all he meant was that Bellamy needed help and his mom as strong as the woman was, had to carry half his weight there which Jackson was sure would proof to be a difficult task. 

Especially in the condition Bellamy was in.

“Bellamy!” Aurora scolds him as she helps him adjust the crutch under his other arm while shouldering his bad side with her body. “I’m sorry, he’s not usually that snappy.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Jackson watches them take off and follows them to the door, instructing Bellamy on what not to do “Rest as much as you can, don’t stand up for too long and try to eat so you can gain some of your strength back.”

“Like that will happen.” Bellamy utters under his nose again and Jackson wants to slap himself-they probably got half a ration each since Factory’s shares were cut down as a punishment because of the attack and they just lost their last chance of getting a package from Farm. 

Aurora throws him an angry glare which only makes him roll his eye like a child.

“If the pain gets to be too bad or he develops a cough, you can come find me. I’ll be on call here for the next few days.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Aurora stops by the gates, giving Bellamy the chance to breathe a little. 

He was already struggling, sweat has gathered on his forehead and his breathing was shallow.

“Keep the band on.” he points at the orange band the nurse had put on Bellamy’s sleeve and he helps secure it again “If nothing, it’ll help you pass faster through the station borders.”

“The papers you gave me, they’re valid for two more days, right?”

“Yes, try to get to Farm early tomorrow, I’m sure they’ll have a package for you then.” Aurora nods and Jackson once again instructs Bellamy not to strain himself too much which she’s sure he won’t follow, before they keep walking.

He’s very slow on his feet, his leg is bad despite the strap and the crutch and his ribs must hurt a lot because he can’t take a proper breath and they have to stop every now and then.

The more they walk down the hallways, making their ways from Mekka, to Hydra so they could reach Factory, the more they see people like them-at least at first. 

Wounded women and men with bandages on their heads or slings on their arms, burns on their hands and legs or bruises on their faces. 

Most of them are wearing the Factory’s jumpsuits but Aurora recognized some young women from Arrow carrying their children in their arms, afraid to let them down to walk on their own, or even older couples and families from Farm station.

When the attack happened, nobody talked about the fact that the most wounded were from Factory since the bigger bomb was apparently placed on the right side of the stage where they had gathered. 

Alpha made a martyr of themselves with only fifteen wounded and one dead whilst Factory struggled, was cut off in rations and looked upon with frowning eyes.

That became even more apparent to Bellamy when they crossed over at Hydra.

There’s always been animosity between the more flourishing stations and the poorer ones but now as they passed through people from Hydra looked at them with anger and disgust, furrowing their eyebrows at them or uttering something like _**“Terrorist scums!”** _behind their backs. 

Bellamy hurt a lot so it was hard for him to go as fast. Aurora urged him to stop every now and then but he just wanted to get home.

When they arrived at the border there was a line and Aurora had to tell two guards that her son is hurt before finally a third one finally agreed to let them pass faster.

They still searched him through and through.

“Don’t you see that he’s hurt! He’s not carrying any weapons, he can barely stand on his feet!”

One of them, a younger boy gave her an apologizing look.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, those are our orders.”

“Don’t apologize to them!” the older guard scolded as he kept patting Bellamy’s torso, going a little bit too hard on his ribs which made Bellamy buckle in two.

“Please, I-” he tried explaining but he was out of breath and decided it’s better not to argue with them but instead let it over with.

“Sir, I think he’s too hurt to-” the younger boy tried again but the guy cut him off.

“Quiet, Ford! You let one of them slide and tomorrow you can wake up to another dozen people dead.”

Aurora felt Bellamy wanted to fight but she gripped his side in a silent message to stay quiet while they checked their ID cards. When they were done, finally, they were let go and both of them exhaled in relief.

_**They were home.** _

Or at least they thought so-the station was still heavily policed. There were at least four guards marching in every hallway and a few of them stopped them to ask where they live, asking for the IDs even though they’ve already been checked at the border.

“I want us to get Gus.” Bellamy utters when they approach their hallway.

“I’ll get him-you go home, try to clean yourself up, change your clothes. He shouldn’t see you like that.” Bellamy manages a nod “You think you can do it?”

“I got it, mom, it’s not that bad.” he lies but she still sends him off to their door and doesn’t leave until he’s safely back in.

It takes him everything to drag himself to the bathroom, he’s barely able to move his bad leg at all by that time. 

In addition, he even drops his crutch when he sits on the edge of the bath tub and tries to take his jumpsuit off.

It’s a struggle-he can’t shower fully, not with the stitches on his back and the bandages all over him but he manages to clean his upper body on the sink, dunks his head under the stream and washes his hair and face, scrubbing it clean even though his eye stung and he couldn’t for the life of him open it.

Everything hurt, he groaned at the tiniest of movements, his ribs protested whenever he took in a deeper breath making tears pickle at his eyes. 

He washes his arms as well as he can, soaps his under pits, he wants to shave too but his hands shake too badly so he gives it up.

When he gets rid of the rest of his dirty jumpsuit, he unties the brace off of his leg, tears up the bandages Jackson made there and pours enough later in the tub to clean himself up to the stitches on his back as best as he can, again, that proves to be so much that he almost falls on his ass when he tries to walk without the brace or the crutch.

It feels like heaven when he puts on his sweatpants and a clean shirt that has holes around the neck and sleeves, then he ties up the brace and lets the tears go when he drags himself to his bed, brushing them away with the back of his hand just when Gus and his mom make it back in.

They come in and when he looks up he finds his son wrapped up in his mom’s arms, hiding his head in the crook of her neck sobbing. 

Aurora throws Bellamy an apologetic look and shakes her head a little.

“Here, look, I’m not lying to you.” she says rubbing his back a little. Bellamy’s eyes fill with tears all over again and he wishes he can stand up and just run to him but when he tries to, the sharp pain in his back stops him and he ends up on the cot again.

Aurora raises her hand telling him to stop and just give Gus a minute.

“Come on, Gus, look up.”

“No, you lying!” he mumbles sadly as he keeps sobbing.

“Gus, son.” Bellamy finally finds the courage to speak up and when Gus turns his head around and sees him for a moment he’s completely quiet.

The surprise on his face makes Bellamy’s heart ache even more-his son was so sure his father was dead that nothing could convince him.

Then he jumps off his grandma’s embrace and runs to Bellamy, who opens his arms and spreads his legs, allowing him to jump into his lap.

_**“Dada!” he yells “Dada, dada!!”**_ he hugs him so tight Bellamy feels his ribs ache and he coughs a little but never lets go of him.

They’re both crying by that point, Bellamy’s tears spilling down his face and Gus wetting his newly put shirt.

“Oh, Gus! I’m here, dad’s here! I’m so sorry, big boy.” he apologizes “Dada’s so sorry!” Gus weeps even wounder than before, almost hiccups and he holds him so tight Bellamy thinks he’ll never let go, not that he wanted him to-he’d keep him in his arms forever just like he promised. “I’m so sorry, son.”

Gus’ sobs turn into quiet hiccups before he looks up with his big beautiful brown eyes under the curls spread on his forehead. 

Bellamy’s heart aches so much when he sees him because the kid looks like he hadn’t sleep well, his face was somewhat thinner and looked exhausted-this shouldn’t be happening to him. 

He’s too young, Bellamy thinks as his heart breaks all over.

He peppers his face and head with kisses, hugs him tight until he starts quieting down.

“I thought I lost you.” he finally says as Bellamy brushes his tears away and kisses his forehead again “I thot you were gone, dada.”

“I’m here, I’m right here, it just took me a while to get back home, I’m so sorry.” Gus buries himself in his chest again and lets his dad rub his back soothingly, moving them both back and forth. 

“I’m so sorry, my boy, please forgive me.”

“I’m not mad, dada, Gus was just scawed. So scawed.”

“I know, it was scary for dad too. And for grandma.” he assures as he runs his hand through his curls “But now we’re all home.” Gus sobs a little bit more and when he finally calms down he gets sluggish in Bellamy’s embrace, probably because he’s been so stressed out in the past few days that he finally let himself breathe and relax.

“Mom, maybe you can make him some milk and tea?”

“We’re on the last formula box.” Aurora whispers quietly, worry painting her face all over. “And I don’t know when we can-”

“Did you get any rations for him today?”

“Just half a bowl of algae that he didn’t eat. Just like yesterday.”

“He hasn’t been eating?” Aurora bites her lips as she keeps watching Bellamy rock Gus who curls up on his chest like he did when he was a baby, fisting his shirt with his tiny hand and looking up at him.

“I’ve tried but he barely had anything.”

Bellamy bites his lips and takes a deep breath-he knows none of this is his mom’s fault but it gets him even more worried nonetheless.

He could read the same question he’s been having himself in her eyes “What would we do?”

He sighs and clenches his jaw for a moment before speaking up.

“Move the shoe’s drawer-” he says sternly and his mom gives him a confused look “There’s a metal board under that moves, open it up, I’ve saved some stuff there for emergencies.”

Aurora’s face falls-that was illegal, hoarding food and if there was ever an inspection they could be caught but still everyone in Factory did it if they had the chance, not that it was an every day opportunity for them to use extra ration points to get food. 

It was better for them to eat it anyway, if there was a surprise inspection and Bellamy was pretty sure that they’ll probably be one, they could find them and punish him by taking ration points that he didn’t even have anyway.

“I’ve been saving up some stuff in the past few weeks. I guess I had a hunch something bad was coming up.” Aurora’s eyes scream sadness but still, she goes to the shoes drawer, moves it away and opens up the small metal board.

“When did you have this made?”

“Carved it last year myself after Gus got sick. I’ve been putting some stuff here and there and using it for when things were really bad.”

She takes out a box of formula, a can of red beans, another one with corn, and two more with green beans that she knew Gus liked if mixed with carrots as well as one more with some stew and potatoes.

“Open up something and lets feed him.”

“You too.” Aurora insists when she grabs the beans and the stew, knowing Bellamy needed nutrition especially after what he’s been through-he wouldn’t fight her on that, not today.

If he’s honest he doesn’t plan on fighting her either-he feels for the first time in days, pretty hungry.

His mom gets on working around the stove, using the hot plate to warm things up, make formula and tea until at least they still had electricity and Bellamy makes her turn the radiator on to the highest point-the room was freezing with them being away for a few days since Gus had been sleeping at Aurora’s place while he was gone.

“Dada, what happened to you?” Gus asks after a while when he starts really calming down. 

Aurora brings in a cup of hot milk and tea and Bellamy moves them to the table so they can turn on the small projector they had and turn it on to the cartoon channel in hopes of distracting him. 

_Tom and Jerry_ was on tonight, yet another long rerun with the cute young grey mouse that couldn’t speak well and those were usually Gus’ favorite but tonight his attention was all on his dad.

Bellamy hands him the cup and makes him drink which thankfully he eagerly does, even though he’s still slack in his arms and pretty much curled up like a baby.

“When the attack happened I was with Clarke so I tried to help her but then another bomb went off so we got separated.” he tries explaining as best as he can and Gus furrows his eyebrows as he sips from his drink.

“Is she alrait?”

“I think so, yes.”

“When can we see her, dada?”

“I don’t know, son. She hurt her head so she needs to get rest until she feels better.”

“And you got huwt in the attack?” Bellamy nods and watches as Gus’ eyes roam from him head to toe.

He moves up to his lap, puts the cup on the table and then his hands move to his face, cupping his dad’s cheek, tracing the big bruise on his eye that still has it forced shut.

“Can I see?” Bellamy nods and his fingers pepper over the bruise making Bellamy wince a little, then they move to his chest, pat over his heart until they reach the ribs when Bellamy tries to stifle a groan but he doesn’t do a good job and Gus pulls his shirt up and sees the bandages there.

“Dada?”

“I’m okay.” Bellamy pushes his shirt back down and leans down to kiss his forehead “Dad’s fine.”

Gus doesn’t seem convinced so his left hand moves over Bellamy’s leg and when he sees the brace there and his eyes follow the crutch that was perched up on the table he looks up at his dad with big brown eyes full of worry.

“What’s wrong, dada?” he asks tilting his head.

Bellamy’s always wanted to be honest with him, so he decides not to lie to him now either.

“Dad got shrapnel stuck in his back when the bombs went off.”

“What’s a shrapnil?”

“It’s…it’s like when a bomb goes off and little pieces of everything around you like the floor or the walls go into tiny pieces and can get stuck in you if you’re close to them.”

“How?”

“Well the bomb blasts off with great speed and power so it can throw you off your feet and hurt you.”

“Is this what happened to you?” his lips turn upside down and Bellamy starts questioning his honesty policy. “To doctow Clarke?”

“Yes, it was like that. So one of the pieces that the bomb destroyed got stuck in my back but the doctor took it out.”

“Is that why you weren’t home for two days?” Aurora glances from the stove where she’s stirring the small metal pot with the beans and corns on. It already smelled delicious.

Bellamy’s mouth watered for the first time since he was maybe a kid like Gus.

“Not exactly” he sighs and pulls Gus up back to his chest, letting him rest his back on his arm and put his legs on his lap. “Dad got arrested.”

“Why, did you do something bad, dada?”

“No…I-” he doesn’t know how to explain this part “They thought I could be involved in the attack or that I may be dangerous, I suppose.”

“But you weren’t” Gus looks at him with confusion just as Aurora brings in their warm bowls.

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Then why did they thought so?”

“Because…well because I am from Factory station.”

“Is that bad?”

“No, it’s just…”

“How about you eat some, huh, Gus? Here’s your favorite.” Aurora interrupts them trying to push in the bowl in Gus’ direction but he seems to be needing more answers so he ignores her.

“Is it wrong that we’re from Factory? Is it becawse we’re poor?” Bellamy’s heart shatters once more when he hears that, the genuine confusion in Gus’ eyes and at the same time him trying to understand this, wracking his tiny brain around the fact that something was just not right.

“Listen to me, Gus-” he starts carefully again, placing his hands on his shoulders “You’re not a bad person because you come from Factory, you’re not lesser than anyone else, you’re not small or insignificant. You’re a child, equal to every other one in the station-you’re just as smart, as bright, as important, okay?” he takes a deep breath before he continues. 

“We have less, that’s true, our lives are harder, but that just makes us stronger, more resilient and we work hard to get food on our table but there’s no shame in that, do you understand me?”

Gus nods a little but Bellamy can see he’s trying to process the words.

“The kids from Alpha at the Unity days, they had…better clothes than us.” he says “And when we took the tour around the station Alpha is…so different.” Bellamy winces a little at that, understanding Gus trying to find some logic in his words “But they look the same on the outside.”

"Exactly. It doesn’t matter what you wear but who you are.” Bellamy promises rubbing his back and pushing him to his chest as he picks up his bowl with beans and brings it to his lap, handing him the spoon which he doesn’t take, not right away. 

“Do you feel bad that you have worse clothes than them?”

“No!” he exlaims right away “It don’t matter.”

“It _**doesn’t**_ matter.” Bellamy corrects him when he fills in his spoon and brings it to his mouth, deciding to feed him himself since the kid was too exhausted and wrapped up in his own thoughts anyway. 

“Dad has grease on his clothes and works hard, so does grandma Rory but we’re good.” Gus nods quietly as he takes in another spoon.

“Why do they think we’re bad then?”

“Because some of the people who organized the attack were from our station.” Bellamy explains patiently as he keeps feeding him. Gus goes slacker in his arms with every minute and he knows the kid won’t last long.

“But why did they do it?”

“I guess they thought this way they could get the chancellor’s attention and ask for things to get better in our station too…like in Alpha.”

“By huwting people?” Gus seems totally confused and Bellamy regrets ever indulging in that conversation “Isn’t that wong, dada?”

“Yes it is. Violence is the never the way, we’ve talked about it, remember? When you got angry at your friend George at school and pushed him down?”

“He was mean! He called me bad names!”

“True, but what did we say then?”

“That we should think first and act later. Tell an adult-you ow gwandma ow miss Karen.”

“Exactly, good boy!” Bellamy praises him as he rounds up the last spoons of the bowl and when Gus is done, he picks up some of his own stew and potatoes under his mom’s scrutinizing look and starts feeding him some. 

The kid was starving-demolishing everything with a speed faster than Bellamy had ever seen before.

“Bellamy-” Aurora warns him and he sighs.

“You open up another can, mom.” she turns around rolling her eyes at his behavior but doesn’t fight him.

“So why couldn’t those people tell the chancellor it’s been bad instead of huwt people?”

“I don’t know, son.” Bellamy cups his cheek for a moment, dropping the spoon in the bowl and taking the time to truly look down in his eyes “Don’t worry about that, alright? Things will get better again. Plus, we’re Blakes.”

“It’s hawd to keep us down!” Bellamy smiles and keeps feeding him. 

Soon enough he finishes his bowl and finally focuses on the cartoon on the TV but then he dozes off and Aurora insists on taking him to bed except she can’t.

He’s clutching his tiny fists around Bellamy’s shirt refusing to let him go, even in his sleep and it makes him smile.

He carefully maneuvers him and starts eating with one hand, wrapping Gus tightly up in the other and asking his mom for a blanket to cover his legs and middle.

Gus falls mouth open, drooling on his dad while Bellamy demolishes his red beans and corn as well as a second round of some mashed potatoes and carrots as much as he fights his mom on it. 

She insists and he doesn’t have the strength to fight her.

Aurora helps Bellamy getting back to bed with Gus still wrapped tightly around him and covers them up with two blankets. 

The radiators are already off but it’s somewhat warm in the room. Still, she decides she’ll be sticking around, knowing Bellamy can’t deal with a kid in the condition he’s in.

Even though he falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow, she hears Bellamy wake up just a few hours later, moaning, trying to bite back the pain which he can’t do. 

She gets up and covers his forehead with a wet cloth, holds his hand with Gus wrapped tightly around him, unaware of his dad’s pain, yet nothing she does is helpful enough-he still writhes and struggles and his back hurts so much she helps him roll on his side.

He passes out early in the morning and even in his sleep his face twists in agony and tears stream down his head, mixing up with Gus’ sweet short curls.

She decides she can’t watch him like that, so she picks up the orange papers doctor Jackson gave her and heads out to Farm station again. 

Only this time she’s directed back to Arrow because there was another woman helping out there and she ends up stumbling upon Cassandra, the painting seller which she would say she could somewhat expect.

What she would’ve never thought of is seeing Clarke Griffin next to her, dressed in Farm station clothes with her hair tied back in a pony tail and a cap over her face, handing her boxes.

When their eyes meet, she gasps and she stops what she’s doing until her mouth stretches in a smile and tears roll down their eyes before they hug each other briefly.

The first thing Clarke asks when she pulls away is

“Is he alive?”

“He’s alive. Pretty hurt, though.” Clarke’s eyebrows furrow before a determined expression sets on her face.

_“Take me to him.”_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading! I'll try to catch up on here with what's posted on Tumblr so I can get a new chapter in! 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

Bellamy’s trying to raise himself up on his own but the best thing he manages is fall back down to the shitty mattress. 

Gus is thankfully sleeping soundly next to him, unaware of his attempts. The kid was so exhausted after the events from the past few days that he dozed off like a candle last night, curled up next to him and wouldn’t wake up until early in the morning when they got him for breakfast, then he played some, showered with the help of his grandma and then climbed on the bed to supposedly play near his dad, but fell asleep again instead.

Now Bellamy wanted to get up on his own, maybe warm another can of beans for a late lunch but he couldn’t. 

With every attempt, his ribs protested and his leg gave up on him like it was made of jello. 

He just couldn’t and he was nearly crying out of pain and confusion and anger-he needed to get up, for his son.

“I can do it.” he mumbles to himself quietly. “I can…I can do it.” he grips the sides of the bed and tries moving up but almost falls face down-the pain in his ribs is so strong, he can’t take a proper breath and he has already started coughing.

He ended up like this again, only this time, like last night, he also coughed up some blood that ended up staining his shirt.

Shit.

He squeezed his eyes shut. 

He could do it. His mom, she’d be back home soon and then have to leave for work so he had to be taking care of the kid, he had to feed him and help him out, he had to-

He tries standing up again this time using his crutch but all it ends up doing is letting it fall on the floor and falling back to his ass on the bed.

“Goddammit.” he curses and feels Gus stir a little next to him. 

The kid thankfully doesn’t wake and when he turns around he finds him curled up on his own, the blanket tightly wrapped around him, nibbling on his thumb like he often did in his sleep.

Bellamy’s face falls, the anger dissipates and he reaches to gently run his hand over Gus’ head. 

“I’m sorry, son.” he whispers as he leans down and kisses him briefly “I’m sorry I’m not enough.”

He grits his teeth as he turns his back to the kid again and tries moving once more. This time he makes it up somehow miraculously and grips the side of the bed with his hand while the other is cradling his broken ribs.

The effort causes him to cough and he spits blood on the floor. 

Briefly he looks up at the ceiling and begs whatever force there was in the universe, to let him make it to the table that was just a few feet away.

And just when he almost attempts it, the door opens up and his mom strides in with another woman.

It takes him a moment to realize that it’s Clarke and she’s clearly as stunned to see him there, barely up, covered in blood from his own coughs so both she and his mom stop dead in their tracks.

“Clarke?” he asks tilting his head wondering if he completely lost his mind as is imagining her standing there, holding up a box, dressed in Farm station clothes, her hair pulled up in a tight braid with a red bandana hiding it away like most women from that station wore it.

He tries to take a step forward but forgets that he can’t freely do that anymore and both of them drop whatever they are carrying and rush in to catch him before he falls down.

They grab him just when his knees hit the ground.

“Bellamy, what the hell are you doing!” Aurora scolds him when they throw his arms over their shoulders and lift him up with effort. 

When Clarke looks up at him, her eyebrows are furrowed in a worried brow and she immediately notices the little drops of sweat covering his forehead and his uneven breathing. As well as the blood on his shirt which scared her even more.

When Aurora explained what happened and how she had to get him out of prison, that he was hurt and they went to the field hospital, she assumed things were bad but she had not imagined it was this serious.

“Come on, let’s get him back to the bed.” Aurora nods at her and they carefully drag him back on the cot where he tilts dangerously to the left and they push him down gently.

“No…it hurts.” he mumbles when he lays on his back, struggling to breathe.

“Roll him to the side.” Aurora instructs again and they help him move so that he’s lying on his left side. 

Clarke notices Gus sleeping in the opposite position behind him, thankfully still soundly, unaware of everything happening around him.

“Clarke?” he asks weakly again.

“I’m here.” she kneels on the floor and cups his cheek with her hand. 

His face was a battlefield on it’s own-the eye pressed to the pillow was swollen shut by a red-purple bruise and his good one looked around in utter confusion. 

“I’m here, Bellamy.”

“You shouldn’t be-” something like recognition flashes over his face for a brief moment and he seems scared “It’s dangerous.”

His mom is hovering somewhere behind her but his vision is so blurry he can barely make anything. He does see her hand Clarke something and soon enough a cold cloth is pressed to his forehead which makes him exhale.

And then cough again.

“Let me worry about that.” she cuts him off and he sees her doctor’s expression set in. 

Her hand leaves his cheek and he almost wants to reach out and grab it, put it back on his face but instead her light touch grabs the hem of his shirt and moves it up. 

He notices her expression change when she sees the bandages there.

“Bruised ribs?” she asks Aurora who’s unpacking one of the boxes on the floor near her, taking out bandages and a few bottles of liquid medicine he couldn’t recognize.

“Broken. Three of them.”

“And the shrapnel hit his back?” she moves her hand to the bandage on his lower waist and he squirms like he’s been shock lashed all over again “Sorry, I just want to check. Is that okay?” he’s never had any doctor ask him if it’s okay to see his wound or maybe potentially cause him pain. 

It reminds him of the first time he met her at Gus’ appointment.

He manages a slow nod and braces himself for the pain.

Which is excruciating when she presses on the wound and tests the swollen flesh around it.

“We should make a cold compress, get the swelling down somewhat. It’ll help ease the nerves and the pain.”

“Don’t you worry, princess…we have plenty of cold water around here.” he manages through teeth as he tries to breathe in and out. 

“The fact that you can joke around means you’re all faking it, Blake.” she tries to lighten the mood with a careful joke and when his lips stretch in a smile she knows she achieved her goal.

“You know me…a drama queen.”

“More like THE one and only in all the ark.”

“I’m flattered. Or should I be ….offended…considering I call you princess and you call me queen-do you find me older?”

“Well you are.”

“Just by a few years.” 

“The pain in your back says otherwise, grandpa.” he chuckles again but this time it leads to another cough and this time the bout lasts longer and he curls up on himself, trying to hide his face in the pillow. 

She grows back to being serious, waits for it to pass and him and Aurora help him take a few sips of water which he manages with great effort. 

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not.” she cuts him off stubbornly when her hand moves down to his broken knee. 

He wants to tell her to stop, that it hurts too much, that the bandage is tight enough as it is and having her hand there testing the bones makes him want to scream, but at the same time he knows she needs to do this-she was a doctor after all. 

And maybe, just maybe, deep down in his heart, he hoped that it was more than that-that she had to assure herself for her own peace of mind that they were both really here, breathing the same air in the same room after they were blown off by a bomb.

He hides his face in his pillow and tries to undergo the pain while she checks everything and then she turns to his mom and tells her something, hands her one of the plastic medicine bottles filled with the same yellow liquid Jackson had used for the bandages yesterday and tells her to warm it up and douze the bandages in it.

“We don’t have any electricity now, I can’t boil water.” he hears his mom say and it makes him wince until he remembers something else and curses himself for putting his son at the back of his mind. 

It was true that the only thing lighting the room was a meager stick lamp in the ceiling. That and the telekom always worked even if the electricity was off in case someone needed to make an emergency call. 

His hand finds Gus’ tiny foot and determines that it’s neither too cold nor too warm, but he still uses his one good arm to throw over the blanket between them over him.

Until a pale small cold hand catches his wrist.

“What are you doing?”

“Gus…he’s…cold.” he manages and Clarke’s eyes fall on the bundle behind him. 

Bellamy could feel him curled up near his middle, breathing soundly and Clarke adjusts the blanket, wrapping him up in it.

“Move him around and pull his back to mine. I’ll…I’ll warm him…I’ll warm him up.” he manages between breaths and Clarke and Aurora both want to fight him but still the princess obliges him and he feels his son’s back pressed to his a minute later. 

“I need to rewrap his ribs and knee, figure out how to take down that fever.” she tells his mom.

“I can go to the Greens, use their gas plate to warm up the medicine for the bandages” Bellamy’s eyes tries to focus on his mom’s figure that’s standing tall with her arms crossed over her chest behind Clarke who’s still kneeling near him. 

“But then I need to go to work and I…I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“Mom, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll stay.” Clarke promises “For as long as I can. Until curfew.”

“No-” he shakes his head stubbornly as another cough interrupts him and he wraps his hand around his ribs, squeezing his eyes shut trying to undergo the wave of pain “No, it’s too dangerous…They haven’t caught the terrorists yet, you could end up…you could-”

“Will you stop it!” she loses her nerves for just a moment before seeing the worry and pain in his eye and taking in a deep breath.

Why was she so scared? Why was she so adamant on risking her own life to stay here with him and his son when she knew how dangerous it is?

His look fell on the white bandage crossing her forehead that was up until now mostly covered by her hair and the bandana.

Before he even realizes what he’s doing he reaches up and swipes his thumb over it gently. 

Clarke sucks in a breath and when his look focuses on her and his hand slides down to cup her cheek, she feels her heart beat out of her chest and her cheeks flush.

“I don’t want you to die because of me.”

“I’m alive because of you!” she emphasizes moving her own hand up to wrap around his wrist and rub her fingers on the inside of his hand. “You saved me, Bellamy. Now let me save you.”

His eyes roll down as if he’s an embarrassed three year old like his son before he looks up again and focuses on her bandage once more.

“You’re hurt.” she laughs sadly at his ridiculousness and shakes her head a little but his hand remains on her face and she doesn’t want it to ever leave her.

“You do realize that out of the two of us, you’re the one who currently can’t get out of bed, right?”

“How will you go back? What if they stop you at the borders?” he kept worrying about her ignoring her comment about him.

It broke her heart.

Why was he such a stupid selfish idiot who always put everyone else first and himself last?

“I have a fake ID” she explains with a sigh, seeing that he won’t let it go “I’m in disguise, they’ll let me pass and even if they don’t and they arrest me, the moment they find out who they caught they’d call my mom and send a basket in apology for messing up.” he smiles a little a that. “That is, if she doesn’t have them fired on the spot.”

“Resident princess and all that.”

“That’s right.”

“What if the Arrowheads…what if-”

“Stop it!” it’s her turns to cup his cheek after gently removing his hand from her face and putting it back as much as she hated it “I’ll be fine. You’re the one who’s not okay right now.” she reminds him once more when he hides his face in the pillow for a brief moment as if trying to ignore her comments on his weakness because he was that stubborn. 

“Let me help, okay?”

He mumbles something unintelligible then.

“What was that?”

He sighs and looks up with his one good eye.

“Okay.”

She nods determinedly before her hand leaves his cheek and he huffs a little in protest-a quiet sign that he likes having her there. 

She doesn’t let him know she noticed it because he seems embarrassed enough to show her his weakness so she focuses on instructing Aurora instead.

When she leaves with the medicine and the bandages she focuses back on him. 

She starts taking out all the things from the care package they brought and his eyes fall on the ten cans of beans, potatoes, corn and stew that she takes out. 

Then there’s bread, which he’s had twice in his life as well as chocolate and three boxes of formula.

Bellamy has always hated charity but he can’t deny that his heart eased up when he saw all that.

And it was just the food-there were bandages, a bottle of moonshine and an extra thermo-blanket.

He guides her as to where she can put them and when she returns with the blanket it dawns on him.

“Is that a standard care package box?” she raises an eyebrow when she tucks it in around him and Gus who’s still sleeping back pressed to his dad’s.

“Yes.”

“You’re a horrible liar, princess.” he huffs but he doesn’t have the strength to fight her, not anymore-everything hurts him once again and he feels the beads of sweat covering his forehead.

She notices it and kneels back down next to him, taking out a small orange bottle from the pocket of her washed out blue pants and pops up the lid, taking out two pills from it.

“Come on, this will help.”

“What is it?”

“Painkillers. They gave it to me for my headache but it’ll work well enough for you too now.” 

“No.” he pushes her hand away “No way! You need them.”

“I don’t. Not anymore. The dizziness is almost gone and my head barely hurts. I took them today to give some to anyone if they need when we were giving the packages.” he shakes his head stubbornly once more.

“You shouldn’t be this stupid. People rarely have access to this and you do. You need to take care of yourself.”

“I need to take care of you! Bellamy-” she rubs her forehead getting frustrated by his stubbornness all over again “Look, if you don’t take any medication your body can’t heal. You can’t put it in constant stress and hope that it’ll miraculously get better, it doesn’t work like that.” he peaks with one eye at her and he looks like Gus when he’s scared but also shy.

“You have to let it rest, you need to let yourself rest, alright?”

He doesn’t seem convinced at least not at first but she doesn’t wait for him to get to his senses. She slips an arm under his and helps him raise up, bringing the pills to his lips.

“You either take them now or we wait for your mom to come and help hold you down while I force them on you.”

“Bossy, princess.” he huffs “I’ll take half now and half tomorrow.” he takes one of them with shaky fingers and tries to split it in two but he’s so weak he can barely do that. “The other one is for you.”

“Bellamy-” she raises her voice just a bit ready to fight.

“I need to …be able to take care of Gus till mom comes home at least.” he cuts her off before she can give a good argument.

Still wanted to ask the obvious question that was-how? How was he supposed to take care of his child when he couldn’t even stand up right now? 

But she didn’t want to do this to him, not now anyway. 

She’d wait and help with Gus for as long as she could and by the time curfew came around his mom would be soon coming home too. 

“Fine, half now but the other half you’ll need when you wake up in the middle of the night tossing and turning from the pain.” he looks at her like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, like he can take on the weight of the Ark and carry it on his shoulders. 

“Bellamy, you’re no Atlas…you can’t carry the world on your back.” she speaks her thoughts.

“So the princess knows her mythology then?”

“You’re not the only one with a passion for reading.” she provokes when she helps him take the pill. “You’re wrong, though-” he manages when his head falls back on the pillow after drowning a cup of water. 

“I don’t need to carry the world…just my son.”

He breaks her heart with his words-this man would do anything for his kid. 

Clarke loved her father dearly and she knew he’d sacrifice for her too, he has always been the one spoiling her, showing her his love all the time, letting her climb on his shoulders like Gus did Bellamy, answer to her every whim, every idea, even if it was an adventurous night out in the station after curfew when she was nine. 

But she had never seen someone so devoted to being a parent-so caring, so patient with their child and mostly-so loving.

Bellamy had that same fatherly love as Jake but it extended to another level-his love came off of him in waves-selfless, but determined to drown you in warmth, in kindness, gentleness. 

His touch, despite his rough calloused hands was feather-like and he always put everyone first before he even thought of himself IF he thought of himself at all.

Gus came first in that short list of people. Then Aurora. And herself? She didn’t know, but judging how he protected her in the blast, the way he worried about her even now, told her he must care.

She knew she did. Clarke wasn’t certain when it happened, when he and Gus sneaked into her own heart, under her own skin but they were there and she couldn’t shake them off. 

“In order to do that, you need to get better.” she reminds him and he rolls his eyes like an annoyed five-year old.

She puts the other pill on the small nightstand by the bed.

“For tomorrow, okay?”

“You need it too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Careful, princess-you’re spending too much time around me, you’ve started stealing my lines.” he smirks.

“And what? You’re saying you’re a bad influence?”

“That I am.” he feels the bundle behind him move “The little bundle is waking up.” he utters throwing his head back trying to catch a glimpse at Gus.

His kid was a slow riser, he could wake up early in the morning but he’d roll around in bed for at least five, if not ten minutes before he made it out which usually got them late for day care. 

He liked cuddling too much, wrapping himself in his dad, hiding under the blankets.

They had their morning routine where Bellamy would wake up first but wait for Gus to rise, letting him think he’s the one to wake up his dad. 

He’d climb on his middle or his back-depending how Bellamy fell asleep and pat his shoulder “Waise and shine, dada! It’s a blait new day!”

Bellamy would crack an eye open, groan, pretend to yawn and Gus would giggle.

“Let me sleep, little monster.”

“No, dada, gotta wake up!” he pats him again and Bellamy opens his eyes, finding his messy curls sticking all over “Gotta go to work and Gus gotta go to day cawe and learn new things.”

“Hmmmm…let me think about it.” Bellamy would say and then pretend to fall again-close his eyes, start snoring lightly which would set Gus into another laughing fit.

Then he’d stand in the bed and pull the blankets.

“Come on, dada, come on!” 

“I can’t…the Sleep king is pulling me down to his realm. Someone should save me or I’ll spend the day in this bed.” Gus would throw the blanket over his head and fall on his small butt “If only there was a brave night to-” he’d yawn for a dramatic pause “save me from his tight grip!”

Then Gus’d jump off the bed pick up a stick that he plaid both a rifle and a sword depending on the occasion and jab away at the empty blankets and pillows.

“Hewe, I’ll save you, dada! I’ll help!” and then Bellamy would play it around, as if he’s trying to get rid of the clutches of the monster that was in fact the sheets tangled between his legs that get free with the help of Gus who’s adorably huffing and puffing and then when he’s finally sitting his son would jump in his arms and hug him tight.

“My brave boy! My hero!” Bellamy would whisper and kiss his cheeks “Thank you for saving me.”

“Youw welcome, dada.” Gus would say “Now bweakfats!”

“Breakfast!”

“That’s what Gus said too.”

Bellamy smiles to himself, remembering the sweet moments they’ve had before everything went to hell. Before his kid thought he was dead and cried for two days, before he heard a terrorist attack happen, before he saw his father so hurt.

Now he’s slow to wake too, his tiny hand reaches out to find Bellamy’s back and pats it, as if to make sure he’s there.

“Dada?”

“I’m here, big boy.” Bellamy moves his own arm and throws it over him, rubbing his tummy over the blanket. “Wake up, there’s someone to see you.”

Gus moans a little, as if annoyed that he has to do this, but his curiosity must get the better of him because Bellamy hears him shuffling behind, move to his knees and rub at his eyes with his tiny fists, using Bellamy’s body to lean on.

“Dadaw?” he was the cutest when he was so sleepy, his voice so small and soft, his eyes big and bright but also a little drowsy.

“Look up, Gus.” Bellamy urges and when Gus’ hands fall from his face and he focuses on Clarke and the moment they do his mouth falls and his eyes widen.

“CLARKE!” he exclaims and easily finds his energy, hurrying to jump over his dad’s legs, not minding his bad one and throwing himself in her embrace. “Clarke! Clarke! Clarke!”

“Hey, sweet face!” she hugs him tight and he wraps his tiny arms around her neck burying his face in her shoulder and his legs around her middle. “Clarke’s missed you so much!”

“Gus miss you too!” he mumbles but doesn’t pull away. She runs her hand down his head and when he pulls away peppers his face with kisses from the forehead to the chin. He squirms but squeaks happily and then pats her cheeks with his tiny hands. 

“Clarke!” he says her name again, he’s so excited to have her here that his face is beaming as much as it was crying when he saw his dad last night. Both of them from relief.

“Sweet boy.” she rubs her nose against his and moves them up on the cot, sitting next to Bellamy, who rolls on his back with a quiet groan and pulls away, giving them space. 

The bed creaks under their weight-it hasn’t held a happy family like this in almost four years.

“You came to see me!”

“I did.”

“What am I-chopped liver?” Bellamy grunts pretending to be annoyed but Clarke can see the sheen of slight jealousy on his face at the sight of his son favoring someone other than him.

“What does that mean, dada?”

“Means someone’s being a jelly bean.” Clarke teases and Bellamy covers his eyes with his arm but she can see the pill is taking effect and he’s getting a little loopy. Good-his body needed to rest even if for a bit.

Gus doesn’t understand their grown up talk so he focuses back on Clarke and much like Bellamy, he moves his tiny hands up to the bandage on her head.

“Youw hurt.”

“I’m okay, it’s just a scratch.”

“It’s a really bad concussion and you should be home, in your bed.” Bellamy comments and she raises her eyebrow at him “Jackson was the one to threat me at the field hospital. He told me everything.”

“You gotta lay down?” Gus asks with worry looking between her and his dad “Come on then you can lay down next to dada and rest.”

“Gus,no-” Clarke protests when the kid starts tucking her sleeve and Bellamy smirks in all his half-drugged glory.

“Yes, princess, come lay your heavy head down. Just take off your crown first.”

“She don’t have a cwonw, dada” Gus says after taking a good look at Clarke’s head and then his finger points at the bandana “That a cwown?”

“Yes, Gus, the Farm station crown.” Bellamy jokes and Clarke doesn’t stop the urge to swat his good leg with her hand while Gus keeps tucking her.

“Come on, Clarke, it’s warm, I pwomise. Dada’s warm. He’s a fuwnace.”

“I’m fine, Gus.” Clarke tries again but the kid is relentless and has already pushed her lying half down. You had to admire his determination-he was as stubborn as Bellamy was when it came to helping other people. 

“I was going to change up your dad’s bandages.” Gus stops at that, takes a look at his dad who’s laying down for once not writhing with pain, covered in white like a mummy all over and he seems to determine that everything’s okay and his dad has enough medical attention for the moment, so he keeps tugging her down.

“You a doctow, Clarke! You know when your head hurts, you lay down. You told me so!”

“My head doesn’t hurt, sweet face.”

“Yeaw it does. There was a biiiig bomb that went off and huwt you and dada and now you gotta west.” he talks like an adult-it’s both heartwarming and heartbreaking but he keeps pulling her down and she actually ends up falling on the pillow next to Bellamy.

He chuckles when he sees her surprised expression at Gus’ stubbornness and she would elbow him in the ribs if she wasn’t sure she’d break another one. 

His breath fans her neck and tickles her but being like this, so close to him, makes her realize how bad he truly was. 

When she turns her head around and looks at him she swallows down a gasp-how was it that the world was so different from above? 

How was it it felt he had more color to his face, more light to his eyes when she was looking down on him?

It made her heart clench.

He was broken. They broke him. 

“Dad’s fine, Gus.” Bellamy promises as if sensing Clarke’s thoughts and reaching to take his hand in his “And doctor Clarke needs to go back to her station soon, so maybe you can take all the time you can get and be with her since you can’t play with dad.”

“That’s right, Gus. What do you wanna do? You wanna draw?” she asks and he climbs on her legs, putting both of his on her sides and tapping his chin with his index finger, deep in thought “Play something?”

“Maybe you can feed him too, I don’t know if I can with…” he gestures at his leg wordlessly and she reaches out to take his hand and squeeze it.

A shiver runs down his spine.

A pleasant one now, though.

“I got it” is what she meant to say.

“I want a story!” Gus exclaims clapping his hands together happy that he figured it out. 

Then, before Clarke or Bellamy could protest, he jumps off and rushes to the bedside drawer by his smaller cot that looked unused and grabbed a red book with what was once golden lettering before rushing back to them and climbing on the bed.

He puts the book on Clarke’s stomach and snuggles between the two of them. Bellamy rolls on his side once more, trying to ease the tension in his back and wraps an arm around Gus’ middle.

“Wead, Clarke!” he says, pushing the book in her hands.

“Gus, what do we say?”

“Pwease?” she smiles and runs a hand down his soft curls before picking up the book.

“Let’s see what we have here.” Gus exclaims a quiet Yey when she agrees to read and claps his hands once more before pushing his back to his dad, adjusting the pillow under his head and staring at Clarke.

When she looked at them it’s like she saw two identical little stars- one big and one smaller right under it-they both had the same hair, same skin tone, same freckles, only Gus’ eyes were a tad different brown to Bellamy’s, a little lighter, maybe mixed with some green, but even the way they pursed their lips in anticipation to her reading, was the same and made her want to chuckle.

“Anne of Greene Gables? I haven’t heard of that one!”

“It’s the best! Anne’s an orphan like me except she don’t have a dada to take cawe of her when her mama died and she gets adogted by these people.”

“Adopted, Gus.” Bellamy corrects him but she catches the sadness in his voice at Gus’ words. The lack of mom figure in his life created a hole he couldn’t fill.

“And she has adventuwes!” Gus keeps on not noticing his dad’s remarks “You’ll love it, I know you will!”

“Okay, let’s see-” she opens up and feels the kid radiate off excitement in the same way Bellamy’s love spread off of him like a quiet mist that settled all around you and calmed your heart. 

“Do you need glasses like dada?” Gus asks suddenly remembering it when Clarke turns off the first few pages with the title sequence.

“Your dad uses glasses?” she cocks an eyebrow and Bellamy groans again.

“You two are working against me.”

“He does! He can’t see well when he needs to read.” Gus explains patiently moving up a little, ready to spring off the bed if he needs to fetch them. 

“I got it, Gus, no glasses needed.” she throws a look at Bellamy “Some of us are still young.” he rolls his one opened eye at her but buries his bad bruised side of the face in the pillow and looks at her with interest.

Suddenly she feels a little nervous.

“Awkay!” he settles back down and moves up a little so that his head is resting just near Clarke’s shoulder but he’s afraid to move up out of shyness. 

Bellamy’s arm remains tightly wrapped around his middle and he tugs at it, probably because he was cold, thus making Bellamy’s knees touch Clarke’s leg.

She feels her body get red from head to toe.

“Come on, stawt!” Gus pats her arm and urges her when her eyes linger too long on Bellamy’s.

“Gus, what did we talk about?” 

“Oh, wrait!” Gus corrects himself “Can you pwease start, Clarke?”

“Okay, but first-” she looks down on him “Move up to my shoulder, get comfortable so you can see me read.” Gus seems very happy at that suggestion because though a little shy and maybe embarrassed he lifts his head up and rests it on Clarke’s shoulder, curling up diagonally between them, using his dad’s body heat to stay warm and Clarke’s arm as a pillow.

“That’s much better, isn’t it?” Gus lets out a quiet “Mwhm” peaks at his dad who smiles reassuringly at him and settles down on Clarke. “Now where are you, guys?” she opens up the book to where Bellamy had dog-eared it. It’s about just about nearing the middle.

“Why don’t you fill me in what happened last?”

“Well Anne went to school for da first time and all the kids made fun of hew becawse of hew fweckles. She got fweckles like me but her hair’s red.”

“Is that so?”

“Mwhm. And so othew kids were evil like some boys at daycawe made fun of my freckles. It was the same way, Clarke!” he explains passionately eyes bright and looking at her while Bellamy’s were sadder and resolved behind him, his hand rubbing his tummy soothingly and leaning over to kiss his tiny back in support.

“They made fun of you? Because of your freckles?”

“Yeaw! And Gus was sad too.” he keeps on raising himself up a little so he can explain better “Gus came home running too but dada told Gus that the freckles are a blessing-we just have the night sky painted on ouw faces. Right,dada?”

“That’s true, big boy.”

“So we got allll the staws. Dada has many on his back too but I onwy have on my shoudlers.”

“That’s very nice.” Gus turns to his dad briefly then and his tiny hand touches his cheek. 

“We’re the big sky and tiny sky.” Bellamy kisses his fingers and strokes his head. “Wrait, dada?”

“Indeed. Tell Clarke the rest now.” and so Gus does, he’s so sweet when he talks in his sweet still maybe a little sleepy baby way. 

He moves up and kneads Clarke’s shoulder like a cat playing with a pillow, making it comfy for him, adjusting her arm so that it’s nice enough for him to rest on. 

When Clarke starts reading the story moves on to Anne going to her first picnic with the family that adopted her that are a brother and sister-Matthew and Marilla and Clarke soon realizes that Gus loves commenting and thinking over the words. He makes her stop a couple times. Asks his dad questions or even her.

“So, Diana she’s like a girl from Alpha-” he glances at Clarke “Waik doctow Clarke and Anne and the Cuthberts are from Factory like us?”

“Something like that Gus.”

“She don’t have a nice dress like all the other girls. She has poor clothes.”

“Yes, but that does not mean she’s any less a girl like them. She’s just as smart, as bright, as deserving.” Bellamy reminds him and Gus nods, rubbing the back of his head and urging Clarke to keep reading. 

When Diana ends up telling off the girls who made fun of Anne and joining her in the forest to play with her, Gus is ecstatic, happy.

“Diana doesn’t cawe that Anne’s poor, right dada?”

“Right.” Bellamy was growing significantly more tired. 

His eyes were drooping, she could see the pill was taking it’s effect and slowing his body down so it could rest but he tried his best to keep awake.

Then something else occurred to Gus just as Clarke was about to keep reading.

“Clarke, do you care that we’re poor?” Bellamy’s eyes widened at that suddenly not that sleepy for the moment anymore and he carefully looked up at Clarke who however wasn’t that surprised by the question.

“Not at all.” she assures, putting her hand on Gus’ head and pushing him closer to her chest, resting her chin on his head. 

“So you’re like Diana?”

“Well a little older but otherwise…yes, I guess you could say that.” the kid was desperate to find some sort of understanding of his world, to make sense of everything around him and by using this book that seemed to relate a lot to his life, he was doing that. 

His tiny brain was too young yet, too precious and innocent to fully grasp what any of the things happening around him even meant. 

But he could recognize good from bad, rich from poor, that much Clarke knew and unfortunately in his life he’s had too much of the worst things from a young age. 

Bellamy pulls closer to them and digs his face in Gus’ back while Clarke resumes her reading. 

Gus seems to be deep in thought though listening but his dad is barely there and soon enough his only opened eye closes and his body relaxes into the harsh mattress that Clarke now realizes was probably causing a lot of the problems with his shoulder, and even starts quietly snoring.

It’s adorable and heartwarming to see him like this, but also painful at the same time. He hurt even in his sleep, his breath was hitched and shallow and he’d grunt or try to find a better position, wrapping his good hand around his hurt ribs. 

He snuggles closer to his son, spooning him while Gus, who definitely wasn’t sleepy, was listening with interest to Clarke.

The chapter finishes with Diana and Anne making a vow in the woods and playing together which Gus seems to love, but still, he’s thinking hard over everything Clarke read, she can see it even after she dog-ears the book and puts it down.

“What’s on your mind, big boy?” she lifts up his chin, staring into his serious brown eyes. 

He shrugs a little, as if caught off guard and just buries his head back under her chin, fisting her shirt with his tiny hand and wrapping his body like a monkey to her side. 

Bellamy’s palm is still on his tummy so now it ends up pressed to Clarke’s ribs and she feels the warmth of it radiating through her paper thin farm-station plaid shirt.

She furrows her eyebrows and glances at Bellamy.

It shouldn’t be this warm.

But she pushes down the urge to reach out and feel his forehead because Gus’ stomach grows.

“Uh-ow.” he mumbles and looks down at his tummy in the cutest way possible. “Gus’ tummy is hungwy.”

“Let’s feed it then.” Clarke carefully peels off the blanket Gus tossed over her and Bellamy and the kid sits up in bed but takes a look at his dad first.

“What’s the time?” Gus asks all of a sudden.

“It’s just about six.”

“Then the stove will work.” he determines like a grown up who’s just had to make a big decision.

“You have electricity now?” Clarke’s heart sinks. If she knew it’d be just about an hour she could’ve asked Aurora not to rush to Bellamy’s friends for the bandages. 

Then again, she really wanted to wrap his ribs right away and ease his pain which…didn’t end up happening. 

She also didn’t think she’d be that long not that she cared-she liked being at their place and helping Bellamy was crucial. 

But still if Aurora never came back with the bandages then it meant she either was unsuccessful in finding Bellamy’s friends and asking them for help or she left things with them and rushed for work, not affording the be late at the moment.

“Only in the stove. Then comes the water heater and last is the radiator.” Gus explains making Clarke almost wince. This is what it was for them-one thing at a time while her room was drowning in warmth back in Alpha even now when she wasn’t there “What about dada?” he adds with worry.

“You’ll help me warm his beans up and then we’ll wake him up. He could use the rest.”

“Awkay.” Gus agrees swiftly sliding under his dad’s strong embrace and jumping off the cot. He doesn’t leave before he carefully pulls the blanket back up to cover his dad. 

Clarke only realizes how cold the room is when she’s out of the warm cocoon of the boys. 

A shiver runs down her spine and she feels her teeth chatter but Gus seems unabashed, probably too used to it by now. 

He was dressed in just a shirt and some sweatpants but Clarke found a sweater she forced him to put on as much as he was a little grumpy about it.

“So, what do you want to try out?” she asks helping Gus up the table where one of the boxes with the cans and other food and snacks was still opened but unpacked to the drawers. 

She wasn’t sure they even had all the space for that much food.

Gus climbs up and stares down at it and for a moment his eyes widen and he looks like a child who just opened the biggest present.

“What’s that?” he asks pointing at a small package of a loaf of bread. Clarke’s heart clenches at the sight of him picking it up and staring at it with curiosity.

“It’s bread. Haven’t you tried it out?” Gus shakes his head and Clarke tries to keep her tears from spilling. At Alpha she got at least two slices with each meal and here Gus was, never having tasted it.

“Do you know what those are?”

“Looks like biscuits.”

“Yeah, except they’re sweet and have some chocolate in them.” Gus claps his hands at that.

“Chocolate! I love chocolate! Can I pwease have one aftew dinner?”

“Let me tell you what-if you eat your whole bowl of beans and two slices of bread I’ll let you eat three of those.” Gus agrees with an eager nod, then jumps off and rushes to the stove where he pushes a small chair that makes the most godawful noise in the universe that still somehow miraculously doesn’t wake Bellamy up, just so he could show Clarke where to put some of the boxes and cans and then point at the button that turned the stove off which Clarke was apparently…very inadequate at figuring out herself.

Gus seemed to love the idea of cooking. When Clarke pours two cans of red beans in the small pan, he hands her the spoon and goes.

“Stir, so they don’t glue to the pan!” and then “Up thewe, yeah, bottom wait, uh, wait, lemme climb on you-” he uses the chair to move to her waist and then expertly climbs to her neck where he throws both his tiny legs on each side of her head so he can reach the top right drawer where he pulls out a small bottle of something red.

“You awkway? Did I huwt you?” he asks when he starts sliding down, he was like a little bear climbing a tree or a monkey, reaching out for a branch with ease that Clarke had rarely seen in other children. 

He used her limbs to move up and down as if on a ladder and she could only imagine how Bellamy’s strong body so easily supported all his climbing endeavors. She was a little weaker and smaller than him but it still worked fine, at least for Gus.

“No, I’m okay.”

“Awkway.” he slips back on his chair and peaks at the pan where the beans are about to start boiling. “Hewe, put a spoon of this.”

“What’s that?” she eyes it curiously picking the small bottle closer to her face so she can read a label only to realize there wasn’t one and that the only thing drawn on was a tomato and a pepper.

“It’s gwandma’s special sauce. It’s a lil chilly so dada only lets me put one spoon in my bowl but when I grow up I can have twee like him.”

“That’s nice, I’d love to try it.”

“Dada says it’d burn your tongue if you’re not an expert.”

“What does that mean?” Gus shrugs a little and makes Clarke chuckle but she takes his advice and puts a spoon in the pan. He guides her to where the salt and pepper were but only wants salt in his bowl, then makes her add corn cause he likes that and she insists on putting some meat from the stew can, just to boost his strength. 

At some point she helps him sit up on the counter and stir while she takes the rest of the provisions she brought in the cabinets and drawers. 

After, Gus shows her how to turn off the stove and she fills two bowls of the first meal she’s ever truly prepared and carries them to the table.

She’s a little reluctant to wake Bellamy right away, not sure if he’d even be able to join them on the table so she decides to put Gus in her lap, turn the old projector they had on, which was put on the cartoon channel and give him a few more minutes.

She noticed he stirred in his sleep, rolled on his back which upon causing him more pain, forced him to move to his side once more. His arm never left his ribs and he groaned and grunted more than once in between his quiet snores.

“How do you like the bread?” Clarke asks him when Gus is halfway done with his first bowl and has destroyed a slice of it.

“It’s…interesting. I laik it.” he determines and she smiles at him, running her fingers through his curls “Do you have it often? In Alpha?”

“Almost every day.”

“How do you eat it?”

“Well sometimes for breakfast I put some butter or cream cheese on it, make it a toast too if I have the time.”

“What’s toast?”

“It’s when you uh…I’m not sure how to explain it…” she struggled for a moment “When you bake it I guess? There’s a special thing for it, called a toaster.”

“And you can use it on your own?” Clarke almost laughs at that, in fact she does chuckle which only makes Gus tilt his head to the side and look at her in confusion. She probably made a lasting impression on the kid already at being a total disaster in the kitchen.

“We can say I manage…”

“Hm…maybe some day I can come see your apartment and you can show me your…todter?”

“Toaster. “ she gently corrects him “But yeah, I’d love that.” Gus hmms and keeps eating, thankfully very eagerly. 

When he’s done, he’s a little reluctant to ask for more but Clarke can see it in his eyes that he’s hungry so she fills in one more bowl for him. 

He doesn’t manage to finish it all and instead asks her if she wants some.

“I’m okay, Gus.” she declines when he turns around in her lap and holds on his tiny bowl with his little spoon. She can’t remember the last time she ate if she had to be completely honest. Maybe this morning when her mom called her to check on her again and reminded her she sent in a trey of food for her.

A whole trey.

Gus had never even had bread.

She cringed at her own privilege. 

“No, you gotta eat! You huwt too like dada so you need strength!” for some reason, to emphasize on his words, he flexes his arm in an attempt to show her his tiny muscle. It was adorable.

“We can leave that for your dad, he’ll need it.”

“No, you eat!” Gus insists spooning some of the bowl’s content and lifting it up to her lips “It’s tawstee I promise.” then he furrows his eyebrows a little “Maybe not a toster tasty but good!” before she can protest, he uses the fact that her lips are already parted and shoves the spoon in her mouth.

Clarke’s funny surprised expression is what makes him giggle in that adorable childish way that warmed your heart to your core.

Her focus is entirely on Gus, they talk and in between feeding her Gus asks things like:

“What is it like being from Alpha?” or “Is the school there different?” and “Do children have classes I don’t have?” and so on and so on some of which Clarke struggles to answer.

How does she explain what does it mean to be from Alpha? She’s only realized how different things are for the stations since she became a medic and even then she never truly had the true grasp. Bellamy and Gus had showed her how horrible things were for Factory, how awful.

“Which was your favorite subject at school?” Gus moves onto other, thankfully easier questions.

“Biology but I also loved Anatomy.”

“What’s Atonamy?”

“It’s the science that studies the human body and all its parts.”

“Sounds rather dull if you’re asking me” Clarke’s head snaps up only to see Bellamy awake and struggling to sit up. 

She sees the way he’s gripping his leg, how he’s wincing and biting his lips at the slight movement so she carefully slips Gus off her lap and rushes to him, helping him sit up.

“Goddamn it” he curses quietly under his nose so Gus doesn’t hear him. There are beads of sweat on his forehead again and she hates that he only got barely half an hour of sleep only to wake up drowning in pain again.

“I need to take a better look at that leg.” she says as she carefully covers his hand that’s gripping his thigh just above the knee. 

He had taken off the brace and there was only a smaller bandage that has gotten loose around his knee because of all the tossing and turning.

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare say it!” she cuts him off before he can utter his signature line and gently removes his hand to find the knee pretty badly swollen. She starts unwrapping the bandage but it’s too messed up.

“Can I hewp?” Gus asks, patting swiftly behind her and looking at his dad with worry.

“You can actually bring me the scissors.” Clarke asks politely and flashes him a small smile. 

The kid runs back to the drawers and she hears him drag his tiny chair.

“How bad’s the pain?” she asks but he just shakes his head, refusing to answer her which makes her angry but just then Gus comes running back with the scissors that are wrapped in a cloth so no one can accidentally hurt themselves and she gets rid of the old bandage, gently prodding the flesh around his broken knee cap.

“You guys ate?” he asks instead as he leans on the cold wall behind him trying to get some support.

“We did! I taught Clarke how to make beans the special way, dada.”

“Good boy” he tries to reach out and ruffle his hair but his ribs end up protesting too much so he slips back to the wall and Gus climbs up on the cot instead, worrying his bottom lip at his dad.

“Dada, you awkay?”

“He’ll be fine, I just need to wrap his knee and ribs.”

“Mom never came back?” he asks when he glances at the clock above the door and notices the time. Clarke shakes her head and he just sighs like he never expected her to, like he knew she’d not be able to do everything in such little time anyway “You need to go-” he says through shallow breaths “Now.”

Just then there’s a knock on the door and the three of them shot up sitting, staring at it with fear.

Then something dawns on Bellamy like he recognizes the way it had been knocked and just when he’s about to try and stand up, Clarke hears a voice coming from the other side.

“Bellamy, it’s me, Monty!” Bellamy’s face relaxes and he glances at her.

“It’s okay, they’re the friends mom went to for the bandages.” Gus jumps off the cot suddenly enthusiastic for a reason unaware to Clarke and before she can catch up with him, he opens the door to a man dressed in much similar clothing like her, holding up a small steaming pot, accompanied by a boy that seemed to be about Gus’ age that was fisting his pant leg and looking around nervously.

Upon the kids noticing one another they let out a joyful yelp and ran towards each other arms wide, embracing themselves.

“Jordan!!!”

“Guuuuus!” honestly it was one of the sweetest things Clarke had ever seen. They immediately started chatting and Gus grabbed Jordan’s hand leading him to the table.

“Fifteen minutes, son! We’re almost at curfew!” the man warns but smiles warmly at the two friends. His eyes fall back on Clarke who’s still leaning on the door opened by Gus and then on Bellamy who’s very pathetically trying to raise himself up on his feet by using the bed board.

“Hey, Monty.” Bellamy nods in greeting as he gives Clarke a sign to let him in and close the door. The man carefully places the pot on the counter by the sink, away enough from the boys before he turns around and crosses his arms over his chest, a playful smile on his face. 

“For a moment I thought I had the wrong place.” he glances at Clarke who feels her cheeks go red. “Unless you remarried without telling me which would be rude and make Harper kick your “ he mouths the word “ass” so the boys don’t hear him “maybe you should introduce us.”

“This is Clarke Griffin.” he gestures unable to stand up and get close to them but still trying to. “Clarke, my friend Monty from Farm station and his son Jordan who’s in Gus’ daycare.” 

“Ahh, the doctor! I’ve heard so much about you!” Monty relaxes and takes her hand in his shaking it warmly.

“You have?”

“Both the Blakes haven’t stopped talking about you.” Bellamy clears his throat in embarrassment and when Clarke looks at him she finds his face as red as hers probably was. “Last I checked, though, you’re not from my station.”

“I’m in disguise. Came to help out deliver care packages when I saw Aurora who brought me here to check up on this one-” she gestures at Bellamy who grunts loudly and unhappily again, making Monty shake his head. 

“Aurora told me all about it. How are you holding up?” Monty asks carefully.

“I’m fine, mom’s overreacting.” Monty just looks up at Clarke and raises an eyebrow.

“You going to tell me how he actually is?” Clarke smirked a little-she liked that guy, he was funny but also definitely a good friend. 

He seemed to genuinely care about Bellamy and Gus and he wasn’t repulsed or scared of her though he clearly knew she belonged nowhere near their stations.

“He’s bad, he covered me up when the blast happened, saved my life.”

“It wasn’t like that.” Bellamy tries to protest but they both simultaneously wave him off which makes him grunt even louder. 

He’s still struggling to raise himself up and Clarke has had it so she strides there and pushes him down, waving a warning finger in his face.

“Stop it! You don’t even have a brace on! There’s nothing your leg can use to lean on!” he stares at her finger and pouts.

“Really? You’re giving me the finger wave?Should I start calling you mom next?”

“Oh, God!” she throws her hands in the air and turns to Monty who’s not only smiling but eyeing them curiously. “Is he always like that?”

“Absolutely. Since he was seven years old when I first met him. But Aurora can give you more evidence on his early years.”

“Monty!”

“I’m not lying, Bellamy.” he pulls up a chair and approaches the cot, helping Clarke push him down by the shoulder. “What’s the matter? Your mom seemed very worried?”

“It’s nothing, just my leg.” he pats at his bad one and avoids meeting his friend’s eyes “Got shrapnel in the back, the guards broke my knee cap and ribs.”

“Your face ain’t for the Alpha station beauty contest either” Bellamy huffs at that and tries to swat his hand away but Monty just turns to Clarke “Will he be alright?”

“I can’t tell yet. He needs to be in medbay, get proper testing, x-rays, I-”

“None of that is happening so-”Bellamy grits his teeth “We make do. I’ll be fine.” 

“I brought the bandages your mom gave me-” he looked at Clarke then “Soaked them in the medicine as you asked.”

“Good, maybe you can help me wrap them up?” Monty agrees and as much as Bellamy’s reluctant to let them baby him, he doesn’t really have a choice. They move his arms away and start wrapping his ribs while talking. 

“So how long you’ve been a medic?”

“Almost three years now. I switches into working as a GP just recently, though but I still do surgeries when it’s needed.” she nods at Bellamy “That’s how I met this one.”

“This smells nasty.” Bellamy comments on the bandages dozed in yellow that had the distinct smell of something like a nice herbal tea and medicine.

“Not to be too rude, my friend, but you don’t smell particularly like flowers right now either.” Monty comments lightly but Clarke sees that it takes its toll on Bellamy.

“He can’t fully shower now, not with the stitches all over him. Maybe when I come tomorrow I can help you-”

“You’re not coming tomorrow.” he cuts her off as she ties the bandage around his ribs and moves to his knee.

She stands up and stubbornly crosses her arms over her chest.

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not!” 

“I am!”

“No!”

“Dada, what’s wrong?” Gus who has heard them raising their voices stops his play with Jordan and peaks from under the table where they seem to be consumed into a game only they knew the rules of.

“Nothing, big boy, it’s okay. Sorry that dad yelled.” Gus seems to determine his dad’s apology sincere enough because he resumes playing with Jordan, throwing a blanket over him and giggling while they rolled around and poked each other with what looked like plastic tubes wrapped in cloth that served as swords they couldn’t hurt each other with. 

Then he turned back to Clarke.

“You’re not coming! It’s too dangerous.”

“Oh, so you can throw your body over mine and protect me from a bomb but I can’t cross a few borders and come give you a hand?”

“Yes!”

“That’s ridiculous, Bellamy! Are you even listening to yourself?” she throws her hands in the air frustrated but keeps her voice down “Maybe you’re the one who has a concussion!”

“Let me tell you, princess, I know exactly what the hell I’m talking about” he points at his bandages ribs and then at his swollen eye “This is not happening to you because you’re have a hero complex and are brave enough to play dress up and help the poor!” Clarke’s face falls at that and he clearly sees how much he hurt her.

Good.

She needed to be brought back to her senses.

“There was a terrorist attack on the chancellor done by people from my station. People who haven’t even been caught yet. Do you know how easily you could be abducted as soon as someone notices the patterns of you coming in and out of Factory? They have people everywhere-in the guards, the ID check systems, GoSci!” Clarke’s eyes widen at that and Monty listens to him quietly but it seems he agrees “It’s a suicide mission.”

“So was you saving my life.”

“You don’t need to repay a debt. I did what anyone else would.” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Most of the people standing there would’ve gladly thrown me under harm’s way.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does. It all matters. You being so hurt? Getting arrested and punished for things you didn’t do? That’s not goddamn right, Bellamy!”

“Don’t you think I know that, princess?” his voice is cold, chilling, it makes her freeze and drop her arms to the side of her body. 

She overstepped. Once again.

“Look-” Monty intervenes clearing his throat upon noticing how tick with pain and sadness the air around them got. “Bellamy, you’re right, it is dangerous. I heard they’re doing random check ups on places trying to find the traitors.” Bellamy swallows hard at that but looks at her trying to say “See? I’m right.”

“But…if this is what Clarke truly wants to do, I don’t think you can stop her. She’s helping people in our stations and like it or not we definitely need it right now.” Bellamy’s head falls at that and he looks away from his friends, letting Monty’s word sink in for a moment.

He’s quiet while Clarke wraps his knee and Monty helps her out. When they’re about done Bellamy looks up at his friend while still gripping the bed board with everything he has in him as if his life depended on that little piece of metal that supported half his weight even in a sitting position.

“Monty, can you send her off to the border?”

“I’ll be-” she tries but he just gives her a look that suggests he won’t let her fight this one just like she did before when she cut him off about lying that he’s okay.

“Of course.” Monty promises, then glances at the boys under the table before looking back at Bellamy “Do you want me to take Gus for a few hours? Harper’s doing the night shift, they can play around while I work on my algae recipe.”

“Gus won’t leave. Not now.” Bellamy shakes his head avoiding Clarke’s look “He’s too scared. Spent the last two days crying thinking I’m dead.”

“He did?” Clarke’s voice comes out too high pitched but she can’t stop it. Bellamy just nods solemnly and looks back at Monty.

“Can you give us a moment please?”

“Sure. I’ll take the boys out in the hallway and wait for you to come, then I’ll send Gus back in.”

“Thank you, Monty.” Bellamy’s voice is weak and hoarse but still comes out gentle and kind “For everything.”

His friend reaches out to grip his shoulder.

“Hey, you know we’re always here for you and Gus. No matter what.” Bellamy manages a small nod before Monty talks the boys into getting out int he hallway which Gus is very reluctant to do but agrees once his dad sends him a look that everything’s fine.

Once alone, Bellamy reaches out for her hand with fever and determination Clarke had rarely seen in him.

“Please, don’t come tomorrow.” his eyes are big and full of unshed tears. Well, his one opened one at least. The other still refused to open up, remaining swollen painfully shut.

The sight makes her bite her bottom lip, unwillingly pull away from him and grab a clean rag from her bag that she wets at the sink with cold water, taking her time to squeeze it out.

“Bellamy…I have to.” she whispers back unwilling to fight him anymore as she comes back and gently presses the cloth to the bruised side of his face.

He leans into her as if her hand was made to fit his face perfectly. 

“It’s too risky. You don’t know what they can do to you if they figure out who you are.” the way he says it makes her furrow her eyebrows in confusion.

“Do you know what they will do?” he swallows hard and tries to look away but she keeps his face steady in her hand.

“I don’t want to find out.” he puts his hand on her wrist and squeeze it gently “I’m begging you, Clarke.”

“Why do you care so much?” his eyes widen at that as if he’s appalled that she can even ask it.

“Why do you insist on coming over?”

“You’re avoiding my question.”

“So are you.” he reminds carefully “Maybe because the answer to them is the same for the both of us.” she looks into his eyes and sees a sea of softness, kindness but also so much pain and she swears that if she stays a minute longer she would probably drown in it but god, she couldn’t bear seeing him like this-so broken, so goddamn fucked up.

Because of her.

All because of her.

“Or maybe it’s not?” he says weakly when she doesn’t respond, sounding like a frightened little boy.

“It is.” she digs her nails in his cheek just a bit to ground him and herself back to this moment “I can’t lose anyone else.” he nods.

“Neither can I.”

“Which is why you won’t change my mind about coming over.” he sighs and this time his head falls in exasperation. 

“You are really goddamn stubborn, princess, you know that, right?”

“Like you’re any different.” she smiles softly at him, her thumb brushing his good cheek while her other hand was still pressing on the swollen eye. 

“Make sure you change routes. Don’t always come from Hydra or Farm, try Arrow too.” she nods accepting his advice gratefully, not that she hadn’t thought about that herself but she would allow him the small victory of thinking he can still save her even when it was beyond his control. “And please tell me you have more than one fake ID.”

“I do. I also change clothes between stations when I’m not in a hurry.”

“Good.” 

“It’ll be fine.” she assures when she finally pulls her hand away from his face and places the now pretty much warm and no longer that wet rag on the nightstand.

“It’s not worth the risk.” he utters slowly.

I’m not worth it, he meant and she wanted to smack the back of his head.

“It is.”

With that she pushes him to lay back down and bids her goodbye after instructing him not to move too much and rest for as long as he can. When she leaves, Monty sends Gus back in and the kid closes the door behind him, rushing to the bed, climbing next to his dad and snuggling up next to him like if he doesn’t all the world will come crumbling under his little feet.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

Clarke’s sitting at the large family table, picking at her stew with green beans and potatoes when the light above them flickers and she hears her mom huff next to her.

“Yet again. Thelonious, I think it’s high time you did something about this. It’s the third night in a row.” she addresses the chancellor sitting directly opposite of her, Clarke and Jake. 

Next to him was his son Wells, Clarke’s beloved childhood best friend and his fiance Hannah who was as usually quietly obedient. 

On the other side of Jaha were the Kane’s-vice chancellor Marcus on the right and his wife Callie next to him.

Frankly, Clarke would give anything to be back at the Blakes and she has been cursing every living moment since her mom told her that her dad and her would still be hosting their usual Friday night dinner with their so-called friends that happened traditionally once a month.

Clarke _ **hated**_ those with burning passion.

And she was secretly hoping that her mom would either take under consideration the recent events of the attack or at least let her skip it if she faked a headache but unfortunately she had been caught right in action.

It had been just three days since she met Aurora and went to see Bellamy and she’s been sneaking out to Factory ever since. 

They had a whole game plan where once some of the guards started spotting her, Monty suggested she uses him and Jordan as a way to pass the station. 

They presented her as his dear friend who was passing through to leave her child (Jordan) with family (Monty’s) so she could go to work because the day cares were closed. 

So far it was working well enough. 

Nobody doubted she couldn’t be the mother considering the mixed marriages all over the station, that and Jordan was the quietest sweetest kid just like Gus but on top of that he was a great actor. 

Once Monty explained he had to pretend Clarke was his mom who he’ll so dearly miss when she leaves him in Factory with friends for the day, he’d get the saddest face, wrap his tiny arms around her neck and utter quite pleads at her not to let him go.

It was so good that it even made Gus a little jealous of his friend. And Bellamy, as Clarke came to later find out too but for other reasons.

The more she came by to help not just him but some of the women from Arrow hand care packages, the more it became known in the station that there was a medic who’d consult and check you up for free. 

It was through whispers passed from one to another but it all started when this woman who came to get a package for her family almost passed out in Clarke’s hands out of a cut in her arm that was left untreated and threatened to poison her blood. She had a little girl, just a year older than Gus who hugged Clarke for five minutes after she was done bandaging her mother.

And so it became a universal secret. 

She’d go to change Bellamy’s bandages after finishing with the care package queues and someone would knock on their door-usually Monty, who was bringing a patient in or wanted to take her out to another apartment.

Clarke was doing everything she could and the more she got to help, the more she also got to better understand and know these people.

They have all suffered so much because of this attack. 

More than half of the station’s working force had at least one injury as a result of it. 

Of course most cases weren’t as severe. Frankly, the worst she’s seen was Bellamy and one more man who was older and who unfortunately she couldn’t help. 

He’s gotten blood poisoning before she could do anything to help but his wife, a women in her sixties still thanked her, held her hand between her calloused ones and gave her a small tube of miracle rub that Clarke tried to refuse.

_“Please, dear. Take it.” she had said voice shaky “My Harold can’t use it anymore and you can help others with it.”_ Clarke had given her a small hug and apologized once more that she couldn’t do anything else. 

She wished that at least she had medicine to dull the man’s pain but she was as empty-handed as she had been the first time she came to see Bellamy.

The worst of the Factory’s cases were either dead or still in the field hospital with Jackson in the process of dying. 

They had suffered losses way beyond anyone’s expectations and yet nobody knew about it.

Clarke’s eyes darted to the chancellor who was sipping wine from his glass and cutting a big portion of his fried chicken.

_And her hand bawled in a fist around her fork._

She had started running out of bandages today-her medbag was more or less empty of supplies so she had started cutting up old shirts or dresses she won’t use, boiling them in hot water and with the help of Monty, using her ration points to buy as much moonshine as she could to treat Factory people’s wounds.

Bellamy, of course, had been very much against this.

“You’re putting yourself out in unnecessary risk.” he was mumbling while his hand ran through Gus’ curls as the kid drew on the bed near him. 

Bellamy hadn’t gotten any better and frankly she was feeling a little bad for ignoring him in expense of helping everyone else but he was pretending like everything’s fine.

She knew it wasn’t.

He could barely stand on his feet, his ribs still hurt and his eye though it had started opening up, was bloodshot red which meant there was probably tissue or possibly at least some damage to his sight.

The problem was that he was in constant pain and on top of it, it seemed his cough was worsening. Because of his ribs he couldn’t take a proper breath and his lungs were getting infected. If it kept going like this, it’d turn into a full blown pneumonia.

Which is why she needed cough syrup. And painkillers. He had to sleep and she was sure he wasn’t getting more than a few hours a night.

That was yet another reason why she agreed to coming to this dinner tonight-she knew her mother had some of the things she needed in the bathroom cabinet above the sink.

“I know what I’m doing, Bellamy.” she had assured as she grabbed the hem of his shirt and started pulling it up. He took her wrist and put her actions to a halt.

“No, you don’t.” he was struggling to pull air in and out so he took a minute to gather his strength “The guards are making random check ups and they could end up at our door any minute. What happens then? They would punish you for going against the law! Or worse, if the Arrowheads-”

“They caught some of them Bellamy.”

“Three out of thirteen! If they-”

She squeezes his hand.

“Will you stop worrying?”

“No.” she shakes her head at that.

“Great! Well now that we have this settled, let me change the bandage on your ribs.”

“No.”

“Bellamy-”

“No, I mean, first him.” he nods at Gus who is still unaware of their conversation, consumed by the drawing he was working on, tongue out, hand stubbornly coloring the roof of what seemed like a really nice house.

“What’s wrong?” her heart sinks. 

She hadn’t seen any cuts or bruises on him when she had come by and last night he climbed up in her lap and let her help him eat like that first evening together. 

He was a little more quiet than usually but she had been too tired herself to prod and ask if something’s not okay.

“He’s been waking up from nightmares, screaming, clenching my shirt with his fists, crying and begging me not to go.” he explains swallowing hard and closing his eyes for a moment “He won’t fall again after. I’ve tried everything-talking to him, reading, even singing but-” Clarke almost smiled at that, trying to picture Bellamy humming a quiet lullaby to his son. 

“He usually cries for an hour and then when the terror passes he asks me to draw or turn the cartoons on and he’s energetic but he hasn’t been eating much at breakfast or at all again and I-”

“He’s stressed out. Anxious.” Clarke concludes and Bellamy nods.

“I guess so.”

“Has he been trembling?”

“Yeah…sweating too, tossing and turning.” he sighs looking at him for a moment “I..I’m sorry I know it’s not the worst case you’ve seen going around but I’d really appreciate it if you could take a look at him.” she had no heart to tell him that _**he’s the worst case**_ she’s seen in Factory minus the dying old man with the blood poisoning but she doesn’t have the heart to take any more of whatever remaining hope he had left for himself and his family.

“Of course I would, Bellamy.” she puts her hand on his good knee and squeezes it. “You guys are my friends.”

“You saying we’re privileged?” he jokes with a light smile and she shrugs.

“I’d put you first, no matter what.”

“That’s dangerous thinking, Clarke.”

“So is covering someone with your body when a terrorist attack happens, Bellamy.”

“You always need to have the last word, don’t you, princess?” he smirks shaking his head lightly “Your mother must’ve had the hardest time raising such a stubborn kid.”

“True but my dad is the one encouraging my adventurous spirits so here we are.” she turns her attention to Gus and carefully puts her hand on his tiny back “Hey, Gus, can you come over?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just want to take a look at you. I never gave you a check up after the attacks so I want to do it now.” Gus craws to them sitting up next to his dad, his legs bouncing off the cot in way too nervous of a fashion for a kid that’s just energetic.

It makes her furrow her eyebrows.

“But I’m fine, doctow Clarke.” she raises an eyebrow like Bellamy saying _“Like father, like son.”_

“Do it for my own peace of mind. Otherwise I’ll worry over you when I go to bed at night. You wouldn’t want that now, would you?” 

Thankfully she knew just the right thing to use on the Blakes-their own selflessness. They’d never let anyone else get hurt on their expense.

“No, Gus don’t want that.” 

He shakes his head and picks up the zipper of his sweater starting to take it off like a good patient unlike his dad in that department who’d refuse to cooperate until he was bleeding out on the floor probably until his last dying breath and still claim that _“It’s just a scratch, I don’t need stitches”_

She helps him with his t-shirt and takes out her stethosope, listening to his heart and lungs carefully.

“Now I hear you’re not sleeping well, is that so?” Gus just shrugs, looks up at his dad like they had some agreement between them not to tell her and was just betrayed, his little stubborn pout making an appearance.

“I had to, Gus.” Bellamy’s words confirm her suspicions as he slides a hand over his head “I worry, son. I’m sorry.” Gus just hangs his head low without saying anything and Clarke has to pick it back up to flash a light in his eyes that are surrounded by smaller than his dad’s but still significant dark circles.

The kid was exhausted-his eyes were barely opened.

Yet he couldn’t sleep.

“Put your hands out for me will you?” he does and she notices that they shake a little too much, she grips them with her own and steadies them.

“Why can’t you sleep, Gus?” she decides to ask him the questions, not Bellamy. 

It’s not like he knew everything, he couldn’t be in the kid’s head plus she felt like it was much needed that he talked to someone, opened up.

He doesn’t say anything at first shyly ducking his head again.

“Gus, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.” she assures squeezing his knees “I’ll never judge your or make fun of you and we both know your dad will understand you and be by your side, always.” that must give the kid some courage because he at least starts talking.

“I have bad dweams.”

“About what?” Clarke sees that Bellamy opens his mouth to ask the same thing but she raises her hand at him, letting him know she’s got this.

“That dada dies. Thew’s blood everywhere and then…and then Gus tries to cover up wounds but it bleeds and then I-” tears start streaming down his face and Bellamy has to force himself not to cry or reach out and she can clearly see that but she’s glad he doesn’t move right away-he needs to let it all out before they console him. 

“I can’t do nothing and I-” he starts hiccuping “Well I just lay thewe next to dada and then someone comes and takes me away.”

“Someone who?” Clarke’s voice shakes as much as she tries to command it not to.

“Well miss Karen or gwandma.” that made sense, from what she knows miss Karen escorted the kids out of the room at the ceremony and Aurora was the one to pick him up after. 

He associated them as the ones that take him after his dad’s gone.

“Okay and then what?”

“Then gwandma dies too and they take me to the owphanage.” he’s sobbing by that point and Bellamy can’t take it anymore. 

He wraps an arm around his tiny arms and pulls him to his side, ignoring his protesting ribs, running a hand through his hair and leaning down to kiss his head.

“Oh, Gus!” Clarke picks up a clean tissue from her med bag and carefully wipes away at his face, taking his tiny fists away from his eyes where he was rubbing them and picking up his chin. “I’m so sorry.”

She’s heard of the orphanage. 

It was a place situated near the Prison Block, just on the edge of Factory and Farm. 

Kids who’s parents were floated or died from a disease and had no other living relatives such as grandparents were send there to be raised by a couple of the older women from all of the stations but mostly the working ones. 

They received extra rations for their job there and Clarke believed that was the problem-most of them faked not being able to do hard work at the Factories or with the crops so they had someone sign on some minor disease that released them form their duties and that was enough to send them off there. 

They were known to be cruel with the children, but most of all ignorant.

Clarke had been there once, a few years back at the beginning of her career when there was a really bad flu outbreak and five of the kids died from complications that could’ve been avoided if the so called carers had noticed and asked for help earlier.

The conditions they lived in were more than horrible-small beds rolled up on two sides of what was probably a mess hall or a storage room once before. 

They weren’t educated with the others, in fact most of them were behind on their school work or couldn’t read at twelve or fourteen because of ignorance. 

They received two rations a day like every other kid but were left to do as they pleased which is why they were often caught in petty crimes and if they were above sixteen they were locked up and then floated at eighteen.

They were doomed.

So Clarke understood Gus’ fears perfectly. Even if he was so young he must’ve already figured out it’s bad to end up there.

“Gus, I promise none of this will happen.” she assures when she finds out Bellamy’s choked up on his own tears and just holding onto his son as best as he could.

“You can’t. Nobody can pwomise.” Gus says next sounding something between angry and resigned.

“Gus, I’m not dying. Neither is grandma Rory.” Bellamy rubs his arm up and down “I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you, okay?”

“But you got so hurt and you almost…you almost died. And gwandma if she was there she could’ve died too!”

“Gus-”

“You can’t pwomise, dada!” he’s getting angry now, tears are streaming down his face, he’s annoyed, frustrated, Clarke can clearly see that part of the reason why he’s acting out is because he’s so sleep-deprived that he’s on edge. 

The other part was because he was fucking scared.

“Son, I-” Bellamy’s at a loss of words and she has her suspicions that this is their first real fight. 

They always got on so well and even when Gus misbehaved which was a rarity, Bellamy made sure what the was doing was wrong, he always listened to him and was smart enough to reason.

“No one can pwomise!” he cries out again, clenching his hands in fists angrily.

“I can!” Clarke intervenes then and they both fall quiet, Gus turning his head to hers eyes widening “I can promise you that if something happens to your father and grandmother, I won’t let you go to the orphanage. I’ll take you home with me.”

“Clarke-” Bellamy says in warning but when she looks up and meets his eyes he sees she’s absolutely serious about it and he’s so taken aback that it knocks the breath out of him.

“You will?”

“Of course.” she unclenches his fists and moves her thumbs up to wipe at his tears again “We can even make it official if you want.”

“How?”

“I’ll vow to you.”

“Clarke,you don’t have to do this.” Bellamy tries to stop her. 

Vows were serious on the Ark, made only when couples were getting married or parents were choosing their children’s godparents or when someone was dying without leaving children and wanted a last wish fulfilled. 

Doctors and guards, as well as politicians took vows too but those were different, they were more formal-what she was about to do now was bound by true love and friendship only. 

It was a serious commitment, sometimes solidified by tokens people exchanged and words but mostly spoken yet it couldn’t be broken.

“I want to, Bellamy.” she promises and they hold each other’s looks for a moment before finally he nods, clenching his jaw and trying not to let any more of his tears spill.

Clarke stretches out her hands and Gus stares at them for a moment before he carefully places his in hers, deciding to trust her completely, without any reservations whatsoever.

“I Clarke Elizabeth Griffin-” upon hearing her middle name Bellamy raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything “do solemnly swear that in case your father Bellamy Blake, dies which for the record I won’t let happen because my stubbornness alone will keep him here next to you-”upon that Gus smiles a little “but still if that is the case that I can not save him and he dies, or your grandmother Aurora Blake passes, I will take every responsibility there is for you and raise you up to best of my abilities until you are old enough to start your own life and take care of yourself after which I release you of any obligation to do anything for me, be it carrying my old lady’s purse or holding my hand when I’m eighty and on my death bed.” Gus smiles just barely again at her sweet jokes but he can read between the lines and tell that she’s absolutely serious about what she just said and that she will absolutely fulfill her promise.

But just in case she adds:

“I love you, sweet boy.” a tear escapes her own eye and rolls down her cheek as she squeezes his hands tightly “I won’t ever let you go.”

He throws himself in her arms.

“I love you too, Clarke!”

They hold each other for a while and Bellamy reaches to rub Gus’ back while giving Clarke a warm grateful look. 

Soon enough she pulls him away, brushes his nose against his but determines they have to finish their check up.

Once she’s done, she lets Gus go play by the table, where he starts preparing the so called “tent” for when Monty brought Jordan in and they could play.

“So? What’s the verdict?”

“He’s anxious, that’s for sure. Probably has a mild PTSD as a result from everything that happened. Has he been irritable? Angry?”

“Yeah, he blew up at me a few times yesterday and once today in a way he’s never done before. I was…I didn’t know what to do,”

What could he do, Clarke wondered, he was barely standing up and he could only move around with a crutch.

“It’s because of the lack of sleep. I can prescribe him mild medication, herbal-based, they won’t harm him in any way.” she assures when she sees Bellamy’s concern upon hearing the word medication. 

“Children can still be treated no matter the station so I’ll write him a prescription. Say I did a home visitation.”

“You won’t get in trouble?” she shakes her head.

“There’s also this tea he could try, maybe you can mix it with the formula, it’ll ease him up, make him sleepy in the evening.”

She could see the question in his eyes before he’s even said it out loud- _how many rations will it cost? Can I afford it?_

Because Aurora was the only one working right now and she was truly going to the ends of it to get herself two meager rations instead of just one so she could give hers to Bellamy, they were struggling more than they had ever before.

So Clarke made sure to bring in at least a can of beans every time she passed through the stations and she hid it in the cupboard above the sink while Bellamy was too busy with Gus or sleeping.

She knew well enough Gus would eat only half of his assigned ration and Bellamy would insist his mom eats as much as she can to keep her strength so she could work which left him with nothing.

He had lost so much weight it was starting to scare her. She first noticed it when she was wrapping up his ribs-the bones were painfully sticking out, his stomach has sagged as much as his cheeks had, he was paler than usually.

_It wasn’t fine._

“It won’t cost much and I think I can even get them for you guys for free.”

“Clarke-”

She squeezes his knee.

“I know what I’m doing, Bellamy.”

“We’ll pay for it. As much as we have to and no point less.” he insists, voice strong and heavy with determination and his usual Blake stubbornness.

“Fine.” she agrees when she sees she won’t change her mind. 

Still, she formulates a plan where she can maybe sign them off for herself as a result of her concussion but give them to Gus instead.

“Do you think he lost weight?” Bellamy asks next voicing his never ending concern for the first time that day.

“No. I mean I haven’t weighted him but I think he’s fine. Maybe even gained a little.” Bellamy sighs relieved.

“I’ve tried to give him as much as I can from what we have.”

“How about you give yourself some of it too?”

“What do you mean?”

“He may be fine but you aren’t, Bellamy.” he waves her off at that and tries standing up on his own. 

She slides underneath his good side and helps him move. He can barely make half a step at a time and whenever they stop he starts coughing his lungs out. 

It shatters her to her core and she covers his hand with hers over his ribs using the moment to prove her point she slides her palm over his stomach.

“You’ve lost weight.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s everything.”

“Can you help me get to the bathroom?” she knew this tactic of his-he never asked for anything unless he was desperate to change the subject because it was getting dangerously close to resulting in a fight between them which Clarke definitely didn’t want but knew was a necessity with Bellamy, at least sometimes.

She just couldn’t get it through his thick head that he had to take care of himself first before being able to help everyone else in his family.

The chancellor’s voice brings her back to reality and she doesn’t realize the conversation must’ve slipped by while she was thinking about Bellamy and Gus.

“Unfortunately not all of Factory is working in its full capacity right now, Abby, so glitches like this happen.”

“And why is that?” Clarke decides to intervene and she’s not even sure where she gets her voice from. 

She was determined not to get involved in the conversation tonight, knowing it’ll just piss her off but her sense of justice…that damn sense of justice that she had.

It was going to be the end of her.

Her dad had told her so when she was a little girl and he looks up now to meet her eyes in warning, sensing the tone of her voice was one that demanded a fight.

“Were any of the machines broken in the attack?” she adds innocently, pretending to be dumb on all matters of politics so as not to raise suspicions. 

Her mom and dad didn’t know she’s been sneaking out to Factory, Farm or Arrow and helping people. 

Abby was of the impression she’s been resting at home, following doctor’s orders and watching old movies or football games with Wells, who has been covering for her but had his own suspicions that something else was going on.

Jaha leaned back on the chair and rubbed his shoulder with his good hand. 

He had taken a sharpnel in the attack, a very small piece and had less than five stitches but his injury had been blown up to proportions to magnify the fact that the reason for the attack was his demise. 

In public he worse a sling and the bruise he had gotten on his head was remade by make-up artists so as to keep up appearances once it had started fading away but here in the company of his oldest friends and council members, he had thrown the sling off the chair’s handle and eating using both hands.

“No, there’s not enough work force.”

“Hm” Clarke puts her fork down “Maybe that’s because more than half of them are still being kept in the prison block for crimes they did not commit.”

“Clarke-” Abby warns and all heads turn to her but Jaha raises his hand in a quiet sign that it’s okay and they should let her talk.

“It’s fine, Abby.” he clears his throat after taking another sip of his wine “That’s true but we have to put the safety of all stations above our needs.”

_You mean the safety of your own life and it’s privilege_ , Clarke thought but didn’t say out loud.

Wells, upon sensing the tension joins in:

“We’re processing the data of all prisoners and questioning them, it’s just not something that can be resolved in a matter of days.”

“I don’t think it should be something to be resolved at all if they were free and back at their homes.” 

In all honesty Bellamy had been one of the lucky ones released just a few days after the attack. 

When the guards failed to find the Arrowheads because of most of the destroyed cameras in the square, releases had been deferred.

People were questioned over and over and over again even when it was clear they had no connection to the attacks and a little after that the random check ups that were more like raids where the guards hit people and yelled at them, aiming to scare the hell out of them in case they were hiding something, had worsened things even more.

“Clarke, this is the only way that we can catch those terrorists.” Wells intervenes trying to break the tension again.

“Surely there must be a more humane way than letting them starve to death and lock them up or turn their homes upside down.” she argues once more “This is the biggest station on the Ark and they’ve suffered the most of the losses in this attack, yet they’re suffering even moreso because of it-their rations are cut in half, they have no electricity and they’re forced to barely make ends meet in order to survive.”

“Excuse me, Thelonious, Wells, my daughter’s mind is still a little shaken after the concussion, you must forgive her promptness.”

“My mind’s right where it should be, mother!” Clarke cuts her off and the table falls quiet once more. 

Wells is the only one bold enough to meet her eyes and he seems as surprised in her actions as she is. 

She’s always been outspoken, unafraid to share her thoughts-she constantly fought with her mom over medical matters in the stations, of the inequality and tried to convince her that there needs to be better care for the patients of Factory and Farm but she had always drawn the line there-she hadn’t cared for politics or guards or vice chancellors closing their eyes to beating innocent people to the state Bellamy was in.

But now she clearly saw how connected it all was.

She couldn’t change just one aspect of the system if all of it was wrong and unfair. 

The thought of Gus anxiously waking up in the middle of the night, clutching his dad who was too hurt and fucked up on his own, in their freezing room, made her even more angry.

“You can’t punish so many people for the crimes of a dozen. You can’t cut their rations or electricity because you’re too inadequate to catch a bunch of idiots. They are people just like us, suffering just like we had. In fact, they’ve had it much worse in those hard times.”

“I see that as a medic you’re passionate on the subject, Clarke, but I’m not punishing them all because of a few people. Have you asked yourself how come this attack happened? Why it happened?”

_Yes_ , she thought, _because they’re tired of the way they’re living._

Still her mother’s hand on her thigh and her father’s worried look makes her bite her tongue for the moment.

“This is rooted in them-the violence, the anger. It has been so since the Arrowheads were first founded and our ancestors had hoped to tame those feelings but unfortunately they seem to have been unsuccessful.” he explains carefully and she wants to punch him in the face because she can just not stand watching him there, calmly sipping his wine while Bellamy writhed in pain in his uncomfortable cot and coughed his lungs out. 

“So here we are now-suffering the consequences of people who put themselves first above all other stations, above everyone’s well being.”

“That’s because their well-being has been put on hold, chancellor.”

“I’d respectfully disagree, Clarke.” Vice Chancellor Kane intervenes in defense of his superior “Factory has been given the same opportunities as everyone else in all aspects-work, education, rations, yet they are at the bottom of the statistics on the Ark.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? They have electricity ten hours a day when we’re currently sweating in one single room!”

“Clarke, honestly, I think that’s enough-” her mom tries to stop her again.

“You seem to be very well aware of the conditions there, Clarke, are you perhaps spending time in the station?” Jaha’s question finds her unprepared.

“No, of course not.”

“Hm” he adjusts the napkin on his chest “How long have you’ve been cooped up at home? Maybe it’s time you, Wells and Hannah did something together? Take your mind off things and everything you’ve been through.”

Clarke opens her mouth to protest when she feels her mom’s hand on her wrist this time.

“That’s a lovely idea, Thelonious. She’s been cleared to go back to work on Monday but maybe they can all do something this weekend, what do you say, Wells?”

“I’ll make sure to clear my schedule.”

“Yeah, in between beating people to death you mean.” Clarke huffs under her nose and her mom kicks her leg in addition to continuing to squeeze the life out of her fingers.

“Clarke, why don’t you help me cut the lemon cake?” her dad speaks up for the first time nodding at the kitchen that was twice the size of Bellamy’s apartment.

She nods albeit unwillingly and follows him there. 

He’s strangely quiet when he takes out the cake from the fridge and Clarke’s heart clenches-what would Gus say if he saw that? 

Would he even recognize it? Has he ever had a real cake for his birthday? Had he tasted lemon at all?

“I know what you’re doing to say, dad.” she begins leaning on the counter and gripping it while watching him pick up the knife and carefully slice the cake.

“Hand me the plates, will you, sweetheart?” he asks nodding at the cupboard instead of giving her a real answer. 

She sighs but obliges him.

“I’m not trying to be rude or stir the water.”

“No, you’re only being incredibly reckless, sneaking into other stations and giving away care packages or free medical help.” Clarke freezes in her spot and goes mouth agape “What? You don’t think I know my own daughter’s up to something?”

“But mom-”

“Has no idea. _Yet_.” relief floods over her and she exhales though she knows the battle’s not over. Her dad called her out here for a reason.

“You won’t tell her, will you?”

“Not unless you give me a reason to and after the conversation that just happened you might’ve just done so.”

“But dad, all I want to do is help those people! It’s not fair!”

“Keep your voice down, I don’t know if Kane and Jaha know about this and are turning a blind eye or if they have no clue-” he whispers back “In which case I’d like to keep it that way for as long as we can.”

“So you…you support me?”

“Of course I do, Clarke, but it doesn’t mean I agree with the way you’re doing this.”

“Dad-”

“It’s extremely dangerous!” he stops cutting the cake and crosses his arms over his big chest “Not to say almost suicidal!”

“I can take care of myself!”

“No, you can’t! Those people almost killed the chancellor. They blew you up in the air and not even half of them are behind bars yet! Do you know what will happen if you get caught in their hands?” she opens her mouth to protest but he cuts her off before she can. 

“They’ll execute you just for sport, Clarke!”

“Dad, I-”

“It won’t matter how many people you’ve saved or fed or even defended while having dinner with the chancellor.” she bows her head down and leans on her elbows, reaching out to swipe some of the yellow icing with her finger.

The image of Bellamy’s hallow cheeks and the dark circles under Gus’ eyes stop her from actually tasting it.

“I can’t just stand by and do nothing! There are people out there who need help!”

“And they’re getting some! There are field hospitals, you can volunteer to help there and Hannah’s society girls are organizing a benefit for all the families that have suffered losses in the attack.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it! The field hospitals are just an excuse so that the people don’t completely overthrow the chancellor but most of them are dying there and they have no access to real medical help! Jackson’s dealing with open wounds with fucking moonshine, dad!”

“Don’t you curse at me, kid!” he warns, getting angry himself which he rarely did with her. 

She was always his sweet little girl who he understood and tried to help no matter what.

“You know I’m right! And Hannah-I despise girls like Hannah. They are the reason I went into medicine in the first place-they sit in their sweet little homes with their perfect powerful husbands taking care of their spoiled children who eat a full coarse meal at breakfast while others get half a bowl of algae and pretend the world is fine!”

“You’re being too harsh on them!” her dad warns “You know they mean well.”

“It’s one thing to mean well and a whole other to _do_ it, dad!” she throws her hands in the air and meets his eyes for the first time this evening “I won’t sit by and watch people die while we eat lemon cake for desert and nobody, not you,not anyone else telling me how dangerous this is will stop me!”

Jake raises his eyebrow at that and tilts his head to the side.

“Does that someone else include the person who saved your life during the attack?” she swallows hard, ducking her head away. She should’ve known her dad would see through her, he always did. 

“Because if he is then I’d like to meet up with him and thank him in person.” Clarke couldn’t really imagine her dad and Bellamy Blake in the same room but then again at second thought he’d be the best choice out of all her family that she could introduce to him and Gus without fearing they’ll be disgusted or afraid of them. 

“So he’s of the same opinion as I am?”

Clarke shrugs.

“He may be.”

“Then he’s a true friend.”

“He and his son are dying because of everything Jaha’s doing.”

“Clarke, I get that you want to help people but you can’t openly criticize the chancellor, not even while he’s having a friendly dinner with us at our own apartment.” her dad circles the plot and wraps his hands around her shoulders “Those kinds of actions and thoughts could get you killed no matter who your parents are and how close they are to those in power. Please…remember that.”

She wraps her arms around his waist.

“Okay.” he kisses the top of her head and holds her tight “I’m just worried about you, kiddo.”

“I’ll be fine, dad.” he shakes his head when he pulls away and stares at the bandage still wrapped around her head.

“You almost died.”

“It’s but a scratch.” he sighs at her words but she can see he’s cracking a smile under his serious demeanor.

“When did you grow up and get so stubborn?”

“I’ve always been stubborn.” he laughs at that and ruffles her head a little.

“That’s true but please…don’t let it kill you, okay?” she swallows hard at that “Be careful.” Clarke has to lean on her toes to be able to reach up and kiss his cheek.

“That’s my middle name.”

“It’s not!” Jake points out with a pout.“It’s Elizabeth!”

“All the same!” she pulls away “Save me a piece, I need to go to the bathroom.” she runs off and just when she’s reached the door she hears him call her back.

“Don’t take all the aspirin pills! Kane gives me headaches every time he stops by!” and she chuckles.

Her dad knew her so well.

————————————————-

Bellamy’s heavily leaning on the table, one hand resting on it as the other gripped the crutch under his arm and he slowly, very impatiently, took a step forward.

It had been Gus’ idea. 

He was trying to get up on his feet in the past few days but he was useless without Clarke or his mother there. 

Though neither of them discussed it, he didn’t need them to say it out loud-he wasn’t getting better. 

He thought maybe when a week or two passed his knee would strengthen and he could even try and get back to work but he overheard Clarke telling his mom the other night when they thought he was asleep that it’d be at least a month for the cap to heal and only after that could they think about the lack of feeling in half of his leg and how to help that.

Help, not fix, he had noticed her use of words then too.

It has been just a five days since she first came in and found him bed ridden and he couldn’t say he was not enjoying having her here. 

With his mom away at work most the time, a kid at home and him being unable to move and in pain things weren’t easy.

Gus was a quiet boy but even he needed to let his energy out from time to time and Bellamy couldn’t always send him off to the Greens. 

They had their own worries and work too, so Clarke proved to be of great help here. 

She would read to him, play with him, even, much to his surprise, cook with him if stirring some beans and corn could be considered cooking.

She came in dressed in different station outfits every time but still he worried even if she was five or ten minutes late. 

Technically, he knew she was helping out giving away packages and that took time, he was also aware that once she starts work on Monday she won’t have the time to come in every day and that thought made a sinking feeling settle in his stomach.

A feeling he did not like for more than one reason, mostly because he skipped the moment when he started depending and needing Clarke Griffin in his life all the damn time.

He shook his head as he took another step.

Clarke and Gus were sitting on a chair just opposite of him.

“Come on, dada, you can do it!” his son cheered on. 

He had made only one “lap” around the table at whenever he reached Gus and Clarke, his son would move up from her lap and kiss his cheek as a reward for being successful.

It warmed his heart.

The kid has been through too much and though Clarke’s tea and herbal pills were helping him get back to his normal sleeping schedule, he could still see that he was sad and too lost in his thoughts sometimes.

He worried.

Bellamy sways violently and threatens to fall on his back was it not for his last minute instinct to grip the side of the table and command himself to breathe. 

That on its own sends him into another bout of violent coughs and his hand wanted to desperately shoot for his ribs which he had to command himself not to do so as not to lose his balance.

“Bellamy-”

“Just…a…” he can’t even finish the sentence, he’s coughing his lungs out and it hurts, all of it hurts. 

He hears Clarke move up, tell Gus to stay put and soon enough she’s by his side, one hand on his chest, the other cupping his cheek.

“It’s alright, just breathe.”

“I …can’t.” his lungs wheeze, he tries to bite back his lips so as not to cough into her face and he hates the worried look in her eyes but she reads his mind (how did she always do that) and so she pushes his head to the crook of her shoulder.

“Don’t hide.” she whispers when he tries to swallow down his coughs. 

His arm goes limp and the hand gripping the crutch goes lip, letting it fall to the ground. 

He’s so embarrassed by himself, his state-he had no idea how she even held him in her arms right now without being disgusted-he hadn’t properly showered in over a week, he was a coughing mess and he couldn’t walk.

She’s a doctor, she’s used to this-he thinks but somehow he hates the thought of her seeing him just as a patient.

“I’m sorry.” he apologizes when the violent coughs shake his body once more.

“Here, easy, sit down.” he somehow manages to grab the chair and put it behind him, gently pushing him down while he keeps coughing. 

Still, she doesn’t pull away from him, on the contrary, she pushes his head to her stomach and runs her fingers through his hair soothingly until it passes.

When it does, she helps him rest his back on the chair, her hand ghosts over his sweaty forehead for a moment before she goes to the cabinets and takes out the cough syrup she brought yesterday.

“That tastes awful.”

“Oh you’ll get over it, you big baby.”

“I’m not a baby!” he pouts when she fills in the spoon and Gus who has been up until this moment very quiet and worried, flashes a serious look at his dad.

“Dada, take i!”

“You heard the boy!” she brings the spoon to his lips but Bellamy only purses them tighter.

“Can we-”

“Now, Bellamy.”

“It’s so bitter!” he complains “I don’t-” and before he knows it she shoves it in his mouth and forces him to swallow it, using the moment he’s blabbing to her benefit. 

Gus chuckles and Clarke smiles victoriously, patting his cheek in a sweet attempt to console him but then after, she does something he does not expect-he sees her lean down and kiss his cheek.

Her lips linger there for a moment too long, it feels like days, no, weeks had passed and when she pulls away his mouth is hanging open and his eyes are wide.

“There, I sweetened it some, didn’t I?” she cups his cheek again and it takes him a moment to react-his cheek is burning, he feels his whole face burning up to the tip of his ears and she seems so unabashed, so full of love and joy and happiness. 

There’s just the faintest taint of red under her eyes, her small chippy nose is a little scrunched up in that adorable way that makes his heart tug in a strange way, in a desire to move up and kiss it.

He shakes his head, his curls fall free over his eyes and cheeks and cover his moment of weakness and shame.

“I uh…thanks.”

“You’re welcome, _big baby_.”

“I’m not a baby!” he huffs again protesting the light joke but she notices he’s still gripping the side of the table with one hand while his other moves to his ribs.

“Gus takes it better when he has his shots.” she praises his son and the kid beams “Don’t you, sweet face?”

“I do! It’s akway, dada, you just need to twust doctow Clarke. She knows what’s best.”

“Very wise words from a very wise little man.” she moves to the other side of the table and wraps her arms around Gus’ neck, leaning down to kiss his cheek too.

Bellamy’s face falls-she just did it with his son too. That meant it wasn’t special. He was just being an idiot and she had to calm him down. 

Like giving Gus the monkey when he had shots or holding his hand while she asked him about his nightmares.

He wasn’t special.

He was just a patient.

His heart sinks a little but then he shakes his head-this was for the better. He couldn’t have other thoughts like that…thoughts about kissing her nose or what it’d feel like if he ran his hand through her hair or if his lips touched-

No.

Enough of that.

“Dada, I’m hungwy!” Gus announces as he leans his arms over the table in between the drawings he and Clarke had been doing since she came by. 

She was early today, having delivered packages only for about two hours after which she came here straight away. She would lie if she wasn’t anxious all morning-Bellamy’s cough worried her, it hadn’t been going away, in fact it was getting worse and according to Aurora he spend the night coughing yesterday. 

Clarke realized he was still in this precious inbetween where they could beat it or it could turn into a full blown pneumonia and then just as easily, he could get very high fever and worsen in just days.

The thought of him dying without her being able to take him to medbay scared the hell out of her.

She woke up at night wondering if she maybe made a mistake, if she should’ve given him two spoons of syrup instead of just one, if she should’ve insisted on two aspirins if she-

And then she’d shake her head, get up and spend the rest of the night going over paper work she needed to do for medbay just to take her mind off things.

It worried her, his state. She was so scared. Last time she talked to Jackson he told her people were dying like flies in the field hospital. 

_“I guess that’s what it must’ve been when people went to war back on earth.” he had said tiredly. Many of the reasons why they died was because the wounds were too severe but also for the lack of resources-there weren’t enough blood bags, antibiotics, bandages, even thread for stitches.”_

It started making her angry too.

Why weren’t Factory allowed to medbay? Why couldn’t they be saved? What sort of sick punishment was this that people could be helped but they were denying them. 

Like Bellamy-if he got sick, if he-

He could end up dying from something completely treatable. 

Or he could live if he was lucky enough and she somehow saved him with her meager medicine possessions-a stolen cough syrup from her mom’s cabinet and some aspirin that wouldn’t bring down his fever.

The chancellor had his life in his hands.

Quite literally.

Which is why she had refused to meet up with Wells and Hannah this weekend-she just couldn’t bear looking in her friend’s face when she knew he was not only ordering the raids as chief of the guards but also participating in them as a way to boost morale among his men and remind them to be firm and strong.

“Why don’t we have some of that cake I brought-” she starts, trying to shake her grim thoughts away when someone bangs hard on the front door.

“Chancellor’s Guards! Open up!” the blood freezes in her body and she stops dead in her place. 

The room falls quiet and her head shoots to Bellamy who’s face shows as much surprise as hers, surprise that quickly shifts into something else.

_Fear._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, this is the last of the old chapters so to say and I'm posting it so I can get a new one your way, finally, because I realized it's been over a month since I posted this one on Tumblr for which I'm sorry! 
> 
> This chapter has some Trigger Warnings for police brutality and shock lashing! 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

“Bellamy-”

“Guards! Open up! This is a surprise inspection!!” they yell again and Bellamy raises himself up on his feet by using the table, gripping it with both arms.

“Pick Gus up and go by the sink, I’ll open up!”

“Dada!”

“Bellamy, no maybe I should hide.”

“Where? In the bathroom? They’ll turn this place upside down!” he shushes as he carefully leans down and grabs his crutch yelling back at the door “I’m coming! Just a moment!”

“You have one minute or we’ll use force!”

Clarke is shaking all over when Bellamy comes by her side gripping her wrist.

“Listen to me carefully-you’re my dead wife’s best friend from Factory who comes by to help me with my son, because you heard I got hurt in the blast.” Clarke nods, surprised by his calm demeanor. 

It’s like he has trained for this, expected it all this time, maybe in his head he had, maybe he had been preparing for this scenario while she was living in a dream where this never happened. 

“Don’t talk, they’ll know you’re from Alpha if they hear your accent!” and he’s right, people spoke differently in Factory, using words sometimes she didn’t understand, but Alpha had a distinct lazy _a_ that would pass in GoSci or Hydra, even Mekka, where they spoke similarly, but not around here.

They’d figure it out right away.

“You got your fake ID?”

“Yes, it’s in my pocket.”

“Factory?” she nods, she had been dressed in Factory disguise today, using the name Eliza Bennett as disguise. 

She had a friend in GoSci, a boy she used to go to school with who did those things-he didn’t only fake the real document, he also put you in the program for about a month so that if the guards checked it, they’d never doubt it.

It cost her about two weeks of ration points that she could’ve used on bandages or medicine but it was worth it.

Especially right now.

“Sir, open up!” there was a bang on the door again and Bellamy ushered them. Clarke grabbed Gus and went to the sink.

“Keep his head down, okay? I don’t want him to remember this.” he whispers one last time as Clarke tucks Gus’ head to her chest. 

The kid was already trembling with paralyzing fear and she could feel his tears wet her jumpsuit.

“It’ll be fine.” Clarke whispers in his ear “I’m here, nothing bad will happen.” she lies so convincingly she almost believes it.

In reality she was absolutely useless and the outcome of the entire situation depended on Bellamy who was heavily limping towards the door and grabbing the handle.

He throws her one last look before he opens up, raising his free hand in the air in a silent sign of peace that no one notices.

They don’t even stop, it’s like a sea of black that pours in the small apartment-five men in full gear with vests, helmets and rifles on their backs and chests, pistols raised up blazing as if Bellamy was waiting on the other side with one himself, getting ready to shoot them the moment he opens the door.

Two of them grab Bellamy from both sides before he can even say something.

His crutch falls to the ground, he swings violently and the one on his left thinks he wants to attack him so they clutch his elbow and pull out their baton.

Clarke has to bite back her tongue not to yell.

_“This is a surprise inspection ordered by chancellor Thelonious Jaha and executed under the laws of Decree #175 of the Arkadia Council board members enforced in state of emergency and supported by all people on the Ark. We the guards are hereby allowed to search the premises of-”_ the guard who had stopped in the middle of the room near the table reads from his tablet what Clarke’s sure is just a formality. 

He’s the oldest one, his hair sticking in a straining the eyes white under his helmet, completely contrasting the rest of the boys that seem much younger.

The other two had already detained Bellamy who was in either case completely helpless and she herself was facing the rest of the small group who were eyeing her and Gus suspiciously as they gripped the guns strapped to their chests with both hands. 

_“Bellamy Blake, son of Aurora Blake, who lives here with his son Augustus Martin Blake.”_ the man utters a few more sentences from the document he was reading but they’re basically unintelligible as he seems bored that he even has to bother with this.

“Okay, boys, push him to the wall and search him!” he orders and Clarke opens her mouth to argue when Bellamy gives her one look and reminds her to keep quiet. 

“You two-start looking around.” he tells the other two that were near Clarke and Gus who seem to be invisible to them for the moment.

Bellamy’s pushed to the wall opposite of them and she sees he bites back a groan as they search him all over, patting his body, turning up his pockets and even running their gloved hands through his curls all done so gracelessly that she’s sure they’re just causing him more pain.

The men start turning everything upside down, heading to the bed first and pulling away their blankets and the mattresses, throwing Gus’ drawings on the floor and stomping over them.

The older guard goes through the information on his tablet, seemingly lost in thought while the others destroyed the place.

“He’s clear, sir!”

“Put him on his knees and tie his hands behind his back while we’re done here. Then join the others in on the fun.” the guard commands and they drag Bellamy forward pushing him to his knees. 

Clarke can’t even imagine the pain he’s in right now, forced to put pressure on his broken kneecap and his leg that won’t hold him. 

He’s worse for wear after the search, his clothes pulled at and his hair a mess but he keeps his eyes on her in determination she had rarely seen in him and she recognizes wht he’s trying to say.

“Don’t fight this!”

Gus is trembling in her arms, crying, sobbing now and she tries to rock him, rub his back with her hand and whisper reassurances in his ear but he’s so terrified she doubts he’s hearing something.

“Dada!” he whispers.

“Shh, dad will be fine, don’t look.”

“Dada, I-”

“Please, don’t look Gus, be quiet, it’ll be over soon.” she whispers while her own body trembles with fear.

She had never seen anything like this before-the way the guards so rudely invaded this home and were currently destroying everything.

“Bellamy Blake, age 27, widower, works in Factory station level two as a mechanic and wielder” the old guard mutters to himself still going through the tablet information, swiping his finger up and down “Got arrested after the attack but passed out during interrogation.” he looks down at him “That’s convenient, isn’t it?”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything as the guard lets his tablet drop and starts looking around.

“Don’t look at them, don’t look at them!” Bellamy begs silently and just then the man’s eyes fall on Clarke and Gus, making his heart sink.

“If your wife’s dead, who’s that?” he asks as he approaches them with curiosity, nodding at one of the boys who was throwing out the contents of the drawers next to them up “Jenkins, scan her ID!”

“She’s just a friend, helps me take care of my son.” Bellamy speaks up for the first time, trying to bring back the guard’s attention to himself which unfortunately he’s unsuccessful with.

Clarke’s trembling hand takes out her ID and hands it to the younger guy, a boy really, probably no older than eighteen with red hair sticking out from under his helmet and freckles. 

Gus sobs have quieted just a bit but upon hearing the guard approach them he grips Clarke’s shirt in his hand and climbs up further in her chest.

“Here it is, sir.” Jenkins shows the guard the scanner and the man with piercing blue eyes and hatred painted all over his face smirks like the devil.

“Ahh, a seamstress.” he raises his hand and picks Clarke’s chin up. “I love those.”

“Leave her alone!” Bellamy raises his voice angrily “She’s just a girl!”

“So were those who almost blew up the chancellor” the guard who’s name tag said Morgan as much as Clarke could catch sight of it, barks “Boys and girls from this station, pretending to be innocent but preparing a terrorist attack.”

“We haven’t done anything. I got hurt in the attack too” Bellamy tries to reason with him, take his attention off of Clarke and Gus which seems to be working because the guard starts walking back towards him, measuring him with his eyes as he kneeled before him.

“Apparently you’re not too bad if you’re out here fucking this whore” the guard says when he kneels to his level, his baton out, gripping it with one hand and patting it in the inside of the other as a treat.

Bellamy grits his teeth angrily.

“Don’t call her that!”

“Or what?” Morgan laughs in his face, spitting some of his own saliva on Bellamy’s face “You’ll do what, you factory bastard?”

“This!” Bellamy uses his head and and in one swift movement hits the guard’s face with his forehead, making him stumble back and almost fall to his ass.

“No!” Clarke speaks for the first time and he hopes nobody hears her in the mix of grunts and yells from the other guards. 

Morgan is swift to raise himself up to his feet and Bellamy feels the blood tickle down the cut he just made on his forehead that must be identical to cut on Morgan’s face.

Because of the helmet protecting his head and the height difference Bellamy had ended up hitting him lower-in the eye and right now the guard was clutching his already red and fast swelling eyeball that was bleeding on top of everything, as he cursed. 

Two of the guards rushed to him, helped him steady himself by grabbing his elbows but he angrily shoves them away.

“You stupid piece of-” Morgan raises his baton and Bellamy prepares for the blow that never comes.

“Sir, we found something here.” the other guard, the boy who had scanned Clarke’s ID, had joined in another man in the search while Bellamy talked to Morgan and tried to get his attention.

With fear, Bellamy’s eyes fall on the cuboards near the door by the hanger that they’ve moved away, only to find out the moveable metal panel on the floor where he hid food.

“He’s hoarding food.” Morgan’s face twists in another evil expression and he follows the boys to the small hole in the floor where he pulls out a few red bean cans and a couple of stew and potato ones as well as some formula.

“Well, well, well, look what we got here.” Bellamy’s face falls. He had asked Aurora to put them there just last night, afraid of a surprise inspection like this happening, stupidly believing that no one will think to look under a fucking shoe cupboard near the door.

_What a fool he was._

Morgan kicks the cans so hard, that some of them burst and the food spills on the floor but when he picks up the formula box, Bellamy’s heart breaks.

“Hoarding food is an illegal activity that’s punishable according to the Ark’s rules.” he opens up the box as he starts walking back to Bellamy. “Jenkins, take twenty ration points from his file.”

“This was from the care packages, I hadn’t stolen or hoarded.” Bellamy tries explaining but he realizes he’s too late. Morgan is pissed off that he fought back and he’d do anything in his power to get it back at him because he was humiliated.

“Make them fifty, Jenkins!” Bellamy didn’t have fifty ration points in his card. 

He barely even had five which meant that when he started working, _**IF**_ he started working, he had to pay those fifty points to the state, or the chancellor, whichever you preferred, before he started saving any and using them for food.

It was like a fine that was way too big for a crime this petty. Everyone hid and hoarded food in Factory. 

Most of the time, if the guards were understanding, they’d even let it slide but now after the attack every little thing was put under a microscope and Factory people were punished way too harsh.

Morgan digs his hand in the formula box and spills the contents on the floor in a dramatic theatrical gesture, just to show Bellamy that he can do anything he wants.

“This is for my son.” Bellamy says through teeth and Morgan who’s eyes was almost swollen shut and bleeding down his cheek laughed.

“Not anymore. Now it’s for no one.” he turns the box upside down, the metal echoes as it bounces off the floor and Morgan dips his fingers in the small white pile staining them in the yellowish white of the powder before dragging it over Bellamy’s face, mixing it with the blood coming from the cut on his own head.

“Stop it!” Clarke couldn’t take it anymore-this man wasn’t just inspecting a room, he was humiliating the people living here, he had bound Bellamy by the wrists and thrown all his food away. 

He was treating him like an animal.

“Don’t!” Bellamy warns her when he feels the guard grab him by the hair and tug his head back, standing behind him and opposite of Clarke.

“The punishment for hoarding food is taking away ration points but considering the cirmustances I find it to be too…meek, wouldn’t you agree mechanic Blake?” he whispers angrily in his ear. 

“Moreover, you assaulted a guard, so I think a few shocklashes will be a good lesson, what do you boys say?” the other guards that had already searched everything including the small bathroom were standing in a semi circle opposite of Bellamy and Morgan and just a foot before Clarke and Gus who had started crying out loud.

“Will ten do the work?”

“No!” Clarke tries again and Bellamy shoots her another warning glance. 

If she spoke too much they’d figure it out, she’d be punished too, maybe locked up and she’d never set foot in Factory again.

She was supposed to sit and wait idly by.

But how could she when Bellamy was being tortured like this?

“Or maybe I could fry the feathers of your little seamstress friend instead?” he started “Maybe she helped you hoard all the cans, huh?”

“Leave her alone! She doesn’t know anything!” Bellamy grunts back and Morgan smiles contemplating his decision for a moment. 

Gus is crying out loud, his yells piercing the air around when the man steps back and gestures at the boys.

“Come tear up his shirt and hold him tight.” he leans close and Bellamy feels his stale breath fan his face “I like giving women pleasure, not torture.”

It makes Bellamy want to punch him so hard he knocks out his teeth but he’s also relieved.

He won’t hurt Clarke. He won’t harm her.

“No!” she screams again and it makes him wince. She needed to be quiet, the more she struggled,the more danger she was in.

“Careful, sweetheart, if you don’t keep your tongue behind your teeth I’ll let you join him!” the captain grows at her but clearly he enjoys seeing her trying to fight the red-haired boy who stands in her way.

Two of the boys tear Bellamy’s shirt apart, untie his arms and grab a wrist in each hand as Morgan takes out his shock lash baton and steps forward.

“Dada!” Gus is wailing now, he’s twisting in her arms, has been for a while, trying to see what’s happening, most of all why it was happening. “Dada, no!” he was crying so hard, tears streaming down his face.

“Look away, Gus!” Bellamy begged and when the first shock lash hit him he tried to bite back the groan that came with the pain of electricity buzzing through his body but he couldn’t “Come on, son, look…look away!” he begged.

The kid screamed and tossed, he wiggled so hard in Clarke’s arms that no matter what she was trying to do, how she was trying to calm him and push his head to her chest so he doesn’t see, she couldn’t.

The boy with the red hair and the freckles stood before her, baton raised but dripping lower in his arms as he watched them struggle but there was nothing he could do. 

Disobeyong your superior got you suspended for months, Clarke knew it from Wells-they were all afraid and they were all so very needed so they could instill terror in people’s lives.

It was an honor to be a guard these days, a protector, Jaha said whenever he talked about Wells with pride and joy in his eyes.

_“Protector of what?”_ Clarke thought.

They were torturing an innocent man who was already hurt beyond believe, dragging him to the floor and holding his arms while they shock lashed him and his son cried in her arms and begged for him.

“Gus, stop it, please, stop!” Clarke was trying desperately but the kid was fighting her so hard she couldn’t do anything.

Bellamy was on his fifth shock lash when he started coughing up blood.

The sight must’ve been so terrifying for Clarke because she found herself struggling against the guard and trying to get to him. The boy was strong, though, he held her up by the arms with the wiggling kid between them until finally somewhere in between their struggles, Gus found a weak link.

He twisted hard in Clarke’s grip, moved up and before she knew it, he was biting the guard’s arm so hard the boy screamed, then he jumped off on the floor and squeezed between his legs, rushing to his dad.

“Dada!” he yelled as he ran. Bellamy was so ruined by that point, the only thing holding him up were the guards on both his sides. 

His upper body had sagged up and his eyes were dizzy and disoriented.

“Gus, no!” Clarke yelled when she saw the one of the guards by Bellamy’s side raise his baton at Gus’ attempts to reach his dad.

She uses the red-haired boy’s distraction to push by his side and runs to them. 

In a last-second attempt to help them, she stands between the guard and Gus raising her hands in pleading.

And just then, when she thinks the baton will hit her fingers with force unimaginable, maybe even break them, destroy her and her career, her ability to help people, something happens.

The blow never comes and a strong familiar voice echoes through the room.

_“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”_

Clarke’s eyelids flutter and when she turns to the direction of the voice, she finds Wells Jaha and another smaller group guards that seemed to be in training considering their grey and not black uniforms, standing in the door.

Morgan is so deep in his own vendetta that he keeps shocklashing Bellamy until Wells strides forward and grabs him by the wrist.

“Guardsman Morgan, what are you doing?”

Recognition dawns over Morgan’s face when he realizes who’s standing before him. He clears his throat, tucks away his shock lash baton in his belt and salutes him with a calm methodology that shakes Clarke to her core.

“Cheif Jaha, I was executing the punishment of this man for hoarding food.”

“The punishment for that is taking ration points, guardsman!” Wells commanded respect, Clarke could see the way everyone in the room shrunk under his strong voice, but he was not meeting her eyes as much as she was trying to catch his.

_Has he even seen her at all? Or did he intervene just because he randomly happened to be passing by those hallways with his cadets?_

“Yes, sir but he also assaulted me when I was trying to question him.” Morgan explains and Wells eyes slide to the other guards who bow down their heads in embarrassment clearly quietly contradicting their commanding officer’s words.

Then her friend’s eyes roll to the food on the floor, Gus who was hiding behind her, gripping her shirt and finally, to her. 

Recognition dawns over his face for just the briefest of moments-so he didn’t see her before that, he did not even expect to find her here. How would he? He didn’t know she had been sneaking to Factory trying to help people.

She barely shakes her head at him, the most silent and invisible of gestures she could think of.

What would he do?

Would he expose her? Have her arrested for breaking the law and coming to stations that were locked up for Alpha residents? Punish her for helping people out despite the chancellor’s orders?

His face hardens and for a moment she doesn’t know what will happen.

She loved Wells with all her heart, they’ve grown up together, he even had the sweetest crush on her when they were in high school but got over it when he realized Clarke doesn’t feel the same way towards him. 

He had been there through it all-her first boy friend, her first girl kiss, her first break up, her first surgery, her first loss of a patient.

He held her in her arms and let her cry all her sorrows out while stroking her hair.

Her lips leave the heaviest sighs she’s ever held when he nods back at her and moves his head to Bellamy’s slumped figure.

“Don’t you see this man is barely conscious?” he kneels down and looks at his wrapped ribs and the bruises covering almost every part of his torso. The blood and powder on his face made him look like a painted warrior from the history movies Clarke remembers seeing as a child.

“He broke the law, sir!” Morgan tries explaining himself, finally letting his facade break somewhat but Wells only gives him another harsh look and stands up.

“He may have but he also clearly isn’t in the condition to receive physical punishment! We don’t kill people, guardsman Morgan! We are not terrorists!”

“Sir!” Morgan’s face was red as he saulted him.

“I want you and your men to go back to base where we’ll discuss the matter further.” Morgan nods and Wells turns to the trainees.

“Get this man to his bed and help him in any way you can! Use your medical training!” Clarke wanted to laugh-Wells knew well enough that she was the trained medic here, she could be the one to help Bellamy, but he didn’t want to expose her in any way.

Morgan and his guards leave and just then Clarke turns around and pulls Gus to her chest.

“Clarke!”

“It’s okay, it’s over!” she whispers back holding him tight in her arms while Wells looks at them from above. 

He stretches out his hand and helps her stand. The boy in her arms is crying, shaking, sobbing and breaking her heart. 

“It’s over, Gus, it’s over.” she kept saying like a mantra but it wasn’t true.

It was far from over. She had to figure out how to help Bellamy now. From the corner of her eye she could see the guards laying him on his stomach and drawing a wet rag over the burned flesh that seemed to have already started blistering. 

His eyes were closed-he had lost his battle with consciousness.

Wells stands in her way before she can move and get to him.

He reaches out and grabs her wrist, squeezing it tightly.

“You have a lot of explaining to do, Clarke!” he whispers, eyebrows furrowed, eyes angry but also filled with worry.

She knew she was in for some scolding, if Wells told her mother she’d never hear the end of it but right now she couldn’t care less.

She pushed Gus’ head to her chest and pulled him closer to her.

“Later.” is all she says as she tries to move past him towards the broken man lying in the cot, who even in his sleep, coughed and grunted from the pain coursing through his body.

Wells is faster, though. He grabs her elbow and pulls her back a few steps away from the trainees ears.

“Clarke-” he warns, she’s never seen him that angry or confused. Wells has always been anything but cold or stern. 

He has been her best friend, her hug after a warn out day, her warm hand to hold onto when she felt like crying after losing a patient or going through a particularly hard surgery.

But the person standing before her wasn’t Wells her best friend.

It was Wells the Chief of the guards.

“I’m not leaving here without you.” he says sternly “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

She knew that, she knew he’d ask her questions, maybe even call her mom and dad and force her to admit to why she was even there and how she moved through the stations.

Could he arrest her? Would he punish her?

A shiver ran down her spine and she shook her head of those thoughts-this didn’t matter now. Only Bellamy did.

“Then you better tell off your dogs so I can help him.” she says through teeth without a beat, trying to show him her stance, which was, she wouldn’t leave Bellamy unconscious lying on a cot all by himself. 

Judging by the time Aurora had to get home any minute, but still, she wouldn’t count on that. Not with Gus still trembling in her arms, sobbing on her shirt. 

“Because I’m not leaving until I do so.”

Wells considers her for a moment and it must be the spark of Clarke’s typical stubbornness that shone in her eyes that convinced him of it because he takes off his head and clears his throat.

“Trainees!” they all stop what they’re doing and turn to him, looking up with confusion while meddling between each other trying to form a small and proper soldier line. 

Clarke doubts they ever did anything to truly help Bellamy besides fuss and sweat over the right thing to do so that their commander wouldn’t be pissed off.

They were helpless boys no older than eighteen, some probably even younger, with still pimply pale faces and barely any beard on their faces.

“Go back to base and continue your training session with vice chancellor Kane.” Wells commands “I’ll finish up here myself.”

“But sir, it’s not safe for you to stay back on your own.” the boy on the furtherest right was the bravest one to speak after they all exchanged worried looks.

Should they leave a man behind? they wondered, Clarke could see it in their eyes and wished they had as much compassion about the person lying in the cot behind them.

“I won’t be alone. There are other guards in the hallways on duty. If I need their help I’ll get them. And anyway I doubt someone from this station will be too dumb to try killing me after what happened” the boys still linger a little unsure but then Wells adds. 

“Come on now, be on your way!” they salute him and leave with Wells closing the door behind them.

Clarke doesn’t waste a minute rushing to Bellamy’s bed, carefully placing Gus behind him.

“I’m sorry, sweet boy, I need to check on your dad, okay?” she apologizes and Gus looks up at her with eyes still filled with tears. 

He was so shell shocked he couldn’t speak, the only thing he knew for sure was that his dad was hurt and unconscious and he was terrified.

He craws near his dad as Clarke pulls out the small bag with medical provisions and supplies she’s left under the cot for when she needed to change Bellamy’s bandages and opens it up, kneeling on the cot near him.

The burns from the shock lash are an ugly red just above the bandage she had made on his ribs, blistering and oozing.

Yet another scar on his already marred body.

She reaches for his forehead and finds it burning which makes her wince but he’s out cold, he doesn’t stir at all even when she gently tries to shake his shoulder. When she looks up in his eyes they’re dizzy and disoriented but he still doesn’t wake up, only groans upon her trying to ruin his momentary peace.

“It’s okay, I’ll take care of you.”

“Dada?” Gus asks, coming from his other side, touching his arm carefully. “Dada, wake up!”

“He’s passed out, Gus.” Clarke says her own eyes welling with tears upon seeing Gus’ broken face. “The pain was too much, his body gave up.”

“He’s hurt.” Gus tilts his head at her trying to understand what she means.

“He is, but I’ll help him.” the little boy shakes his head.

“He’s too hurt this time.” she uses a clean cloth made of one of her own cocktail dresses that she remembers wearing on the previous unity days celebrations that seemed so long ago, and dozes it in the last of her antiseptic, reaching out to press it to Bellamy’s new wound.

He shivers, mumbles something but doesn’t wake up.

“What can I do to help?” she didn’t expect Wells to approach her but before she knows it he’s kneeling down on the mess on the floor created by his own people-everything was still down-the blankets, their clothes, even the sheets. 

Bellamy was lying on the bare cot that the trainees must’ve pulled up before dragging him on it. 

Even the pillow was torn and discarded near them and Clarke saw it was made of old useless rags, probably Aurora’s doing.

“You can take him to medbay and let me put an IV, make an x-ray and give him antibiotics.” she snaps back at which Wells’ facade breaks a little and she sees the face of her childhood friend for the briefest of moments.

“Clarke-” he shakes his head “You know I can’t do that.”

“Because he’s from Factory?”

“Because the law forbids it right now.” Wells furrows his eyebrows at her, not figuring out why she couldn’t get his point “You’re aware of the laws currently operating on this entire station, are you not?” he means her trespassing, her obvious disgrace to him, coming here in this hell hole helping this man and his child.

“What I know is that I have a man who’s been hurt beyond anyone else from Alpha that’s currently occupying a bed in medbay.” she keeps cleaning the wounds and when she’s satisfied, she takes out the last of her burn cream tube only to find it empy-she used the last of it on a kid from Farm that had his entire leg covered in blisters after the attack. 

She had nothing to help Bellamy with and that made her even more frustrated. 

“But instead he’s here, shaking from his coughs, unable to move from a shrapnel in his back that he got because he saved my life, getting shock lashed in front of his son for having a few extra cans of beans.” she picks up her last clean bandage and unglues the ends, carefully placing it over the burn on Bellamy’s back. 

“Does that seem fair to you, Wells?”

“Clarke, you know that we’re only trying to do what’s best for everyone.”

“I’m sorry, chief, but I don’t think you’re succeeding.”

“Clarke, don’t be like this!” he reaches to take her hand that’s still on Bellamy’s back and when he does, Gus moves over and barks defensively.

“Don’t touch my dada!”

“Gus, it’s okay!” Clarke tries, unwilling to repeat the situation of him biting the red-haired boy with Wells. He could be so defensive when it came to protecting his family, just like his father.

“Don’t touch him! You’re _bad_!” he raises his hand and Wells retrieves his, completely stunned by his reaction.

Wells raises his hands and pulls back.

“Gus, he’s my friend, he won’t hurt him!” Clarke tries to explain and Gus, who’s resting his hands on his dad’s lower back looks between them in both confusion and fear.

He tries to consider Clarke’s words, sees that she seems honest but then turns to Wells.

“Don’t touch my dada!”

“I won’t, I promise!” Wells says and when Clarke looks at him she realizes why he seems so scary to Gus-he’s wearing his helmet, there’s a rifle strapped to his chest, he’s all dressed in black and the silver insignia on his arms signifying his rank looks more intimidating than that of a normal guard.

“Take off your helmet.” Clarke asks of him and Wells nods, gently pulling it off and revealing his face. He moves the rifle to his back and reaches out his glove hand.

“Hey, I won’t hurt you.” he tries explaining to Gus who won’t move an inch from his dad as if by simply standing there he could keep him safe “Or your dad.”

“You’re a wolf!” Gus blabs out and Clarke winces. 

That was the word Factory people used for the guard. She first heard it a few years back when there was a prisoner she had to threat in medbay after he got into a fight with the force when they were escorting him to a different cell.

He said “the wolves” jumped him, that it wasn’t his fault. Now when she had been spending the week here in Farm and Factory, the more she treated people, the more she heard them using that word too when they saw guards approaching their paths or wanted to explain why a station was blocked. 

Apparently, Gus had learned it too though she’s never heard Bellamy or Aurora use it.

“I’m here to protect you.” Wells tries to explain but Gus just shakes his head.

“You hurt my dada! You hit him!” all he could see was the uniform and he wasn’t wrong. 

When Clarke looked at Wells she too asked herself if she was seeing her best friend or a guard who’d punish her for breaking the laws.

“Gus, it’s okay.” Clarke tries to explain again “Wells won’t do you no harm, I promise.” at Clarke’s reassurance Gus sits back a little but he’s still looking at her best friend with wary eyes.

Just then the door opens and they both turn to find Aurora stepping in. Upon seeing them she stops, dead in her track, drops the basket of clothes she was carrying, probably extra work to do around after she took care of the boys and when her eyes fall on Wells and his rifled back, his guard uniform, she raises her hands in defense.

It’s like she expected him too shoot her the moment she stepped in, without explanation, without reason even.

Both Clarke and Wells stand up and Aurora doesn’t dare move.

“It’s okay, don’t worry, he won’t do anything to you!” Clarke is quick to respond this time, putting herself between Wells and Aurora before either one of them do something stupid.

Clarke nods at her once more as she approaches her and sees as the woman’s eyes fall to the mess around them before they end up on Bellamy who’s lying in the cot still unconscious and Gus, sitting before him in his tiny protecting self.

“What happened here?” she asks her voice breaking as she moves forward, desperate to get to her son “Bellamy!”

“Aurora, wait! Listen to me.” Clarke takes her hands in hers and pulls her aside before something bad can happen, explaining everything carefully while Wells stays a respectful distance away between the cot, the table and Clarke and Aurora. He seemed more uncomfortable and perplexed than Clarke’s ever seen him in her entire life.

“He got shock lashed?” Aurora’s own eyes well with tears “For what? Hoarding a few cans?”

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Hasn’t he been through enough already?” she’s so confused, like she can’t comprehend that this is happening. 

Aurora’s always been strong,taking everything with calmness and patience Clarke had rarely seen around especially in parents who had to watch their children in pain. But now she was angry too.

“I don’t understand, they turned this whole place up and tortured him for nothing!”

“I’ll help him. I patched him up and I’ll come by tomorrow and-”

“That won’t fix it!” Aurora shakes her head and looks behind Clarke where Wells is standing, her eyebrows furrowing. 

“Why is this happening? Why are you doing this to us?” she asked him and he opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out.

Aurora just shook her head and pulled away from Clarke, rushing to the cot where Bellamy was still blissfully asleep.

“Gwandma!” Gus reached out for her and she pulls him up in her arms sliding her hand down his back until something dawns on her wen she reaches his pants.

“Oh, Gus, what happened?”

“I’m sowwy, gwandma” Gus says pulling away slightly, blushing so much and refusing to meet her eyes as he stared at the floor and pushed half of his fist in his mouth like he did when he was too embarrassed.

“Gus peed himself.”

Clarke winces and looks away herself-she didn’t notice, not when she was holding him anyway he was crying so badly and she was shaking herself. 

Maybe it didn’t even happen right away, maybe it was when she placed him next to Bellamy on the cot that he was finally relieved and let himself go. 

Either way she should’ve noticed.

“It’s okay, come on,we’ll change you!” Aurora pulls the curls away from his forehead and puts him on the floor “Go to the bathroom and take this off, grandma will be right there to help you wash up, okay?”

Gus looked between her and his dad, then Clarke and Wells as if his little brain was trying to figure out whether or not it’s safe to do what he was asked for.

“But I don’t want to leave dada!”

“Gus, it’s okay, you dad-” Clarke tries as she kneels before him and reaches out for him but he pulls back.

_“Stop saying that! It’s not okay!”_ Gus cries out again “I won’t leave him!”

And just then when it was all getting to be too much of a mess, a faint hoarse voice breaks through the darkness surrounding them.

“Gus-” they all look around to find Bellamy’s one good eye opened up. 

The side of his face is still covered in blood and formula and he tries to push back to his side. The effort causes him to grunt and grip the side of the cot in a way to steady himself but Clarke can only imagine what his body’s going through right now. 

On top of that he coughs and it sounds so awful and strong that it almost sends him lying on his back but somehow even on a subconscious level he must know that it’ll hurt more because he manages to stay on his side.

The bad one.

With the broken ribs and the haphazardly put bandage that’s been ruined when he was tortured.

“Dada!” Gus forgets all about his wet pants, his fear and the dry tears on his cheeks and he climbs right there next to him, snuggling under his outstretched arm, shoving himself under it like a little dog under his mom’s warm embrace.

It reminded Clarke of the way she would climb into her parents’ bed and snuggle in between them when she had a bad nightmare.

But this wasn’t a nightmare for Gus or Bellamy.

It was real life.

The thought alone made her wince.

His face was so pale and ashen like she couldn’t see the freckles on them and his eyes were barely opened but when both Clarke and his mom kneeled next to him and Aurora cupped his cheek he looked up at her and coughed again.

“Mom?”

“I’m here.” he nods and Gus snuggles closer to his chest, burying his face in the crook of his neck. 

Bellamy’s hand falls down his side and finds the wetness of his pants. Despite his condition realization dawns on him and his eyes widen if just for the briefest of moments.

“Mom, he’s-”

“I’ll change him, don’t worry.” Bellamy doesn’t even manage a nod, he coughs again and the blood splashes on the empty uncovered mattress. 

Gus shakes with him, wrapped around his middle, cuddling to him as if his life depended on it, as if…by holding his dad, he’d stop the pain, stop the tremors, the shaking, the inevitable earthquakes shattering their lives.

Clarke reaches out to grab Bellamy’s hand and his eyes albet still dizzy focus on her.

“Are you okay?” he manages to ask and she wants to kick him for being worried about her in the moment he was coughing his lungs out, barely conscious from the blinding pain shooting through his body. 

“Did they hurt you?”

“They didn’t, I’m fine.” he smiles just a little which makes her even more angry but she decides that will be a fight, a speech for another day when he’s better and himself, when she can slap his neck and tell him he’s an idiot, who can’t risk his life for her anymore.

Now his face twists in pain again and she tightens her grip on his hand.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere.” he manages with a sigh. 

Aurora seems to be on the verge of her strength when he says that, seeing how bad he is and upon touching his forehead again and finding it burning, emmanating heat she closes her eyes and Clarke can see her mentally praying for something to just happen, for him to get better.

“He’s burning…” she whispers looking up at Clarke “I don’t know what to do.”

Something settles in Clarke’s expression then and she remembers something, digging through the pockets of her jumpsuit, she finds the small orange bottle with her painkillers in the front one and opens it up.

“Here, I got two left.” she hands it to Aurora “I gave the rest of them away when I was patching people up so this is the best I can do now but tomorrow…I’ll figure something out.”

“Thank you.”

“Give one now and the other tomorrow. It won’t fix it, but it’ll dull the pain somewhat.”

“And the fever? The cough?” Aurora asks and Clarke doesn’t have answers for that-she didn’t have any antibiotics, not even simple fever medication like Tylenol or Aspirin. She had nothing to give him.

“Try to cool him with some wet towels. If it gets too bad take him to the field hospital.”

“In Mekka? Clarke, he can’t walk, I-” Aurora shakes her head “What if he doesn’t make it?”

“He will.” Clarke squeezes her hand this time as much as she hates leaving Bellamy’s fingers “I’ll make sure of it.”

Aurora doesn’t look like she believes any of her promises but she doesn’t really have much of a choice.

“Clarke, we should go, it’s close to curfew.” Wells who Clarke had almost forgotten about announces after clearing his throat. 

He seemed…different after the exchange, he looked as if he was trying very hard to figure out what he was witnessing and Clarke hoped he had some understanding and compassion, maybe that he’ll even realize how wrong it is what he and his dad were putting this people through.

“Go, I got him.” Aurora agrees but she doesn’t look at Wells, she still seems too scared to but Clarke gives her a brief hug before she leans over to Bellamy, tucks away a few of his curls and though his eyes are closed and he’s probably passed out again, she whispers.

“Hold on for me, okay?”

He doesn’t answer, he simply can’t and as they leave Clarke’ll never forget the sight of them that night-the room completely turned upside down, food and ripped clothes all over the floor, drawers and cupboards emptied and then Bellamy, lying helplessly in the cot, Gus curled up to his chest and Aurora kneeling by her son’s side clutching his hand and running her fingers through his messy curls, whispering something Clarke couldn’t make out.

Clarke’s never felt more guilty.

Once in the hallways she loses track of time or place, they pass through the borders with ease with Wells by her side, they don’t even check her ID when he tells them she’s with him and he’s taking her to Alpha. All of them salute and congratulate him on capturing two more of the Arrowhead members.

It’s all a blur to her, her mind goes back to Bellamy, the way he hit the guard to distract him from her and save her life.

Again.

And then his body arching at every shock lash and him biting his lips so hard they drew blood.

This wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve this.

She doesn’t realize that they’re not taking the way home to her apartment until it’s too late and she finds herself in the guard’s headquarters.

“Wells-” she stops abruptly and suddenly takes a step back, feeling the dread crawl its way in down her spine “What are we doing here?”

Maybe he forgot something that he needed to take, maybe he wanted to give her a fresh change of clothes before she went home in case she met her mom or dad down the hallways and they asked her why she looked like this or maybe he just wanted them to talk but…but why here?

“Come on-” he takes her elbow and nods to the guards that open the main doors for them, looking curiously at the chief of guards walking down a woman dressed like she’s from Factory-they seemed impressed and Clarke quickly realized why.

They thought he was handling a prison situation himself. They were proud of their leader working side by side with them-it’s something Wells always insisted on doing-being side by side with his brothers.

“No! Let me go!”

“Don’t fight me!” he says through teeth when he realizes they’re bringing the attention of the other guards down the hallway with her behavior. She still fights him, pulls back, tries to get away from his grip.

What the hell was he doing?

“I’m trying to help you!”

“By arresting me?”

“I’m not arresting you, we’ll just talk in my quarters-you, me and your parents. I already told one of the boys to get them here.”

“Wells, no! Please, don’t!”

“This is for your own good.”

“You don’t know what’s good for me!” she pulls away and tries to fight him back but his grip on her elbow is so strong she can feel it bruise.

“Sir, is there a problem here? Do you need a hand?”one of the guards steps up, hands wrapped around the rifle on his chest.

“I got it, Yanek, thank you.” Wells assures as he keeps dragging her down the corridor, not allowing her to stop afraid of what she may do or say but instead taking a sharp left turn and pushing her in his office.

“Let me go!” she bumps hard into his chest as she tries to get to the door behind “Wells, please! What are you doing? You’re my friend!”

“It is because I am your friend that I’m doing this.” he grabs her by the arms and shakes her as if he wanted to will her to go back to her senses “Don’t you see it, Clarke? You could’ve seriously gotten hurt today! Nobody knew who you are down there! And if they did it’d have been worse-you could be kidnapped or killed and for what?”

“For helping my friend!” she bites back, stumbling forward again, trying to get away from him, but his arms are strong on hers and she, for the first time in her life, finds herself scared of her best friend.

“That man is not your friend.”

“You know nothing about who he is!” she barks back raising her voice, not caring if there’s someone out there who could hear him, not caring about a damn thing at all.

Wells saw this, the fearlessness in her eyes, the complete disregard of the consequences and his eyes widened.

“You’re being reckless!”

“I’m being human!” she jabs her finger in his chest and finds him so stunned that he finally lets his arms drop from hers and stumble back “Something you seem to have forgotten!”

“Clarke-” he shakes his head “This isn’t right.”

“So what? You’ll arrest me?”

“Clarke!”

“Go ahead!” she pulls out her wrists at him completely unabashed “Do it!”

He reaches out and grabs her wrists taking a step forward and looking right into her piercing blue eyes.

“You know I won’t do that.” she wants to ask him why? They just did it to Bellamy. They just shock lashed him ten times for hoarding two cans of beans and a formula box for his three year old son. She did far worse-she crossed borders without permission and using fake IDs, she jumped from station to station when half the Ark was on lock down and she was not supposed to leave Alpha?

Her crimes were far worse.

But she’d be spared.

“But if you keep doing this-” there’s warning in his voice “Then I won’t have a choice.”

He lets go of her hands and they fall by her side helplessly.

“Are you going to report me?”

“You know I have to.” she smiles sadly as she watches him move to his desk and sit down, shoveling through his folders and gesturing her to come and sit on the chair opposite of him. She doesn’t have anywhere to run to, knows she can’t fight this. Her mom and dad were on the way and Wells had the power to prevent her from leaving the station which is probably what was at the top of his priorities right now.

She sits down and leans back on the chair thinking how lately she’s been more hopeless than ever, always wondering why this or that was happening, how come she couldn’t do nothing to fight it. But she had and now she was supposed to pay for it and she realized, she does not regret it for one single second.

And no matter what they do today, she’ll keep pushing for there was a man lying helplessly in his cot, burning up, coughing, in the horrible in between of death and life and there was a boy, curled up by his side, sobbing and praying for his dad to be okay.

For them, she’d fight.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Two chapters in one day, I hope you don't mind! This one is heavy too! I'm sorry for not posting new things in a while but here it is!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!
> 
> Edit: I also want to reiterate once more that this is NOT a particularly happy story. Are there happy moments? Yes, there will be, those of you who have followed me on Tumblr know this, I have spoiled some of it even but the sad I believe prevails because I am a sad fella who writes sad stuff. Sometimes I wonder why I keep sharing it if it's that sad for people and sometimes I wonder if I should keep doing it at all.
> 
> However, please keep this in mind when you proceed with it.

“Easy there, mister Gerard, you’ll be just fine the moment I fix that shoulder, I promise.” Clarke was helping the elderly man from Alpha, who also happened to be a a retired councilmen on the cot in medbay.

She could see her mom hovering behind her, helping the patient on the other cot-a young girl again from Alpha, who’d just given birth last night but was whining over the fact that her bed was too uncomfortable and apparently it made her back hurt more.

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut when she heard her demand another pillow from her mother.

God, these people had no idea what they actually had. 

She had been spending the last two days in medbay, working under her mother’s stern eyes after the incident at the Blakes where Wells found her and brought her to his quarters.

Her parents, most of all her mother, was appalled at her behavior.

They argued loudly, fought like they’ve never before and if Wells wasn’t her childhood friend, Clarke might’ve even been a little ashamed of showing him all their dirty laundry but he seemed unabashed and in fact very much supportive of her mother.

Jake Griffin had been taking it a lot more stoically but it was clear that though he knew she had been sneaking out, he was unhappy with the fact that she almost got hurt and arrested by guards in Factory, only because she was so adamant to help the people there.

Or at least that's what Clarke said.

He knew his daughter better.

And when later that night they finally came home after all the preaching and decision making in the Guard’s headquarters and Wells had forbidden all her access to other stations, especially to Factory, taken away her fake ID (though she still had her other three) after determining that she’d spend her time in medbay under her mom’s observation as a punishment and remain in Alpha for the next three weeks, Jake had come to her room.

She was exhausted, still wearing the Factory jumpsuit and she was so damn angry that she was being punished for something that every medic in Alpha should be striving to do, that she wanted to scream and yell and toss everything, destroy her room like they had destroyed Bellamy and Gus’ as if that way she could get even a fraction of their pain and help them carry the burden.

But all she ended up doing was curl up on her bed, bury her face in the pillows and cry.

Cry for Gus who had been tossing in her arms, begging her to let him go so he can help his dad.

Cry for Bellamy who was in unimaginable pain and could barely recognize them.

Cry for Aurora who was at a loss about what to do with her son, who was slowly fading away right before her eyes.

Cry that she couldn’t be there with them.

She was feeling so desperate she barely heard her dad open the door of her room but she did acknowledge him sitting on her bed and wrapping his big hand around her shoulder. 

“Clarke-” he called her gently but she didn’t respond, instead she tried to shake him off. “Come on,kid, talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say.” she finally lets out and this time when he tugs her shoulder she lets him roll her over and push her head to his lap.

Her tears streamed down and soaked his pants but she wasn’t ashamed of being a big girl crying on her dad’s lap.

After everything that she’s seen in the past few weeks she couldn’t care less if she looked weak.

“This boy...” he says after a while as he keeps stroking her head “He means something to you, doesn’t he?” 

“He’s my friend.” she whispers back hoarsely, her voice growing weaker with every tear that escaped her eye.

“Do you think there’s maybe more to it?” Clarke’s so stunned by the question that she freezes under her dad’s touch and closes her eyes.

_Was there more?_

Maybe, she hadn’t given herself the chance to actually think much about it but she knew she cared for Bellamy and Gus more than she did for any other patient she had ever treated.

She loved them, she did and she wanted to help them but though every time his hand touched hers and every time he smiled or thanked her or let her hold him, there was a feeling nestling in her heart-a different one, a warmer, kinder, softer one that consumed her entire body, she was afraid to think too much about it.

And though she wasn’t sure how he felt, she had a feeling maybe this meant more than a friendship to him too but it was different for him-he has had a wife he loved dearly and he had a son to take care of.

He’d have true love in his life and Clarke’s had one night stands, a brief girlfriend when she was in high school and then there was Finn who broke her heart and almost proposed to her while being engaged to another girl already.

No, she shook her head.

She was broken already and Bellamy had other things on his mind, his son being his first priority.

Then there was the fact that they came from different worlds and this just couldn’t work.

But still she didn’t give her dad a definitive answer.

Instead, she simply shrugged and buried her nose in his stomach, seeking his warmth and letting him hold her in his arms.

Her mom was so angry she refused to speak to her outside of work, insisting on probably giving her a lesson and though she couldn’t control her actions at home, she very much insisted on watching her every movement like a hawk in medbay.

It’s been a while since Clarke had worked in the hospital and she remembered now why she left.

She didn’t mind the tension or constant work that came with having an ER or the surgeries, not that her mom let her in on any of them (yet another punishment) but it was more just the staff...the personnel.

Most of the nurses and doctors were from Alpha and the patients were mainly from there, Hydra or Mekka.

Factory and Farm could rarely afford coming to medbay, which is why they had become creative in their ways of survival.

Clarke chose to become a GP exactly for that reason-so she could help people from all stations, not just whining grandmas or guards who got some bruises while training or girls from the high societies that demanded better pillows.

She saw her privilege truly now for the first time-the way those from Alpha and the higher stations lived like royalties even in the hospital, ouching from the smallest of aches and receiving the best food Farm station could produce just for their needs, just to nurse them back to perfect health.

It disgusted her-the perfectness, whiteness of it all.

Sheets were constantly being changed, floors wiped clean. She had only got her white gown dirty once-when they drove in a guard who had been stabbed by an old woman in Farm because he hit her husband while trying to search him.

It was barely a nick and yet the guard had been visited by Wells personally, wished a speed recovery and then received five meals a day instead of just three as a prize for his good services and protecting the people of Arkadia.

That day her mind had gone back to Bellamy and how he was barely breathing lying on the cold unmade bed.

He hadn’t eaten in two days when the incident with Morgan happened just so he could save more cans for the days to come. Just so Gus would have enough.

It made her shake with anger.

But also put a plan in motion. 

That night when she came home and locked the door behind her, the first thing she did was use the intercom and call Bellamy’s place. Maybe she couldn’t cross the border physically but she could still talk to them.

It had been Aurora who answered, showing up on the small video screen looking exhausted.

From what Clarke could see the place still looked a little ruffled but most of the mess was cleared up. Bellamy was lying on his now made bed looking asleep and Gus was curled up with a book on his side, in a much similar position as the way Clarke had left them in yesterday.

“How is he?” was Clarke’s first question. Aurora briefly looked back at her son’s sleeping figure before turning back to her.

“He’s bad. His cough got worse and his fever spiked last night.”

As if on queue Bellamy coughs behind them and Clarke winces upon hearing him.

It comes to her then-a way to help him.

She makes Aurora take him to the field hospital that same night, not wasting a second and promises she’ll try to come in the next day or two. It won’t be worse out there for him-if anything at least Jackson could be there to help.

And she had the chance to warn him about it.

Every morning the field hospital doctors from the other stations came to medbay for supplies.

Yesterday she volunteered to be in charge of helping them out and then doing inventory in the small warehouse attached to the medbay.

It was a tedious task that no one wanted to do and her mother was happily surprised when Clarke offered it, thinking that maybe, just maybe she could use the time to think over everything she’s done and learn.

She had no idea Clarke was cataloging every antibiotic they had, checked all the vials with the painkillers, all the pills, bandages, antiseptic materials and written it down in a sort of table sheet provided by her mom.

Now she knew exactly which medication she could switch for antibiotics. How she could fill in the vials with cough syrup or blood thinner medicine instead and steal three of the ones she needed.

That morning when she saw Jackson she pulled him aside while handing him extra bandages and helped him order them in his med bag.

“Did Aurora bring Bellamy?” she asked quietly.

“Her and this other man dragged him in last night.” he looks around checking if someone’s listening to them “He’s bad Clarke, I’m not sure there’s much I can do for him.”

“That’s okay, I can.” she whispers back “You coming tomorrow night as well right? For more supplies?” he nods giving her a confused look.

“What are you up to?”

“Make sure you come around at six and not a minute after or before. My shift ends then and we’ll leave together.”

“Leave where?”

“You’ll see.” Clarke squeezes his wrist briefly and then leaves.

Now here she was, taking care of an old ex-guard who fell from the ladder while trying to fix a patch in the ceiling on his own, breaking his arm and stabbing himself on one of the screws that his wife was handing up to him so he could get one of the panels loose and fix the small hole himself.

“You done stitching him up?” she hears her mother’s voice behind her just as she’s about to tie the last row of stitches on Gerard’s side.

His arm is still twisted in an unnatural position and he’s whining like a kid who’s had their ice cream fallen on the floor.

“Almost.” Clarke assures when Gerard whines again. Clarke almost feels pleasure for making him squirm underneath her.

“You gave him painkillers?” Abby comes to his other side and puts her hand on his shoulder.

“Of course I did.” Clarke finishes up the stitches and picks up a bandage to cover up the cut that was so superficial that on normal circumstances she’d just wrap it up in a good bandage and tell him to stay off of his feet for a few days but since he was an ex guard he had the right to demands and special treatment like painkillers and stitches. 

“It’s okay, mister Gerard, we’re almost done.” Abby assures him and gives Clarke a serious look “Let’s fix the shoulder, shall we?”

“I can leave it up to you if you want?” Clarke had gotten good at that too-the scheming, the tripping of her own mother who always doubted her and her abilities, always questioned her, who hovered around her like a hawk whenever she had been a lead on a surgery.

It was often the source of many of their fights-Abby’s inability to just let her go but also-her lack of believe in her own daughter.

Like she couldn’t treat a simple shoulder dislocation.

Even though they both knew she was a perfect doctor, far exceeding her in many ways.

Clarke’s aced her exams better than her mom, her internship was stellar and pushed her in for an early graduation into the doctor program and once she decided to specialize in orthopedics instead of neuroscience like Abby, that had been the last straw between the two of them.

Then there was Clarke giving up her job in medbay and going into being a GP which infuriated Abby to no end.

Clarke couldn’t get it-she was mad that she was better than her one moment and telling her she’s wasting her potential the next-it was frankly exhausting.

“No, go ahead.” Abby helped Gerard sit up and Clarke knew she’d watch carefully how she does this, probably desperate to scold her on her methods but Clarke pops it with ease and when Gerard screams she gets so annoyed by it, she actually wished she could walk right off. 

_The guy was pathetic._

It wasn’t even a bad dislocation. It wouldn’t require a sling.

Bellamy has had about five of those before his shoulder got bad and he went onto work the next day like nothing had happened.

This guy would lay in bed and make his wife put wet towels on his forehead for two weeks while all his friends and family send him flowers and food, wishing for a speedy recovery.

“Sorry, mister Gerard, it had to be done.” she apologizes, still playing into her act perfectly.

If she was about to do what she was about to do tonight, she had to leave no doubt in her mother’s eyes that she was truly regretful about sneaking into Factory and almost getting herself killed.

The man whines, he is in fact crying when they put him back down and Clarke steps away to clean her hands as her mom takes off her stethoscope and listens to Gerard’s lungs, then feels his forehead with her hand.

“He’s warm, you should give him antibiotics in case the wound gets infected.”

The wound would never get infected-Clarke knew that-she had cleaned it up carefully and stitched it so methodically that she knew whoever had to take them out was in for a real treat.

If Gerard was warm it was because he was stressed out and scared like a kid before their first shots, not because he was starting to show signs of infection.

But nonetheless, this presented the perfect opportunity to her.

It’s why she had chosen to treat the old fool when he was brought in, knowing that he would be the best patient for the job-an old guard who’d demand privilege, who’d be over treated for a wound that was not so serious. 

“Okay” Clarke agrees and even manages to flash a warm smile at her mom before leaning over to mister Gerard “I’ll go get you the vials and maybe something for the pain, sir. Can you hang on until I’m back?”

The man manages a nod but doesn’t thank her even though she spend the last hour treating a whining sixty three year old baby. He thought he deserved it all and he saw her as a mere medic woman who had to kiss the ground he walked on because he served and protected the people of the ark.

What a pile of bullshit.

Clarke’s about to leave when her mom catches her wrist and forces her to turn back. She expected a scolding, maybe a lecture on how to better do her stitches next time-not so tight, _"Clarke, or do you want to tear the skin even more? Ease up!”_ but instead her mom took a deep breath like she was preparing for something important before meeting her eyes.

“That was good work, Clarke.” she says and Clarke feels like something’s crawling up her skin “I know it’s hard for you to be here but I’m very pleased with the skills you’re showing.”

In Abby’s world, that was as close to " _I love you"_ as you could get.

“Thanks, mom.” another fake smile, another shallow squeeze of her mother’s old and bony hands.

What a contrast it was to Aurora’s swollen, full-of-tiny holes from the constant sewing and blisters fingers. 

The memory alone was enough for Clarke to shake the guilt making it’s way down her spine and keep her smile steady.

“Go ahead, your shift’s almost over, I’ll give him the antibiotics.”

“No, I’ll do it myself.” Clarke assures a little too fast, maybe too insistant and she winces at her own stupidity. Her mom couldn’t notice that something was off.

“I took him in and I want to be the one to finish it.” her mom eyes her curiously for a moment but then something in Clarke’s look must make her believe she’s genuine because she relaxes “Plus nurse Reese will need my help with the medical supplies for the field hospitals and I promised her I’ll stay and help.”

That seems to be the last push that completely convinces her mom because she cups her cheek and nods.

“Good, then I’ll go prep for my surgery” that was another plus in Clarke’s plan-Abby had to deal with a woman who’s gotten a head injury in the attacks and who needed additional surgery after the initial one.

Honestly, it was like the universe itself was trying to help Clarke.

Or maybe it was her sheer stubbornness alone that willed the circumstances to order in such a way.

Her mom disappears down the hallway and she uses the time when everyone else from the staff is busy helping patients to sneak into the storage room and find the antibiotics vials.

She takes out the vials she prepared yesterday, filling them with cough and blood pressure medicine to achieve the same yellowy-honey color that the antibiotics had.

In all honesty she wasn’t sure this would work on Bellamy-those were not the strongest antibiotics but she couldn’t risk taking the big guns, knowing that then someone would surely notice if she exchanged cough syrup for real medicine.

So she had to make do and hope Bellamy survived.

She puts the real vials in a small pocket on the inside of the plaid shirt that she wore under her white gown and takes the fakes out, heading to Gerard’s bed and whispering calming reassuring words to him just as his wife too made an appearance, bringing his favorite pillow and blanket so he could rest comfortably through the night.

Jackson and the other doctors come up at about ten to six and she helps nurse Reese distribute the supplies which takes up the exact time for her shift to end.

She’s just reached the end of the doctor’s line where Jackson was again pretending to put an order in some of the bandages in his medical bag when she approached him.

“Need some more moonshine and antisepctics, doctor Jackson?” she asks loudly so that nurse Reese would hear her. Jackson throws her an innocent look but when she leans down he smiles.

“I’d very much appreciate it, doctor Clarke.” 

“I’m done here, Clarke, I’ll see you tomorrow?” nurse Reese asks when she finishes up her job and Clarke shoots her the sweet soft smile of a privileged Alpha girl before bidding her goodbye.

“What are you up to?” Jackson asks quietly, the other doctors are still around, fixing their bags, talking to each other mostly, discussing cases and ways to treat wounds.

Clarke reaches out and shows him her inner pocket.

“Is that-” she nods and grabs his hand.

“I need you to take me to him.”

“Clarke-” Jackson groans exasperated as if already regretting what he’s gotten himself into but she knew, she trusted that she’d help him. He had been there when Bellamy was first brought in by Aurora and he had always been the kindest of the doctor’s she’s worked with.

There was a reason why he volunteered at the field hospitals-he had a heart unlike the pricks in medbay.

Clarke counted on that. She had to.

It was the only thing that would take her off to Bellamy.

“I know it’s dangerous.”

“ _Dangerous!_ If someone finds out that I’ve treated one of my patients with antibiotics that I am not allowed to have in the first place, they’ll have my head!”

“They won’t find out!” she assures “And it won’t be you who does it-it’ll be me. That’s why you need to sneak me in.” he sighs and bows his head down.

Clarke’s heart leaps in her chest.

_What if he said no?_

“This is stupid” he finally utters “What if someone here figures out you stole them? You’ll be suspended if not forbidden to practice medicine!”

“Let me worry about that.”

“Is it really a risk worth taking?” he asks through teeth, clearly he’s scared.

She knew that he realized well enough that if someone figured out Bellamy was treated they could blame him even if he plays innocent and never tells them what truly happened.

He could lose his own job, maybe even be demoted and moved to live in another station.

Or worse-floated, which Clarke hoped would never be an option to consider.

Doctors and nurses were usually spared even if they committed crimes. 

“Tell me-” she swallows hard as she moves so that they’re both with their backs to the other doctors, pretending to be helping him with his bag ignoring his question because yes, of course.

Of course it was worth it.

For Bellamy and Gus it was worth a thousand times this danger.

“Tell me he can make it without this and I won’t come.”

She knew he was bad.

Jackson had told her so yesterday after spending the night trying to keep Bellamy among the living.He had developed pneumonia despite her best efforts and his strained body, the wounds, the broken bones, the torture, the lack of food and any proper nutrition in the past months was proving to be all working against him-he was weakened and it was a miracle he was still alive at all. 

Jackson sighs and she can see that he’s clearly struggling with his own demons, his consciousness. Clarke was glad she knew someone who had one at all or Bellamy wouldn’t stand a chance.

“And if they catch me?”

“Then you can say it’s me.” she had been expecting this question but Jackson clearly didn’t think she’d give him that answer. His eyes widen.

“Clarke-”

“You have the right to betray me. I’ll be okay-my mom and dad are in the council, even if they arrest me, I’ll probably still make it.”

“You can’t be sure of that. Not with the way things are after the attack.” she squeezes his wrist in reassurance.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I won’t be able to change your mind, will I?” she shakes his head and Jackson takes a moment, staring at his bag before finally he seems to reach a decision “Fine. But we need a good plan.”

Clarke smiles devilishly.

“I already have one.”

* * *

“Please make way sir, I found her passed out in one of the hallways, she needs help right away!” Jackson explains to the guard at the border who thankfully is yet another young boy who’s patrolling with an older mentor that is very much to their luck occupied by searching the bags of a Farm station family for stolen rations.

Clarke’s dressed in Farm clothing this time, after her mom and dad took away her disguise and her Factory Eliza Bennett ID, so she was left with her Farm and Arrow station options. She decided to keep the Arrow one for rainy days since she had only used it twice when passing through, so it was safer for future use. 

Her jean overalls and the same plaid shirt she had been wearing before were covered in blood on her left side, she had paled her face with powder, splashed some water on her forehead to imitate sweat and yelled out from the pain as Jackson held her in his arms.

The story was he found her on his way back from medbay, not knowing who attacked her but assuming they did so to pick pocket her or in hopes she’d take them home and give away food. 

An Arrowhead trying to find a new hiding place, Jackson spoke in hushes to the guard, or a desperate poor person from Factory in need of supplies.

“Do you think she has an ID in her still, sir?” the boy who seemed to be paling by the minute the more Clarke yelled and begged for help in the most dramatical of ways, asked. “I can’t let you pass without one.”

“Doctor!” Clarke groans clutching at her side covered in ketchup she stole from her parent’s place the last time she went there for dinner. “Please, it hurts!”

Jackson almost wanted to roll his eyes at the theatrics but he would give her that-she was doing a great job at it.

“Here, I found it in her front pocket.” Jackson hands it over, hands “bloody” too. “Please, just hurry!”

The boy seems to grow even paler upon seeing Jackson’s bloody hand because he just raises his hand and looks away.

_"Thank god for weak mama’s boys from Alpha making it into the guards"_ , Clarke thought. 

“That’s okay, on second thought, I’d just take a look and-” the boy peaks at the photo on the ID and Clarke’s face that’s twisted in pain as she gripped Jackson’s white coat and moaned quietly, giving the boy the biggest puppy face she could, opening her eyes and twisting her mouth in pain. 

“There’s no need to scan it, it’s her! Pass through, doctor and the best of luck!”

“Thank you, sweet boy! May god bless your good heart!” Farm people had a religion of sorts, Clarke knew that, kept from the old Earth days and preserved by the descendants of the first members, so she was smart enough to throw that in just as a last touch to her act, making sure the boy will believe she truly is from Farm.

The guard smiled but waved his hand off at them to keep going, clearly unable to keep standing at the sight of blood.

“Did you really have to cry that loud? I think you pierced my ear drums.” Jackson uttered through teeth as they kept going down the hallways and into the field hospital. Most of the staff was nurses and a few medics but they were so busy they did little to notice Jackson and his “patient”.

Still they had to keep the act as there were guards in the hallways here and there and they could be stopped for a random check up again.

“I had to keep up appearances.” Clarke whispered back after Jackson makes it through the front doors of the hospital, but keeps to the shadows of the walls. The place was big but very badly lit which right now worked in their favour.

It was best if no one noticed him coming in with her though their plan for later was that he’d patch her up and send her off across the border again, preferably at latest tomorrow afternoon. Clarke had the morning off but she had to report on duty at medbay for an early night shift. 

“Where’s he?” she perks up from Jackson’s embrace but he pulls her head back to his chest, scolding her. One of the nurses passing by eyes him and stops in her track while carrying a trey of bloody bandages and scissors.

“Doctor Jackson, you’re back!” she says softly “Did you get us more supplies?”

“Most certainly did, Helen, I’ll leave them in the storage room.”

“Are you okay, is that-” her eyes fall on Clarke and she hurries to pull her head back to Jackson’s embrace, hiding it away.

“Just a patient I found out in the hallways, I’ll treat her right away.” Jackson assures tightening his grip on Clarke’s arms and knees in his momentary panic. Clarke knew how scared he was-this was no joke-one wrong move and it would all go to hell.

“Do you maybe need some help, I just finished surgery with doctor James but-”

“Oh, no Helen, I got it, it’s not too bad, I can stitch up the wound myself. The woman’s just too scared.” Jackson assures but Clarke can feel the hesitation in the way the nurses lingers on “Go ahead, get rest, you’ve been here what? Twelve hours?”

“Fourteen, sir.”

“Then it’s time you went home.” Jackson gives her one last nod and adds a warm smile that seems to convince the nurse in his pure and kind intentions as a superintendent who cared for his subordinates because she thanks him, excuses herself and goes on.

“That was close.” he whispers as he takes her to another corner and then does a sharp turn to the left into a bigger hall. 

“You may have an admirer in that one.” Clarke jokes.

“It’s too bad I don’t like girls.” 

“Does she not know it?” Jackson shrugs.

“I don’t have time for any explanations with everything going on around here, Clarke.” she nods in understanding and feels stupid for even commenting on it but she was trying to lighten the mood sensing how tense he was the entire time since they left medbay.

She closes her eyes as he keeps carrying her, thinking how if something went truly wrong, she’d put Jackson and his career in danger. Clarke knew it before, a risk that she had to take, but she never considered the realities of it all until they started going through with her plan. 

“We’re almost here, you can walk now-” he looks around before dropping her to her feet. Then he takes out the sweater they hid in his med bag and hands it to her so she can cover the red ketchup stain on her clothes-they didn’t need the unncessary attention.

Clarke quickly slips it on and looks around-the second room of the mess hall was still full of endless rows of sick people lying hopelessly even on mattresses on the floor as cots seemed to not be enough.

The light was even worse here and she found herself almost completely covered in darkness.

Jackson takes her by the elbow and nods in the nearest corner.

“Come on, he’s right over here.”

Clarke knew why he chose that corner now-he could hide Bellamy away from prying eyes but it also proved to be of great cover for her. That or maybe he didn’t have a choice when Bellamy was brought in and this was the only free space.

When they finally get to him, she finds him lying on a mattress, not a cot, covered with a thin blue blanket, no sheets underneath him, just an old yellowy pillow. The only light was coming from the right and it illuminated his face enough to show Clarke that his forehead was covered in sweat, his curls were stuck to it, he was pale and shaking-eyes barely opened.

“Bellamy!” she rushes to him and kneels down on the cold floor, taking his hand in one of hers and cupping his face only to find it burning worse than the last time she was with him.

He coughed and the sound of it made Clarke shiver-god when did it get so bad, he could barely take a breath. 

“Bellamy, hey, wake up!” she gently patted his cheek but he only barely opened his eyes, just a crack before another cough shook him.

“Mom?”

“No, it’s me-” she bit back her tears “Clarke.” at that he pulls all his effort into opening them up.

He manages to squeeze her hand in return, showing her his recognition but being too weak to speak.

“Hey.” she leaned closer to his face “Hey, it’s okay, I’ll help you.” 

“Clarke?” he manages when another cough shakes him and his head falls to the side but she catches it with her hand, letting him succumb to her touch “Is it...is it really...you?”

“He’s delusional from the fever-” Jackson says, joining in on the other side of the mattress and taking out his stethoscope, handing it to her, knowing full well she’ll need to know for herself how bad it truly was. They never got the chance to bring in any of her own medical supplies so she had to use his, including a syringe to insert the first vial. “He’s been asking for his mom, Gus-I think that’s his son and someone named Gina.”

“That’s his wife.” Clarke says with a wince as she puts the stethoscope on and pulls down the blanket. The place was cold and Bellamy was already shaking from the raging fever so hard that when she pulled up his shirt to press the stethoscope to his chest, he sucked in a breath and arched his back-as if her touch alone was too much for him to bear. “She’s dead.”

Jackson nods solemnly and starts taking out more bandages and moonshine from his bag and Clarke doesn’t have the heart to ask if he had been calling out her name too. Maybe he hasn’t, after all-she wasn’t his family, she was just a friend. 

She shook her head.

That didn’t matter-she had to focus on helping him. That’s why she was here after all.

“Hey, can you try and breathe in for me?” Clarke asks Bellamy picking up his face again and making him look at her. He manages a small nod and takes in a deep breath but it just ends up in another coughing fit and Jackson has to take his shoulder and keep him down while Clarke tries to do her work. 

“Jackson, he’s barely putting any air in.” she says when she finally takes off the stethoscope and her fingers thread over his broken ribs that were wrapped in a bandage that must be at least a few days old, probably Aurora’s doing judging by the way it was so loosely tied up. “How bad is the fever?”

“104 last night.” he said shaking his head “I gave him some Tylenol but it barely brought it down. I’ll find you a termometer from one of the nurses.”

Clarke nods in gratitude but her eyes slide down Bellamy’s trembling body. His eyes are closed again and she knows he’s probably drifting in and out of consciousness all the time.

“No more cots?” 

“We’re all out.”

“He’s shaking like a leaf, Jackson.”

“I get that but I have nothing else to spare, so-” he apologizes “I’m sorry, Clarke, this is how things are around here. I’ve done the best I can for him.”

“I know, I know-” she reaches out to squeeze her friends hand “Thank you.”

“Has he had anything to eat or drink?” she asks when she adjusts the blanket over Bellamy’s chest. He was wearing nothing but a t-shirt that had holes around the sleeves and blue washed out sweat pants.

He didn’t even have socks and the blanket was so short that if she pulled it up his chest, his feet were out exposed to the cold air and if she moved it down, his shivers got worse.

“His mom was here in the morning and I think he managed a few spoons of algae but nothing else.” Clarke briefly closes her eyes imagining Aurora struggling to help Bellamy eat “There’s water in a small reservoir just down the hallway to the left-you can grab some from there and I’ll try to bring in some bread later on. You can give him some if he manages to stay awake long enough to eat.”

“Thank you.”

“Here’s some bandages and rags-” he takes them out of his bag and hides them under the mattress on his side “You’ll need a syringe, right?” she nods and he takes one out handing it to her. She hides it in her pocket just in case someone was watching.

“I need to go take a look at my other patients. Try to keep away from the lights. If the nurses come around here, lay low and if they see you, pretend to be a patient, waiting for me to come patch you up.”

“I got it, Jackson.”

“I also need to take these-” he gestures at the stethoscope and she hands it over. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I can hear how bad his lungs are without one anyway.”

Jackson reaches out and squeezes her arm.

“Hey, don’t lose hope. From what I’ve seen this boy’s stubborn-” he tilts his head to the side “Maybe he’ll pull through.”

“Yeah-” Clarke reaches out to touch Bellamy’s cheek and give him a soft look even though he couldn’t see it, eyes still closed “Maybe.”

Jackson gives her one last look in support before he finally leaves and Clarke’s left to her own devices with a barely conscious Bellamy. 

She takes a moment to assess his overall condition besides the pneumonia, deciding she needs to know everything before she gives him the antibiotics in case there’s something else going on but everything’s still pretty much in the same condition it was before-his leg is more or less irresponsive to her touch except on the places it was before after the attack, his back is still bad and she changes the bandages there-the one from the shrapnel that’s thankfully starting to heal and the one from the shock lashes that is still a horrible ugly yellow and red, swollen and painfully blistered.

It takes her a lot of effort to roll him to his side, he’s heavy despite his malnourished state but the worst is he has little control of his body because of his state.

She struggles to wet a cloth and press it to his blistered back but when she does, he exhales a little, as if some of the pain left his body even for a brief moment and with his face pressed to her stomach like that, she feels his ragged breath on her. 

“Hey, you’re okay.” she whispers when she bandages the blisters and puts him back on his back.

She knew it hurt but putting him on his side now would do no good to his breathing, not with his ribs being so fucked up like that and he seemed to be in less pain laying down than on his side anyway so she chooses that option. “I’ll help you.” there’s very little recognition in his eyes when she starts cleaning the inside of his arm and searching for a good vein in the darkness.

He moans at her touch, shivers even more and coughs again.

“You have to keep still, okay?” she asks of him when she fills in the syringe with half the vial.

She had to ration if she had to have any hopes in helping him so she decided half now-half later that night. He should at least get a little more responsive if the medicine kicks in and the fever gets somewhat down. 

“Please, try to keep still.” she begs of him and his eyes fall on her.

She’s not sure he understands what she’s saying but he must get at least some part of it right because he wills his body to stop shaking so hard and when she’s about to insert the needle, she sees him biting his lips hard and trying not to cough.

He still shivers lightly when the needle pierces his skin and she remembers how afraid he was of those.

“Here you go, just a second okay-” she pushes in the butt of the needle and the liquid spills in his body “You’re doing great, I’m almost done.” she promises and when she’s finally done she picks up some cotton to press it to the small hole and ties up a band aid over. “See, it’s over? Just a tiny nick.”

He smiles just barely and she sees little recognition in his eyes but still she cups his cheek and leans closer. 

“I’m...I’m cold.” he manages and Clarke can see that-he was shaking worse than before and his face slips from her grip as he coughs out again. She looks around-the nearest cot was a few feet away-they were literally in the darkest of corners and for that she was grateful for no one was going to come around and see them.

The place was damp and cold, the only thing warming it up were the breaths from all the bodies of patients lying around moaning or struggling with their pain.

She could go out and try to find an extra blanket or maybe even steal something to cover him up with but that’d take time and mean she had to leave him which she wouldn’t do under any circumstances. 

Not now.

Instead another thought passes through her mind and for a minute there she does contemplate it, she does wonder if it’s alright to do this-if maybe it could be read as something else, something...different going on between them but she shakes that thought when her eyes fall on Bellamy’s shaking body.

So she takes her sweater off and pulls the blanket away, carefully laying down and snuggling on his good side. She adjusts the sweater over his middle, pushes the hoodie up to his neck and then fumbles with the blanket, trying to cover them and mostly him as best as he can.

Body heat-she may not be able to undress them because of circumstances but still, she knew this would help at least a little.

Her hand sneaks under his thin paper shirt over the bandages crossing his torso and up to his heart that was beating too fast, too loud, trying to keep his body alive. His chest rose and fell rapidly, short breaths that were the reason he developed pneumonia in the first place-his lungs were suffering, inflamating for the lack of proper oxygen.

Clarke moves up and lays her head on the small pillow near his head. In the meager light his face looks even more pale but also exhausted-like everything that has happened to him has been too much for his body to handle.

And it has been.

She adjusts the sweater and the blanket one more time and then moves her face closer to his cheek,breathing him in but her eyes never leave his chest-rising and falling, rising and falling-she had to make sure he was there, with her.

Clarke loses track of time as she watches him like that but figures that her lying there next to him must help at least a little because the shakes start quieting down.

And then he starts talking in his sleep.

“Gina...” his tosses his head left then right just next to Clarke’s face “Gina, please, I’m so sorry-” his voice breaks and Clarke moves up on her elbows.

Upon losing some of her heat, his body shivers hard again and he starts coughing just as she’s reaching for one of the clean rags Jackson left and dipping it in the cold water he left them for drinking.

When she presses it to his forehead his opens his eyes.

“Gina...” he mumbles. His eyes are glossy, completely disoriented, he has absolutely no idea where he is or what’s happening. In the darkness of the mess hall he must be seeing his one long lost love in Clarke’s face.

She swallows hard. She could do this.

“Hey.” he smiles. For the first time in forever she sees him smile and her heart aches when he reaches up and tries to cup her cheek with his shaky hand. She helps him, pressing it to her soft yet cold skin.

“Gina...”

“I’m here.” Clarke commands the tears in her eyes not to slip as she holds his hand pressed to her cheek.

Then something else passes through Bellamy’s face-pain, another cough shatters him and it takes him a moment to recover, more than a minute in which he is almost completely out of breath. His hand falls to her lap but she still holds it tight as she wipes his face clean of the sweat and blood that he coughs.

“Gus-” Bellamy manages “I tried...I tried to do my best with Gus.”

“You did great.” Clarke assures but he shakes his head clearly unconvinced.

“He deserves more than me....” another bout of coughs that rattle his chest “He...he deserves you. He needs a mom.”

“That’s not true, Bellamy. Gus loves you so much, he looks up to you.”

“I broke the promise I gave you-” he mumbles next once again ignoring her words and his eyes start drooping, his body goes slacker and his hand limp in hers. He was about to pass out soon “I couldn’t provide him with a better future.”

“You already gave him so much!” Clarke leans closer, cupping his cheek again “He just needs his dad. You have to fight for him, alright? He already lost his mother, he can’t lose you too, okay?” Bellamy tries to nod but instead he just coughs again and his face falls to the side and he passes out again.

Clarke’s head falls to his chest and she lets her tears spill.

This hurt too much, it all hurt so damn much.

But she couldn’t be weak now. Clarke slowly raises herself up and takes the rags off, dipping it in cold water again and pressing it to his forehead.

He wasn’t going to die.

She wouldn’t let him die.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate!
> 
> I decided to post this chapter on Christmas for all the people who are having a hard time, for all the folks who can't see their relatives or those who don't have any, for those who suffer or are just sad, for those who can't make it out of bed and those who need to push another day. I hope this is a small glimpse of hope for you or at least that it makes your day somewhat brighter for we all know this year has been help and I wish you all that the next one is better!

An hour or so later Jackson comes by with a thermometer and when they take his temperature it comes out again at a 104.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Jackson says softly. They both knew this could be a possibility-his condition was already too bad and she didn’t have the strongest antibiotics because she couldn’t afford to steal them.

There was a chance this was all for nothing.

“Don’t be. He’ll make it through.”

“Clarke-” Jackson shakes his head and looks at Bellamy’s shaking figure after taking off his stethoscope that he used to listen to his lungs to “I’m afraid he might not even make it through the night.”

“ _He will_.” she says ignoring the tears in her eyes once more.

Jackson leaves and she stays sitting on the cold floor, Bellamy’s hand in hers, constantly wiping at his sweaty forehead and listening to him talk in his sleep-sometimes he cried, calling out his mom, other times it was Gus he was smiling at and telling him how proud of him he was, then there was Gina he begged not to die as he barely pulled air through.

She did not belong to his dreams and for once she was glad that was the case for she wasn’t sure she’d be able to take it.

At around three am she gives him the other half of the vial.

Initially she thought she’d wait till the morning but considering his condition wasn’t improving, she decided to risk it-maybe if she gave him a stronger dosage between shorter periods of time it’d kick off at least the fever.

Nothing changed at first-he still shook and she lay down next to him, wrapping her arm over his middle and pushing his body to hers, his head tucked gently under his chin.

She had wrapped the blanket all over him and her sweater she tucked around his big bulky arms-he looked like a child overdressed for a cold winter day.

Clarke felt her own feet starting to freeze but she couldn’t care less. 

Almost an hour passed and she was starting to doze off though she woke up every time another bout of coughs shook his body, when she felt something different.

An arm moving up to grab her wrist, the body underneath her moving not because of shaking fever tremors.

“Clarke?” his weak voice called her and when she looked up, she found his big eyes staring at her, finally some recognition to them.

“Bellamy!” she smiled, softly cupping his cheek before moving her fingers to his forehead.

She exhaled.

It was still burning but she could tell just by the touch alone that it was a little less warm.

“What...”a cough interrupts him and she helps him move up a little so that he’s lying in her embrace in a half sitting position while she pressed her back to the cold wall behind her “What are you...doing...here?”

“I sneaked in last night.” he opens his mouth to argue but she’s faster “And no, I don’t care how dangerous you think it is and you have no right to scold me, not after what you did when those guards burst into your home.” he smiles.

“My princess-” her heart leaps in her chest at that, his fingers rub up and down her arm. She knows part of it is the raging fever and the medicine working its way through his wrecked body but she wonders if he really means what he’s talking about “So stubborn.”

“No more than you.” he humms and closes his eyes for a minute before struggling to speak up again.

“Gus...is he...”

“He’s with your mom, he’s safe.” in fact she’s not entirely sure how true is that or where Gus was right this minute but the last time she spoke to Aurora she had said she’s taking care of him and leaving him with the Greens when she had to work.

He must be fine generally speaking, though she was sure he was still stressed out after everything that has happened and Clarke had no idea how Aurora convinced him this time that his dad isn’t dead and he needs to be taken to the hospital.

Bellamy relaxes upon that and he looks so soft and at peace for once that she lets her fingers run through his hair in a soothing manner. He falls into her touch with ease, rests his cheek on her chest, just above her beating heart. 

“How do you feel?”

“I’m okay.” she shakes her head at him.

“Why did I not expect a different answer from you?” he smiles but closes his eyes for a moment, his hand falls in her lap and she pulls him closer to her body, adjusting the thin blanket and the sweater on his arms. “You should rest.”

He doesn’t, though. Instead he tries to talk again, even if the coughs shake him every now and then.

“You know when we found out Gina was pregnant....I-I was terrified.” he begins and she definitely did not expect of him to say any of that “We’ve been...trying for some time, a year or so and she was starting to lose hope-” he coughs again, it shatters them both to their core.

“You shouldn’t talk.” she tries mildly scolding him again but he shakes his head. It’s like he needed this, needed to talk and so she decided to let him.

“And then it happened and I was so happy but also so scared.”

“Why were you scared?”

“I never thought I’d...I’d be able to give them everything they want. I was afraid of what their life would be like, if I would be a good father...”

“You are.” she assures but he just shrugs and shyly looks down at her hand holding his.

“Gina would ask me what would I want it to be-a boy or a girl and all I could...all I could think was that for the way our station is...neither is...a good option.” Clarke furrows her eyebrows at that and raises him up when he coughs again. He really should be resting,not trying to talk when he couldn’t even breathe properly, but again...part of her was curious. She wanted to know about him, as much as she could. 

“If it was a girl, she’d end up a seamstress and if it was a boy...he would have to work like me-long hours, hunched over machines or climbing dangerous places to patch up the Ark...or...” this time when he coughs he doesn’t stop for a while and she scolds him.

“Bellamy, stop it. Come on, get rest!”

“No...” he shakes his head “I don’t want to...sleep.”

“Why?”

“I’m afraid I won’t wake up.” he lets out quietly and she tightens her grip on him.

“Of course you will, I’ll be right here when you do.” she senses that he doesn’t want to do it, though, at least not yet so she adds “But we can talk if you want?” she senses his embarrassment now so she nudges him “So you were scared?”

“Yeah.” he adds after a moment “And then Gus was born” his eyes open up and fill with love “I cried so much when I first held him, Gina said...she’d be embarrassed if I wasn’t...so...adorable.”

“What was it like? Having him in your arms?”

“It was great...but I was still afraid...and I promised..I promised” another wave of pain and coughs interrupts him and she can feel he’s getting tired again “I promised myself I’ll try to give him the best life I can.” Clarke hands him the metal can and helps him take a few sips before he rests back on her chest.

“You will. Gus is smart, he’ll do great things with his life-” she promises while he coughs and shakes them both. God the sound of it made her wince. “And you’ll be right there next to him when he does.”

Bellamy doesn’t seem to believe her, he doesn’t say anything back and soon enough when she looks down she finds that he’s fallen asleep again.

She thinks of pushing them back down but figures that his breathing is somewhat better in that position, so instead she adjusts them so that his arms are wrapped around her torso and she’s holding him tight in a semi-lying down way. 

Her back gets cold from being pressed to the wall like that and she’s wearing nothing but her plaid shirt and the still covered in ketchup overalls but she doesn’t care.

They fall like this and he wakes up again in about an hour, burning up worse again and she swallows hard-why wasn’t it working?

Maybe it’s too late-she thought-maybe she can’t save him.

_No! That wasn't an option._

“Hey, hey, try to take deep breaths” she is cupping his face again while he writhed with pain under her.

“It hurts. All of it...hurts.”

“I know...I’m sorry.” she runs her hand up and down his back.

“When...when does it end?” he mumbles and she finally lets her tears spill.

God, why did he hurt so much? Why did it have to be this way? Why was there so much suffering in his life?

“Oh, Bellamy-” she buries her nose in his curls and breaths him in “I don’t know. I wish I did, I wish I could take it all away.” he just whimpers in her arms, another cough shakes him and she just holds him there rocking him up and down.

“I know it’s awful” she whispers “I know it hurts so much-physically and mentally but just, please, please just stay with me, okay?”

“Will you...will you hold me?” he asks weakly looking up at her with glassy eyes.

“Always.” he lets his head fall to her chest and she keeps moving them up and down even when her arms freeze, even when she starts feeling her feet get numb from the cold. 

Once he finally falls again, she leans closer and kisses his forehead as her tears keep spilling.

It takes her a moment to realize what feels different because she’s just so scared.

And then her brain registers it, her eyes widen and she pulls back, looking down at the boy she held like a little kid in her arms-his face pale, his breathing still ragged, his eyes closed, cheeks stained with tears but there was something else too.

Her hand moves to his forehead and when she feels it, she lets her whole body sag with relief.

It was colder.

His fever had broken.

She only allows herself to fall asleep after that. Though she tries to hold him up, they still slip down in a horizontal position on the cot with his head and upper body over hers. A couple of times she registers the cold seeping through her body, making her shake together with the coughs that still raged through him but she is so exhausted she lets herself succumb back to sleep.

It’s not until maybe hours later when she feels someone shake her shoulder and she wakes up to find herself tangled all over Bellamy who for once was sleeping soundly next to her. Jackson smiles a little like the devil as he lifts up a small bowl of something resembling soup in one hand and a piece of bread in the other.

“Morning, love birds.” she scoffs at him as she raises herself on her elbow and looks down at Bellamy’s still sleeping figure. Her hand moves to his forehead hoping that what she last felt wasn’t just a well-wishing thought. Upon finding his skin clammy and still a little warm, but not awfully feverish, she exhales. “How is he?”

“The fever broke.” she announces as Jackson puts the food by the mattress and takes out his stethoscope to check his breathing for himself. As if on cue Bellamy coughs and it’s hard and a little too painful because it makes him move his hand to his ribs even in his still sleepy state.

“That’s good but the cough remains. It’ll take time for his lungs to clear-” he says as he listens to his chest and heart with care unknown to the doctors in medbay. Jackson carried love and empathy for his patients, it was one of the many things Clarke learned from him while she was still an intern and he worked side by side with her and Abby. “If they clear.”

“They will.” Clarke states with determination again and he smiles, taking off his stethoscope.

“I feel at that point it’s your sheer stubbornness keeping that boy among the living.” she blushes at that but lets her fingers pull a strand of curly black hair away from his forehead. “He’s weak, though, so don’t get your hopes up. The fever getting down means nothing unless you get control of the coughs.”

“I know that.” she truly did, but she would take any victory she could when it came to his condition improving. 

“I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. He could take a turn for the worse again.”

“Jackson, I’m a doctor, I’m aware of all those things.” she doesn’t mean to sound so stand-offish and hates the way his face falls at her words. He was just trying to look out for her “I’m sorry...I know you mean well, I just-”

“You need every good news you can get.” Jackson nods and gives her a small smile reassuring her that everything’s fine between them. “Here, we just got some soup and bread delivered. Try to wake him and make him eat some.”

“Thank you.”

“We still need to leave at noon so don’t get too carried away, okay?” she nods and he squeezes her shoulder one last time before he moves up to take care of his other patients. 

Clarke takes a moment just looking at him, busying herself with the peaceful expression on his face. He still coughs but he doesn’t wake up, she guesses because his body is just that exhausted that it won’t bring him back to the world before it’s gotten at least a little bit of rest. She hates that she has to upset it, to violently bring it back to her but they didn’t have much time.

And yet still she indulges herself. And him.

One peaceful moment, was it that much to ask for?

Her index finger starts its path from his forehead, where still a few drops of sweat are rolling down and hiding in the longer curls of his hair, then she moves to cup his cheek, trace the freckles there.

His chest rises up and down still rapidly, his body in a rush to provide him with oxygen and she wishes she could still it down, hold it back, make his lungs expand to their full potential.

She doesn’t know how she ends up lying there next to him, nose brushing hers as she marveled at his face.

The bruise on his eye had gone down significantly and the red had given room to purple, dark blue and even green-yellowish in the corners. Clarke knows that when his eyes open, this one will be red all around the brown of his iris-a sea of pain much like his life. It scared her seeing it, hated that he was in pain and knew that maybe it blurred his vision significantly but he’d ignore it because that was the last of his problems and at least, he could see there even if it wasn’t perfect.

Not perfect.

That was his life.

A life of halves.

A half-working leg, a half-seeing eye, a half working torso with broken ribs, a half breathing body.

A half-fulled bowl of soup with a half piece of bread.

He could never truly live. Not him anyway. For Gus she knew he made sacrifices-he gave away his wholeness, everything he could. She was sure that if he could, he’d take a knife and cut a piece of his own body if it would feed or protect him, without thinking twice. 

Gus would live fully. Bellamy wouldn’t, he never did, as many other people in his station.

Hers? Hers was a life of overflows. Of abundances. 

She had treys of food with not one but two bowls of soup and two pieces of bread that she could not even bring herself to finish. She had salads and deserts. Big, three-story cakes for her birthday with twelve of her friends not being able to finish it. Presents so many they could reach the ceiling of her room. Dresses made by poor women like Aurora, fitted just for her, planned in weeks before the event. Clothes. Rows and rows of clothes in her closet. Clothes that had no usage or meaning anymore so she cut them in pieces, boiled them and used them as bandages because for once they had a real purpose.

Toys and pencils, books were always scattered in her room, even now when she was older.

Meanwhile Gus had just a few books that as she found out Bellamy traded once they read them and remembered the plot, for other stories, new ones they could read and memorize. He didn’t have any toys but one metal truck his dad made out of spare parts from his factory and a small bear-like plush toy sewn by Aurora that had buttons for eyes and different colorful patches for a body. 

Her tears stream down and fall on the dirty pillow of they’re both lying on. For once she didn’t care they were in a stuffed mess hall with maybe fifty more sick people and a bunch of staff trying to save them. 

She didn’t give a damn they were lying on the floor over a dirty old modly mattress, that her body shook now with his from the cold but that when she closed in to him, she could feel his warmth, a different kind of warmth-not just the fever-induced unnatural one but his own heat-the one that made him Bellamy.

His chin is covered in stubble, his pale cheeks gave color to the freckles marring his face, his breathing tickled her nose.

She’s surprised when he wakes up first maybe because she was too busy indulging herself in marveling at his beauty. Maybe because his peace brought herself some.

“Clarke?” he croaks but doesn’t open his eyes right away, he’s in Clarke’s favorite state of his brain not truly being conscious but also still giving into sleep.

“I’m here.” she rubs her thumb on his chin just near his bruise and he shivers a little from the pain still lingering there. 

“Am I...alive?” he coughs a little and bows his head down to his chest.

She chuckles and feels more of her tears roll down her eyes.

“You sure as hell are.” he smiles a little and she pushes his head to her chest again. He cuddles into her like Gus did when he held him.

“Damn...I’ll never...hear ....the end of it.” he manages through ragged breaths.

“The end of what?”

“You...saving...my life.” she laughs and the sound of it must be so surprising to him because finally he opens his eyes and looks at her sheepishly. “I like that.” she raises an eyebrow as she tucks a strand of hair behind his ear “You laughing.” her cheeks go red at his compliment and she picks up his face, their nose brushing again before she moves up to kiss his forehead. He stills underneath her and she thinks maybe she crossed a line-maybe, she shouldn’t have been so bold in her actions, but a few seconds later he relaxes into her touch and she pulls back.

“So what’s the verdict, doctor?” he tries to disapitate the tension with a lighter question.

“Your temperature’s better. Now we need to fix that cough and you’ll be able to go back to stubbornly trying to risk your life for everyone.” as if on cue he coughs again and she raises herself on her elbows watching as he struggled and trying to push him into a sitting position. “Come on, you have to eat now.”

He’s a grumpy child, a very sleepy disoriented grumpy child.

“I don’t-”

“Before you say you aren’t hungry, tell me when was the last time you ate anything?” she raises her eyebrow and crosses her arms over his chest. He smiles and closes his eyes for a minute, clearly going back in time. “If you have to think that hard about it then it wasn’t so soon, was it?”

“I think mom tried to force some algae into me yesterday but I was too out of it to manage even a few spoons and before that...maybe the day of the guards searching the house.” she rubs her forehead tiredly at that and he looks at her like he knows he’s in trouble.

“Bellamy, the medicine can only do so much. Your body’s weakened and if you want to make it, you need to eat, do you understand me?” he doesn’t say anything but manages a slight nod that she doesn’t believe for a second.

“I mean it. I have just a few vials of antibiotics that broke your fever but the cough won’t go away for weeks and unless you want it to turn into a chronic condition you need to-”

“I got it,princess, I’ll eat.” he promises.

“I know the guards ruined everything but if you need cans or formula, I can send some from-”

“No!” of course his reaction on her helping him is like that “We’ll figure it out. You’ve already done enough.”

“Bellamy-”

“Clarke!” he tries to raise himself on his elbows but is too weak and falls back on the pillow in a half-dramatic, half-pathetic way “You already stole antibiotics for me.”

“I didn’t-”

“Yes, you did, I’m not that stupid, I know Jackson said Factory station and field hospitals don’t get those, which meant you did something stupid.” he gives her a serious look that is however completely ruined when he chokes on his own coughs and has to roll on his side and manage to catch his breath. She shushes him, scolds him for being a stupid idiot who insists on pushing himself but he grabs the hand she has placed on his head and squeezes it in an effort to prove a point “I didn’t save your life just so you could stupidly risk it for me.”

“Well it’s too bad I don’t take orders from you.”

“You should be back home. You’re probably not even allowed here if you’re dressed like that.” he gestures at her Farm station clothes and she huffs, looking away for a minute, embarrassed that he caught her.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” she bites her lips refusing to give him a proper answer “Clarke, please, be honest with me.”

“Fine. My friend Wells, he was there when Morgan was searching your room and after he took me home to Alpha and called my parents in.” Bellamy’s face turns worried and his fingers softly graze the inside of her wrist “He locked in my ID card so I can’t cross stations. Apparently, for my own good.” she quotes with her fingers and he sighs.

“Maybe they were right. You shouldn’t be here, Clarke.” he says softly but when her face falls at his words he almost wishes to bang himself on the head with a pan.

“Don’t you want me here?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, I just mean that-” he tries again to sit up but fails once again dramatically, it’s like his muscles have given up on supporting any part of his body. She scoffs at his trials and pushes him down, holding his shoulder.

“Stop this!”

“I won’t!” he insists stubbornly “Of course I want you here, I’m relieved that I’m not alone in this hellhole but I just don’t want to bring you any more trouble than...than I already...have.”

“I’m a big girl, Bellamy, I know what I’m doing.”

“I’d say I doubt that considering how you’re risking everything for an idiot from Factory.” she opens her mouth surprised.

“Wow, did I just hear you admitting to being an idiot?” he smiles and slaps her hand over his shoulder “If anyone’s being stupid, it’s you, not me.” she picks up the bowl of soup and moves it closer. “Come on now, your diversion tactics won’t work on me.” he sighs and looks away a little embarrassed.

“I’m not sure I can...move up.” 

“It’s okay, I’ll help, I have an idea.” she swiftly moves behind him and helps the upper part of his body move up, letting his back rest on her chest as she rests her body on the wall.

She’s spooning him of sorts, except they’re half-sitting and his slack body ends up resting between her spread out legs. His head falls somewhere near her heart as she picks up the soup and the spoon. He grunts a lot while she moves him, clearly is uncomfortable sitting up, his back hurts but he tries to swallow it down and take it all.

She maneuvers his hands down to his body and puts her before his chest.

“Come on now-” she urges him as she takes some of the soup with the spoon and brings it to his lips.

“Really? You’re going to feed me?”

“I don’t see you being able to do it yourself, mister smartass so?” he pouts but she brings the spoon to his lips and he opens up his mouth, taking in the soup. He’s weak, so weak his body slips over hers and she has to stop a couple of times and push him up so he doesn’t go back to his initial position. He’s hungry, that much is clear, because he does not refuse the soup, but it’s also hard for him to breathe and a couple of times he coughs and she has to stop and wait him out before she keeps feeding him.

He’s literally like a little kid, much similar to Gus when he was too tired and sleepy. He grows even more drowsy when they finish the bowl but with that, she figures out, he also gets affectionate. He likes her holding him and when his eyes start drooping and his face falls to her chest, she spares a moment to stroke his head and just hold him there with her.

“I need to give you the medicine before I leave.” she whispers while pulling out the vial from her pocket and taking out the small syringe Jackson left under the matress.

Upon seeing the needle his eyes grow sizes and he suddenly regains his conscioussness. 

“What’s that?”

“It’s the antibiotics.” she carefully slips away from under him and helps him lay down. He starts shaking and she suspects it’s not because of the fever-he was still warm but it was definitely down from last night and she hoped it’s stay that way. No, he was scared. She remembers that first time he and Gus came into her office and how afraid he was to look at her giving him the shots.

“Does it have to be...uh...can’t I swallow a pill or something?”

“Unfortunately, no.” she fills in her syringe and reaches out to clean the inside of his hand with some cotton dozed in moonshine but he pulls his arm away from her. “Bellamy, don’t be a child.” she scolds mildly.

“I uh...can’t you...can’t you do it any other way?” he’s adorable when he asks her that, his eyes big and pleading, his mouth slightly opened and his body pushing away from her as if on instinct.

“No.”

“But I-”

“You already took this twice last night.”

“I was unconscious then.”

“And as much as I prefer that this was the case now too, you’re very much awake.” she raises an eyebrow and smirks but he seems terrified.

“Can’t you maybe wait till I fall again?” she reaches out and takes his hand again, gently rubbing his palm with her thumb.

“I’m afraid I don’t have that much time left. I need to get back soon.” at that his face falls even further, his mouth curls up down wards and she cups his cheek in an attempt to calm his fears “It’ll be fast, I promise.”

“Do you have to go?”

“I thought you didn’t want me here? That I’m risking my life?” she tilts her head to the side and he sighs dramatically like Gus when he couldn’t figure out which story he wanted before his bed time.

“Well yeah but...I like having you with me.” he smiles “You’re good company.”

“I’ll make sure to remember that next time you whine dramatically about me crossing stations and being an idiot.” she uses the time they talk to clean up the inside of his arm, hoping he’ll get distracted enough he won’t even notice it but he does, he shakes a little when she picks up the syringe.

“Clarke-”

“I promise it’ll be fine, just hold onto me, will you?” he nods and coughs a little making her heart clench. God he was so hurt but also so sweet it filled her heart with fondness “Close your eyes for me.” he looks up one last time, like he wanted to ask " _Are you sure?_ " before she gave him a quick nod in return and he obliged.

She’s quick in her work but he still bites his lips and lets a small groan out when the needle pierces his skin. Once it’s over she smiles and pats his cheek.

“There you go, you big baby. It’s over.” he opens his eyes like he can’t believe it, looks at her putting a band aid over the place and exhales which just brings him to another coughing bout that lasts a little longer.

She didn’t like the sound of his lungs. Even without a stethoscope she could tell it was bad and with his hand reaching up to touch his bruised ribs she just once again remembers why she hates the Ark and its stupid rules. 

“Here, let me see-” she tugs at his shirt and he’s so helpless and tired that he lets her.

Though the real reason is that he just loves the way her fingers ghost over his skin. He gets goose bumps and she thinks it’s because he still has some fever lingering in him but she has absolutely no idea that he’s staring at her and cataloging her every move.

Bellamy’s not sure when he started falling in love with the way her eyebrows furrowed when she was focused on helping him or how gentle her fingers were over the bandage on his back.

The way she pursed her lips when she hated the fact that the muscles she pushed over wouldn’t react when her hand went down her leg or how her hair,her beautiful hair, fell off freely from the braid she tied it too and the strands tickled his torso whenever she moved over.

He itched to touch her cheek, to cup it and rub his thumb under the black circles under her eyes that were tired, so tired maybe as worse as his were. When was the last time she ever got proper rest? If he had to bet she’d been working non-stop since she was strong enough to stand up after her concussion.

He doesn’t realize he’s tugging her wrist at first and that she’s giving him a surprised look but though he figures she may protest when he pulls her to the pillow, to lay down next to him, he’s glad that she doesn’t.

They don’t need words right now, not at this very second at least.

She places her head on the dirty pillow next to him and they’re breathing each other’s air, his hand falls to her waist and tugs her closer and when his fingers touch the skin exposed by her shirt crumpling up, he purses his lips over how cold she is and throws some of the blanket over her.

She wants to protest, tell him to keep it for himself and he can see it but he doesn’t let her because his hand moves to her cheek and he just stares at her.

God he can drown in the blue of her eyes-it was so mesmerizing, it must be what the seas and oceans looked like on earth, the sky from below too-he never wants to get ever stop looking at it. In that minute he feels like all the myths and stories he read Gus about brave heroes and sailors crossing the seas were true-it could be your biggest curse and your greatest hope.

And in her eyes he found just that-hope.

After Gina had died he had taken it very hard. He was so depressed, so damn sad but he ignored it-he pushed his feelings aside for Gus.

He wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t eat, all he could do is hold him in his arms or put him on the cot and stare at him as he slept.

He had been so afraid then-in ways he has never been before,thinking that he’ll never raise him properly without his mom, that he’ll fail-how could he not fail? He always messed things up.

It got so bad one night he passed out.

His mom had been worried about him, tried talking to him, so did his friends-Miller and Monty and Harper-they all kept saying Gina wouldn’t want this for you, Gina needs you to take care of yourself but he let it pass by him like life did.

All he kept thinking was that he should be the one dead and not her, that his son needed a mom more than he needed him.

Gus would feel Gina’s absence too, though he was a baby.

He knew something was missing, blabbed away in his baby language and cried too often when he was left at day care. He’d eat less too and sleep worse but as the months passed he grew used to it and calmed down.

As much as Bellamy was happy about it, it also ruined him further-Gus would never know his mom, never remember her, never see her smile again or feel the gentle touch of her fingers running through his curly hair.

It made Bellamy hold him and cry every night after the kid fell asleep in his arms.

He had grown more affectionate since he lost her, he wouldn’t let go of Bellamy, clenching his shirt with his tiny fists and refusing to let go. It was still like that and Bellamy dreaded the moment he’d grow out of it. 

But that night, that night he passed out, his mom had come by to check on them and found him on the floor. Gus was on the cot, playing with his constructor, unaware of what was happening, thinking his dada was just sleeping. She had to throw a glass of water over his face to wake him up and she had used the moment as an intervention.

“You need to stop doing this.” she had scolded “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll end up leaving this boy an orphan.”

Bellamy had cried then, he hadn’t even realized when the tears left his eyes but his vision was blurry with his own sadness.

“I don’t know how to do this mom.” he had sobbed “I don’t know how to keep going without her.”

“You think I did when your father died?” he looked away embarrassed, brushing at his face with his sleeve “You think I wasn’t sad and desperate? That I didn’t cry my heart out as I held you and saw everything he was in you too?” she had squeezed his arms then “You think I didn’t wonder if I could do this at all?”

“You did?”

“Of course I did!” his dad was never a subject they discussed thoroughly.

It was something Bellamy had hated as much as he loved his mom, which is why he insisted on not doing the same mistake with Gus.

He talked about Gina, showed Gus photos of her, told him stories-he wanted him to know as much as he could about his mom.

But Aurora rarely spoke of his dad even when Bellamy asked as a child, her answers were short and curt and with time he learned not to because he figured it only brought her pain and he could live without knowing everything.

“But I realized that if I wanted to take good care of you and raise you to be a good man, I had to take care of myself as well.” she rubbed his knees before reaching out to cup his cheek “It’s time you did the same.” she had brushed away his tears until he gave in and let her hold him to his chest. 

The next day he got up and had breakfast with Gus who was curled up on his stomach with his bottle.

He pushed through.

But he still felt hopeless, he was still...exhausted.

And he had no idea how he’ll push through now.

He could barely walk and he needed work so he could provide enough for Gus but he was currently in a field hospital coughing his lungs out, not really sure if he’ll make it out of here alive at all.

The kid himself was fucked up-not sleeping or eating, terrified to his very bones, clutching his side for dear life even before his mom and Monty helped him get here when he was barely lucid anymore.

And his mom? His poor mom who was the only one working and trying to provide a meager ration for them, was busting her tired back for something he should be doing, not her.

How did it get so fucked up? When did it went so wrong?

“What’s on your mind?” Clarke must’ve sensed he was lost in thoughts or maybe that he was shaking too hard but he doesn’t answer, not right away anyway, instead he just buries his head in the crook of her neck, scoots closer and breaths her in, eyes closed. 

“Hey, you okay?” her fingers brush his neck and tug a little at the curls she finds at the back of his hair as a way to maybe ground him somewhat, bring him back to earth. “Bellamy?”

He hates how much he scared her in that moment so he just nudges the soft skin of her shoulder with his nose and softly speaks up.

“I’m just...scared.”

“What of?” he doesn’t answer. How could he? Wasn’t it pathetic enough that he was lying there, letting her comfort him when she risked everything and keeps risking everything for him. “Bellamy, talk to me.” she urges, tightening her grip on his neck a little, her nails grazing his skin “Please.”

He shrugs and just moves closer to her. This wasn’t her burden. She already had enough.

“Can you just hold me for a little while longer?” he asks instead.

“Of course I can.” he nods and she wraps her arms tighter around him.

“Thank you.” he mumbles “For everything.”

“I didn’t do anything.” she replies holding his head in hers “Now you need to push through, alright? It’s up to you.” he nods, not sure what to say to that and is surprised when she picks up his chin and looks him in the eyes. 

“I’m tired...”

“I know, so am I.”

“I’ve been alone for so long I don’t know if I can...do this.”

“Bellamy, you’re not alone.” she cups his cheek and smiles softly at him “You have me.” the way his eyes go through all the emotions from surprise to confusion to wonder if she really means that makes her heart break.

Then his face falls and he pulls away a little but stares down at his hand grazing her fingers.

“You don’t need that burden in your life.” he mumbles so quietly she barely hears him.

“You’re not a burden. You’re my friend.”she assures “Come here-” she pulls him to her again “Let’s share some of that weight.” he smiles and coughs a little in her arms but the tiredness pulls at him and he feels himself starting to doze off again as much as he doesn’t want to.

“Don’t go.” he whispers right before he falls and just as he’s about to lose consciousness he thinks he feels her lips on his cheek and his heart skips a beat.

Was she kissing him?

And the next thought was-did he deserve it?

He wasn’t strong enough to think about any of it right now, though, he couldn’t and he was selfish enough to indulge himself this one thing that was being held by her arms and feeling the warmth of her lips on his still feverish skin. 

It couldn’t fix things but it ignited something in his heart-a grain of hope he’d never thought he’d feel again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry this took a while! I have it written and I keep writing for it but I also have been working on another story as well so I kind of write some for this, some for the other and it's a bit of a total mess hah. Thank you all for reading! This isn't a chapter where much happens but still, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

Bellamy was leaning over closer to the lantern, trying to see better the pattern he was making with the thread.

He bit his lip to keep himself from yelling when he pinched his finger with the needle yet again and moved in his metal chair which only made a blinding pain shoot through his back.

Dammit, he cursed quietly as he leaned on the back of the chair and took a breath.

No, he couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t stop, he can’t stop-he had to finish all these orders that his mom brought for him tonight so he can make enough for a bowl of algae tomorrow.

And yet, his body betrays him, his arms go limp in his lap and his tired lungs wheezle in the cold night of the dark room.

It’s been almost three weeks since that day in the field hospital when he woke up to Clarke there as he coughed his lungs out.

She had given him stolen medication and saved his life.

She had pushed him and believed in him and held him when he was at his worst.

She had been there for as long as she could-throughout the awful night, in the dead coldness of a cramped up mess hall, holding him as they both shivered from the lack of electricity, surrounded by hurt, weightless bodies lying in cots and dirty mattresses all around.

And yet, they had been there.

**_Together._ **

He remembers telling her how afraid he was. And then her holding him and whispering that she’s there and everything will be alright. But the truth was, he woke up maybe an hour or so later and she was gone, he was shivering from the cold and coughing again.

Jackson was there though and he gave him another vial of the medication as much as Bellamy hated it.

He had to be discharged the next day-there were no more antibiotics to give and his fever has thankfully stayed down. The cough remained but Jackson, despite his many patients, took his time to rewrap Bellamy’s ribs, change the bandage on his back and listen to his lungs which was something he wasn’t too happy about.

His mom came in late in the afternoon to help him eat.

Gus was with the Greens again but they have said that day care will open up on Monday-work for once was bountiful on Factory-too many people were still being processed by the guards, their files looked over and over and over again, them being questioned, but also some were slowly being released.

Then there were many of those who were hurt or got sick because of the cold and the station was working on barely half capacity.

“There is work.” his mom had assured him as she helped him sip on his soup “So we can figure something out. And I can pick up on some extra shifts.”

“I’ll help out too.” he had said through ragged breaths and his mom had furrowed her eyebrows.

“Bellamy-”

“I have to, mom. We don’t really have any other choice.”

“You recover first, then we’ll think about this, okay?”

But he hadn’t been able to rest, not after he felt a little bit better, with the fever finally down.

When Aurora helped him get home the next day and he found the place still mostly trashed as she had took Gus to her small compartment to help him forget everything horrible that went wrong, he bit his lip hard and started trying to clean up.

Gus was with the Greens for a few hours and Bellamy, though still coughing and barely able to move had slowly walked around, picked up things from the floor and put them back at their places, as much as he could do that-some stuff were broken beyond fixing.

Aurora was there too, she wiped up the floor from the blood and the food spilled on it, picked up the matress and the sheets, helped Bellamy change them.

Their meager amount of clothes that were ripped apart she took to mend, the pillows though Bellamy decided to manage on his own.

He sat on the small cot, picked up a needle and a thread and started stuffing them back and sewing it right up. Aurora had taught him how to sew when he was a boy, about eight or nine years old.

Things were very bad for Factory then again, electricity was cut off even more often than it was now, food was scarce, so she brought work home to make as much ration points as she could and because she couldn’t finish all orders on her own, he helped her. 

Now he’d figured he could use this not just to mend their own clothes, an idea sparked in his head.

“Do you think you can bring me some work to do from home?” he had asked her as she put the plastic bags and bowls that weren’t destroyed back in the cabinets. 

“Bellamy-” she shakes her head and he knows what she’ll say before she’s even started.

That sewing is a woman’s work, that if a man started working in the sewing Factory it was a last resort, a mockery of sorts. He had to be weak or broken or maybe too ill to do go the Factory and as a man he got less rations than what the women would take for that same work.

Things stayed strictly separated in their station-women sew, mended and created new clothes, colored the yarn produced in Farm or stitched all things as new and sold them.

Men went to the Factory, kept the station working, their hands were covered in grease, not colors, their fingers were calloused with blisters from wrenches and cut from metal pieces, not from needles. 

“Mom, I need this, you know that I need this.” he had tried to reason and she sighed, pulling up a chair and sitting opposite of him. He coughed again and he coughed hard, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow as he tried to silence it, push it down.

He was done being weak and sick.

It was time to get back on his feet, even with his leg still fucked up, even with his cough still present. 

“Bellamy, you’re not-”

“I can do it. I’m stronger now-my ribs don’t hurt as much and my leg..it’ll get stronger.” he swallows hard as he dares a glance at her “But I can’t work full time at the factory yet.” Aurora looked at him like he was insane for even thinking that.

She didn’t know how to tell him straight to the face that he may never worked full time at the factory ever again at all.

He’d be lucky to be able to stand on his feet for longer than an hour without feeling the need to sit.

“You have to bring me work.”

“No.”

“Mom, it’s rations, as meager as they are and I’ll talk to Miller and my boss when I get a little stronger. I’ll ask for work at home-there are spare parts I can fix here, and then after, when I get better they’ll help me figure it out.”

“Bellamy you were lying on the floor barely alive just the other day! For God’s sake are you listening to yourself!”

“Mom, I have to!”

“The only thing you have t do, is lay down on that cot and get the rest you need!”

“And what about tomorrow? What will I feed Gus tomorrow? A half a bowl of algae that you earned and that is yours to take to begin with?” he raises his voice and it makes him cough again, harder this time which doesn’t go unnoiced by Aurora who goes by the sink and fills a glass of water to bring to him.

He struggles to breathe, his cheeks get red and he heaves as he tries to catch his breath. How was he thinking he’d work when he barely spoke? 

“We have no formula, no cans, no nothing! Even our clothes are...even our clothes are torn up. I have to-”

“Bellamy!” she scolds, sitting next to him and putting her hand on his shoulder. He was still sick yes, that’s true but he was also panicking-he was afraid, afraid that he had no way out of this situatin. “Stop this!”

“No. Please, mom...promise...promise you’ll bring me work tomorrow, some clothes...any clothes. You said there was too much work anyway.”

She sighs and pulls his head to her chest, running her fingers through his curls.

“You won’t stop, will you?”

“You know I can’t...” he whispers “For Gus.”

Aurora sighs and pulls away a little.

“Fine, but you start slow, I don’t want you pushing yourself from day one-I’ll bring small orders and when your cough gets better and you feel stronger I’ll get more, okay?” he nods and smiles at that.

“Thanks, mom.” she had sighed, she knew how stubborn her son was first hand so she had to monitor his stupid rebelious behavior herself until at least he got somewhat strong.

It was hard at first.

The next day he barely made it out of bed.

She could see how weak he is, how he puts every effort into getting on his feet and using the crutch to walk to the table.

It hurt a lot to sit down on the metal chair and he must’ve figured so out himself because when she comes back in the evening with a few more shirts and pants to mend, he’s back on the cot, sitting up but resting his back on the pillow and using his glasses and a lanern he’d adjusted by the cot so he can see better. 

He had gritted his teeth, his hands were shaking as was his body with every cough, his vision doubled and he barely spoke. He only put effort on when Gus was home from kindergarten.

But he was weak and she could see he gave almost all food to the kid, barely managing a few spoons himself and trying to compensate by drinking more water.

It was no way to keep going.

Jackson had told her when they were discharging him from the field hospital if the meager piece of document they signed could even be called that, that he needs to eat well and get strong if he wants to beat this, otherwise he’s as good as dead.

He’d just end up back here, his fever will come back, the pneumonia will destroy his lungs and leave him without breath, his other injuries will add to it and his body won’t be able to do what it miraculously did last time.

So she had made an executive decision then. She reached out to Clarke once again and the next day she woke up to a big box full of not just food but some extra warmer clothes for Bellamy and another blanket in addition to it all.

She’s surprised that when she brings all the things in, Bellamy doesn’t much fight her on it but there’s a quiet resignation to his whole appearance. Sadness that she hadn’t seen on his face before and of course, also anger, not directed at Clarke, not at all, Aurora knew that in a way he realized why she was doing this, why she was so desperate to help, but in himself-in his inability to once again provide.

It was as if he was Sishypus and he pushed up a stone that immideately rolled back down and stuck him to the ground leaving him breathless.

He wasn’t stupid-he knew Gus needs the Formula, that he has been hungry and has been vocal about it, asking if there’s more or if he can have another bowl of algae-something that he hated which just came to show you how hungry he truly was if he was willing to eat two portions of it.

Bellamy had to strengthen his weak body too so he took the cans of beans and mashed potatoes with carrots and split them with Gus, eating unwilingly, but knowing it was necessairy. 

He had no choice but to take the clothes too-they were a little too big for him, Clarke said they were her dad’s old shirts and sweaters that he was planning on giving in to recycling anyway. They hung on him too big on his huncheed shoulders but at least they kept him warm and Gus liked that he could sneak under his sweater and culr up on his chest and still there’d be enough space for both of them.

It was like a little cub bear hanging to his dad or a kangaroo in his mom’s pouch.

The kid had grown even more restless since the search and seeing his dad being shock lashed before him-he had nightmares and also angry outbursts which had never happened before.

In day care he fought with a boy because he said his dad is a cripple.

Gus had gotten a blue eye and the other kid a split lip.

Bellamy was called in by the principle and he had barely made it there. Aurora had to be the one to support him though he was using his crutch and Gus who had been grounded and given a big speech was trailing slowly by with his head hanging low.

Bellamy hadn’t had the heart to be too harsh on him-he knew why this was happening, he understood it but he also had to make it clear that it couldn’t happen again. 

“Anger, he told Gus, that destroys you, eats your good heart up from the inside-” Bellamy had said, patting his chest over Gus’ heart ”it’s awful and self-destructive and hurts you and the people that you love.” Gus’ face falls at that “And I know you don’t want to hurt me or grandma Rory, right?”

“But dada, what do I do when they say bad things?”

“You hold your head high and be the bigger person.” he takes his tiny hand in his “I know it’s hard, but inflicting pain on others, this isn’t what we do and who we are, Gus.”

“But they hurt you, dada. Other people...the guards, they hurt you” Gus had exclaimed and picked up his tiny hands cupping his cheeks with his sweet little fingers “How do you...not get angwy?”

“Oh, I do. I get angry all the time.” Bellamy admits, pulling his curly hair to his chest and kissing the top of his head “But then I look at you and I remember what matters.” Gus looks a little confused at that, giving him his big brown eyes and his pouty lips. 

“Family.” he squeezes his hand and brings it to his lips “That’s what matters.”

“Awkay.” Gus had agreed but Bellamy knew things wouldn’t just miraculously fix themselves.

He made sure to pay even more attention to the kid and do things with him after day care. They’d sit and read together, draw together, ask Jordan to come by so he wasn’t alone in his more energetic plays and ideas.

Bellamy paid attention to every little thing and as hard as it was for him to walk, he made sure to take him out to the Factory station playground every other day.

He was so slow on his feet it was pathetic.

And he had to lean on the walls and stop every few minutes.

Gus was patient but Bellamy knew that he noticed the way some of the people who passed by them looked at them. Most were kind, they would pat Bellamy on the shoulder, wish him a speedy recovery, even suggest they help him out which made Bellamy feel awful.

He had never been more pitied in his life and he knew Gus was feeling uncomfortable too, probably ashamed of him.

But he pushed all of that aside to the bottom of his heart-none of this matter. Just like he told Gus-only he did, only their family did-he could take pitiful glances and sad stares, he could take their quiet murmurs as they passed by him _“That’s the Blake boy. He got really hurt in the blast.”_ and swallow it down.

He had to be strong.

He doesn’t know when he starts dozing off like this, resting the back of his head on the chair with his eyes closed.

Because of his best attempts at helping Gus feel normal again, he had to work late at night and early into the morning so he could mend all clothes Aurora brought which were more and more lately as orders piled up and she couldn’t finish everything herself.

He was glad for it-never complained as much as his back hurt sometimes from sitting cramped up in a particular position for so long. 

Aurora had often come to find him asleep when she came by the first few days after he got home, with Gus having climbed on his lap and resting his tiny body on top of him and Bell’s hand still holding up the unmended clothes.

He had gotten a little stronger since then but the cough remained, weaker but it was still there and his back kept hurting him but most of all it was so hard to walk he was feeling at his lowest point.

Clarke had been angry about it all.

She couldn’t cross the stations, it was too risky for her to do so with her friend Wells and her mother apparently constantly looking over her shoulder.

Instead, they’ve been talking over the intercom station every night.

She’d call when she came back from work and Gus would gladly give up his cartoon channel so they can use the projector as a way to see each other.

Every night she asked him how it was, prodded him with questions about his condition or his cough and he would wave it off and instead direct the conversation to Gus and her just to help the kid feel a little better while he mended clothes and listened to them.

She hadn’t called tonight, not yet at least. Sometimes she had very long shifts at medbay, surgeries she had to assist in, patients to look after so she wouldn’t call until it was eleven or even midnight which he didn’t mind as he wasn’t asleep anyway.

Now though he felt himself dozing off and he doesn’t even know how it happens-the way he falls asleep isn’t so calm and peaceful usually. But this time somehow miraculously it happened-he might’ve pushed himself a bit too hard yesterday and he felt weak, so weak that his body must’ve given out, but now he wakes up to Gus’s quiet whimpers.

He bolts in the chair and it takes him a moment to realize that he’s in their place, not in a cell or a field hospital, that the only source of light comes from his lantern and that the sharp motion made his back scream with a horrible sharp pain.

He forgets all about it, though when he looks at their cot and finds Gus tossing left and right, the sheets already tangled around him, his mouth twisted in pain.

_“No!”_ he was mumbled _“Pwease, don’t! Don’t huwt him!”_ he begged.

Bellamy’s heart jumped in his throat.

The kid had been having these awful nightmares since Morgan searched their place. He couldn’t shake them off.

At first it was happening every night but then Bellamy had started mixing Clarke’s syrup with the Formula and giving it to him when it happened so he had calmed down significantly.

But the syrup was almost through and though they were happening every other night or every few days, they were still present and Bellamy hated that his tiny child's head was troubled with things like dreaming of his father being tortured right before his eyes.

_“No!”_ he squealled again and Bellamy immideately put the clothes he was mending on the table and gripped the side of it with his hand, using his crutch that was leaning on the chair to raise himself up with.

His leg buckled.

He commanded it to straighten and move forward.

Every fucking step caused him so much pain he was ready to scream from it but he didn’t care.

He had to get to Gus.

And he did, it took a moment, but still he was significantly fast, he dragged himself to the cot, sat up and pulled away the warm thick blankets that Clarke had send off for them to use.

“Come on, son, I’m here.” Gus kept tossing in his arms even when he pulled him up and pressed him to his chest. “Shhh, dad’s here, big boy. Dad’s here.” he whispered and it wasn’t for another minute or so before Gus finally woke up.

He was usually so drowsy when he woke up in the middle of the night like this, he had absolutely no idea what was happening around him still to weary from the nightmare, too exhausted but also so soft and beautiful.

And cold.

He was shivering in Bellamy’s arms.

“Dada?” he asks sleepily and fists his shirt with his tiny hands.

“I’m here, Gus.” he promises rocking him back and forth “Dad’s here.” he repeats it over and over and over again until Gus’ body relaxes a little in his arms and then he unzips the sweater Clarke had given him and wrapped him in the small cacoon inside.

Then he fished out a piece of the torn up sheet Morgan had destroyed during the search and used it to tie Gus up to his body.

They needed to get up and he didn’t trust his body not to drop him so this was a much needed measure.

Then he zipped the kid right up and squeezed his eyes before willing himself to get up.

He drags them to the kitchen counter and grabs the formula box from the cupboard above, fishes out the bottle that he used to give Gus when he was a baby and pours three spoons in.

He knew the kid was hungry, that much was clear from the sounds his little tummy was making that were as desperate as his cries before that. Gus kept wiggling in his arms and reaching for him but Bellamy was hoping he’d calm down soon enough because he was unstable enough as it was on his feet.

“Shh, give me a second, sweet boy.”

“Dada!” Gus reaches out his hand and Bellamy gives him his finger only for Gus to push it in his mouth like a baby and suck on it.

He was that hungry.

Bellamy’s heart clenches once more.

He might’ve grown up somewhat but he was still a baby, he was still a child and he was malnourished.

It made a shiver run down his spine.

Things will get better. He’d be going back to the Factory tomorrow to talk to his boss, he’ll figure something out.

Gus sucked on his finger and hard while Bellamy used whatever hot water was left from the boiler to fill the bottle. It was a trick he had come up with himself after Gina died and he first started doing this-use the electricity to warm up as much hot water as he could so if Gus woke up crying in the middle of the night, needing his bottle, he could still dissolve it.

“Dada” Gus mumbled sleepily again and Bellamy spared a glance at him. He was curled up on his chest in the sling like sheet like he did when he was a baby, sucking on his index finger and holding it with two tiny hands as if it was a bottle.

His eyes were barely opened but he could see the sadness illuminated in them and he hated it more than anything in the world.

“I’m almost done, hold on, big boy.” Bellamy promises, as he ran his soft hand down his head and cheek. That almost caused him to lose his balance but he managed to steady himself on the stove which was a stupid move because it wasn’t stable enough and he almost fell.

It’s his sheer will alone that keeps him standing.

When he steadies himself which takes a lot more effort than he thought it would and a fear, a crippling fear runs down his spine once again-what if he can’t work at the Factory at all? He barely made it around the house. What if he was completely useless or passed out?

Bellamy shook his head-this wasn’t what he should be thinking about right now. His son trembling in his arms, _**that is what mattered.**_

He picked some of the syrup Clarke had given them for helping calm down his anxiety and poured a spoon in the milk.

Gus who was half awake half-dozed off but was very distinctly recognizing his dad’s actions was moving his head up like a little kitten looking to nurse from their mom.

Bellamy smiled as he shook the bottle one last time and then brought it to his lips after removing his finger from his mouth that wasn’t doing anything to satiate his hunger.

Gus started sucking immideately, so fast, he was smacking loudly, making Bellamy look at him fondly.

“Good boy.” he whispered as he leaned closer and rubbed his forehead against Gus.

The kid kicked in the air with his foot like he hated being disturbed and Bellamy pulled him to his chest before turning around and leaning on the counter.

It took him a great deal of strength before he made it back to his chair. When he sat and stretched his leg out it shook so hard even Gus trembled in his arms because of it but he was thankfully too busy eating to notice what was wrong and his eyes were already drooping too hard which meant he’d pass out soon.

Bellamy’s startled by the beeping that comes from the intercom behind them and picks up the remote among the pile of clothes on the table, point it up in the air towards the small run down projector, pressing the green OK button to accept the call.

A few seconds later Clarke’s smiling at him from the cot in her room, dressed in a sweet blue shirt and heart-stamped PJs bottoms, her hair tied up in a towel bun and a few wet strands hanging from her sides. 

She looked tired as hell and it takes her a moment to make them out in the darkness of their small compartment. 

“Hey, princess.” Bellamy greets quietly. Gus is tightly wrapped around him and about to drown the rest of the bottle. 

“Hey, you guys are up late, I didn’t think I’d catch you here.”

“Little fella woke up a while ago.”

“Another nightmare?” she asks worry covering her features. Bellamy nods as if ashamed that he couldn’t miraculously prevent this from happening. “Did you give him the syrup?”

“Yeah but we’re almost out.”

“I’ll send it another bottle tomorrow.” he looks away, hiding his face from the lantern, this isn’t what he wanted-just more chairity, but when it came to Gus he couldn’t really argue with Clarke. He had to swallow his pride. If she could give him the medicine for free then he’d take it without complains. “Dad’s clothes look good on you.”

“I lived to see the day a woman tells me she likes me in her father’s plaid shirt and sweater.” he huffs pretending to be annoyed and she chuckles at that. Her laughter makes his heart flutter with momentary joy so he adds “They’re comfortable.” he agrees “Thank you for that. And for the new blanket.”

“It’s not a big deal, Bellamy.” she promises. Gus finishes the bottle with a few last smacks but keeps on sucking, needing more. Bellamy bites his lip-he couldn’t fill in another bottle, he had to ration it. Clarke must notice because she opens up her mouth to say something but Bellamy’s faster.

“How was your day?”

“Good. Exhausting.” she sighs as she takes off the towel from ther head “We had many guards coming in with minor bruises or cuts.”

“Why so?”

“I have no idea. But they’re whining pieces of -” she glances at Gus before she continues making sure he’s still out “shit that always overreact. I swear Gus is a much better patient than them.”

“That he surely is.” Bellamy says softly when he pulls away the bottle and replaces it with his finger again. Gus sucks on it still, his hunger definitely not satisfied but thankfully asleep. 

“How’s he doing?”

“Better...well minus this.” 

“And at day care?”

“Good, no more troubles. But he’s been quieter.”

“And you?” she prods giving him a once over and definitely not liking what she was seing “How’s the cough? Your leg?”

As if on cue when she mentions it, his lungs protest and he coughs in a few times. How it always happened whenever she was around he had no idea but the truth was that though he’s gotten better, the cough had stayed, especially in the eveinings when the electricity was off and the room was cold, but he couldn’t complain. At least his ribs have almost healed.

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” she moves closer to her camera and he marvels at her face.

How different her world was from his-how much more brighter, more warmer. She was sitting on a big kind sized bed all for herself, her room was filled with light, her clothes were new and soft and she must’ve been warm enough since she was fine wearing just a t-shirt.

The thick blanket covering her bed seemed made as if out of silk or at least the sheets covering it were and behind her he could see a row of neat puffy pillows and some of her childhood toys that she must still be sleeping with.

Bellamy had the urge to move his hand and pass through this looking glass, touch the sheets, feel the warmth, lay his son down in a comfortable bed and let him sleep without even having the need to cover him in three layers of clothes and two blankets like it was now.

“What happened with work?”

“I’ll be seeing my boss tomorrow.”

“Do you think you can do it? Go back to the Factory?”

“I can.” he lied not knowing how to tell her that he could probably make it about half an hour up without having to sit down. “It’ll be fine. You worry too much.”

“I worry because your mom told me you’re barely walking.” Clarke points out as she picks up her hair and starts braiding it “And quite honestly I trust her way more than I do you.”

“Great. My mother and my best friend talking behind my back-it’s every boy’s dream.”

“I thought every boy’s dream was a girl telling him she likes how her dad’s clothes look on him? Or is that suddenly not it?” he chuckles and shakes his head at that but there’s something in her eyes, a question there, that she feels the need to ask and he tilts his head at her waiting patiently when suddenly a loud voice interrupts them and her image disappears.

_“An official message directly from Chancellor Jaha’s office! This is an urgent matter! Please do not turn off your devices! ”_ Bellamy grips Gus’s tiny body closer to his and pulls his head to his chest, hiding it away from the screen.

Thankfully, the volume hadn’t woken him up which was good. A moment later the chancellor appears before him in the tiny dark room and Bellamy feels his fists bawling.

He was sitting on his desk on the Ark dressed in his finest clothes, the flags of all the original station members behind him, a few documents before him, his hands clapsed in a calm collected manner.

_“Citizents of the Ark, this is your chancellor speaking!”_ Bellamy huffs annoyed-yeah, like we couldn’t tell _“The reason why I am bothering so many of you this late in the evening is because I have an important announcement to make.”_ he smiles a little and somehow it reminds Bellamy of the way Morgan did when he wiped the Formula down his face _“The members of the group known as The Arrowheads have all finally been captured and locked up.”_ the chancellor’s face is replaced by footage of guards catching people, hitting them with batons and locking them up, some of them involved the apparent Arrowhead members hitting the force and them fighting bravely back.

It was clearly a propaganda, probably made long after they actually caught them but it looked quite real, Bellamy would give them that, even those who were captured in public had an audience of people who gasped and ran away screaming, probably workers forced to enternain the chancellor’s desires, either from Arrow or Farm, maybe even from GoSci just to spice things up. 

_“We are once again safe.”_

Yeah, right, Bellamy thought. I feel the safest when I see your face.

_“Tomorrow at exactly 12am every person from every station will come join us at the square so you can all see the criminals and watch them be executed and for once justice can be finally brought to all of you who have suffered.”_

Bellamy huffs-right, so much justice to us all sitting here in the dark, freezing our asses out being left out without any medical help whatsoever. 

_“Presense for all women, men and children is **mandatory**.”_ shit, Bellamy curses quitely, he didn’t want Gus to have to see any of that _“Please bring your IDs and be patient with the guards at the assigned check points.”_

Damn it. He’d have to stay up for what? An hour, half an hour, just to pass through and get to the square where he and Clarke got blown up and watch a bunch of idiots be executed. **_With his son._**

“On another note-the stations that had suffered the most from this horrific terrorist attack-Factory, Arrow and Farm will be receiving additional help.” now that was unexpected “Volunteers from Alpha and Hydra will set up a corner in the mess halls where those who had been hurt will receive extra rations, clothes and medicine after of course proving with a document signed up from their doctors that they have been hurt in the blast.” Bellamy wants to laugh-sure, let us help people but only after they prove they’ve been hurt and not because the entire station’s nation is generally starving out. 

_“Everyone with an injury will recieve an extra ration a day, two rations if they’ve been burdened from going back to work because of it and an extra can if they have a child in the family.”_

Wow, so he got what-two bowls of algae and a can of beans. You had to admire the chancellor’s loving and caring heart.

_“And to those of you who are already back on their feet and working hard, to show our gratitude, we’ll be giving another 15 points for every extra shift you are willing to take.”_

Bellamy smiles and ducks his head-so this was it-the Alpha residents were suffering the consequences of Factory and Farm not working full capacity so they were finally willing to give their due?

All this time, did it really have to come to this? If they had the recources, the ration points to give, why wouldn’t they just give them? Why couldn’t everyone in Factory live a normal life? Have basic access to medical care and education? Be equal to those in Alpha and Hydra? Or at least closer to that.

The chancellor talks some more about those who can receive extra rations or help and what the conditions for it are before reminding once again that it is mandatory for all citizents to come tomorrow and those who do not will be quiestioned by the guards and considered supporters of the Arrowhead movement until proven otherwise.

When the video stops, Clarke’s face comes back on and what makes him smile is that she seems as angry and frustrated as he was after hearing all that.

“Well that was a load of crap!” she huffs “But at least I’ll get to see you guys tomorrow.”

Bellamy smiles and feels his heart warm at her words-at least something good would come out of what would be a pretty awful day.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey! I'm sorry for the delay in updating. Frankly, I prolong it because I don't want to post here. That and I've been writing another story parallel to this one and it's been fun for me. Anyway! Not much happens in this chapter but I hope you guys still enjoy it! 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @bellamyblake!

“Pass through!” the guard motioned for the two women before Bellamy to keep going as he limped forward, his crutch in one hand and Gus strapped to his chest just like last night. He had to come and pick up the kid from day care after passing by his work place and talking to his boss which hadn’t gone as well as he had expected.

Gus like all the other kids who had found out they’d be picked up at noon for an hour was enthusiastic. He couldn’t much understand what was happening or why they had to go to the town’s square but Bellamy guessed he could sense something wasn’t entirely right because he looked up at him while they were waiting on their line if his dad was okay.

“I’m fine, big boy.”

“Are you scawed to go back to da squaiw?” Gus had asked, hands wrapped tightly around his neck “Awe you afwaid of another bomb?”

“There will be no more bombs. They caught the bad guys who did this, so everything’s fine now.”

Gus doesn’t seem to believe him. Frankly Bellamy wonders if anything he says makes any sense to the kid but he doesn’t fight him or ask any more questions, he just leans his head over his chest and sucks on his shirt.

“You hungry?” Bellamy asks him when they reach the second batch of guards that reach out for his ID.

“No” Gus lies.

“Then why are you munching on my shirt?”

“Aw...I don’t know, dada.” Gus lies when he drops the piece of clothing he was chewing on and instead shoves his hand in his mouth. Bellamy shakes his head and sighs, picking out a small clean rag where he had wrapped a couple of biscuits for him, out of his pocket.

“Here, take this.” he hands him one of the biscuits before carefully folding the rag back together and hiding the other two back in his pocket, sure that he’ll probably need them later again.

Gus doesn’t protest anymore, he must be that hungry because he takes it and starts eating it, slowly, carefully, savouring every bite and when they meet the third and final round of gruards he folds into himself.

“ID and name of child.” the guard demands as he stops them. Bellamy notices that their eyes falll on his crutch,on his bloody red eye, on the clothes too big for him and the child strapped to his chest.

“Bellamy Blake, Factory. This is my son Augustus Martin Blake, he’s three, also from Factory.”

The guard scans his ID and then leans closer to take a peak at Gus’ face after the tablet showed him that indeed what Bellamy was saying is true and that he was the father of a little boy with freckly face and dark curls with the name Bellamy had stated. 

“I need to see his face better, sir.” the guard leans in closer.

Gus shivers and hides away in the crook of Bellamy’s neck.

“Gus, come on, don’t hide.” Bellamy rubs his back up and down “Please, buddy, they need to see your face.”

“They’ll huwt us, dada!”

“They won’t.” Bellamy isn’t really sure about that one but he has to believe it. Gus just hides further in the crook of his neck and munches on his shirt again now that he’s finished the biscuit in no time. “Gus, please, son, come on now.”

“It’s okay-” the guard says in a softer voice that Bellamy didn’t expect of him.

He takes a look at him for the first time-the guy is maybe in his late fourties early fifties if Bellamy had to judge, he was wearing the typical Black uniform with the helmet and the vest but there was no specific inisgnia on his sleeve like Clarke’s friend Wells or Morgan had.

His eyes were warm and he gave Bellamy a soft smile. 

“Can I?” he reaches for Gus’ back and Bellamy’s first instinct is to pull away which is exactly what he does. The guy’s face falls but Bellamy sees he doesn’t mean anything bad, he pulls away and raises his hands “I won’t hurt you or him. I’m from Factory too.”

“I’m sorry, we’ve just...he’s too scared of the guards.” Bellamy tries explaining and leans heavily on his bad leg, feeling the weight of the world buckle under him. “Can we please pass through?”

“Of course.” the guard who’s name tag says Thomas pulls away but something else passes through his face-an emotion Bellamy’s way too familiar with after seeing it on Clarke, his mom and many of his friends or coworkers-pity. 

“Do you have a document from your doctor? If you do, you can pass through the front rows and maybe get a seat.”

“I just have this orange paper they gave me at the field hospital.” Bellamy digs it out of his pocket, somehow managing to balance it with Gus strapped to his chest and his crutch in one hand. The guard sees him struggling and shakes his head once again.

“No need for that, pass through, I’ll radio the other boys to let you in faster. You shouldn’t be up on that leg too long.”

“Thank you.” Bellamy mumbles a little awkwardly, feeling too embarrassed after this interraction to let it go on any further. Gus’ arms are so tightly wrapped around his neck that Bellamy’s starting to choke a little.

“Ease it up there, buddy, will you?”

“Sowwy,dada.” Gus apologizes sweetly and dares a look up at him “Are we done? No mow guawds?”

“Almost there, buddy.” Bellamy assures rubbing his hand up and down his back in a soothing manner when he feels him tense up once more.

Gus hides back in his chest, even pulls up the zipper of his dad’s sweater, being the smart ass that he is, having already figured that part out, and it makes Bellamy for once, in a long while, smile.

The guards indeed push him through faster when they see his leg and the orange page sticking out from his pocket and he doesn’t know if he should feel happy or relieved.

Gus hides in him until they are guided to the Factory station section.

This time things are strictly separated with many guards inbetween the rows of people from each place.

There was no podium, just a line of guards in the middle of the circle and the chancellor, his son, Clarke’s friend and vice-chancellor Kane as well as the other councillors already there, quietly speaking between each other.

It takes him a moment to find Clarke who’s in the Alpha station sector just behind the chancellor, most heavily protected by not just one but two rows of guards.

He wouldn’ve never seen her had it not been for the rest of his people letting him pass forward with Gus. There were no chairs for their sector though there were for the others and Bellamy decided that must be because despite many of them still being arrested or hurt, they were the majority of the Ark’s population.

They too were heavily guarded but not for the same reasons as the Alpha and GoSci members were-everyone looked at them with fear and even more of the usual disgust, even people from their so called brother stations like Farm and Arrow, and Bellamy wondered how come they seemed so scary to everyone-he looked around and all he saw were people completely ruined and beat up by life-dressed in ragged jumpers, wearing more bruises or bandages on their bodies than grease stains which was almost unbelievable, their eyes tired, looks sleepy, frankly they seemed like warriors coming back from the battlefield.

He shook his head-he couldn’t fix this, he could teach his son not to be prejudiced and remember that he is equal to every other kid on the Ark but he could not make Alpha residents see differently.

That’s why he liked Clarke.

She didn’t care.

She wouldn’t give a damn about his clothes or the grease stains on his jumper, his lack of food, his small living quarters.

But not all people were Clarke. Still, something in him told him that change may be just comes slower in steps, like the trees on earth that used to bloom not all at once but gradually, like Gus falling asleep slowly with much talk and lots of hugs until he rested peacefully.

Clarke was a beginning-a spring blossom in a garden full of weeds and thorny roses but she was not the only one-there was this guard just now and Jackson and other kind people too.

Maybe the Arrowheads core idea was right-that people from all stations should have equal possibilities, equal way of life but somewhere along the way they lost themselves in violence, strikes and all that was left was anger.

Still, when he finds her in the crowd he smiles-she’s adorably trying to stand on her toes looking for something and he’s surprised to find that in fact it’s them because her face beams when she sees him and she unabashedly raises her hand and waves.

He waves back feeling almost stupid, not that he thinks anyone would notice-there were too many people, the sound of crowds buzzing around with fear and excitement, guards moving, giving orders, trying to contain the crowds and yet...there was this strange fluttery feeling in his stomach, one that he can remember feeling with Gina on their first date-excitement and shyness of the best kind.

He mentally scolds himself.

He wasn’t a boy anymore.

“Dada, why awe you blushin? Do youw got fevew again?” Gus who’s tiny hand has raised up to his cheek asks with worry.

“I’m fine, baby boy-” Bellamy responds quietly, shyly, feelings his whole face burn “Do you know who’s here?”

“Who?” Bellamy raises him up in his arms, pulls the sweater away just a bit and points at Clarke. She beams even more when she sees him and waves harder.

Some of her friends and what looked like her parents-he had seen doctor Abby Griffin before, she was one of the best surgeons on the Ark-raise their eyebrows in her direction, clearly disapproving of her childish behavior but she doesn’t seem to care at all.

“Clarke!” Gus exclaims but his voice gets drowned in the crowd’s buzz. Bellamy raises his tiny hand and waves at her.

“Say hi.” he prompts and Gus starts waving enthusiastically.

“Can we go see hew? I miss hew, dada!”

“Not yet, son.” Gus’ face falls at that and he looks back at Clarke with a longing Bellamy’s never seen in him before. He reaches out his tiny arms desperate to just end up in her arms and Bellamy has to pull him back.

“But why?”

“Because the chancellor needs to show us something first, Gus”

“But I wanna see Clarke!” he whines a little, his eyes big and sad, his tiny mouth turn up in the most adorable pout. 

“In a bit, I promise.” he had absolutely no idea if he could promise him anything like that, not sure if the guards will even let the crowd disperse after it was all over but he said it anyway because he hoped for it himself.

**_He had to hope._ **

Meanwhile Clarke who couldn’t hear their conversation but saw that Gus was unhappy was waving again and blowing him kisses. Gus did the same, smacking his tiny palm to his lips and blowing it dramatically back to her which makes Clarke giggle.

Then her mother takes her elbow and brings her attention to herself, breaking the moment and the chancellor steps forward, tapping the microphone place before him before speaking up.

Bellamy immideately puts his hand on Gus’ neck and guides his face to his chest. 

_“Citizents of the Ark-” he begins “The day we’ve all been waiting for for almost a month now has finally arrived.”_ the crowd quiets down and Bellamy feels the collective breaths of everyone in Factory still. People next to him moved around uncomfortably but he focused back on Clarke who was quietly arguing with her mother, exchanging lines in hush voices which worried him somewhat so he lost track of what Jaha was saying.

_“...is the reason why we’ve gathered you here. So you can see these people and remember their faces, know they were the reason for all your pain and struggling in the past few weeks.”_ a door on the left opens and the guards bring in the prisoners who were walking all together in a line, chained like the slaves Bellamy had seen in the old history movies he sometimes caught late on the projector while he was working on mending clothes or feeding Gus. 

It disgusted him as much as it scared him and he found himself pulling Gus closer, hiding his body with the sweater.

“Dada, what’s going on?”

“I need you to keep still, Gus.” Bellamy warned quietly “Don’t look up.”

“Why not?” his childish curiosity was already getting the better of him and he was moving his head up trying to scan the crowd against his father’s attempts to stop him, but Bellamy cupped his cheek and made him look up.

“Please, Gus, just don’t look, okay?” Gus figured things are serious by the tone of his dad’s voice so he snuggled back on his chest and hid under the sweater and the sling Bellamy had tied him up with.

“What’s happening, dada? Will they huwt those people?”

“I don’t know.” Bellamy lied as the chancellor kept talking about the Ark’s unity and the need for proper punishment for those who tried to disobey the orders.

The prisoners were lined up and their names were announced one by one as were their crimes -betraying the Ark and its population, assassignation attempt, terrorism and so on the list kept going until Jaha ended with their sentence-which was for them to be floated accordig to the Exodus charter-one by one. 

Thankfully, they wouldn’t have to see it all-the prisoners would be guided to a hallway on the left where the airlock was, but there was still a large window bay just next to it and Bellamy was sure if you looked there, you could see their bodies floating after. 

“Dada-”

“Shh, quiet, here-” he fished out a biscuit for him and handed it over. Gus didn’t start chewing it right away, too confused and perplexed at first but then Bellamy urged him once more and his hunger overwhelmed him because he began munching on it.

When the first prisoner was brought forward by the guards for one last goodbye to his family, Bellamy wished they didn’t have to be here at all.

The boy was no older than eighteen and his mother wailed as they took him away and her cries startled Gus who tried again to peek outside of his little cacoon.

“Dada, who awe those people?”

“They caused the blast, son.”

“All the bombs?”

“Yeah, they did them.” Gus’ tiny eyebrows furrow as he looks up at his dad again.

“They huwt you and doctow Clarke?” Bellamy nods “Are they being punished now?”

“They are.” Gus hides further in his dad’s embrace and takes another bite of his biscuit. Bellamy finds Clarke’s face and sees she’s been looking at them the entire time, eyes sad and worried.

“Are you guys okay?” she mouths and he nods, though he has slugged to the left where his crutch was and felt the burning in his bones even harder. Gus was a growing kid, he was starting to get heavy and Bellamy had trouble walking even without him strapped to his back but now...now every step was an agonizing terror he had to go through-like he was being shock lashed over and over and over again.

Standing in one place was fine until he did it for too long like now, after which his leg got number and even slower.

He nodded at her and tried to offer a smile that she didn’t buy at all judging by the way her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed.

“Awe they dying, dada?” Gus asks after a moment of thinking long and hard about it. They were on the third prisoner now-a woman who’s face Bellamy can somewhat recall from that night at Kevin’s quarters. 

She has a son who’s maybe five or six years old and who wraps his tiny arms around her legs and calls for her.

Bellamy can’t watch either, so he looks away.

Gus pulls his shirt again trying to bring his attention to him and Bellamy swallows hard before he pulls his eyes away from the boy crying and reaching for his mom. 

He shivered.

He remembers the same thing happening to him when he was Gus’ age and he was saying goodbye to his own dad.

“Dada?”

_Dada, please don’t go! Dada!_ he remembers his own desperate cries as he hung onto his neck.

“Dada?” Gus begs again, pulling him by the shirt.

He’s lying in the sling now, like a baby and his eyes are getting droopy but there’s something else in them there now-fear.

He feels something’s wrong and he’s scared as hell. All the guards surrounding them, all the commotion and buzzing from the peolpe nar them.

Bellamy looks around and sees other parents holding their kids like he was, strapped to slings or holding them in their arms but the older ones were watching ahead, staring with the same fear Gus had in his eyes.

Their parents shushed them, pulled their heads to their sides and told them not to look up. Meanwhile the prisoners were being taken away one by one.

He refused to look at the window bay, commanded his eyes not to go there.

“It’s okay, we’re almost done-” Bellamy shushes Gus again picking out the last biscuit and handing it to him. He had dosed them in the sleep syrup Clarke had given him to use for when he woke up in the middle of the night because of his nightmares and he knew, he just knew that he couldn’t let him hear or see any of those executions.

He’s already been through enough, this couldn’t add to it.

Maybe it wasn’t perfectly right, but Clarke had told him that the syrup is herbal-based and doesn’t affect his other functions or his growing so he could use it every day if he wanted to since it’d calm his anxieties without doing him any harm.

Plus after this was all over he’d take him home-he wouldn’t bring him back to day care-the kid could sleep while he worked on the clothes he had to mend. Bellamy needed him close today anyway-he wouldn’t want him to overhear the other kids talking about the criminals and the floatings and filling his tiny head with horrible images that would leave him sleepless anyway.

Gus munched on his biscuit but midway through it he finally fell asleep and his hand dropped to his stomach his hand still gripping it. Bellamy pulled the sweater up so he couldn’t hear any of the women crying for their children or husband’s yells and prayed for it to be all over soon.

The weight of Gus in his arms was getting to be a lot for his poor leg and his fucked up waist though and he began leaning even more on his left, so much that he swayed and lost his balance.

“Here, I got you, Mister Blake!” a voice came from his right, gripping his elbow and he turned around to find a boy-Sterling, who worked with him in Factory, smiling softly and supporting him.

He was a sweet a little too confused and a bit distarcted seventeen year old who never graduated high school but started working at the age of fifteen when his mom died and his dad suffered a work injury that forced him to stay at home and bedridden most of the time.

Bellamy always had a soft spot for him and now whenever he saw him he feared that this would be what Gus’ future would look like if his leg compeltely gave up one day-that he’d be a poor already wrecked and covered in grease seventeen year old forced to take care of his father and bring food on the table.

“Thank you, Sterling.”

“We should get you to a chair but...I don’t see any around.” Sterling said with worry and when Bellamy tried to step forward he swayed even more and almost fell. Gus thankfully was entirely oblivious to it all but when his dad jostled he yawned in his chest and curled up closer to his chest.

“Dammit.” Bellamy cursed, he was suddenly feeling even more weak. Sterling, upon sensing his discomfrt swiftly threw his arm over his skinny shoulders and supported his weight. 

“Don’t worry, I got you.” he gave him his cute pimply smile and looked down at Gus’ sleeping form.

“Gus grew up!” he exclaimed a little too loud making Gus briefly open his eyes before shutting them back down again “Oh, sorry, mister Blake, I got so excited.” he whispered now. 

“That’s okay, Sterling. Thanks for...your help.”

“No worries, mister Blake, I heard you got it rough in the blast.” the kid kept blabbing away as the chancellor continued talking, announcing more names until finally the leader, the woman Bellamy had seen and who provoked him at Kevin’s place, stepped forward.

He recognizes her sharp stubborn eyes even if nothing else about her is the same-nor the hair or even her face-her nose was chipper and her cheeks shallower, her lips much fuller yet still something about her was familiar. 

She turns to the people from Factory before Jaha sends her off on her way-she has no relatives to say goodbye to but she does turnt to them yelling loudly.

“Do you really want to keep living like sheep? Don’t you want a better life for yourself?”

Factory station freezes upon those words-everyone stops talking, the chancellor’s look hardens and he gestures for the guards to push her to keep walking.

“Fight for yourselves like we did! Fight for your freedom! Fight like never before!” she screamed as the pushed her down the hallway and towards the airlock.

Bellamy closed his eyes and buried his head in Gus’ sling, refusing to see her float in space. He felt Sterling’s body holding him up tense as well. Nobody spoke for a long while until the guards came back but Bellamy still couldn’t look up-all he kept thinking was-it’s over, let it be over now, let it all stop, all the violence, all the pain.

And then the chancellor spoke up again.

_“Now that we can finally put this behind us, it is a pleasure for me to announce that all borders between stations will be reopened, however you’ll notice that the guards’ presence will remain the same as it has been in those past few hard weeks. We want to make sure that a terrorist attack like that will not happen again so random guard check ups will be conducted, curfew is extended to 2200 hours for all stations and anyone found in the hallways after that will be arrested and at the very least detained for a day.”_

Bellamy perks up at that and looks around for Clarke but just as he meets her eyes he sways again and feels like he’s losing all ground from underneath him. His vision goes black for a second and he hears Sterling call him but nothing reaches him.

For a moment he loses grip of reality-it’s that fleeting feeling of being somewhere and nowhere at the same time-he could feel Sterling’s hand gripping his arm and someone else calling out to him, the chancellor still talking loudly on the microphone but he lost himself-it’s as if he drowned under and the world stopped making sense.

“Mister Blake!” Sterling’s voice startles him “Come on now, maybe we should sit down on the floor.” he shakes him a bit and the blackness disappears from before his eyes. 

“No-...no I can’t...I won’t be able to get up after.” he mumbles and Sterling’s face blurs before him again. He couldn’t sit on the floor-it’d be impossible to bend his knee and raise himself up after that and they’d need more help. He couldn’t embarrass himself like that, it was already bad enough and he didn’t want to hurt Gus anymore than he already had.

“Hold on, the chancellor’s almost done and I can see a chair.” the boy whispers and this somehow works.

He breathes in and out, commands himself to calm his racing heart and holds onto Sterling’s body thanking whatever power was out there in the universe for sending the kid his way today.

He manages to clear the blackness out and when he looks up he sees Clarke on the other side, now at the front lines near the guards, arguing with them about something and it takes him a moment to realize that she must’ve seen everything that happened-him swaying on his feet, Sterling catching him and him barely holding on, so she was now desperately trying to get to him.

But Jaha wasn’t done yet.

He kept talking about rations and curfews, medibay and Factory needing to go back to it’s full capacity or at least that’s what Bellamy made out from most of it.

He focuses his eyes on Clarke but she’s arguing with a guard who is already grabbing his baton and threatening to take it out.

“No!” he says but it comes out so weak that it’s barely audible.

And then another man, her father, comes by her side and puts his hands on her arms, pulling her back and talking down the guard.

Oh, thank god, Bellamy thought. He couldn’t bear watching her get hurt, not again.

Just as he’s trying to keep his dizzy look on her, his knee buckles.

“Mister Blake!” Sterling says with worry gettin unable to hold his weight anymore “Can someone give me a hand?”

Bellamy feels someone grab his other arm and throws it over their shoulders. Gus is strapped to his chest, secured at his waist and neck so he thankfully can’t slip away.

His head lolls though and he hears people moving around.

Then someone’s familiar cold fingers touching his cheeks.

“Bellamy!” Clarke picks up his face and he struggles to open his eyes. When he pushes the darkness away he smiles like a child and tilts his head.

“Clarke?”

“Come on bring him over there!” she commands the boys-Sterling and someone else who is familiar to bellamy but he can’t exactly make out his face, though he’s very grateful for the support.

Guards are moving around, people are walking in the opposite directiong but he’s being carried over to the nearest stack of chairs where Arrow station residents were standing up just mere minutes ago. 

Once he’s down it’s like a weight gets lifted off his shoulders. He relaxes into the back of the chair and feels Clarke’s tiny hand on his chest. The other voices-Sterling’s and the other guy’s one, disappear and he feels her breath on his neck which tickles him.

For a minute there he loses track of things again until he feels something sweet being pushed in his mouth.

He opens his eyes surprised and tries to argue but Clarke shushes him and pushes it in.

“Eat it unless you want to really pass out.” she scolds and he complies, knowing that he can’t really win that fight with her.

He lets himself chew and realizes it is chocolate. He’s only had it once in his life before, when he was a child, maybe around five or a six and a person from Alpha had paid his mother for a nice dress with two blocks of chocolate and some cans for the order.

He remembers how Aurora metitiously stored it in the cupboard above the sink and only let him have a piece every other night. It was the most pleasant part of his day and it urged him to finish his bowl of algae as it was the only way his mom would let him have it. Now that he thinks about it, this was her way of making him finish dinner as he was a kid who had a hard time with the algae just like Gus.

It does miracles this time, he feels a little better right away and when he opens his eyes, the blurness disappears and he is faced with a very angry Clarke who’s now taking out a bottle of water from her messanger’s bag and opening it up, pushing it in his hands.

“Drink!”

“What am I? A child?”

“A stupid one at that.” she huffs and after he takes a few sips she picks up his chin and forces his eyes on hers. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Not that again.” 

“Don’t sass me, Bellamy Blake!” he huffs but reaches out to take her hand and squeeze it, bringing her back to him and trying to make the anger disappear.

“Hey, I’m okay. It’s not that-” her eyebrows furrow at him and it takes her a moment and her eyes landing on his bad leg to realize what he means. He almost regrets ever saying it out loud now that he sees the worry on her face.

“How bad does it hurt?”

“I’m fine.” he squeezes her hand again and smiles “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Bellamy-” she wants to argue but he shakes his head, refusing to let them dwell on the bad things. The truth was his leg was bad now and it’d be bad tomorrow and then the day after that and the week after that and they couldn’t do anything about it. 

“How are you?” he asks again, insisting on changing the subject. Just then Gus moves in his sling and Bellamy’s attention goes back to his kid.

He’s still sleepy, just barely open his eyes and stretches his tiny arm like a baby, before settling back with a quiet sigh and leaning his cheek on his dad’s chest.

Clarke leans over and looks at him.

“Hey, little Gus.” she brings his hand to her lips and touches it carefully. He stirs just a bit but again, doesn’t wake and she fondly reaches to move a strand of hair from his forehead. “He’s asleep.”

“I used some of your syrup.” he whispers quietly and she meets his eyes “Drowsed a few biscuits in it. Didn’t want him to be awake for all that-” Bellamy looks around at the now emptier square. There were still small groups of people mostly guards or Ark personel talking but the chancellor was gone and the crowds were dispersing, each to their station. 

“I know that I should only use it at night but-”

“You did the right thing.” she reaches out and squeezes his hand “He’s already had too much going on.” he smiles before another wave of sharp pain causes his face to twist in agony and he reaches to touch his back right where the shrapnel hit him.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by her and she moves closer reaching for the sling.

“You shouldn’t be carrying him, he’s heavy.” she scolds surprising him when her hands reach behind his back and the chair searching for the sling’s tie.

“What are you doing?”

“I’ll carry him home. Unless you were planning on sending him back to day care?”

“No, I want him with me today, I have some orders to do anyway and he’ll sleep the afternoon off but-” he takes her wrists “Clarke, I got it.”

“You don’t. You can barely walk.”

“I can walk!” he answeres appalled at her statement and she raises her eyebrow crossing her arms over her chest at him “What? I can!”

“You almost passed out because you’re in pain and severely dehydrated. You’re not carrying a three year old child home on your own like this.”

“Clarke, I-”

“I wouldn’t argue with her about that.” another voice interferes and they both jump in their seats only to be faced with a man who Bellamy recognizes as the head of Engineering in Alpha and one of the councilmen, Jake Griffin.

He immideately tenses though the man gives him a soft smile looking at them with curiosity.

“She’s quite stubborn that one, surely doesn’t take it from me though.” he adds winking at them but it does nothing to soothe his anxiety. He’s tense and his arms wrap protectively over Gus’ sleeping body. Jake’s face falls a little at that but he does try his best “I’m Jake Griffin, I believe you saved my daughter’s life.”

Bellamy stares at his outstretched hand for a moment before he remembers himself and tentatively reaches out, shaking it carefully.

“Bellamy Blake.” he utters as he clears his throat “Nice to meet you, sir.” he adds trying to compose himself somewhat.

“Please, call me Jake.” his face stretches in a soft warm smile that’s the same one as Clarke’s “And who’s the little fella?”

“That’s my son Augustus” he doesn’t really let Jake see him, his hand wrapped tightly around his son, protectively shielding him from the outside world and tugging the sweater up, covering his head and throwing Clarke another look though she seems as perplexed as he was to find her dad here. 

“That’s a nice name, Greek one, am I right?” Bellamy nods and pulls closer to Clarke who finally finds her voice.

“Dad, I thought you and mom went back home.”

“Your mother did, I wanted to meet the man who saved my daughter’s life and thank him personally.” Jake answers with ease but furrows his eyebrows when he notices how tense and worried Bellamy is.

He looked like a trapped animal ready to bolt any minute except he couldn’t. Jake’s eyes slide to the crutch by the man’s side, he notices his sweat-beaded forehead, his ragged breaths and the big circles under his eyes and it doesn’t take a genuis for him to realize that this man is severely hurt.

But also scared as hell.

So he eases himself on the chair on his other side and tries to give him his calmest smile.

“Look, Bellamy, I’m not here to do you or your son any harm.” he says calmly, raising his arms in defense. “I just really wanted to thank you for everything you did for my daughter.”

Bellamy visibly relaxes at that but he still inches towards Clarke, like she’s a safe haven that would somehow help him escape that embarrassing meeting between them.

“That’s okay.” he says softly and he can see the warmth in his eyes, the kindness. This was a good man, Jake thought. “I didn’t do anything.”

Clarke huffs at that like she’s absolutely used to him saying stupid things like that and Jake wondered when they grew from friends to something even closer and if they knew this was the case at all.

He remembers her mentioning to him that she met a boy and his dad a few months back during one of her check ups and he had noticed the determined way in which she furrowed her eyebrow set on helping them but he hadn’t recognized it at something more, something...important. At least not back then.

Now he sees Clarke’s hand sneak to his one resting on his son’s sleeping figure and the way she covers it so carefully, so gently. They exchange a look and she gives him a small nod-another confirmation that yes, it’s okay for him to talk to her father, that nothing bad will happen.

“You most definitely did. If not for you her injuries would’ve been much more severe or worse...she would’ve died.” 

He hates thinking about that sceneario and it surprised to see that Bellamy seems to hate the thought as well because he shivers and briefly shuts his eyes.

“Well I’m glad that’s not the case.” he smiles briefly “Otherwise I would’ve misssed that stubborn streak of her that always wants to kick my butt.” Clarke groans and Jake and him both laugh. The tension disappitates for a moment before Bellamy’s laugh turns into a cough and he hides his face in his elbow as a desperate attempt to stop it.

Jake exchanges a worried look with Clarke but she shakes her head saying “not now” that she’ll explain it all later and he nods but sees the way she so carefully leans to him and tries to help out by bringin the water bottle to his lips and letting him take a few sips which seems to help.

“We need to get you home.” she says softly, cuping his cheek with concern.

“I can do it on my own. You should get back to your place, you-”

“No, I’m coming. There’s no way you can get back to Factory like this on your own.”

“I’ll be-”

“Don’t even try it, come on.” she cuts him off and he gives Jake another helpless look before she goes back to untying the sling off his back and shoulders. “I’ll carry him.”

“Clarke, there’s no need-”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Jake asks as Clarke maneuvers the sleeping boy over her chest. The kid must be no older than three but he’s sleeping curled up like a baby and Jake notices that he has the same curly hair and freckly face as his dad. 

What’s fascinating is that he briefly opens his eyes when they move him but once he ends up on Clarke’s chest, he just sighs a little and curls up closer to her, completely unafraid and unbothered. Like he always fit in there because he trust her.

Jake’s heart clenches.

His daughter could be that kid’s mom. Maybe in a way she already was.

Bellamy’s very tender with her and his son. While he helps her put the sling on, something that he says he prides in designing himself, he’s very gentle with tying it over Clarke’s neck and then strapping it to her back, asking if that’s okay and if she’s sure she can carry him at least five times which makes Clarke roll her eyes but in a fond way.

“We’ll be fine. But you can help him get back on his feet.” 

“I got it, Clarke.” Bellamy cuts off clearly feeling too embarrassed to be helped by her father and before they know it he’s trying to stand up on his own but staggers so harsh and so violently that both Jake and Clarke reach and grab his elbows to steady him.

Jake notices the way his knee buckles and how his hand trembles so hard he almost lets his crutch fall.

“Easy there, kid.” Jake syas as he helps him get back to his senses.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” Clarke says angrily when she sneaks a hand on his back.

“I didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter.” Bellamy’s voice comes out weak and then he remembers Jake’s prensence there and quickly averts his eyes. “We should go, you need to be back to Alpha before ten.”

“I can be a little late.”

“No you can’t!” Jake’s surprised when both him and Bellamy blurt that at the same time and when their eyes meet, he sees the worry written all over them. 

“Just because the Arrowheads were floated, doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there who still support them.” Jake warns and Bellamy nods his head in agreement.

“He’s right. I want you back home at least half an hour before curfew. We shouldn’t be playing with fire.”

“You two are so annoying that it’s almost endearing if it wasn’t making me crazy.” Clarke huffs when she helps Bellamy take a step forward. Jake notices the way Bellamy bites his lips at the first step, clearly in severe pain, but he does not let a sound out-the kid was strong. Maybe too strong for his own good.

“You better listen to that boy, he knows what he’s doing.”

“If you knew how stubborn he was, you wouldn’t be agreeing with him.”

“Like you’re any different, princess.”

Princess-that makes his daughter smile and duck her head in an embarassing new way Jake had never seen before. Bellamy’s smirking on his own and Jake can recognize the sweet light teasing of young love.

It warms his heart.

He may not know this man yet but he can see he’s good and kind-hearted.

If something did happen between him and Clarke, he’d not be against it.

“We should go, dad. I’ll see you later.” Jake nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear in a fatherly way before nodding at them.

“Please, be safe.”

“You know I will, dad.” she gives him one last smile before she helps him walk. They take a few steps and stop. The sight of them makes Jake wonder how long it’ll take them to get back to Factory and his heart clenches when he realizes how bad this boy was because he saved his daughter’s life.

And he decides that if Clarke needs any help with him, he’ll never say no.


End file.
